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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@sadfated

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Nikolai Gumilyov, tr. by Yakov Hornstein, from “The Tram that Lost Its Way,”
lightabandoned.
the sudden resistance he feels in the force takes him by surprise, and, just for a moment, anxiety swells in him as instinct kicks in && he tries to jerk the orb back towards him. but then he remembers where he is, remembers that they are not on the battlefield facing some sith apprentice, remembers that he must not always have to fight or flee. ❛ sorry, ❜ anakin mutters, hoping they can leave his startled aggression alone, pretend that it never was. he leans against the wall with a huff, dragging the sleeve of his robe across his forehead. if he lives to be one hundred, he’s pretty sure obi-wan will still be offering him unwelcome advice. ( there is a thought that he is trying to shove away, that he has always tried to shove away : this advice is not unwelcome. it never has been unwelcome. )
❛ obi-wan– ❜ but what is there for him to say? what, to heal the gaping wounds that lurk just under anakin’s flesh? what, to heal broken trust && broken promises? nothing. there is nothing. what is done is done. now there is only the war. ❛ i’ve lost the same thing as everyone we’re fighting for. focusing on it isn’t going to help them. ❜
that’s what he tells himself, at least.
even as the orb drifts into the waiting cradle of his palm, obi-wan’s attention is on anakin, angled against the far wall, his thoughts charged and turbulent and amassed somewhere yet further away, like thunderheads dark on the horizon or boot-trodden dust on the front lines. obi-wan wonders, a quiet solicitude availing itself of his features, if that is where anakin’s mind remains, that it would combat him so readily.
❛ no, it very well may not, ❜ he concedes, a few heedful steps shrinking the distance between them some. ❛ but, if it could —- ❜
( obi-wan’s expression dampens at the jaw, eyes touched with gloom under the bunched hang of his brow. the irony of this is not lost on him. anakin shifting focus to the innocents caught in war, the bigger picture, and obi-wan endorsing — personal feelings. he sighs. makes a note to grapple with self-reproach later. )
❛ . . . anakin, i am here for you. that you are no longer my padawan does not change this. ❜ he traces the circumference of the sphere with his fingers as it turns, slow and aimless, within his hands. ❛ winning the war will never be easy, but the fewer battles you fight within yourself, the better. pretending as though you aren’t already distracted by your thoughts will help no one, i assure you. ❜
The stars dust gold leafing on his skin. And we are looking at each other, just looking, and I swear there are whole lifetimes lived in those small, shared moments.
Mackenzi Lee, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue
I keep remembering — I keep remembering. My heart has no pity on me.
Henri Barbusse, The Inferno (via wordsnquotes)

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lightabandoned.
❛ say it. say fuck. ❜ // @sadfated.
❛ — anakin, ❜ ( really, he shouldn’t ask. there is not one answer among any that exist that will satisfy him. knowing this, obi-wan still sighs, and not a moment too long afterwards follows with: ) ❛ to what end? ❜
so i understand and sympathize with the sentiment of “obi-wan remained pure and true to his ideals and never flickered in upholding them” when people look at his life on a grand scale. i mean, obviously, he goes through so much torment, outlives innumerable friends and suffers through the darkest time in republic history, and yet still keeps hope alive until he’s finally able to do one thing in his miserable life, i.e. train luke.
however, i do want to make it clear that obi-wan does struggle with his emotions. all of them, not just love or sadness, but anger and apprehension too. it’s just he masks his doubts and impulses exceptionally well, even in front of other jedi masters like yoda and mace windu.
and while i don’t always agree with j/ude watson’s characterization, i do like how she captures obi-wan’s ability to compartmentalize, and how that often comes off to other characters as his being unfeeling. ( same with k/aren miller’s characterization, though i think she gives obi-wan a little more room to be expressive, and that in the absence of warmth or anger, he exudes coldness rather than a neutral indifference. )
so anyway, yeah, obi-wan goes into exile and it’s a bad time. he looks after luke, and that’s a light in the darkness, but he also spends hours upon hours retreading his guilt and loss, reopening wounds that haven’t even closed, breaking the code in the process. and then there’s his interaction with the sand people:
obi-wan deserves the galaxy and nothing less
ACTIVITY UPDATE. - guys , i am so so sorry for my slow activity as of late. between work and everything I i took my dog , stark , of 6 years , to the vet today and i found out she needs to have surgery and has also somehow caught parvo. she has been acting lethargic and not eating her food for two days now. the vet says she has an intestinal blockage and her surgery plus the care she will need for parvo to survive will cost around $1600. i have about $320 of it right now due to having just paid rent recently, but i need help raising the rest. i am already struggling to get by with cost of living , bills , and necessities & i don’t know what else to do. i hate to come on here and ask for any kind of help , let alone seek help in general, but this is last resort right now.
this is my baby stark before she had gotten sick.
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Sara Barnard, A Quiet Kind of Thunder

