Rylan Pratt

Theo: ...do you trust me with full creative freedom?

Theo: it's what my ex-girlfriend told me so i'm kind of banking on it

Theo: that's a joke btw

Rylan: As long as I can cover it with a shirt/dress for events, you're free to do what you want

Rylan: Maybe we should start somewhere like behind my ear

Rylan: Then we can graduate to chest

Theo: i am once again asking nicely

Theo: isn't that a good thing?

Theo: listen bigger isn't always better

Rylan: Well, if you give me that tattoo probono maybe you'll have a deal

Rylan: I mean, is it?

The term of endearment had his stomach flipping, his awkwardness nearly melting away for a moment as he laughed at himself, his head ducking shyly as she tugged on his collar. “I was stretching before you texted.” he explained, his eyes finding hers as he shot her a small smile. It felt almost normal, like she would step into his space and give him a kiss before dragging him to the couch so that he could walk her through his day, but the stilted energy between them returned as quickly as it had faded and he was left simply looking down at her, hoping that he didn’t look too heartbroken. 

He didn’t want her to feel any worse than she already did. He knew she had a tendency to spiral and that was the last thing he wanted. The thought of causing her more pain clenched tightly at his chest and he cleared his throat as he stopped aside, allowing her to enter his small apartment. 

He looked down at the bouquet, twirling it in his hands as he took a deep breath. This didn’t need to be bad, necessarily. They could have dinner and maybe talk a little and ignore the elephant in the room and the ring that was now stashed away in the farthest recesses of his closet. He had thought about wearing it again, he still had the chain laying on his dresser, but even looking at it nearly brought him to tears. Tears of hurt, yes, but mostly tears of frustration at himself for destroying the last thing he had of his parents for nothing. It had been different, when he thought she would say yes, like his parents would be there with him while he started his own family, hopefully proud of him and the choices he had made from wherever they were but that was a fleeting hope that only brought a lump to his throat to think about now. 

“Right.” He said, nodding before turning to make his way to his small kitchen, the flowers discarded, though not ungently, onto the counter while he tried to calm his racing thoughts. 

He needed a good shower so that he could cry without feeling like he had to acknowledge it, he needed a vase, he needed a hug. 

He laughed drily, the look he shot her more pleading than anything else. She worried him, had been worrying him since Halloween, hell, since before that. “You need to take care of yourself.” He muttered, his jaw tightening once the words had slipped from his mouth and lingered between them. It wasn’t really his place to tell her that anymore, or maybe it was, it was all so confusing that a part of him just wanted to give up. A bigger part of him desperately wanted to fix it. 

He hummed rather than acknowledge the truth of her statement and busied himself with carefully pulling her preferred flavor from his fridge and handing it to her with a smile he hoped would put her at ease. 

“Character study,” he repeated, his eyebrow rising as he fought off a laugh, “Sure. Sleeping Beauty it is. I just have to plate our dinner and then we can start, yeah?”

“Ah, well that’s important, make sure you’re in top shape. We don’t want you pulling a muscle or anything.” Her concern was genuine because after three years of watching him go through the seasons she knew how important it was that Kal take care of himself when they were about to start a new show. After all there were people who bought tickets just so they could see him dance, her mother being one of them since her soft spot for the man was gargantuan. Sometimes the girl wondered if the only thing she’d ever actually been proud of her daughter for was dating Kal. She had no idea about what was going on in the pairs personal life right now and she wanted to keep it that way….just until the right time. That being….well Rylan wasn’t sure but it certainly wasn’t now when she herself wasn’t even really sure what was happening or going to happen.

As she stepped further into the apartment she became aware of her left hand more than usual, her left ring finger more specifically and how empty it was. No doubt somewhere around here was the beautiful ring she had quite literally run away from and the thought made her feel nauseous. Not because of how stunning it had been although that did go without saying, but because of what it had been comprised of and what it had meant. It was one of the main reasons she’d felt so ill with guilt over the last couple of days, because to put that yellow diamond into the ring had meant something significant to Kal. Anyone could see that. And she’d effectively thrown that back in his face.

Had this been a mistake? Coming over for dinner when both of them were so confused. What had she been hoping to achieve? Because right now the atmosphere was awkward to put it nicely, none of the usual things they would have done to greet each other feeling appropriate after a rejected proposal.

Clasping her hands in front of her she gave him a small smile, eyes flicking down to the floor at his comment of concern, warmed that he still felt the need to say it when all things considered he would be within his rights to tell her where to shove it. “You know me, I’ve never been very good at doing that at the best of times. Why eat a meal when you could drink a cocktail, right?” Except calling her drinking pattern a ‘cocktail’ at the moment was giving it far too much credit. Swigs from a half empty bottle was more fitting. Taking the bottle of none alcoholic drink from him (something her liver was no doubt already thanking him for) she opened it to give herself something to do with her hands, usually someone who was full of confidence even if it was ill placed, Rylan hadn’t felt this awkward in a while.

