updated the autopsy report! @samurweeb - Tumblr Blog

Weeaboo convict problems

Had to reupload because i forgot to colour something.

#IM ACTUALLY CRYING GOODBYE #MUSE #this iS SO HIM

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TOSHI IS GETTING A BOBBY IM SO HAPPY I COULD CRY THIS IS THE BEST DAY

#i want 100000 bobby's #i need a harem of them #give me every single bobby #ooc

samurweeb

"Aw man that bird is real cool lookin... it aint gonna rip my eyes out is it? Huge birds seem ta like goin for the eyes"

"Taka is not a beast. You’re safe and so are your eyes…as long as you don’t annoy me."

ray-doewood-deactivated20140626

"Alright then…lessee…how do I try ta not annoy ya?"

"Hmm"

"Hmmmm"

"I don’t really know…"

samurweeb

"It...doesn't take a lot to be less annoying than Fool Bright, so I think you'll do fine." He ruffled his friend's feathers. Simon was very protective of his pet, but the guy didn't seem...much of a threat. "If it reassures you, you may pet him."

#FUN FACT BIRDS THINK GETTING PET IS FOREPLAY #simon x taka otp tbh #raedoewood

happy munday u lil fucks

#lOOK ITS ME #munday #(spoiler alert im a boy)#(crossdressin 24/7 365)#ooc

"Aw man that bird is real cool lookin... it aint gonna rip my eyes out is it? Huge birds seem ta like goin for the eyes"

"Taka is not a beast. You're safe and so are your eyes...as long as you don't annoy me."

#HI DIDDLY HEY FRIEND :^)#ray-doewood

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♪ it better be good, too

♪ For an original song from the heart

[piano melody]

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

#long post #i M S O SORR YYYYY #eN?D ME #fraudeur

☎ ✉ ✿ ☥ -‘๑’- ♍ ❆ 文 ♛

Send in ☎ for my character's reaction to getting phone sex from yours

". . ." (he's diggin it tbh he's real lonely)

Send in ✉ for my character's reaction to getting a sext from yours

"Ittoki-dono...are you sure you have the right person?"

Send in ✿ for my character's reaction to being fondled by yours

[laboured breathing[

(this expression. this right here. it's a mix of "god i hate you" and "i'm enjoying the manhandling")

Send in ☥ for my character's reaction to receiving nude pictures from yours

"You call that a dick?"

(HE WOULD PROBABLY POST THEM ON THE INTERNET)

Send in -‘๑’- for my character's reaction to yours telling them to bend over

(sorry LMAO)

Send in ♍ for my character's reaction to yours telling them they are a virgin

"...Hn."

Send in ❆ for my character's reaction to being tied up by yours

[sEXY PROSECUTOR GAZE] "Make them tighter, I can still feel my wrists." (he's diggin it that's his thing)

Send in 文 for a confession from my character on what gets them hot

"Neck kisses, scratching...biting."

Send in ♛ for a confession from my character on their kinks

"...handcuffs, dominance...blood."

#sIMON IS SO MEAN #And so am i #we're both mean lonely old men im so sorry #this is so long im sorry i #dokiittoki

they don't know one another but i'd want to see his reaction so ✥~ (she isn't. but he doesn't need to know that.)

Send in ✥ for my character's reaction to finding out yours is a dominatrix

"I-I had no idea we had people like that around here!"

"I wonder how much she charges..."

#aHAHAHAHAH HA HAHhaha #simon has a kink for that goodbye #10/10 #girislover

★ [ arigatou simon-chan c; ]

Send in ★ for my characters reaction to yours asking them where babies come from

"Well, uh. There's these two specialized cells called 'sperm' and 'ova.' Men have sperm and women have ova. When they, uh...combine, they stay in the woman for 9 months on average and...a baby is born around that time. "

#j uNPIER W OO DS #I CANNOT BELIEV E #SHE DIDNT ASK HOW THEY WERE MADE JUST WHERE THEY CAME FROM science #sunflower-judge

✚

✚ For an auto-corrected text

>I'm glad we boned last night, Saionj-dono.

>Boned

>BONED

>I hate this damned thing.