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[Obi-wan] had to smile. “Who would you send? There’s no one, and we both know it. I will be all right, Master Yoda.” “Thought that we did when to Kamino we sent you.” A decision that had sparked a train of events ending under a hot sun on the bloody sand of cruel Geonosis. So many dead Jedi, who came to rescue me.
Karen Miller, Wild Space
Which one will you choose to save? Your master? Or your apprentice?
“ —– which brings us back to the HERO’S SHOULDERS and a gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it. ”
indie canon-divergent luke skywalker of STAR WARS. mutuals only. selective. mun is over 21. personals don’t reblog.
lightabandoned.
this is the permission he has been seeking his entire life. permission to feel, to hope, to love. normally, he shrinks from these emotions, even as he feels them grow inside him. if he pretends they are not there —- but they grow, and they grow, and this wave will soon break over his heart, consume him entirely. but perhaps there is another way. a way to feel, without becoming that feeling.
the orb goes flying again, zipping from corner to corner. this time, it does not fall. anakin tracks it as it moves if only so he does not have to look at obi-wan. ❛ i miss her, though i know i should not. ❜ these words are an offering. will obi-wan join him at the altar, bowing his heads to the gods of loss, or will he turn away? ❛ i lost a piece of myself that day. i have not been able to find it again. ❜ it is innocence that he speaks of.
were they here, the council would begrudge them both for this airing of grief. anakin for sorrowing still, as though his loss could have been interred in the sands of tatooine and summarily forgotten. obi-wan for allowing him, against their teachings, to exhume it.
he follows the wild trajectory of the sphere as it slews and pitches across the room with this in mind, hands clasped within the excess fabric of his sleeves. neither of them look at each other, and obi-wan thinks that’s for the best, really. he can see, hear, feel enough as it is. sentiment roils off of anakin like the suns’ heat from his native dunes.
❛ — she was your mother, ❜ obi-wan says evenly, carefully, sidestepping anakin’s admission of should not despite its obvious truth. ❛ and you grew up with her under circumstances that most of us are quite fortunate to never know. ❜
to balance understanding against disapproval is — difficult, to put lightly. obi-wan’s brow pinches in contemplation a moment before he pulls a hand from his robes and wills enough force to slow the orb, stalling it mid-air. his gaze falls to anakin, furrowed. ❛ what is it you feel you’ve lost? ❜
I never imagined you dead But tell me, are you even aware That all that we did, you undo? Iscariot, you fool

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cprex.
❝COMMANDER CODY WILL BE READY FOR ACTION SOON .❞ after the crash , the mission to find a lost brother , Cody was the one who had to deal with the most . ❝I hope , while he is out of duty , you can agree to to work with me❞ of course , they had missions together before but never did Rex step into Cody’s footsteps . ❝as soon as the Commander is back , I will return to General Skywalker❞
@sadfated *:・゚✧ liked !
❛ i’m sure you’ll do just as well, captain. to be honest, i’d be more concerned over the possibility of anakin having need of you for too long. ❜
( after kadavo, obi-wan finds himself hard-pressed to conjure doubt in rex’s abilities. he isn’t commander cody, with the self-same adherence to protocol and clean structure that obi-wan vaunts in himself, but preferences are luxuries on the battlefield. rex is a fine soldier. that is enough for him. )
❛ — with respect to our sabbatical in wild space, your blaster is, once again, a welcome sight. ❜
@alderaandestroyed ╱ ( x ).
❛ — senator organa, ❜
( he won’t say it’s a pleasure, for it seldom ever is with politicians, even the half-pleasant or otherwise respectable ones such as he, but obi-wan does pause for a modest incline of his head. an acknowledgement bail is due as a friend of a friend, and as a man dedicated to interests of the republic, and as someone obi-wan has come, cautiously and quite reservedly, to admire. )
❛ i don’t suppose you’ve come looking for another game of sabacc? ❜