“Exactly. I assume you’re going to be basing your dancing off the original cartoon anyway, so it just makes sense.” She gave him a smile as he raised an eyebrow, willing him to return it with everything in her chest. Maybe then she’d know he was okay in some way, that she hadn’t entirely ruined him. “Yep, sounds good. I’ll cue it up.”

-

“Well, you’re still technically paying attention to some arts. Just.. probably not the kind that they have in mind.” It was a joke, yet it was a fairly decent point to Nate. He knew Rylan was riched, especially compared to someone like him. She was so above him, as was Kal, and more often than not, he felt like an impostor. It didn’t feel like he belonged there, hanging around with such wonderful people, with someone who was was smarter, someone who had achieved so much more, someone was simply better. Those thoughts plagued him whenever he had a drink too many, yet right now, he did everything he could to shut that voice down.

And it was easy, in a way. It was easy to ignore that, along with the voice of guilt as he held onto Rylan. He was already holding her close, yet it didn’t feel enough, despite everything. And to think, just minutes later they were in a whole other world, where they were just friends; he knew he should have walked out the moment he stood up, leaving her in hopes that she would go back to bed, rest, and forget about all of this. But Nate couldn’t, and now, he wanted to be selfish. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to stay behind that crossed line. He had wanted it for so long, and now, he couldn’t get enough of it. It took everything in him not to kiss her once more, not when she was so close that all he could hear was the hammering of his heart and her quick breathing. He could feel it, even, against his lips, and he leaned closer, stopping himself from kissing her at the very last minute. “You’re not an idiot, and you should never, ever call yourself that. Promise me you won’t.” He insisted quietly, keeping his voice low, shaking his head a little- as best as he could without pulling too far away from her. “You’re smart. And kind. And caring. And sarcastic, but in the good kind of way. And so beautiful. You’re absolutely perfect, so you do not get the right to call yourself an idiot.” Nate continued, as if that would actually make her change her mind. Even if it wouldn’t, he would never stop trying, not for her.

“No, you are.” He still stuck to it, even when it came to something silly like that. They were getting lost in this silly little game, but it was easier to focus on it rather than on anything else. In a way, it was almost as if as long as they played this, the reality wasn’t going to catch up with them, and they could just remain in this little bubble forever. Nate didn’t want to face reality, not when it most likely meant that he would not get to hold Rylan like this, not when he had to face the fact that he was betraying his closest friend. “Yes, definitely. I need to make sure you’re safe, otherwise, I will never rest myself. I need to make sure you’re comfortable, and feeling okay, and there’s nothing that would potentially be dangerous to you.”

“It’s better if we don’t risk that either.” He replied seriously, a small, playful smirk appearing on his face as he lowered his hands, letting them trail down Rylan’s lower back before suddenly picking her up, giving her the opportunity to wrap her legs around his waist. It was easy; she was small, and this wasn’t even close to being the first time he was picking anyone up. “I think that’s the safest option, don’t you think? I can just carry you over. Eliminate all other risks.”

“You make an excellent point there actually, when did you get so smart? Oh wait, you’ve always been super smart.” Rylan complimented as they stayed only a fraction of an inch away from each other. The irony of what she was currently doing lost on the girl thanks to how far down she’d pushed the knowledge of Kal sleeping with Claire in the recesses of her mind - but effectively her even just kissing Nate was in the same ballpark. Plus the way she was talking right now was angling for something more. She wasn’t sure if he was aware of it yet but she sure as hell was. ,

Rubbing his bicep with her thumb as she held onto his arms her eyes flickered from his lips to meet his, then back again, knowing he would be able to hear her breath thanks to the way it was coming out almost in gasps. Rylan wanted to lean forward to connect them once again with no thought to the consequences. She wanted to let the blissful warmth his embrace caused to wash over her consume her once more, but she didn’t. Instead she listened to him compliment her with a heart that felt like it was about to burst, leaning forwards only so she could rest her forehead against his as the word perfect came out of his mouth. One she’d never use for herself, but was close to tears when hearing from someone else in such an earnest tone she believed wholeheartedly that Nate meant it. “Stop it, you shouldn’t be so nice to me. You only see the good things if you think I’m perfect because I’ve done…I’ve done a lot of not perfect things. I stay in bed for days on end, I become a different person, I know it puts a toll on the people around me too. I know I make life hard for other people all the time, I don’t mean to but I do. If I’ve ever done that for you I’m sorry, if I ever do it to you I’m sorry, because I never want to hurt you.” Her hand moved from his arm to cup his cheek softly, eyes flickering closed as she remained with her forehead against his silently for a few seconds.

