bogoodacreā:
Iām just fostering him for a couple weeks, I swear.Ā
Oh my gosh. We never had pets back home. He seems sweet.Ā
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Cosmic Funnies
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@salleykate
bogoodacreā:
Iām just fostering him for a couple weeks, I swear.Ā
Oh my gosh. We never had pets back home. He seems sweet.Ā

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zodileonsā:
Uh, no, I like it. I donāt think you should change.
Shut up, dweeb. Iām just kidding. I know itās early to be picking out prom dresses, but... I donāt know. I like it. Eli said that his ex, Devon, wore it when she was my age and I think itās pretty. I think Cal will shit himself.
calabrahamsā:
No, Sal, no, thatās just normal grief, I think. I do that too. I always think Iāll see Dad when Iām running in the park. I donāt know why itās there, but it just is.Ā
I love you, alright? I always want you to remember that. So much that it hurts, kid. Iām proud of you too.Ā
I like Miss Nora, but sheās not like Momma. I wish Momma was still here. Even when sheād squeeze my thigh in church telling me to sit up or pulling my skirt down out on our walk to the chapel cause I had pulled it up too high. I donāt know. I feel like everyoneās moved on but me. But then I remember, this is... new to me. Iāve gone the last few years completely oblivious to the truth.Ā
aubreekiplerā:
ā¦Sall, Iām sorry. I thought I was in love with Mika, Gus and Avaās dad, but it turns out I didnāt even know what love really was until I met Miles. Youāll find your true love again. I know it doesnāt feel like it, but youāre still young. You got time, girlfriend.Ā
Miles isnāt Gus and Avaās dad? I didnāt know that. I know I have time, but sometimes... I donāt know. My head is still in Plumfeld timing, and I would be married if I was back home. And even though a lot of people arenāt in love before theyāre married, they fall in love in the first few years. Watching Matty fall in love with his wife was so beautiful. I just... I donāt know. I think Iād be in love by now. No matter who I married.Ā
milaniapolloā:
Oh Sall, shush and sit down! Donāt be embarrassed. No joke, this is probably my eleventh time answering this question since Iāve lived at Noraās.Ā
Mm, okay, so itās not going to feel or be that great the first likeā¦five times you do it. Maybe even longer after that. If it does feel and seem great before five, consider yourself lucky. Youāll feel a little sore and generally uncomfortable, but as long as youāre doing it with the right person, you should only have physical aches afterwards. If youāre feeling any sort of negative emotions afterwards, thatās when thereās a problem. You should never feel less than after it, okay? Itās a natural, fun, human thing to do. Just do it with the right people and youāll be fine. Especially if itās the right righttt person, like a significant other, theyāll want to make sure itās good for you too.Ā
Sorry, I just... I canāt ask any of my sisters about it. I mean, I guess I could, but Britton wouldnāt tell me and Sunny would tell Cal that I was asking.Ā
I feel like Iām missing out on it. Like everyone my age is doing it or is close to doing it but me. Iāve been--you know--but that doesnāt count, and I just wanna be a part of that little club that all my friends are a part of. I guess Iām just a little jealous.Ā

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aubreekiplerā:
Jesus, no. Thatās not normal. Especially now that I have daughters of my own? Iād murder someone before Iād ever let that happen to them. Iām just so sorry it happened to you and your family. Youāre a tough cookie, Sall.Ā
Mhm. I mean, it just was what it was. I knew it was wrong, but itās just what life was like. The boy I wanted to marry killed himself, too. I donāt think Iāve ever been in love, but if I had to pick someone that I could be in love with, it would be him.Ā
milaniapolloā:
Of course. Whatās up?
What... what is having.... Um. What is doing it supposed to feel like? Er like.. be like?
Y-You know what? Never mind. Please donāt tell anyone I asked that. Thatās so embarrassing.Ā
calabrahamsā:
Itās alright. Nora says our minds work in all kinds of different ways when weāre trying to recover from horrible things. As long as youāre okay now, sāwhat matters. Youāll keep healing.Ā
I know you all say Momma and Daddy and Tinley and Matty are dead but I just donāt feel like they are. In my heart, I mean. Itās like... I can still feel them around. Like weāll go to the grocery store and see them. Is that crazy?
