#SAUDADE : the ache of missing something, or someone, that may never return. dependent muse blog for capritown. blog enchanted by fawn ( she/her ).

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#SAUDADE : the ache of missing something, or someone, that may never return. dependent muse blog for capritown. blog enchanted by fawn ( she/her ).

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status :OPEN TO EVERYONE ( @capritownstarters ) where : somewhere near the main stage / or anywhere tbh, after the conan gray stage
the last remnants of glitter had cascaded from the top of cheekbones, leaving faint, shimmering trails of sparkles streaming down her cheeks, fleck still clinging to patches of skin. it might have passed as an intentional choice, perhaps an euphoric dab of whimsy across her face, were it not for the dark stream made up of tears and kajal which faded into her face, leaving her with shadows.
the reason why she insisted on going alone slowly began to unfold. alya had been crying, if not and more embarrassing screaming and sobbing to conan gray’s vodka cranberry only moments ago. now she was desperately hunting for a tissue, anything to erase any evidence of her former emotional display.
“ excuse me.” she asked the other, her voice still sore and cracked. “ do you have a tissue ? my friend … she was really going through it during conan gray’s set .”
his hands retreat into his pockets before his mouth can volunteer anything else , searching with sudden , desperate purpose. there has to be a tissue somewhere. he bartends , he is thirty four years old. surely these two facts combined should mean he possesses at least one useful object at any given moment. left pocket: phone. right pocket: receipt. two coins. something that might once have been a mint but has since entered a stage of decomposition he does not feel qualified to investigate. his brow furrows. “ hold on ” back pocket: nothing. other back pocket - “ ah ” the sound escapes with such naked relief one might reasonably assume he'd located a missing child rather than a slightly battered packet of tissues. tristan draws them out triumphantly. they are crumpled around the edges but otherwise perfectly respectable. she is already having a difficult evening , she does not additionally deserve a suspicious tissue. “ here ” offers the packet toward her , thumb smoothing uselessly over one bent corner. “ for your friend. tell her , uh . . . tell her she can keep them , if she'd like. ”
build looks familiar, alright maybe it was the ass, and strides are already bringing him near the male, steps certain because he'd never approach unless being absolutely sure, before he hears the voice. bingo. slows down as he inches closer, only so that he doesn't miss the show that is a fumbling tristan han, a tickled smirk paints an arrogant face. “ want a second opinion? ” comes behind the man, fuck his two inches on him, arm curving over his waist and grabbing the phone with his free hand. swipes through a complete strangers phone, humming to himself, “ nice lighting you caught there, tris. ” deposits the phone to the rightful owner without a second glance, eyes set on the pink flushed skin. tugs on the earlobe of one sheepish ear. “ you're telling me, i've been gone a few years, and your flirting hasn't gotten any better? ”
entire body locks as weight shifts onto his backside , familiar enough that he doesn't instinctively shove it away , despite the immediate and catastrophic awareness what this means. yet , he remains. doesn't react much other than twist in the other's grip , eventually ending up with them facing each other. which , as it turns out , may be so much worse. a mistake , even. well , make your bed and lie in it. or dig your own grave or whichever proverb was meant for situations in which you accidentally maneuver yourself into sustained eye contact with the person you've been trying oh so very hard not to think about. he's sure there's a very poetic way of phrasing the surge that rakes through his system , yet nothing conjurs on the spot. “ i wasn't flirting ” the protest leaves him small , mouth pinched into a faint frown. “ did i look like i was ? ” takes an unconscious step backwards , genuinely puzzled. on second , and perhaps also third , thought . . . none of this was as pressing as something else was. “ hey , so. no. what the fuck are you even doing here ? ”
doesn't hear the first calling for their lord and savior, ignores the second one but then he's resting his hands on her shoulders and she's confused why he looks a little green and keeps talking about the big man upstairs, “ what's going on? you're suddenly catholic? ” starts to think about a respectful way to tell the male that right now is not the time to be thinking about religion. side eyes him the entire time until the strangers are gone and she's waving them off with a big smile that turns into a horrified expression. “ if you throw up on me, there will be hell to pay! ” seriously! jahlani was taller than most women but tristan was even taller, and if she got chunks of whatever the fuck he ate today on her make up or in her hair, she would be going to jail! “ aahhhh, did you eat from the calzone truck? ‘cause i’m pretty sure, and i could be wrong, but i bet you i'm not, that the cheese they're using is bad! ” moves his hands off of her shoulders and instead guides him with two hands on his waist carefully, like one would a child learning to walk, towards the corner of the land, “ c'mon, let's get you to a trash cash. ”
