#didsupport

But that’s my point. We want to get better. We want to fix our mental state. But doing so means killing us, to a degree.

We gain a healthier mental state, but lose each other. And Saint, being our prime specimen, will live like he just lost family when we go.

It makes it hard to want to get better, which sucks.

We made this account cuz we kinda just wanted support and a little advice about how to handle certain things.

We have Dissociative Identity Disorder. There are five of us, and all of us share this account. We have some questions and concerns and just general complains that we felt like putting out into the world, so here we are

- The Five of Us: Saint, Abel, Kaine, Psi, and Sabito

- Honeybee: a new alter, who may or may not be able to drive. Not sure yet.

- The Spooky Shit: picture Necromorphs from Dead Space. Lots of spooky shit that I’m referring to as alters because they live in the Upstairs and I’m not sure what else they could be. Most of them are representations of past trauma that Saint, our Host, had to go through. There are maybe 50 separate beings that qualify under the “Spooky Shit”

- The Dead Alters: there are several alters who aren’t around anymore. We refer to the process as Fragging, but basically sometimes alters can kinda just… fade themselves out of existence? It’s hard to explain properly, but if an alter frags themselves, they disappear and we don’t really ever see them again so ._.

In total, over the 6 months or so since we realized we had DID, there have been somewhere between 90 and 120 total “alters”. I put alters in quotes because I’m not sure what else to qualify the Spooky Shit as, though I don’t know if they count as whole alters. (This is a rough estimate because there could be many more that we don’t know about)

And it’s a really weird feeling because there are moments where I just go perusing through the System’s memories, and it makes me feel like a hive mind or something

Like I feel like I was connected to four other people and share memories, feelings, thoughts, experiences, all of it… but at the same time I don’t. It’s… offputting.

And it’s becoming a little bit of a struggle.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks

Context: we call facing/fronting/showing/being the alter currently in charge of the body “being in the Driver’s Seat”

The “host” of our body is Saint. As far as we know, he was the first personality to exist in our head, and he’s spent the longest time in the Driver’s Seat. He’s the boss, in a sense, since the rest of us are a relatively recent development and we kinda just invaded his life, to a degree.

Saint had been living for a long time before we interjected. And he had done some things that caused him a lot of pain and discomfort.

I don’t know how it works for other people, but we choose to visualize a common space that the five of us can talk in so we can communicate. A part of this common space are The Doors.

The Doors are two giant double doors that are heavily barricaded. They’re something Saint made as a visual representation of the shit he’s suppressed throughout the years. The rest of us can see the Doors, and we know what’s behind it, though none of us really choose to go in there. Sabito occasionally does, and he describes it as basically just watching traumatic events occur over and over again.

We think the common space and everything in it are a side effect of Saint compartmentalizing our mind to help him deal with all the shit he went through, so he made a safe space of sorts in his head. Later on, the rest of us just showed up.

Regardless, the whole point of this long ass post is that we don’t know what to do. The shit behind there hurts Saint, a lot, and we care about him. Not to delve into his trauma or anything, but he’s really had some terrible experiences and they weigh on him. He’s been worried since the rest of us showed up that the Doors would hurt us, or cause us problems, and they occasionally have.

This is our first time having DID, unsurprisingly, and we don’t really know how to handle it. If anyone else has had to deal with something similar, how did you help make it go away? How did you help take care of the alter? All advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you,