Weeping Willows
I had always liked how the sun shined through the stained glass windows, their colors shining across the wooden pews and red carpet. I found the stained glass depictions of Jesus to be a lot more comforting than the mosaic tiles that lined the walls or the statues and sculptures of Jesus being crucified. In fact, all of the figurines in our church made me uncomfortable. Up on the wall, behind the altar was a statue of the Virgin Mary. How we envied her as young girls. She was blessed with a baby and didnāt even have to try. That wouldāve been a lot easier than what we were going through. I didnāt mind the part of the process I was in. Courting. I was paired with three different boys, all equally as spontaneous as me. I didnāt know if I even really liked them, but they were fun to hang out with.Ā
Unfortunately, Mom had laid out my skirt and my top on my bed before I had even woken up, so there was no time to escape before heading into the church. She was even going to make me sit next to her. She smelled like roses and had tanned skin, even at the beginning of the summer. When we walked in, I saw my older brother, Cal, with a hand in his pocket and a hand on the back of his wife, Oaklyn. He smiled at Mom. My favorite brother, Matty, had already settled with his two girls. His wife had just had their youngest daughter. We hadnāt seen much of him since they were constructing their own house. Ilia, Callan, and Carlyle came in with us. And Sonny and I walked in with our arms linked.Ā
āSalley Kate,ā a woman called from behind me. It was one of my suitorās mothers.Ā āItās nice to see you here today. I feel itās become a rare occurrence.ā
I politely smiled, letting go of my favorite sisterās arm.Ā āLovely to see you, Mrs. Robertson. Elias has been a perfect gentleman to me.ā
She smiled and her cheeks practically made her eyes disappear. It was a fake smile, and I knew that. And Elias hadnāt been a perfect gentleman. In fact, the night before, we had skipped our evening service and snuck out to the creek on the edge of town. We both had stripped down to our undergarments and swam in the river. He kissed me once it was dark, but we werenāt supposed to have any sort of physical relations before the wedding day. My feet were still dirty from the walk home, but you couldnāt see it through my flats.Ā
I sat down in the pew, where my mom had been waiting, and I let out a deep sigh. Mom scolded me, told me to keep it down, and that weād have a conversation about where i was the night previous, later. I watched the dust particles float in the light that was shining in from the windows and I blinked a few times. There was nothing comforting about the church. In fact, I felt my heart race and my palms sweat a little bit as I sat there.Ā
In walked the Pastorās children. First, his unmarried girls. Then his married daughter. Then Branson and Britton. They were set to be married in a year or two. She wore white, had her blonde hair perfectly straightened or perfectly curled. Her make up was always done, and she always wore a smile. No one new what pain Britton was in besides a couple of us at home. I had heard her crying earlier in the week to our mom about how scared she was. Scared for her wedding night, she had clarified. With a man like Branson, I probably would have been too. It wasnāt that he was scary. He was just... powerful. But they were in love. They were probably the most in love of all the couples in town. You would have never known it though. Everyone acted like they were as in love as Britton and Branson.Ā
Next in was the First Lady. Thatās what we called Pastor Plumfeldās wife. Mrs. Plumfeld. I didnāt know her first name. I never had, and I donāt even think Mom knew. Then, we all stood as Pastor Plumfeld walked in. This was a big day for the church. Matty was dedicating his daughter, so they stood and sprinkled her with water. We joined in communion with them. Then Pastor started talking about how we were sent by God to defend the Kingdom and bring more believers to Him. I slumped further and further and further into my seat in the Pew. Mom squeezed my knee to tell me I was behaving inappropriately. She could squeeze as hard as she wanted, but I wasnāt sitting up.Ā
Pastor told us to stand, and I would stand. We sang the hymns. He blessed the Body and Blood of Christ and we shared dry crackers and wine. Yes, wine. We all had wine. Even the babies. Even the pregnant women. By the time the morning service was over, I was starving and bored and ready to be back outside. Jaci Mae grabbed a hold of my hand and dragged me into the bathroom with her. She had recently become scared of being in the church alone. I waited for her by the sink, careful not to make eye contact with any of the older women if they didnāt speak to me first.Ā
Then finally, Jaci was done, we were out of the church, and I had challenged Zodiac and Hux to a race back to our house. We all took off running, passing family members and friends and elders in the church. Dad yelled at us to stop, to slow down, to wait for the family, but we didnāt. Once we got home, I rubbed it in both of their faces that I won and that they got beat by a girl. Then, I quickly ran into the room I shared with my sisters, threw off my church clothes and got into some of Iliaās old play clothes that Zodi hadnāt quite grown into yet.Ā