he lets himself be steered with all the dignity of a man who's somehow misplaced every last shred of it somewhere between the flower garden and the waterfront. he'd like to file a missing person's report for it later , if there's anything left worth recovering. face pinches at her accusation. “ wh - no “ the denial catches in his throat , emerging distressingly strangled. “ i didn't eat the calzone. wanted to , though ” which , in tristan's mind , is a deeply important distinction. " y'think i've been spared ? which wouldn't be the first time. when i was about eight i used to be obsessed with these things called cream buns , yeah i know. and i had this habit of peeling and eating them layer by layer , got called super crazy names for it by the other kids. until one fatal day when i did it and the whole thing was moldy from the inside , just like the ones the other kids ate. like , i must be the chosen one " yields to the gentle pressure of her hands at his waist without so much as a token protest while rambling about past dairy based incidents - all long limbs and reluctant obedience. every step is slow , as if the earth has personally decided today is the day it'd like him dead. he isn't convinced the cobblestones aren't shifting beneath his feet just to make him look worse. ” please don't tell anyone about this , i'll have to move back to korea and i am so serious about this , actually ” oh , and he is. under enough social pressure , he'd simply evaporate. become a cautionary tale whispered between tourists. here lies the guy who got motion sickness standing perfectly still.

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she waits for her phone to be returned. instead, for a long moment, she watches him peruse through the pictures he'd just taken, the hello kitty painted on her phone case looking back at her as if to say : girl, he might steal your phone right now. until, finally, the phone turns to her. with another attempt at a reassuring smile, she looks over the photo, nodding along to his description of it. " i guess that makes sense. more pressure to look good when there's a camera in front of someone's face. " she taps the phone screen. " this one's good. i trust your judgment. now ... " face splits into a mischievous grin as she snatches the phone, turning the eye of the camera towards the photographer. " my turn ! we should do a whole photoshoot. make use of those broad shoulders so you can impress the insta girlies. or guys. or anyone at all who you wanna impress. " a wave of her hand. " andale, andale ! like madonna said, strike a pose. "
after an agonizing beat of deliberation , he attempts what he imagines might qualify as posing. it is , as anyone - literally everyone in capri , would've guessed catastrophically stiff. his shoulders square too much. his hands don't know where to exist , hovering awkwardly before disappearing into his pockets with visible relief. he manages a smile that starts uncertain , grows genuinely amused by how ridiculous he feels and crinkles the corners of his eyes despite himself. “ this feels deeply humiliating and you're enjoying this far more than you should “ slumps into himself with something that could only be described as defeat. “ help me ? ” dark hues lift between huff and a grimace of sheer agony. ” just . . . don't make me do the thing where people pretend they're casually laughing at something , i've watched that happen way too many times to know i'd be absolutely dog water at it. but i trust your judgment , guide me. be my . . . “ brows furrow , trying to string something together. ” i was trying to make a star wars reference here , turns out i don't know that much about star wars. but i had the green goblin man in mind , with the wrinkles. yogi ? no , that was a bear. "
might have at least tried to be nicer with someone else, anyone else, but mi mi knows tristan, can spot the uptick in the corners of his mouth already. she finds it reflecting back in her poses as she sees him ease behind the camera, just as she knew he would, a genuine smile trickling through her rehearsed ones. she scrolls through the camera roll, adding almost all of them to her favourites. it's going to be hard to not post a hundred photos of the same outfit on instagram when tristan takes photos this nice, but hey, that's what a finsta is for, right? “ do you know colour grading ? ” doesn't thank him, knows he can tell by the way the apples of her cheeks bunch upward that she's happy. she's more concerned with the fact that she's so far been editing all of her own pictures with the iphone photo settings features when there had to be a better way. “ could you help me ? ” pleading eyes accompany her smile, with a soft hand on his arm to sweeten the deal.
