#lightabandoned

𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐒  are easy to build.  in the mind,  they are constructed silently ;  obi-wan envisions white marble bricks stacking themselves into a plum - coloured sky,  locking away all the things he does not want outsiders to see.  the things he does not want to see himself.

but walls crumble. 

all it takes to break obi-wan kenobi’s impeccable walls is a well - placed blaster shot from a sniper droid,  right beneath the yellow - painted pauldron of a commander’s armour.

his breath locks in his chest,  and before he can think he has charged forward,  cutting down the enemy in a flurry of fury and blue light.  the force envelops him,  tempers the molten pit of fear in his gut into a sharp,  hard blade.  he flings a droideka through a wall,  half a scream dying on his lips. 

in the ship,  later,  he stands so still he may have been a statue.  like he’s trying to hold the pieces of himself together,  watching the medical droid at work.

this is how he appears on the outside  —  a calm general.  a monolith of well - honed control.  the perfect jedi.

this is how he is on the inside  —  a hurricane. 

there’s a fault line in obi-wan,  and it is shifting.  breaking him apart so utterly that he reverberates in the force.  he glances at anakin’s reflection in the dark transparisteel wall that separates the corridor from the medical bay.  his voice does  ( with considerable effort )  not shake when he speaks.

     he’s attempted this conversation before. never to any success, never to anything but the chafing of red-raw nerves and silences heavy with guilt and loathing. already obi-wan’s wrists itch for the palliative wringing of his fingers, his feet braced to carry him someplace where only the echo of his footfalls might disturb these well-worn thoughts.

     he is no master yoda. cannot find it within himself to urge anakin to joy over shmi’s death, no matter how many days, months, years pass. what comfort is the force to a man who has known the embrace of his mother? what words mend a confidant’s indifference in the face of a timely premonition? 

           she knew immediately that she wasn’t where she had been. the halls of a star destroyer were quite different from the halls of the new republic senate chamber. but she’d been on an imperial star destroyer, and there were subtle differences here. ‘ luke, what have i gotten myself into? ‘ though, yes, she did know her twin couldn’t actually hear her. but he’d been teaching her to use the force, and then an old man who had identified himself as obi-wan kenobi had told her there was someone she should meet. and then she was here, staring at the symbol of the republic. ‘ this-- isn’t possible. ‘

     THE WAR WAS WEARING THEM THIN, and as much as shaak ti wished she could, she could not rest for one minute. her job was to assist in readying the troops for the field. it was a difficult job, but shaak ti had the patience for it- one of the few jedi who really did. but today was not for clones. general skywalker had sent the togrutan a warrior a transmission not long agom informing her of his travels to kamino.

     now she stood near the landing docks, red hands tucked beneath the familiar fabric of her cloak. as she watched the young jedi approach, her head raised as eyes meet his. “ master skywalker, your visit is a surprise. ”

heR EYES ARE OPEN IN IT YOU JUST CAN’T SEE !!!!