I went into the kitchen to peak out of the window. Harlow, another one of my suitors, was waiting outside. He was still in his church clothes, and I wondered how he had even beaten me back to the house. Zodi and Hux were huffing and puffing still, fighting over a cup of water. I snuck out of the back door, careful to not let it slam shut.Ā
āHarlow,ā I called.Ā āHi.ā
He turned and smiled at me. I think of the three boys, I liked Harlow the best. He was kind. He didnāt believe in God either. He could catch fish with his bare hands, and he heard the cattle as his job. He even was doing high school already and we were only thirteen.Ā
āI wanted to give you something,ā he said.Ā
I was a little embarrassed when he said that. I realized I wasnāt in the correct clothing. Mom and Dad didnāt really care what we wore--err--what I wore around the house as long as I didnāt go out in it. I immediately folded my arms and crossed my legs, hoping he wouldnāt notice.Ā
āIām not dressed for any occasion,ā I said.Ā
Harlow laughed.Ā āSalley Kate, weāve all seen you in your undergarments. Itās nothing to be ashamed of.ā
Thatās why I liked Harlow.Ā
I smiled.Ā
āHere,ā he said. He handed me a small box and I opened it. Inside there was a ring.Ā āItās not an engagement ring. Not yet. But it is a promise ring. Because I do want to marry you, Salley Kate. I want to marry you and runaway from this town with you.ā
I heard the front door slam shut and Momās voice call my name.
āLetās go now.ā I said.Ā
I took Harlowās hand and we ran into the woods behind my house. I didnāt have shoes on, and he was in dress shoes and a tie. We ran and we laughed until we got lost and found a rest by a big tree that looked perfect for climbing. The pinestraw and the rocks didnāt bother my feet any more, and the bugs didnāt bother me when theyād bite. Harlow was quite the opposite. He liked playing in the creek as much as I did and running through the woods, but he was bothered by the bugs. I thought it was sweet.Ā
āI saw you talking with Eliasā mother at church,ā Harlow said.Ā āIt made me jealous.ā
āElias kissed me last night,ā I said. Because we were paired up with three boys, the boys were also paired up with three girls. And those were our selections. Harlow was a little bit older. He had just turned fifteen. Elias was my exact age. Age didnāt really bother me, though the year prior an eleven year old girl married a nineteen year old boy. They died in a house fire before she could give birth to their first child, and the rumor was that she had started it to kill them both. Pastor made us fast for a week. I ate snacks when everyone else was asleep.Ā
āOh,ā Harlow muttered.Ā āUm... I--Did you want him to?ā
āI mean I guess,ā I said.Ā āI had never kissed anyone before him.ā
āOh.ā
āI like you more, though.ā
āIt should have been me.ā
āWhat?ā
āIt should have been me. I should have been your first kiss. Not on our wedding day. But... before Elias.ā
āHave you kissed anyone?ā I asked, nervously.Ā
Harlow was quiet for a while. My heart sunk into my chest and I was still holding onto the ring box. It didnāt change how I felt about him, no matter what he said.Ā
āOnly Pastor Plumfeld.ā
My heart sunk further and it was almost a reflex to whip my head around to look at him straight in the face. Tears welled up in his eyes. I didnāt know Pastor Plumfeld had special time with him too. It was so normalized, you went in to your weekly appointment, or daily appointment if that was what was scheduled. You sat in his office or in the chapel or at the altar. You prayed. You took a deep breath. You dealt with it, and then you left. Jaci Mae had recently started having appointments with him too. He made me come in at least four times a week.Ā
Harlow cried. I cried. Then we kept running.Ā
We didnāt come home for three days.Ā
When we returned, my dad had accepted Eliasās offer of marriage. I was severely punished. I didnāt see Harlow for a week. But when I finally saw him again, he apologized to me. He kissed me, long and sweet. And the next night our townās police found him hanging in a tree in the woods. He wrote a letter, but I wasnāt able to read it before Pastor burned it.Ā
I sat in my seat in the wooden pews. I watched the stained glass windows form colors along the ground and walls. Elias sat next to me. His ring was on my finger. His mother was smiling. Harlowās mother was crying. His body was carried in in a black casket, and Pastor Plumfeld stared at me the whole time. We stood when he said to stand. We sat when he said to sit. We sang the hymns. We prayed. I sat in my seat and held back tears, and I didnāt move from that spot for an hour after. And the hour during my one-on-one session with the Pastor.Ā
As I walked out of the church, clothes rumpled, eyes puffy. I saw Ilia walking in. He looked at me. I looked at him. He knew what I had just gone through. I knew what was happening to him. We never said a word to each other. We still havenāt to this day, but we know.Ā
We know.

