my empire of dirt

imagine trinity and baran in the break room together while trinity eats her lunch and baran makes tea, making polite small talk, when baran’s face suddenly screws up into a confused little pout. it’s adorable, and trinity flushes, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot. maybe they’ve been talking about nicknames, before this.

‘i confess…. i’m not the biggest fan of ‘dr. al’ as a nickname.’

‘oh,’ trinity says, thinking. she registers the discomfort on baran’s face. ‘uh— would you rather we used your full name? dr. al-hashimi?’ she hopes her nonchalance isn’t as put-on as it feels.

baran purses her lips, thinking. ‘i would, but i also understand that it’s a long name, especially when we so often have to speak quickly.’

she puts the strainer into her tea, and continues to speak. ‘a lot of people have nicknames here. i just… dislike this one.’

trinity’s face heats. why is baran thinking out loud to her like this?

‘perhaps it would be better if you called me baran.’ she looks deeply into trinity’s eyes as she says this, and trinity’s flush deepens, prickling down her neck.

baran. she’s too scared to test the syllables in her mouth, it’s somehow so intimate—

‘uh, sure, i can do that.’

baran smiles, pleased, but then turns her head, laughs a little self-deprecatingly. ‘i tried to insist on being called baran by robby on my first day, but… he wasn’t…. very receptive.’ she seems to taper off, brow furrowing in what trinity thinks might be confusion, or maybe sadness.

‘oh.’

‘maybe people decided to follow his lead. dr. al seemed to stick, after that.’

‘right.’

trinity tries to think of something helpful to say. the silence stretches, baran stirring her tea and thankfully still appearing to be lost in thought. trinity counts the seconds, and then speaks.

‘maybe… you should try again? i mean, with him gone… people wouldn’t… y’know.’ she fumbles with her words. ‘people might be cool with that, you know.’

baran seems to consider that, then nods. she turns her gaze back to her, smiling. ‘that might be a good idea. thank you, doctor santos.’

trinity catches that, the power imbalance of it. ‘uh— trinity. if i’m calling you by your first name, you should call me by mine.’ she smiles, hopefully not too awkwardly. ‘only fair.’

baran’s smile deepens. she nods. ‘alright. thank you, trinity.’

‘no problem.’

baran strides out of the room, the flask of tea made, and trinity is left with a warm feeling in her stomach. it feels good, to be liked by baran. she’d worried, at the beginning, that baran disliked her. but it feels like they’re on a good footing now.

the next time trinity approaches her, needing help with a patient, she nearly forgets, the honorific slipping out of her mouth before she can register it.

‘doctor— i mean, um, baran?’

baran turns, smiling slightly, a pleased glint in her eye. ‘yes?’

trinity’s face grows hot. ‘um— could i pull you for a consult? shoulder dislocation in south 18, uh— but i’m having a bit of trouble settling the patient.’

‘of course.’

settling the patient essentially involves baran using her mom voice and sticking a lollipop in the kid’s mouth, much to trinity’s frustration. why can’t she be good with kids? if that was all it took to settle a rowdy fourteen-year-old, she could have quietened him down enough to properly set the bone ages ago.

as baran finishes up in the room, she pats trinity’s arm, leans down a little to speak in her ear.

‘thank you, trinity. i’ll see you later.’

she smiles and walks away, leaving trinity a flushed mess in front of the now very dazed fourteen year old.

‘she likes you,’ he says, garbled around his lollipop.

trinity has half a mind to obey her immediate knee-jerk reaction, to tell him to shut up. who gets a lollipop at the doctor’s anyway? he’s too old to really get the pedes treatment, she thinks, irritatedly.

she just huffs, smiling tightly. ‘she likes everyone.’

My classmates and I had such a terrible reaction to the information because you could tell that,

a.) the teachers were uncomfortable and b.) it was explained to us in a very dramatic and grotesque way.

This is a perfect example of how censorship and mishandling information can cause reactions that specific groups of people claim are accurate for all children. It was almost comical how when we reached middle school sex ed, you could tell which of us had that experience and who didn't.

Fast forward to when I worked as a babysitter, the 6 and 3 year olds I was caring for asked me to read them a book on where babies come from.