ears warm. god , sometimes he wants to peel free from this useless vessle. “ you like them ? ” the question leaves him before he can stop it , embarrassingly hopeful. as if faced with a thing so astonishing he has to grip for support to continue. “ i . . . yeah. a little ” a little. as if he hadn't spent countless nights disappearing into editing software until sunrise , nudging shadows by fractions , chasing colours nobody else would ever notice were different. as if he hadn't watched enough tutorials to make his recommendations sound suspiciously rehearsed. he so desperately wants to go into further detail - mostly about what he uses , why he does it. so , basically the entire process. but he also knows , more intimately , that mi mi isn't here for a story. and he knows how to behave within his lines given. the gentle weight of her hand settling against his arm nearly derails the rest of that thought. his brain , very helpfully , forgets every language it has ever known. glances at her hand for half a heartbeat before snapping his gaze somewhere much safer - roughly six inches over her left shoulder. “ so , yeah. i can help. i mean , if you want ” idiot. “ you already asked ” a quiet groan slips under his breath , hidden behind an awkward smile as one hand comes up to rub the back of his neck. “ which makes this all kinda redundant. yeah , i'll help , no worries. "
noticed the male taking photographs of a couple at the flower garden briefly, refused to go inside and verify because that garden was clearly cursed, and the curse explains why she ran into the body with an annoying accent and dark rum eyes yesterday, and why it came to mind by just passing the garden, could almost taste the stupid, bitter, liquor on her tongue, but thought that was just something he was doing out of the goodness of his heart. tristan's six foot something build was made of carebears, every smiley face emoji, and not every being able to say no. so, when she sees him playing photographer again, she knows it's not that he's asking people if they want their picture taken and instead tourists are believing the man is employed by the festival as a photographer. strides up to the man who blushes, and gets his words jumbled, and is adorable but a mess. “ what he's trying to say is you're soooo sexy and he's willing to do the horizontal tango with you if you're down! his number is +39 02 8995 2294! ” hand resting in the middle of his back, a reminder to not shrink into himself, a command to straighten up this very second. “ oh! i'm not sure he introduced himself so his name is tristan, go ahead, type it in the contacts! ” waits until the stranger is preoccupied with adding the name to the new contact profile before she turns to glance up at her friend and shoots him a thumbs up.
tristan's brain stopped working so completely that he was almost certain the tourists could hear the gears grinding to a halt. color flooded his neck with alarming speed , climbing over the tips of his ears until he was fairly certain the ringing in them could be fatal - well , good. anything better than to be here right now. “ oh my god ” a small , truly horrified noise attached itself to spoken words. breathing came ragged and shattered in his lungs every time he drew it back inside. tristan looked at the stranger with the wide eyed expression of someone watching their own social demise unfold in real time. then , he turned towards lani , eyebrows folding into themselves - a true and utter mask of defeat. “ oh my god ” now much stronger than a failed attempt to create himself some space. both hands came to rest upon her shoulders , shaking only lightly in their grip - they were shaking a lot and hiding it would make it only that much worse. “ lani , oh my fucking god ” seconds later , after everything is taken account for and they all share a sentiment of goodbye towards one another , the stranger is gone and tristan feels like collapsing straight to his knees. “ i think i'm gonna throw up my everything , what the fuck. ”
she’d chosen this one to take her picture because he looked unassuming enough. the type who’d listen. delete or retry something if she said it sternly enough. what she doesn’t expect is for him to speak —- she stills mid-pose, looking down at herself. yes, maybe she still faintly smells like fish no matter how much perfume she drizzles on, and yes, maybe she’d had to last minute buy some boots that didn’t match, but overall she looked fine. right ? glances up to see the guy’s ears going red, just in time for his sentence to finish, and the little alarm ringing in her ears transforms. her shoulders relax. “ oh, thanks ! ” beams at him. she steps a little closer, pointing at the phone he keeps clutched tight in his hand. “ can i see ? i mean, i don’t doubt you’re an amazing photographer, buttt … i wanna see. ”
