The Dysfunctional Five

But that’s my point. We want to get better. We want to fix our mental state. But doing so means killing us, to a degree.

We gain a healthier mental state, but lose each other. And Saint, being our prime specimen, will live like he just lost family when we go.

It makes it hard to want to get better, which sucks.

- The Five of Us: Saint, Abel, Kaine, Psi, and Sabito

- Honeybee: a new alter, who may or may not be able to drive. Not sure yet.

- The Spooky Shit: picture Necromorphs from Dead Space. Lots of spooky shit that I’m referring to as alters because they live in the Upstairs and I’m not sure what else they could be. Most of them are representations of past trauma that Saint, our Host, had to go through. There are maybe 50 separate beings that qualify under the “Spooky Shit”

- The Dead Alters: there are several alters who aren’t around anymore. We refer to the process as Fragging, but basically sometimes alters can kinda just… fade themselves out of existence? It’s hard to explain properly, but if an alter frags themselves, they disappear and we don’t really ever see them again so ._.

In total, over the 6 months or so since we realized we had DID, there have been somewhere between 90 and 120 total “alters”. I put alters in quotes because I’m not sure what else to qualify the Spooky Shit as, though I don’t know if they count as whole alters. (This is a rough estimate because there could be many more that we don’t know about)

We’ve noticed a large portion of people on this app are very hetero-exclusive. This came to mind because of a post I saw about a show called The Sandman. Just a note: I haven’t watched the show. The post was making fun of reviews that were complaining that homosexuality was overdone and shoved down the viewer’s throat. Which, in and of itself, is a valid complaint.

Look, representation is fantastic and we wish more proper representation existed in media. But flooding a show or movie or whatever with nothing but copious, exaggerated amounts of homosexuality and LGBTQ+ topics that are not directly linked to the subject isn’t representation. It’s pandering.

Balance. These things need to have balance. Having everything be entirely straight is a bad thing. Having everything be entirely gay is also a bad thing. Having a show be mostly straight is okay. Having a show be mostly gay is okay. But flooding a show with too much of one side is just shitty. It ruins the representation or doesn’t provide it, and it makes the point of the show convoluted.

Having gay for the sake of gay is perfectly fine and we support that, but distracting from the main point of a piece of media because of the LGBTQ+ parts is just cheap and shitty representation.

Balance matters. The members of our community who adamantly despise and try to remove all forms of heterosexuality from media/their consumption of media are no better than the homophobic people doing the opposite.

Be inclusive. Stop hating straight people for just being straight. Stop hating gay people for just being gay. And for fucks’ sake, have balance.

Having too much homosexuality blasted at you in a show is like taking a cake and smothering it in so much chocolate you can’t see the cake anymore. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

Having no homosexuality excludes members of the community and makes us seem like “others”. It’s like making a chocolate cake with no chocolate. You’re left with kinda shitty bread. This is just straight up a bad thing.

Shows like The Boys do it the right way, with more topics than just homophobia. There are a number of cast members who fall under minority groups, and they are acknowledged for being part of said groups. But that acknowledgement doesn’t overshadow the show itself, or disrupt the plot.

Having a show that’s not explicitly designed to be an exploration of LGBTQ+ subjects filled to the brim with those subjects isn’t representation, it’s idolizing homosexuality. Representation is having members of our community as a part of shows and movies without it being overemphasized on. Overemphasis implies that this representation is a unique event, and not the norm. It should be a “hey there’s a gay couple in this show I like” not “OH MY GOD, THIS SHOW IS ABOUT DINOSAURS BUT WE’VE SPENT THE ENTIRE SHOW LEARNING ABOUT THIS GAY COUPLE. CUZ THEY’RE GAY. AMAZING, THERE’S A GAY COUPLE ON TV”. Pointing it out so hard makes it feel cheap and like you’re treating the gay couple like monkeys in a zoo.

And it’s a really weird feeling because there are moments where I just go perusing through the System’s memories, and it makes me feel like a hive mind or something

Like I feel like I was connected to four other people and share memories, feelings, thoughts, experiences, all of it… but at the same time I don’t. It’s… offputting.

And it’s becoming a little bit of a struggle.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

10. Mulan’s dad

9. Mr. Incredible

8. Chief Tui (love me a big man)

7. James from Princess and the Frog

6. Zeus from Hercules

5. Poseidon from The Little Mermaid

4. Tarzan’s Dad

3. The dad from Inside Out

2. Omni Man

1. Stoick from HTTYD

10. Gru’s mom

9. Grandma from Hoodwinked

8. SpongeBob’s mom

7. Aunt Fanny from Robots

6. Dexter’s mom from Dexter’s Labratory

5. Hiccup’s mom from How To Train Your Dragon

4. Fairy Godmother from Shrek 2

3. Mrs. Incredible (obviously)

2. Aunt Cass

1. Dr. Ann Possible

I will not be taking any fucking questions, nor will I allow any arguments.

Mr. Incredible

The dad from Phineas and Ferb

Maggie Simpson

Joseph Joestar

Mr. Bean from the Animated Series

Context: we call facing/fronting/showing/being the alter currently in charge of the body “being in the Driver’s Seat”

The “host” of our body is Saint. As far as we know, he was the first personality to exist in our head, and he’s spent the longest time in the Driver’s Seat. He’s the boss, in a sense, since the rest of us are a relatively recent development and we kinda just invaded his life, to a degree.

Saint had been living for a long time before we interjected. And he had done some things that caused him a lot of pain and discomfort.

I don’t know how it works for other people, but we choose to visualize a common space that the five of us can talk in so we can communicate. A part of this common space are The Doors.

The Doors are two giant double doors that are heavily barricaded. They’re something Saint made as a visual representation of the shit he’s suppressed throughout the years. The rest of us can see the Doors, and we know what’s behind it, though none of us really choose to go in there. Sabito occasionally does, and he describes it as basically just watching traumatic events occur over and over again.

We think the common space and everything in it are a side effect of Saint compartmentalizing our mind to help him deal with all the shit he went through, so he made a safe space of sorts in his head. Later on, the rest of us just showed up.

Regardless, the whole point of this long ass post is that we don’t know what to do. The shit behind there hurts Saint, a lot, and we care about him. Not to delve into his trauma or anything, but he’s really had some terrible experiences and they weigh on him. He’s been worried since the rest of us showed up that the Doors would hurt us, or cause us problems, and they occasionally have.

This is our first time having DID, unsurprisingly, and we don’t really know how to handle it. If anyone else has had to deal with something similar, how did you help make it go away? How did you help take care of the alter? All advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

You’re special in the best kind of way <3