I'm Still Here

rkkangjoon​:

Yawning he looked around. After participating in one of the sports categories, Kang Joon had somehow had lost sight of the DE:CODE members, as they were just one group among a whole bunch. Wrestling had been tiring him out much more, than he expected (he was getting old after all), so he didn’t felt like wandering around and look for his members at the moment. Instead he mustered the other idols around the area, trying to make out one or two he was friends with. The idol star athletics championship was an event that offered the chance to meet those who he could rarely see these days, friends who had become idols themselves and therefore operated by a strict schedule as well. So instead of walking around aimlessly, he approached one familiar looking peach butt, he had noticed from a distance.

Upon seeing the other’s butt, he was thrown back in time, when they met for the first time. Back then he had mistaken Johnny’s back side for Aron’s, but after getting to know the other better, he had to admit they had completely different feelings to it.

The NSG boy seemed to be in a conversation with someone else right now, so he walked over wordless and just stayed close to his friend, waiting respectfully for the conversation to end or for a chance to join the little chat. Interested he watched the monitors, as groups were called upon their starting positions for a new category.

“ah, so you already have experience. this is my first try, if I’m going to be honest,” he admits with a slight pout. it was curiosity more than anything that had made him want to sign up for archery. it was one of those childhood dreams, if he’s going to be honest, and actually trying it out and competing for it made him realize just how fun the sport is. maybe he’ll even pick it up as a hobby, who knows? it’s definitely an idea though.

“maybe you can give me pointers too?” he says. “i mean, my eyes aren’t the best, and I might my grip may or may not be too shaky,” he says just as the crowd seemed to cheer louder that caught his attention. he looks up at the monitors, squinting a little, he sees that they’re about to start a new category, and the players seen to be a crowd favorite. he watches as each member was briefly introduced, as customary to any event, that he didn’t realize he had somehow wandered away from johnny.

his attention span, really.

The huge screen catches both their attention as two of the senior groups take the stage. Johnny, however, is called by a PD as the relay event was starting in an hour and a half. He listens to what the PD says and takes note of his call time. He sends a quick KKT message to the NSG group chat, agreeing on a time to meet up and strategize how they’ll go about it. 

jeongguk was familiar with some of these plants from when him and johnny had lived together. so moving into the dorm he half expected their patio to be a paradise of flowers and plants and that one cursed cactus that triggered his fight or flight response. 

out of joke he had proposed for johnny to give him a plant tour through the dorm. and really, he should have expected his pal to absolutely take him hundred percent seriously. if only to make sure he didn’t have to perform first aid on the guy again after he grabbed unabashedly into a cactus.

Weird, but okay. Johnny supposes it was a joke, but it’s better for Jeongguk to know which plants are safe to touch and which ones to leave alone. They cannot afford another cactus catastrophe. Not when they’re supposed to be working on “Firetruck” and coming up with a new dynamic. “I put most of the cacti outside, so that no one accidentally steps on them,” Johnny gestures to the plants on the patio. “There are a few in each room, but that was because those were individual gifts to the members. Those in the rooms have needles, so please don’t grab one by the hand without any gloves if you guys will get into fights.” 

admittedly, sehun isn’t exactly the sporty type. he would always prefer more hours of sleep than extra time to sweat and pull muscles (because in his defense, hours of practice is already doing a good job of keeping them in shape). this time, it was more of his curiosity that had lead him to want to participate in some of the sport events in this year’s ISAC. there was a good chunk of participants, he notes, most of which are from newly debuted groups, but he’s glad to see that he knows most of them.

it was only natural for him to sought out some of the familiar faces he’s able to spot, skipping over to have a chat while they watch the sports events that have started. at some point he finds himself glued to johnny’s side - he was able to see the older male during promotions, but it was brief - so he’s decided going around the venue as he clings onto johnny’s arm is a way to go. besides, they’re going to be competing for archery together later.

“fun fact, my aim sucks even after the short training,” he admits out of the blue. he looks in front of them, intrigued at how many people have gathered. must be a popular sports event. “if you get the chance, please record my very possible missed shots. it’ll be hilarious!”

It was a good chance to catch up with his friends from other groups, so he naturally went over to Sehun as soon as they were both free. “If you’re talking archery, then I’m afraid I’ll be competing against you,” he says with a laugh. Johnny had dabbled in archery as a kid back in the Philippines. He is somewhat comfortable with it, but not as comfortable as he would be with basketball. 

