a cult of sadness

anyway, i think from this perspective, you gotta look the idea of people who die with depression in the face. and there are a bunch of cool people who die with depression, having it their whole life. some of whom did not kill themselves. and i think you have to think about these people, and figure out what made their life worthwhile

god isn't real but i think it can be helpful to conceive of yourself as one-half of a mutually antagonistic relationship with god. you cant let that asshole win, by you dying after not very much time. it seems to me that the depression is part of what makes the lives of incurably depressed people valuable, if that makes sense? like, it would be better if they werent incurably depressed. but given that they (we) are, the value of that life takes on a different nature. its not the same value of the other life, but less. it's a different thing. possibly every life is valuable in a different, particular way, and so the particular way will of course depend on important features of the person.

reading nietzsche (unlikely)

going off my antidepressants (id been on them since before transition) (plausible? unlikely?)

moving to new york (likely)

having a very active social life for the first time (conditional on new york. likely. i believe this is NYC mechanism of action) (likely)

uhhhh #neverKillYourself #greatestCityInDaWorldBabey uhhhh #normalNow