my inner qualities will carry the day in the third act. but here in the first act they're worth fuck all

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@sadcult
my inner qualities will carry the day in the third act. but here in the first act they're worth fuck all

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Me too, buddy
iâm very self aware. which unfortunately hasnât solved anything
Super cool part of my life is being victimized in new and increasingly horrible ways and realizing that there will never be a version of me that others will find sympathetic
I say "realizing" but I have known this from a pretty young age because everyone was just such weird shits to me, but well-meaning people insisted on trying to convince me that I was merely doing "negative self-talk" or "limiting beliefs". But reality proves me right over and over again :-)
Super cool part of my life is being victimized in new and increasingly horrible ways and realizing that there will never be a version of me that others will find sympathetic

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crazy how i find myself thinking i've got a handle on it all finally and then i see the ways that other people tangle their lives together so easily and live so easily together with their friends and i feel like that girl at the top of the stairs painting by norman rockwell
i'll always be here
Me every day for nearly two years: "this is too hard on me, I can't do this, it is extremely deleterious to my well being, I am struggling to cope with this, it's not getting better, it is making me extremely miserable, I am suffering an incredible amount and need help"
Person who claims to love me and that they are "helping" while simultaneously going on discord to talk shit about me to their online friends while neglecting to mention the part where they have sexually assaulted me multiple times and strong armed me into this situation in the first place: "hahaha just keep going it will be okay don't forget to buy some more furniture for the apartment"
A jaguar (Panthera onca) and her melanistic cub in ARTIS Zoo, The Netherlands
by safi kok
ohhhh i forgot nobody cares
I know many people that talk to their family every day/on a regular basis
And like I don't, I don't have that, I can't because of the bad relationship I have with them
And I can't talk to my friends either because I am genuinely scared, if I think about talking to my friends in the way that I need to (about feelings, struggling, needing moral support and sympathy) I get really terrified
The only way I know how to have a "functioning" friendship with anyone is by hiding myself and hiding how I feel and putting myself aside for their benefit and enjoyment, otherwise I'm a worthless vibekiller
And you can be all "hahaha how's that working out for you" but my most painful and isolating moments were all the times my friends either abandoned me or actively got angry with me for struggling and trying to talk to them when my mom lost her job and had a psychotic break when I was in high school and I was super depressed and scared and the only food we had was spaghetti-os from the food bank, or when I was homeless and they all got mad at me again and I have never talked to them since, they all still look at my Instagram stories too which feels especially painful and weird
So like why would I risk what little I have, why would I do that

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#unemployed
appetite ippetate deer by-a-lion ate, wonder who's virtuous, mauler or mauled?
feeder for eating or eatee for feebleness? both of them evil for living at all!
Never not thinking about, as I struggle to make it through each day in ways no reasonable person should, having someone say that because I am able to get to work I do not have any serious problems and my struggling is attention seeking behaviour that is detrimental to those around me.
But today I have reframed this as "Skill issue, I can make it to work (despite my problems!) because I am tougher and more resilient than you" for my personal enjoyment
From Yoga Anatomy by Leslie Kaminoff.
thinking about this excerpt from giovanni's room as i lay in bed staring at the ceiling endlessly
Image ID:
"I had thought of suicide when I was much younger, as, possibly, we all have, but then it would have been for revenge, it would have been my way of informing the world how awfully it made me suffer. But the silence of the evening, as I wandered home, had nothing to do with that storm, that far-off boy. I simply wondered about the dead because their days had ended and I did not know how I would get through mine."
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For my fellow canadian leftists
Canada is a colonial white supremacist genocidal state, just like the US and Israel. Mark Carney literally said Canada Strong will Make America Great Again not long after doing a speech in front of an Israeli Flag weeks after Canada was found to be continuing the genocide of the Indigenous population. As well as restricting immigration, building pipelines, Militarization, more nationalism and so much more. Carney literally told Doug Ford that he (MK) is more conservative than him (DF)
80% of Saskatoon's, the biggest city in Saskatchewan, homeless population is Indigenous despite making up 12% of the population. Black people are 20x more likely to be shot by police in Toronto. There is a reserve that has been on a boiling water advisory for 3 decades. MAID is being forwarded as an option for disabled people, while disability services get cut. We also had slavery. it's just never talked about. Theres the residential schools in which the last one closed less than 3 decades ago. The government also signed a 50 million dollar contract with Palantir. The PM is also allowing Daniellr Smith to create an illegal 2 tier heathcare system in Alberta, among many other issues like massively extractive mining operations worldwide and the entire country being an oligopoly. And so much more
But yeah we're soooo much better than the United States
My life is so pathetic and bad and I worked so hard on it too