Local Gay Disaster

I feel like a lot of people dont pick up on that: when youre texting with someone and they ask you a question theyre probably very much aware that they can simply google it. The reason theyre asking you instead is because they like talking with you and want you to explain it instead

Me, pointing to the mirror: Do NOT become The Joker about this. This isn’t even a Condiment King situation.

hmm... *gets in evil bed and holds my evil stuffed animal* evil night.. *turns off my fucked up evil lamp*

It’s called a “pet peeve” precisely because it doesn’t matter and I don’t even expect it to hold up to much scrutiny. If I needed it to do all that, I’d get a utility peeve. A battle peeve.

What they don’t tell you about getting into bird watching is that once you get into it, you do not get to decide when you bird watch. You can be on the beach of some distant tropical country with nothing planned except relaxing. But then you see a Common Fluttering Nut Buster and you’re like fuckkkkkkkk holy shit guys the Common Fluttering Nut Buster is not supposed to live this far west holy shitttttttttt

after a lifetime of hearing about aragorn but not reading the books or watching the movies, genuinely nothing could have prepared me for his actual introduction. the hobbits picked this man out of a dumpster. he is a textbook softspoken angst prince and he is covered in dirt and he probably smells so bad. he’s the coolest man alive and is so casual about it. his number one skill is Knowing Where They Are and his number two skill is Having A Horrible Destiny That Torments Him. tolkien got it in one i’m afraid aragorn son of arathorn you are the guy of all time

And he’s also King Arthur, who I half-suspect Tolkien may have been literally in love with!

there is always some fucking laundry and dust and some other shit