At least he was willingly playing along with the charade she’d set up for them both, of course he was, this was Nate. He and Rylan had a lot of things in common but one of the strongest was their goofy sense of humour. Her parents often told her off for it but he never made her feel stupid for the things she found amusing, he would just play along, it made their time together so easy. “Comfortable, feeling okay, I might need you to tuck me in as well. Just to make sure I’m properly …in there. If you think you can handle tucking me in?” The smirk was back on her lips as she stood in front of him, moving back just enough to look into his eyes, their heads no longer touching but she hoped the separation wouldn’t last long.

Theo: listen, i'm not just trying to get your shirt off

Theo: https://bit.ly/forRylan

Theo: but how fuckin sick would that look?

Rylan: If you want my shirt off you just gotta ask me nicely ;) hahaha

Rylan: okay but that is fucking cool...

-

“Nah, that just makes me happy.” Nate responded with a small shrug. There was no winning in this, and there was no point in that. He cared so deeply for Rylan, that knowing that she was okay- or that she could get better- was all he needed to know. She was hurting so much, that was painfully obvious for him, and if he could make her feel better for just a brief moment, he would do anything he could. However, as she took his hand, Nate didn’t hesistake, not pulling it away and instead looking back at her. “See, and you dare to argue that you’re not nice. You’re so sweet, and adorable, and kind, and you spend time arguing with me over something like this. You should give yourself more credit than you do.” With that, he turned his hand around, squeezing her hand, as if that would somehow prove his point further. “Because that’s also the law.” Nate insisted, a small smile returning to his face. It was a relief to know that she wasn’t letting go of his hand, and so he didn’t do that either. There was comfort in her touch, more so than he would ever admit himself, and he could only but hope that Ry was feeling the same.

“Don’t promise me that. Or I will shamelessly use that promise and just make you hang out with me backstage any time we can. And that might be more frequent than you might like.” He wouldn’t willingly jeopardise his own career, not when his career was his dream, but Nate couldn’t help it. He loved hanging out with Rylan, he wasn’t going to lie. She was always so much fun to hang out with, and the fact that he could just have her all to herself was a definitely added bonus. Granted, every single time he had to remind himself that she was really there to see Kal- as she should have- but he loved stealing those moments with her. Whether it was friendly, whether it was something else, he wasn’t willing to overthink it.

Not until now, at least.

Now, the two of them had crossed the line that they were toying around for so long, and Nate was terrified. What if this wouldn’t work? What if by kissing her, he had lost her for good? Had he lost Kal? He surely had lost his friend’s faith in him. Kal had asked him to look after Rylan not that long ago, but this certainly wasn’t the way he had asked to take care of the girl. Guilt was there, at the back of his mind, getting louder with each passing second. “Then you should at least lie down.” Nate insisted stubbornly, not wanting to face the reality; if he faced her, he was defintiely bound to break more and more rules. He could still feel her lips on his, and he was longing for them once more; yet it did nothing to make the voice of guilt go away.

It was only when Rylan started moving towards him that he finally focused on her completely, quickly putting the bottles he held down, just in time for her to grab onto him. Nate reacted quickly, moving his free hand to wrap around her waist, to keep her stable. That also led to him being able to pull her closer to himself, and while there was a decent enough excuse for it, he still took great pleasure in it. “I know you’re not an idiot. I would never, ever use that word to describe you.” She was so close to him once more, and the voice of guilt began to fade away, getting overpowered by just about everything else. Nate’s eyes instictively went to her lips, almost as if wondering how they would taste like despite having had kissed her just moments ago, and it took him great strength to look back up. Instead, as she stepped closer, he didn’t push her away, his arm around her waist only playing along to pull her closer. It was intoxicating, to have her so close to her; while this wasn’t the first time, they hadn’t kissed before, and with the line crossed, it was different. It felt like his skin was tingling from excitement, mind needing more. “You should.” He nodded along, not willing to pull away even by an inch; what if that would cause her to pull away? “But… I mean… I could help you get there. Make sure you’re safe and secure.” It took everything in Nate not to kiss Rylan again, and with every passing moment, he was regretting not doing it.

Without the knowledge of the promise Nate had made to Kal to look after her she still felt guilty at what she and the man were doing, but that didn’t stop her wanting to be close to him, as close as possible. Insured she just shook her head with a small smile, shrugging her shoulder. “You can use that promise anytime you want, I love hanging out with you backstage, plus it makes my parents think their daughter is being very attentive towards the arts which wins me brownie points.”