tristan had , in the approximately three seconds since opening his mouth , managed to convince himself that he'd said something catastrophically strange. too forward , too familiar , too . . . something. so when she smiled , actually smiled , the knot cinched tight between his shoulders loosened by the smallest degree. “ oh ” escaped him before he could stop it. he looked almost surprised she'd taken the compliment as one. fingers tightened instinctively around the phone the moment she pointed at it , as though his first reflex had been to protect it from inspection. “ right ” he glanced down and tapped. the screen lit with the photograph . a small silence settled while he flicked between them , his brow knitting with quiet concentration , scrutinizing each frame with the severity of someone reviewing evidence instead of beach photos. “ i think . . . ” swipe. “ this one ? ” turned the phone toward her , though only halfway at first , hesitant , before remembering that was rather useless if the objective was for her to actually see it. “ the light caught your hair here. and you looked happy before you noticed I was taking it “ immediate regret at the wording , eyes widening a fraction. ” not . . . not that you look less happy now. i meant ” line of sight dropped to the phone again, using it as a shield. “ people usually look different when they forget there's a camera. so , this one , then ? ”
she's giving him a scathing look, hoping tristan can see it over the sun that's glaring in her eyes. yes, she has sunglasses nestled on top of her hair, but those are show sunglasses and not for function, so she doesn't even think of putting them on, instead using a hand to cast a shadow over her eyes. “ don't talk ? ” almost a question, that's how obviously she states her command. he should know the drill by now. “ photo first, and then we analyze. ” she does a few more quick poses before crowding into his space, motioning for him to thumb through the shots until she finds just the right one.
the look she gave him landed with all the force she intended. tristan blinked once , twice. his mouth had already parted around what was very likely going to be an observation - something entirely unnecessary , if the guilty way it snapped shut again was any indication. “ . . . right ” he dipped his head in immediate surrender , the corners of his mouth threatening a smile he made only a half hearted attempt to hide. “ photo first ” echoes it like someone reciting a rule he'd been reminded of often enough to know better than to argue. the lense was already angled toward her before the last word left his mouth. years of habit settled over him as naturally as breathing. posture straightened almost imperceptibly , the uncertainty that clung to him in conversation melting away behind the screen - click. he adjusted a fraction to the left - click. expression softening into that familiar look of complete absorption , as though , for these few seconds , the rest of the festival simply ceased to exist. “ there ” didn't dare to exclaim that they were done , that was for her to decide and he was painfully aware of that. instead , he offered the phone back to her - both hands extended , head lowered. hopes high the service was done and over with.

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This is pretty much exactly what she thought she'd find when she set out looking for Tristan after he'd let her know he'd gotten held up graciously taking photos for the fourth person who'd asked. "Oh, you guys look incredible," she hums as she walks up, genuine smile overtaking her face as she takes in the festival goers' outfits. "Those last couple shots are definitely golden, you have to see." Without missing a beat, she gently plucks the phone from her friend's hands, opens the gallery, and hands it off to the rightful owner, watching their eager faces glow as they thumb through the most recent pictures. Once she can tell they clearly approve— their bright thank you's to him evidence enough— she gives them a friendly wave and starts ushering Tristan away with a nudge to his shoulders. "Come on, we said we'd head back to food village before they run out of diavola pizza!" A white lie, but she's gotta get him out of the crowd before a fifth person asks a favor of him. And she's hungry.