With their debut, they were finally free to do as they wanted to do in terms of their desires of acting and modelling or variety. Namjoon was pretty excited to delve back into the industry that he’d left of his own free will in his late teens. He’d stopped acting when he turned 14, choosing to follow his fathers footsteps learning about the company and how e a good leader but here he was again, aiming to step back into the career that he’d left behind. He missed acting and modelling but at the time he’d quit to spite his mother and stop her from loving her dreams vicariously through him. He’d dreamed about getting back into the industry and with their debut finally, it seemed actually possible and as actually excited to see this come to fruition.

their debut day rapidly approaches, but their training never stops. in fact, maybe they practice even more, always more ways to clean up the 7th sense’s choreography even after their music video filming. it’ll be different on stage, after all, where they can’t have multiple takes when someone messes up, and there won’t be a kt-hired director to pick out angles that make them look the best to include in their debut music video.

as seems tradition with nsg now, taemin is nervous. it’s not the first time he filmed this song’s music video, or got photos taken for teasers, or watched as they were released on kt’s official twitter account. it’s not just fears of them making a mistake on live television, but moreso that they won’t make it at all. he’s afraid they’ll lose someone else and have to start over– that kt will review their song or music video or their dance practices and decide none of it is ready yet again.

taemin alternates. some days he has the confidence to believe they’re ready, and that all of their hard work will pay off in a stellar performance their fans have been waiting for. sometimes, part of him wonders if they need even more time– more time to practice the 7th sense’s extremely difficult choreography, namely. he just wants them to do well. taemin feels it in his soul; he has never wanted anything more.

it keeps him awake tonight, staring up at the ceiling in a room that used to be shared by three, just him and johnny now. (he’s slowly adjusting to the emptiness, and even that makes him a little sad. all of their losses do.)

it’s been a dramatic few months– a dramatic year, and truly, what’s more dramatic than actually debuting? he doesn’t think it’ll stop anytime soon.

he thinks he hears his roommate move in his bed, so taemin decides to do what usually makes him feel better: check on someone else instead of admitting his own worries. “johnny, are you awake?” he asks, voice low, barely above a whisper. “are you doing okay?”

This is all very new for Johnny, who before KT, simply lived the life of a normal kid who modeled on the side. He had expected that modeling was going to be his only connection to the entertainment world, but that wasn’t the case. He got the whole idol experience. Sometimes he wonders whether he should have given up his relatively comfortable life for this shit show. However, there are other times that he remembers this is something many kids have dreamed of, but he was the one to get it. 

Honestly, it’s hard to be confident in himself, especially after he was fed nothing but doubt and negative feedback. In fact, his sudden inclusion to NSG U is an obvious attempt to replace those who left. It was always clear that Johnny would never be KT’s first choice for anything. He was always a last resort simply because he showed up. He’s not sure what’s better at this point, but he supposes he will find out whether this hell hole is worth it. 

Johnny picks up a book but he dims his lights enough for his eyes not to strain too much but enough for Taemin not to complain. He feels a bit wary around his roommate, especially when they’re extreme opposites. Taemin who is good at almost everything and is KT’s priority for anything about this group. Taemin who likely never experienced being told he wasn’t good enough. 

He sighs as he flips to another page. Fate seemingly has different plans for them both as Taemin’s voice interrupts his reading. 

rkjohnny​:

Johnny is snapped out of his reverie when Hyunjin’s voice catches his attention. He had learned early on that Hyunjin has a bit of a complex when it comes to talking. Then again, his circumstances growing up aren’t that of a typical kid’s. Johnny has promised himself to try being a good big brother figure to Hyunjin to the best of his abilities. “I know what you mean,” Johnny says with a smile. “And I think your voice sounds fine the way it is.” 

Hyunjin’s next attempt has Johnny burst out laughing, but he quickly controls it before he can wake up any of the other members. “No, please,” Johnny says with a vigorous shake of his head. “Don’t do that, Hyunjinnie. It’ll sound too weird and unlike you. Anything but THAT.” It’s almost funny, but he has a feeling he knows the root of Hyunjin’s insecurities. 

“Don’t overthink it,” Johnny says with a gentle smile. He had listened to several radio shows to watch how idols behaved and how they sounded.”Just be your lovable self, and the fans will love you.” Johnny knows that Hyunjin is someone who can easily endear himself to the fans, especially the younger fan base. “You always give your best in everything you do, and I know you’ll do the same when we go on radio later.”  

At some point, Hyunjin’s started fidgeting with his hands, unconsciously revealing just how nervous he truly was even through his own laughter. However, Johnny’s words seem to have that magical effect of calming Hyunjin’s subtle anxieties (something that even he himself couldn’t do at times), and he finds himself physically relaxing into the seat. “You might be giving me a little too much credit hyung”. Hyunjin says this, but he’s smiling to himself, pleased with the praise.

There were times Hyunjin felt guilty for the fact that he seemed to so heavily lean on the older members when it came to seeking out advice. They were dealing with the exact same things as Hyunjin was, so it wasn’t quite fair of him to add to the weight to the others’ problems. But beneath the insecurity, Hyunjin knew that he wasn’t bothering the others. That just as he wanted them to be comfortable coming to him, they wanted him to be comfortable coming to them.

Johnny fishes out the rubix cube from his bag and starts playing with it. The familiar motions of the toy soothe his nerves and give his mind something else to focus on. He decided to try forming a red heart this time. He moves the cube as he goes along, messing it up and fixing it again accordingly. However Hyunjin’s words snap him back to the present.