Plus now the two of them had kissed, stepped over the line they’d walked for many years, the idea of hanging out backstage together took on a whole new dynamic. Rylan hadn’t intended to get head rush when she stood up but the way Nate’s arm snacked around her waist to catch her wasn’t a sensation she wasn’t enjoying. In fact she leant into him as he held onto her, hand coming to rest on his shoulder as she watched his eyes move from hers to her lips, then back again. They were so close she could feel his breath on her lips and no doubt he hers. Hell, she could hear her own breathing as they stood there together in the middle of her living room under the guise of him helping her not end up on the floor. Only she was no longer dizzy yet she had no plan of stepping away. “Sometimes I think I’m an idiot. Maybe you should use that word to describe me, it would be accurate after all.” The brunette murmured under her breath, no need for quietness since no one else was even there, but to speak any louder would break the way the moment was private to the two of them. Like a cocoon they’d managed to create amid the sea of shit she’d caused over the last forty eight hours. At least Rylan could always count on Nate to see the best in her even when she didn’t deserve it.

“I should. It would be the smart thing to do. Not that I’m good at doing the smart thing.” she wanted to close the gap between them so badly so that she could feel the sensation of his lips on hers as proof a couple of moments ago hadn’t been something he just saw as a bad mistake. She didn’t though. Instead playing along with the game she had started with her thinly veiled suggestion he come to bed with her instead of it being something she just did alone. It was a bold thing to imply but she didn’t care, right now she cared about very little apart from the warmth and comfort the other was giving her. Being close to him was giving her. “I would like that, just to make sure I’m safe, in my bed. If you don’t see it with your own eyes then you won’t know if I managed it, and that might just be a worry for you. I don’t want you to worry.” The sincerity of that statement just adding to the seriousness of the way he was coaxing him towards her bedroom.

“I think I can walk but i might need you to keep hold of me, to hold me up, you know? I’m not as well coordinated as you are.” That actually wasn’t a lie, she was terrible clumsy, which was why it was so ironic two of her very close friends were ballerinas. Top ones at that.  “If you have time to help me to bed that is...”

Delilah was so worried about Rylan that she didn’t even see it was so late and she shouldn’t knock and yell but she didn’t care. As the door opened Delilah’s eyes sparkled. Rylan looked like a very hot mess but Delilah know she’s going to be there for her no matter what. “Pizza from that little place near my house that we like can defiantly fix everything.” She said as she hugged the other women. At least she was joking. She entered the house and the living room totally looked like a depression area. Very messy. Messier than usual. “Yeah, she texted me…I don’t understand why would he propose…I mean I like Kal but still…bold move, dude..” She said letting out a sigh as she placed the pizza on the coffee table in the living room “How are you feeling, luv?”

“It really can, so I guess you might as well come in, unless you want to leave the pizza with me and go?” Rylan offered, a feeble attempt at a joke when she wasn’t really in the mood to offer but she was trying to behave somewhat normal. Hugging Delilah back tightly she rested her face in the crook of her neck for a second before pulling away so she could come inside, they weren’t going to be very popular if they carried on having full conversations in the hallway of the apartment building at this time. “Maybe it’s because he loves me. More fool him right? He can do better.” Rylan muttered as she shuffled back into the room that was more like a garbage heap at the moment. “I feel…shit. I fee; really fucking shit in like twelve and a half different ways.”

He had been too absorbed in steaming his vegetables and mixing his sauces to really pay attention to the time, which was probably a good thing, seeing as though the last thing he really wanted to do was obsess over how long it took Rylan to make her way to his apartment. He knew, of course, how much time it took but thinking of it would only stress him out more and more with every minute that passed and he doubted she wanted to show up only to have him be a complete wreck, even if that was, sadly, exactly how he had felt since New Years Eve. 

It was a bit like being a ghost, at least, that’s what it felt like to him. He had forced himself out of bed and to the theater for rehearsals, forced himself not to blow off his sparring sessions at the gym, forced himself to go to an art gallery that was showing a collection he knew Rylan would love, but all of it felt hollow and pointless,  like he was simply existing instead of living. 

A large part of him feared that she was only coming over to explain why she had left, that she wasn’t ready, didn’t want to marry him, didn’t love him quite enough. The thought made him nearly sick. 

But the salmon was nearly finished cooking and his greens were nearly done and there was a familiar knock at his door that sent his heartbeat into overdrive.

He rushed to the door, frowning down at his wrinkled white t-shirt and worn gray sweats before swinging the door open. There was really nothing he could do about that now, besides, he would have never changed to impress her before, unless, of course, she decided that the shirt he had worn needed to be hers. 

It seemed unlikely that would be an issue now. 

“Hi.” He said, his smile small and unsure as he took the flowers. His lips twitched into a fondly amused grin as he brought them to his nose and took a deep, overdramatic breath, his eyes closing as he fought off a smirk. 