food village , diavola pizza. eyes lifted to hers , then widened - just enough to betray the tiny spark of alarm before he could smooth it away. “ they can run out ? ” the question slipped out softer than he'd intended. simply an unmistakable note of genuine concern tucked somewhere beneath the words , as though the possibility had never once occurred to him until now and suddenly it seemed like an entirely preventable tragedy. his gaze instinctively drifted back toward the sea of festivalgoers. then , without another ounce of hesitation , he matched her pace. “ thanks. i think , if we'd stayed another five minutes , someone would've handed me a DSLR and asked me to shoot their engagement ” a faint wince followed immediately after , equal parts acceptance and self inflicted exasperation. “ which is precisely the problem ‘cause we both know i would’ve said yes. but seriously , who gets engaged at these kind of things , don't mean to judge all that hard ” the but was pretty obvious in his voice. “ oh , context. sorry , all this shebang came to me ‘cause earlier i saw a guy kneel to propose. granted , i think they were both super drunk off their asses. which , i am not sure will make this case any better. anyways , thank you for saving me. you know , again “ arm came to hook into hers. ” we're actually going to get that pizza though , right ? "
the second he starts backtracking, her eyes close shut, she’s standing there pinching the bridge of her nose with her head hanging down, a soft sigh escaping her. “ … tristan, ” she lets out slowly, slowly raising her brown orbs to look at him. “ come on, we talked about this, ” she isn’t frustrated or upset though, her tone remaining calm as she moves closer, because how could she be mad at him ! he looks like a real life bunny ! “ we had a meeting with snacks. i made you flashcards, ” shades of chocolate dark now turn into puppy eyes, full lips now formed a dramatic pout. “ you were doing so well. come on, what’s going on ? is there a tiny little man sitting in there hitting a panic button every time you flirt ? ” she’s softly patting his temple with her manicured finger, almost like she’s expecting the said tiny little man to make a noise. “ you tell a girl she looks pretty, she smiles and says thank you, maybe even leaves you her number and the earth keeps spinning, ” this time, her hands hold his forearms, squeezing softly as she turns him away from her, pointing to a nearby couple taking selfies. “ see ! we could’ve had that ! ”
a thoughtful frown settled between his brows , the sort worn by someone attempting to explain a mechanism he'd never fully figured out himself. “ it feels more like he's filling out paperwork , he's very thorough ” his fingers absentmindedly count each point off. “ what if he thinks you're weird ? what if she's only being polite ? what if you misunderstood ? what if you accidentally ruin their afternoon ? ” broad shoulders lifted in a small , helpless shrug. “ by the time he's finished , the conversation's usually over and i look like the absolute fool i've made myself to be ” tristan allowed himself to be turned , following the direction of her finger without protest. keen eyes found the couple - they were laughing over a blurry selfie. one reached over to smooth the other's hair before immediately insisting on taking another. effortless , unrehearsed. the sort of ease that seemed to exist in a language tristan had never quite learned. he watched a heartbeat longer than he meant to. “ mhm . . . ” only then did his eyes drift back to niya. “ i remember them. the flashcards , i mean ” voice came quietly. “ you laminated them ” as though that was still the most astonishing part of the entire memory. “ i still have them. they're in the drawer next to my cutlery. and for what it's worth , i did almost tell someone their outfit was nice today “ a pause that faltered all the conviction previously bled into words. “ wanted to , at least. it was a shirt with a cow on it " a tiny smile betrayed him. “ really cute , you would've loved it , i'm sure ” now it felt intentional , the kind of silence that came from a man trying , unsuccessfully , to postpone his own public execution. “ it all went wrong when i pointed at the shirt and said - ‘ oh , i saw a cow yesterday ’ that was it , just . . . point blank ” posture slumped , along with the rest of him - leaving his ridiculously tall frame to bent until his forehead came in touch with her shoulder . “ i'm a hopeless case , you should just give up on me and leave me in the dust. ”
the mumbled words weren't quite his goal, but god is he satisfied to hear them. ❛❛ not as handsome as you ? we all know that. ❜❜ trust that gabe will never skip an occasion to make the heat rise even higher whenever a soft blush starts to creep up the bartender's neck and ears. he's getting some evil type of kick at making people fluster, it appears. but there's just something so endearing and fun to hear them stumble their way out of it. he doesn't need a drink in hand to lay it on the other man. ❛❛ nice is very polite, but again, yours is much more put together. who knew you wore festival sun so well. ❜❜ this is a far more different lighting than bar dim. stepping closer to pick up the phone from what he could've swore were going to be shaky hands, he barely looks at the final product. he only needed one fit pic so he could send it to niya and prove to her he followed her instructions about not dressing like a dad. grateful thanks being offered, before he nods his chin to the camera around the man's neck. ❛❛ anyone's offered to take your picture yet ? ❜❜