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calabrahamsā:
It will. Thatās why I garden. That and because Mom loved hers so much back at home. Sometimes sheāll come visit mine as a butterfly. I like to think itās her at least. Though Tinns was the one who really liked butterflies, huh?
Uh, well, we all cope with things in our own way. I think you were just coping by pretending it never happened.
Yeah. Daddy always helped her catchĀ āem in the garden.Ā
But... I donāt think I was. I genuinely only remember getting on a bus and driving away. Nothing else.Ā
aubreekiplerā:
You lived in a fucked up place, baby, and thank God things arenāt like that out here. I have plenty of friends who wonāt want kids, some who want to adopt, some who want to foster, and some who plan on havingĀ āem later. Then thereās me, you know, mom life for real, I guess, and I love it, but to each their own. Iām sorry you were forced into that so young. I couldnāt imagine being fourteen or fifteen with a baby. When I had the twins I was a little older than that and still really freaking terrified.Ā
You know, growing up, everyone was jealous of Britton. All the girls in our town. All our sisters, too. Most people claimed it was because she was practically the Plumfeld Princess since she was getting to marry Branson, but I really think it was because she wasnāt forced into it so young. I donāt know why the Pastorās kids got to wait longer, but... they did. You know, the youngest girl in our town to have a baby was eleven? Everyone acted like it was normal, but Mom told us that it wasnāt.Ā
milaniapolloā:
No problem. Iām used to it. One or two of my dancers are always PMSing at some point of each week. Itās no big.Ā
Try one dipped in the marinara sauce. Theyāre heavenly! Iād eat the entire box if I could, but my stomach would literally kill me for it.
Iāll have to try that. H-hey, can I ask you a question?Ā
aubreekiplerā:
TellĀ āem youād loveĀ āem best if they stayed away from you.Ā
You know those triplets are freaking toy stealers! Love them to death, but man, they know how to snatch up some toys. Gussy wouldnāt nap today because it was missing, and Iām such a NICU mama mess that I have no idea where my head is lately, not to mention an alligator.
Britt did help me get on anti-psychotics which helped the delusions I was having. Though to be fair, I donāt really like taking pills. We never did at home.
I never wanted babies when I was younger, but I donāt think Iād mind one anymore. You know, Matty and Ilia were the only ones with babies in our family? Britton hadnāt gotten married yet and Cal and Oaklyn tried. So did Sunny and me. Though I hadnāt been married long... It was what we were all led to believe was going to be the best for all of us. Even though I didnāt want to be a mom or have kids or even be married. We just all did what we were supposed to. Matty and Ilia were good dads. Ilia was nothing like he is now. I wish Callan and Carlyle were here....
milaniapolloā:
Good. You should eat. I made absolutely none of it, but itās still delicious. My favorite are these cheesy, garlic bread strips. I secretly saved another plate ofĀ āem to bring home, but donāt tell anyone that.
Iām sorry. Iām PMSing. I didnāt mean to be rude.
They look great. We never ate anything like this back home.

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calabrahamsā:
You know, I could really use your help in the garden here. I think Iām going to make room for more tomatoes so weāll have loads ofĀ āem in the summer. If youāre free someday, we could work a little then go grab a bite or something. I miss ya.Ā
-
Uh, sure. Yeah, Iād like that. My therapist thinks getting my hands in the dirt will help in keeping me centered.Ā
Hey uh, Cal? You know how you told me mom and dad are... dead? Why donāt I remember it?
aubreekiplerā:
Damn right, mama. You tell āem. I just care about Gusās alligator. The light green one with the long ass tail that he carries around everywhereā¦you seen it?
Britton and Cal are always on my ass, and Iām tired of them.Ā
Um... yeah, actually. I think it was in the family room. At least, thatās where I saw it last. I think one of Noaās kids had it.Ā