“Thanks.” He murmured once he opened his eyes. “You can make yourself comfortable,” he said, stepping aside to let her into his apartment, the faint sound of his roommate’s music breaking the odd tension between them, “I’m going to, uh, put these in water. And dinner is almost ready, I just have a few more things to do so, you know, you can just sit and choose a movie or,” he trailed off with a huffed laugh. This was ridiculous. He felt so awkward. “Just- whatever, I guess. Can I get you something to drink? I have uh, tea, and, well, kombucha. We’ve did an alcohol and soda purge about a week ago. Roommate solidarity.” He shrugged, his cheeks coloring with the heat he could feel rushing up his neck.   

Rylan had taken a little longer than she’d intended to get to Kal’s apartment admittedly because she’d taken so long to work out what she was going to wear, apparently she was more nervous about this than she’d first thought. Even as the girl was knocking on her ex boyfriend’s door her heart began to speed up in her chest, hammering as the blood pumped loudly in her ears. She hadn’t seen him since she’d run out on his proposal at New Year which made her feel … well a little sheepish right now. It wasn’t the nicest thing she’d done to Kal after all.

“Hey…you look, you look all rumpled. You ever heard of an iron babe?” She ended up commenting as she reached out to tweak the collar of his shirt tentatively, a small smile on her lips. Had this been them normally she’d have immediately stepped in to give him a kiss but things were far from normal between the two so instead she just stood there until she was invited inside. A small laugh escaped her at the overdramatic huff of the flowers she’d brought, a small lift in her chest when she saw him smile slightly, at least he wasn’t filled entirely with rage at her. Sure he’d said he wasn’t when they were texting but … well he’d have been forgiven for being furious. Even if that had just come into being between her agreeing to come over and her arriving. Rylan felt like she deserved whatever he wanted to throw at her.

“Yeah, no we don’t want them to like…die or whatever.” Well now she was getting awkward as she stepped inside chewing her bottom lip, not sure if she should sit or remain standing. Maybe she should offer to help with something for dinner? Then again both of them knew Rylan was a terrible cook so she’d probably burn the apartment down if she even tried it. “You have done an alcohol and sofa purge? Yeah same.” She replied seriously, holding the expression for a couple of seconds before breaking out into a laugh she could no longer repress. “Can you imagine? No, I’m like ninety percent alcohol already this year but I’ll take a kombucha, that’s at least fermented which it has in common with some alcohols.”

God just seeing his face was making waved of guilt crash across her shoulders every time their eyes locked, the memory of what he’d put together to propose to her flashing up in her minds eye, not to mention that ring that no doubt was in the apartment somewhere. That had actually been one of the things that prompted her panic. It was composed of something that was so intrinsically important to him that she felt imposter syndrome at just the idea of having it on her finger. She already felt like she wasn’t good enough half the time, that would just been a physical representation of how she wasn’t a good enough girlfriend for him, let alone fiancé. “Did you have anything in mind that you wanted to watch? What about Sleeping Beauty, we can call it character study for you?” Plus she really liked the Disney cartoon and he fully knew that.

.

“Well, maybe people need to just chill out. To be honest, sometimes I can’t keep my opinions quiet either. It’s like… you know when someone asks you if their newborn baby is pretty?” Bel laughed, shrugging “If you ask me, no newborn baby is ever pretty, I know I wasn’t pretty, I know my kids won’t be pretty. Of course I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, artists take criticism very seriously, I just don’t know why everyone keeps lying” she stated, and then quickly added, “I’m sorry if you have a newborn baby near you though” a sweet smile appearing on her face.

Bel thought of her answer for a second, “Just black coffee please, my body can’t handle lactose anymore, and I’m not ready to try any other type of milk yet”. Bel made a mental note to thank Ry later by maybe buying her a snack or dessert.

As Rylan went to ask for the coffee, Bel opened all the documents she needed. A brief format, her mock up for color palettes, previous pieces she had worked on… everything she needed to understand Ry’s ideas so, by the time she came back, they could start talking business.

Still, Bel thought that, even if they didn’t talk business that day, she wouldn’t mind. Rylan seemed like a great person to be around.

“No, I have no newborn baby near me unless it is fucking hiding.” Rylan broke out into a cackling laugh, glancing around her as if there might be a baby somewhere she hadn’t noticed. “You’re right though, I think a baby is only truly cute in its parents eyes. I looked like an underfed llama when I was born, it was no a pretty sight. Honestly between you and me I only go on about the painting my parents have as much as i do because it pisses my mom off. Which is hilarious in itself.” She noticed how sweet the smile was she was offered and how it reached the other’s eyes in the most genuine way. It was a nice change to how fake so many people were in this city. Or maybe that was just the ones she was forced to hang around with by said parents, who knows.