tristan's mouth parted , then closed again , the words abandoning him somewhere in the short distance between thought and speech. his gaze dropped almost instantly to the sand at their feet , as though it had suddenly become the most fascinating thing on the beach. quiet , nervous laugh escaped him. “ you're making fun of me ” there was no accusation in it. if anything , it sounded like he was trying to convince himself that had to be the answer - because the alternative was far more difficult to believe. nimble fingers found the camera strap draped across his chest , worrying the worn fabric between restless hands while warmth crept steadily up the back of his neck. “ i'm really not . . . ” accompanied by an abashed smile that tugged shyly at the corners of his mouth. “ i don't think i'm ” the sentence withered before it ever had the chance to become one. when gabe stepped closer to reclaim his phone , tristan surrendered it almost immediately , a touch too quickly , grateful for the excuse to let his hands do something other than hover awkwardly in empty space. “ hm ? ” almost instinctively , his hand drifted to the camera hanging against his chest. his eyes followed a beat later , settling on it as though he had somehow forgotten it was there. " oh , no . but that's not - “ a sheepish laugh slipped free. “ that's hardly necessary , really ” everything about him carried that familiar , apologetic sort of uncertainty , as though existing in someone else's way was a possibility he constantly had to account for. “ i wouldn't even know what to do with them , anyway ” almost immediately , niya's voice erupted somewhere in the back of his mind - ' post them , you fool. put yourself out there ' . lips pursed. ” did you look at the pictures , though ? " hope and anxiety sharing equal space in his expression. " are they okay ? " a beat. " i'm not busy. i mean , could always retake them. really , it's no trouble. be as honest as you need to be. "
Perfect Crown || EP 03. ↳ Byeon Wooseok as Prince Ian

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— solemare festival. main stage.
— open. @capritownstarters
something about - maybe the camera hanging from his neck , maybe the fact he looked like he knew what he was doing , maybe just the unfortunate curse of having an approachable face. something among the lines made strangers stop him with the same question: could you take a picture for us ? he never said no. and he wouldn't decline when a singular person came to him bearing the same sentiment , of course. tristan held their phone up , changing the angle quite a few times until a satisfied hum paired with a quick nod. “ uh , you look . . .” his thumb hovered uncertainly over the shutter. and immediately winced. “ gosh , sorry. i wasn't trying to make it weird ” his ears now brighter than the sun. “ i just meant , the light's really nice. and your outfit “ causing him to gesture vaguely toward the screen. ” which is , also nice " he cleared his throat , thoroughly committed to shrinking into himself now.
# 𝗅𝗈𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖺𝗍 𝖽𝖺𝗒 3 𝖿𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗏𝗂𝗅𝗅𝖺𝗀𝖾 , 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗍𝗈 all ― @capritownstarters
“ yes , raw yellow onion and rotting garlic . ” and that was actually the description of what the person standing a couple metres away from him smelled like , the food in his hand was actually pretty good . “ hold this for me please . ” the paper plate was quickly handed to the person as leo walked towards the source of everyone's discomfort , monotonely asking ( it sounded more like a demand , in all honesty ) them to raise both hands up while pulling up the spray deodorant from inside his bag . yes , he did bring it , knowing damn well some white person with poor hygiene was about to get on his nerves . it felt criminal having to waste good dior on someone who clearly didn't bother being confused with a skunk , but it was better than the burning sensation he had been feeling on his eyes for minutes . he dismissed the clear complaints of the other , simply muttering “ you needed it , trust me ” before walking back and reclaiming his plate . “ where were we ? ”
he should've known . maybe not immediately , maybe not in any meaningful , preventative capacity - but at the very least from the corner of his peripheral vision. some instinct , some sixth sense reserved exclusively for impending social disasters , should've warned him that this was about to happen. it didn't , which meant this had to be his own personalized circle of hell , meticulously handcrafted and delivered with his name engraved on the packaging. the worst part was the complete and utter lack of resistance - the stranger had simply . . . complied. surely that had to violate some unwritten social law - is that what i look like to other people ? he wasn't the one being fumigated , still secondhand embarrassment was proving itself to be every bit as lethal. if someone ever asked what ultimately killed tristan , the answer would be painfully simple: he died of cringe. the plate returned to the other's grip just as he did to tristan's side. granted , he didn't even notice he had still been holding it . . . yeah , he definitely looked like that to other people. “ smells good ” as if that would help his case. “ we , uh . . . your plans. for this event , i mean. ”