any evil pokƩmon leader ever: my plan is perfect and no one can stop me!
an 11 year old child:

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@sammisunshine
any evil pokƩmon leader ever: my plan is perfect and no one can stop me!
an 11 year old child:

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yāall know that john mulaney quoteĀ āthe things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?ā
every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen
i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she wasĀ āwatching her weightā
so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason saysĀ āwathing your weight?Ā but what about the wait for your watch?ā (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)
anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by sayingĀ āyou canāt wait for a watch; you donāt have the timeā
and then he said āoh, quick girl!ā, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anythingĀ
You pleased a mad fae trickster
Cool Big Sisterš·ļø
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Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other personās love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like āi donāt mind waitingā cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because Iām so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didnāt get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didnāt see MY signs of affection in them and went ācool! Casual buds it is.ā But now that Iām seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Fyi- just in case you didnāt know.
TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?
QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.
WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess what�
GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain removed you of them? Ding ding!
ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help with�
PRO TIP - The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.
I reblogged this recently but it got better and ive been thinking and learning a lot abt love languages so

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is everyone who reblogged this okay?
no
the ratemyprofessor for one of my collegeās philosophy profs
at 10:30 am
sounds about right for a philosophy professor
this is how you unlock his side quest
Please, reblog! IItās called self defense. Apart from having here, in the US, one of the highest cases of homicide and rape in the world and high rate of GBV, think about how this could help your mother or sister
I swear this is the best shit ever

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me since graduatingĀ
I would have a LOT less anxiety about responding to emails if all email interactions were like this
Is this the meaning of ascended ?
Why You Should Always Wear Your Helmet.
PSA: never put stickers on your helmets (unless you have checked with the manufacturer) because the adhesive can weaken the structure!
One day my health teacher in middle school just like ⦠didnāt show up for class. And so of course we were allĀ āoh if he doesnāt show up in fifteen minutes weāre legally allowed to leaveā, giggling about it and all the bullshit. He did eventually show up, ten minutes into the class time. He looked haggard as fuck, sweating all over, hair messed up, beaten to hell and back. We stared at him and were about to ask what in the world happened to him when he stopped in front of his desk and smacked his bicycle helmet down on it.Ā
His helmet had this odd discolored patch on it. Like, white against white, but ⦠weird? Itās then that I realized his helmet didnāt have a discolored patch, it had a patch missing. A big chunk of his helmet had just been shaved away, the curve of the helmet gone and sanded flat by whatever it had been scraped against. And running through that patch, from one side of the helmet to the other, was this big crack, like the whole helmet had split like an eggshell.Ā
Our teacher took a couple deep panting breaths and then told our class:Ā āAnd this,ā he took another deep breath, āis why you always wear your helmetā.Ā
And thatās the story of how an entire class of middle school students took helmet-wearing very seriously for the rest of their lives.Ā

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I am going to eat this entire candy cane.
Youāre going to get a cavity
good
30 min later, not much progress.Ā
Its been an hour. I bit my tongue, my teeth hurts and Iām almost halfway doneā¦
One hour and half done. Thatās impressive That takes real skill and perseverance
an hour and a half. my grandma called and I didnt take it so i could eat this⦠i hate everything
iād rather be eating anything but this
two and a half hoursā¦. my mouth will never taste normal again
3 fucking hours
Iāve tasted Satans asshole and it tastes like 3 hours of mint.Ā
Please. Please donāt bring this back.
āTis the season.
Itās November
TO BE JOLLY
Up your game this year, OP.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE. WHY???
N U NĀ Ā R A V E
BLESS THIS MOSH PIT
āDrop the blessed bass sister Mary Bethel!ā
Iām not gonna lie, this made my night.
I thought this gonna be young ravers dressed as nuns but nope. they nuns.