“One black coffee coming right up! I’m not going to force lactose on you because…well I can’t deal with the fallout. It sounds too icky.” Shooting her a cheeky smile before scampering off towards the counter so she could place both their orders. Tapping on the counter as she waited for them to be read the girl glanced back over at her new friend. Yes, friend, because she’d decided she was keeping her. Bel seemed so lovely it was hard not to warm to her.

“Alrighty, one black coffee for you, and one frap that is more cream than coffee for me, so we’re all living our best lives.” Sitting back down, this time at the same table as the other woman instead of her own, she leant across it eagerly. “So, I should probably give you context as to why the fuck I’m accosting you in the middle of a coffee shop, right?”

-

“Yeah, but I got you to smile.” Nate smiled back at her, even if it wasn’t the usual bright smile from Rylan that he was greeted with. It didn’t matter; it was a change, a positive one, and that was what he was after. There was no way he was going to make her feel better overnight, but if he could leave her in a slightly better state, then it was a start. “Have you tried getting a patent for it? I don’t know how you prove it that it works, but I’m pretty sure a lot of people would want to follow it.” He added, continuing to joke along. Maybe he could get that sarcastic side out from her once more, maybe he could get her to forget everything for just a few brief moments. Maybe it was selfish of him to want her to feel better, but he tried nevertheless. His smile returned then as he watched Rylan pick up a slice of pizza. It was a small bite, completely insignificant compared to everything else she had consumed that day- or so he guessed- but it was a start. “That’s better.” He smiled at her once more, even if it most likely had no difference to anything else. “Thank you.”

“I can’t argue over that. Then again, I never really finished the whole thing.” He shrugged. It wasn’t often that Nate talked about his experience in high school- or proper lack of it-but he knew he could trust Rylan completely. She never judged him, not openly, or not in a way that was malicious. And he could only but hope that she knew he didn’t judge her either; he never would dare to do something like that. Not to anyone, and especially not to her. “Do you think that’s the case? Because that sounds very reasonable. I mean, have you seen all those forms? I’m shocked I don’t have to fill anything out for the different parts of the uniform that I wear. And then they update them, and don’t tell anyone-” He was rambling once more, but he paused, catching himself mid-sentence. “-it’s silly.” Nate eventually concluded. And a smile reappeared on his face, matching hers, simply happy to see her anything but upset. It was temporary, those were brief moments he could get out of her, but it made him happy too. “Knight in a worn-out uniform, more like it. But I’ll take it.” He accepted, a smile lingering on his face then as she spoke. Dancing had been his passion his whole life, but was it awful to admit that he did enjoy those moments stolen with Ry more than he liked dancing in the background? He still wanted to dance, that was his absolute dream, but then whenever he dreamed about anything, the girl next to him appeared in those dreams a little too frequently. “No, I get it. I mean, I’m there to dance, obviously.” But people there were to watch others. To marvel at Kal. And the young man absolutely deserved it, he was amazing, and Nate adored that about his friend. He was impossible to replace, and Nate knew that no matter how much he tried, he would never come close. “But it’s nice to be in a place like that with you. It’s almost like it’s impossible to reach for anyone but me and you.” Those were stolen moments between the two of them, and he would never miss it for the world.

Despite his own reaction, Nate couldn’t help but notice the way Rylan was reacting to the kiss. Her touches that sent shivers down his spine were already a signal, but her protest was what stuck with him the most. Did she want it as much as he did?

No matter what kind of thoughts went on in Nate’s head, one of them was screaming more than any other; he wanted to go back to Rylan, he wanted to wrap his arms around her, he wanted to kiss her again. He already missed the closeness of her, the taste of her lips, the way her touch made him feel. It was drowning out the guilt, yet it was still present, and he continued to pick the bottles up. “You’re exhausted.” He argued back lightly, trying to push his wishes and emotions away, knowing that it wasn’t right. But why did something wrong felt so damn right?