>b o n d e d

#THIS HAS......HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.#saionjiheiress

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if you ever want to have ur fav character ruined come to me and i'll do it free of charge

#ooc #IM RUINING SIMON BUT I #dont care #i love it

Sexual Sunday Meme - NSFW

Send in ☎ for my character's reaction to getting phone sex from yours

Send in ✉ for my character's reaction to getting a sext from yours

Send in ♌ for my character's reaction to being spanked by yours

Send in ❤ for my character's reaction to be propositioned by yours

Send in ✿ for my character's reaction to being fondled by yours

Send in ☥ for my character's reaction to receiving nude pictures from yours

Send in ★ for my characters reaction to yours asking them where babies come from

Send in ☀ for my character's reaction to yours exposing themselves

Send in -‘๑’- for my character's reaction to yours telling them to bend over

Send in ✥ for my character's reaction to finding out yours is a dominatrix

Send in ♍ for my character's reaction to yours telling them they are a virgin

Send in ❆ for my character's reaction to being tied up by yours

Send in ♉ for my character's reaction to suddenly being kissed by yours

Send in ❣ for my character suddenly being joined in the bathe by yours

Send in 文 for a confession from my character on what gets them hot

Send in ♚ for a confession from my character on what turns them off

Send in ♛ for a confession from my character on their kinks

#B)

☁ For a highly emotional/drunk voicemail

"[FAINT HORSE NOISES] I....peed on the gnome in your yard last night. And he winked at me and told me thank you. [SIREN NOISES, HORSE NOISES, PANTING] Some guy's trying to arrest me but he'll never catch me cause I'm on a horse. get- [sound of phone dropping] [SCREAMING]"

#s/o to simon for sending the most awkward drunk voicemails ever #this is trash and im trash and SIMON IS TRASH #god bless #kamidereyato

✝

✝ For a misrecording of a failed phone sex session attempt

"You know, you're...kinda hot for looking just like me. I would plow you like an amish guy supporting his family."

#IM SO SORRY #m horrible i need to be stopped #im trash i cant think of anything eLSE I HOPE THIS IS #DSgfdks;ALKD #lordblackquill

toshiboard

☁ toshi meme sunday !

Message me any of these!

☁ For a highly emotional/drunk voicemail ☠ For an angry text ❤ For a very passionate text ✝ For a misrecording of a failed phone sex session attempt ✚ For an auto-corrected text ✉ For a handwritten letter ✎ For a fairytale my muse mostly associates yours with ☾ For a bedtime story, read by yours truly ☼ For a positive text/letter/e-mail ♪ For an original song from the heart ✗For a text that wasn’t actually meant for you ☮ For a confession (something bad, love, etc, mun choice) ✩ For a message of your choice

This week is a little different from the usual! Got any other great ideas for Meme Sunday? Feel free to submit anything to our trusty inbox!

#LETS GO

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heartshutter-deactivated2014060

There's no way you're actually a Samurai || Simon + Yato

heartshutter-deactivated2014060

Well, the samurai man got that right. Despite it only being a measly 5 yen, money was money and he wouldn’t want to be scammed of it. Especially for this broke-ass, self proclaimed, god. With the risk of getting stabbed by the stranger’s samurai swords, if they had any, Yato agreed to wait inside the other’s apartment.

His jaw almost dropped when he stepped through the door. Miku. Mikus everywhere. Was this guy really a samurai? "Nice collection you got there. Who would’ve thought." Yato whistled as he hopped over to one of the shelves where some figmas stood, arms up and winking. So, maybe the big scary samurai-wannabe wasn’t all he claimed to be.

samurweeb

Just as he was about to pull the coin out of his wallet he deadpanned. Dammit. Simon sighed- quite loudly- in defeat. There went his coolness. Word traveled fast around here and this was sure to get out somehow. Soon enough he'd stop being Simon Blackquill: Ace Prosecutor and star being Simon Blackquill: Ace Weeaboo. Not that he wasn't already both... As a member of the legal system, there was one trick he knew to silence anyone. He pulled five 1000 yen notes out of his wallet. Turning back around, he walked to the boy and glowered down at him.

"This should be enough to keep you quiet. If I hear word of my...hobbies outside of law on the streets, you'll find your way into the hospital." He...wasn't exactly sure that after seeing his collection that his threat would look threatening to the boy, but he sure could try.

#FUcKING SHIT #I CANT BELIEVE THESE TWO I LITERALLY CANNOT #worst pairing 2k14 #kamidereyato

IM BACK,.

#its really hard to resist the urge to not hit on ppl bc thatd be way too ooc #i just #lies down #ooc

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updated the autopsy report!