Let's say that I was glad I didn't discover AO3 until the summer before I went to secondary school, or nobody would ever know how tainted I would’ve become due to excess consumption of fanfiction from a large variety of animanga fandoms.
Since I was a kid, I tend to be full-blown obsessed with nearly every single fandom I stumble upon, so for a few months you’d see me having my personality revolved around some anime series— until the series ended on TV and a new one was aired. Then I’d just quickly move on with a new (un)healthy obsession on the new series, and repeat the procedure until literally the end of time if the TV didn’t break down when I was in fifth grade. I definitely did not scream or stomp or cry or throw tantrums to my parents for weeks on end then (before my parents introduced me to something that took me into the world of fandoms, that was another long story).
In first grade I was obsessed with Yowamushi Pedal and the first arc of Tanken Driland: Sennen no Mahō. That was when I had my first ever anime crush that everyone who knew me would’ve called me “delulu” if the word was invented in 2014. Yes, you heard me Mom. I will finally admit that I had a crush on Onoda Sakamichi back when I was six years old so you can never tease me about it again. (inserts villainous laugh)
In second grade it was Haikyuu and the second arc of Sennen no Mahō; Pokémon throughout the whole third grade as I was obsessed with Pokémon Go that year, while I watched some reruns of other series I had watched before; and Digimon Universe (with a healthy mix of Haikyuu if I remember it correctly) in fourth. I also remember watching two or three shojo anime series and a gajillion more sports anime but none of them left a deep enough impression on me to remember.
I thought my obsession levels were quite normal back then, at most rushing back home by 5pm on Thursdays and Fridays so as to not miss a beat of that 20-minute episode (with ten minutes of ads) and throwing tantrums when I was late for an episode but there was no way I could immediately turn on a TV to watch it. Or solely talking about that one series I was watching back then and never other topics— and if my friends didn't watch the same anime as I did, they weren't my friends at all.
But then a few months ago I decided it was about time that I wanted to experience some first-hand cringe nostalgia myself by reading all my writing homework back when I had extra English classes. To my surprise, ninety-nine percent of them were fanfiction. Most of that portion consisted of Pokémon and Digimon Universe as I only had sufficient vocabulary to write decent enough stories starting from third grade, but I did spot a few Haikyuu and Yowamushi Pedal references from earlier works. And my teachers back then did not care. Maybe they weren't interested in what I watched that they didn’t even take note of the Japanese names I used for the characters.
Boy, I am sure that I could've been the youngest fanfiction writer on AO3 if I discovered the site earlier. Like, imagine, when most people started writing in their early teens I would’ve been on there since I was eight. My parents said that I was literally addicted when I asked them about my history with anime as a kid.
However, my obsession did help me as a coping mechanism then. I would say that I was a happy kid in primary school, although my experience getting along with other kids and my teachers suggested otherwise. The details were already blurry, but I’m quite sure it was nothing close to good. I guess I would’ve gone insane or became depressed if there wasn’t a thing like anime that could anchor me to life. Then I realised that I wasn’t stupid back then to grow oblivious to my mistreatment. I was just escaping. Anime was a safe haven to me as a child. And I never knew it.
Everything took a turn for the better for the past few years of secondary school. We got a new TV after moving house, but I stopped watching anime after having a few new friends and a brand-new obsession with Percy Jackson. Nothing went terribly wrong. I may not be the most popular kid on the block, but I at least have friends. My grades are quite decent. I became the vice chairperson of a club. I should be happier than I was in primary school.
Sike, no. Everything went crashing down as my mental health hit rock bottom over the summer. To put it down to three words, I was hopeless. And in the nick of time I remembered one of my friends recommending an anime series— Blue Lock to be exact— to me right before everything in my mind was going to be worse than ever.
So that night I binged a few episodes, just to distract myself from my feelings long enough to hold out to the next morning.
Then— BOOM— I was staying up until 3am, reading every single fanfic I could comprehend on AO3 and spending every waking moment dedicated to the fandom instead of studying for that very important test a few days later.
You can say that it's just a hyperfixation from my autism, but some things just never change. I don't want it to change.