Leaning down to pick up another bottle, he paused halfway there, hearing what Rylan spoke next. Her voice was so quiet, and he wondered whether he was supposed to have heard it, but it was enough to make him turn around and face her once more. She was standing, facing him, and Nate struggled not to drop everything and close the space between the two of them once more. “You’ve been drinking the whole day. And you’re hurt. And-” And he wanted to find more reasons, something to prove to himself that he should just out of the apartment. “-I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“You did, you got me to smile, does that make you the winner? Or is it just another way you’re my knight in shining armour. No, my knight in worn-out uniform.” Parroting his own sentence, although if Rylan was being honest with herself his uniform looked amazing on him. The top buttons slightly undone giving him a relaxed but frazzled look, it was enough for her to notice that was for sure. Did she know exactly what he was rambling about when he spoke about his uniform in relation to tax forms? Nope, not a single clue, but it was adorable watching him trail off saying it was silly, a shake of her head. Reaching out to give his hand a light squeeze at the same time. “Not silly at all, don’t be so hard on yourself all the time. I won’t allow it anymore, got it? If I’m not allowed to talk shit about myself then you’re sure as hell not, because that’s just…the law.” Even when she finished speaking she didn’t remove her hand from where it sat on top of his, pretending not to have noticed she was doing it as she carried on looking at his face intentionally. The ghost of a smile playing on her face. Of course he was there to dance, primarily he was a ballerina and just like with Kal she never had any intention of distracting either of them away from that. It was important to her that both of them followed their dreams without her doing anything to distract them, Rylan had always tried to make that very clear to Kal, but maybe she needed to do the same thing to Nate. “Well…anytime you want company backstage I will be there, trust me. I just don’t want to ever get in the way of your career so if you need space when you’re there you can tell me that too. Okay?” After a pause she pressed her lips together before speaking once more. “It is like a special place for just us though. My parents are so proud how often I’m at the ballet, improving my cultural education, but little do they know I’m normally there to see a boy.” No specification on which boy because…well it changed depending on what day of the week it was. Sometimes she was backstage in Kal’s dressing room making out with him for a long as possible before the last call for him to come to the stage came out over the loudspeaker and then watching him from the wings. Other times she was sat in the dressing room Nate shared with a couple of other dancers flirting up a storm where no one could see or hear them. Innocently of course, well, up until now.

Watching him as he moved away to pick up some more bottles she watched him, chewing her bottom lip. As he turned to face her she wondered if he was going to lean in to connect their lips again but was disappointed when he didn’t. Instead just giving reasons why what they were doing was wrong, or why they shouldn’t be, except Rylan knew how to hold her slap ahoy by this point so even if she had been drinking all day she was still in her right mind. Not to mention the kiss had been sobering because it had been so unexpected but also so wanted. She had wanted it. So had he, it was obvious from the way their lips had moved together even for the couple of seconds they had been holding onto each other. “I am exhausted, but I won’t be able to sleep anyway. Exhausted and tired are two different things.” It was true for her. If she lay down she wouldn’t be able to sleep that was for sure.

Shaking her head faster with each moment he was talking she stood up to stand in front of him, a little too fast and making her head spin sharply so she had to reach out and grab hold of Nate’s arm to stop herself falling straight over. “I have been drinking the whole day, and I’m hurt sure, but I’m not a fucking idiot. I know my own mind. I know how to make decisions. You’re right though, I probably should go to bed.” Stepping closer with his hand still on his arm she moved so her lips were a fraction of an inch away from his, daring him to kiss her again, knowing if he didn’t that she would do it herself because … well the line had been stepped firmly across and she wanted to feel him close to her again. “But if I’ve been drinking it might be safer for you to help me get there, make sure I get into it okay, I’d hate to fall over between here and there when I’m all on my own with no one to help me.”  

-

“Better to be making stupid decisions, right? At least that way, we learn. Or whatever people usually say on the Internet, I stop paying attention halfway through the sentence.” Nate responded, maybe a little too sarcastically than he typically did. But he could see where Rylan was coming from, and even if he was here to comfort her,  he had to agree with her on that. Sometimes, life sucked, and that sometimes was far more often than he wanted to admit. Yet, Rylan deserved all the best, she needed good things in her life, and the least he could do was try and encourage her to seek it out. “Fine. But promise me that you’ll eat something. Drinking’s fun, but the hangover’s a bitch if you don’t eat.” He insisted, still wanting to make sure that at least that part of her would feel okay. Nate wasn’t going to lecture her on the ways she was coping with this; there was no point in that, and he was no better. If it worked for her and it wasn’t hurting her in the long run, he was happy.

“Can you imagine?” He couldn’t help but laugh a little at the mere thought of that. His experience with school was painfully mixed, and more often than not, he was ashamed of admitting it. Still, around Rylan, he just felt different. “If they taught us all the relevant skills, we’d be like one of those imaginary cool civilizations. Heck, maybe we would even know how to file our taxes without making a whole bunch of errors each time.” It was a silly joke, yet he hadn’t given up on the hope of cheering her up, even a little bit. At the very best, he expected Rylan to roll her eyes at his ramble, but even that would have been great. As dramatic as she could be at times, Nate could be just as silly, if not even more; but it was one of the many traits that he appreciated in Rylan, and more so, he appreciated the fact that she wasn’t calling him out on his own antics. “Don’t worry, I will. I can be your own personal empty bottle handler.” He nodded along, his tone serious, despite the silly promise. Whatever Rylan needed, he was here for. Maybe it wasn’t right, maybe he should have put a stop to many of the things, but he saw no point in it; besides, it made her happy, and it wasn’t hurting anyone else. “That’s not total bullshit! You’re nice. You’re nice to me, and you’re kind, and you’re charming, and you’re funny.” He stopped himself then, before saying anything else. Rylan then did it for him, and he focused on her once more, a small smile reappearing on his face. “You know we can always hang out in the backstage, right? I wouldn’t miss that for the world.” He assured her. He always wanted to be out there, to perform, to prove to everyone that he could do it, yet those small stolen moments with Rylan were some of the best highlights of those days. If not the best.

“Yeah. They really are.” Nate nodded lightly, refusing to look away from Rylan as they spoke. She moved closer to him, and his hand instinctively moved away from her cheek, trailing down the side of her neck. He wanted to keep that contact with her, craved it, and as his hand eventually rested at the side of her arm, Nate did everything he could not to pull her into himself. It was when he watched her eyes drift to his lips that he did the same, watching as she licked her lips, finding them far more irresistible than he typically did. His thoughts were foggy, completely lost, his heart hammering away at his chest, and there was only one wish on his mind. “I just want you to be happy. Make sure you’re okay.” With nothing to hold him back, he finally did what he wanted to do for a long time, on and off, and Nate closed the distance between the two of them, finally kissing Rylan. It was a shy kiss at first, his lips only lingering on hers for a brief moment- that still felt like an eternity- before Nate deepened the kiss, wanting to show her just how much he cared. How much she meant to him, and how he truly felt about her. It was both overwhelming and a true relief to be feeling so many emotions all at once, and Nate couldn’t get enough of it.

But then, a single thought came to him, shocking his senses like cold water on a hot day. Kal. Breaking the kiss, Nate allowed himself one more moment close to Rylan before pulling away completely, letting go of her. She had just said no to the one person who Nate considered to be his closest friend, someone who had gotten him a job to help his dream come true. Yet, here he was, kissing the girl the other clearly loved. It didn’t matter what kind of feelings Nate had for her. It didn’t matter how much he wanted to kiss her again, how much he wanted to touch her, to do anything. This wasn’t right. “We should get you to bed.” He spoke, his voice hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken in years. But it was guilt that was sinking in at the pit of his stomach, and, wanting to avoid her gaze, Nate stood up, figuring he could collect a couple bottles now, help her clean up. “I’ll- I’ll clean up a bit, and you should go get ready. You need rest.”

“Are you trying to placate me with inspirational online quotes? Because it’s…not working but it’s kinda amusing.” Rylan responded as she shot him a thin smile, despite being upset she was still able to retort with a smartass comment. If there was ever a day when she couldn’t do that then you might as well take her up to the farm they send sick animals to because she was already dead. “Ah but that’s the thing, if I don’t stop drinking then I don’t get a hangover. It’s a mathematical equation I’ve worked very hard at developing over the last couple of years, so I’m kinda an expert by now.” Well…she wasn’t wrong. Then again neither was he - she probably should eat something otherwise it would eventually catch up with her when she fell asleep and thus stopped drinking by default. Opening the box again she picked up a slice of pizza, nibbled the end for show, before abandoning it again onto the coffee table, looking at Nate as if to ask if he was happy. One eyebrow raised a little.

“They would never teach us anything actually useful at school, don’t be silly, that might mean we’d leave that place with the ability to be normal members of society. I for one, cannot be that.” Rylan hadn’t been bad at school, managing to keep her grades at an acceptable level to keep her parents off her back, but she’d not exactly excelled either. More interested in having fun with her friends and playing her music than studying properly. Plus as terrible as it sounded she hadn’t needed to rely on getting straight As because university wasn’t a necessity for her to get a good job in order to be comfortable in life, no her parents had already set her up nicely with that as much as she tried not to be reliant on their money. “I’m convinced no one actually knows how to fill in their taxes properly, like not even the people who check other peoples taxes, i think they’re just making it up half the time. Just to make their job a little bit more interesting.” The whole time she was talking she was scratching at a groove in the wood of her coffee table making it deeper than it already was, chewing her bottom lip. Still she threw him a grateful smile at him about the personal bottle handler, laughing softly. “My very own knight in shining armour.” Blinking at him as her heart lifted at the idea of them spending time backstage together to pass the time of performances. Although that of course meant they would be doing it while Kal was dancing on stage and…well with the thoughts running through her head right now it was sobering to imagine her boyfriend…ex boyfriend? The girl wasn’t sure. Still it was jarring to think of that while Nate and she were in the dressing room. Yet something inside her forced her brain to ignore that small detail. “Good, because I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world either. I like our time together. Everyone else is focused on the ballet so it’s like we are in our own little world for a little while. I know it sounds stupid but it’s relaxing.”

The way his hand trailed down her neck made goosebumps break out all over her body, rippling down her left arm, no doubt he could feel them as it came to rest on her upper arm. His eyes flicking to her mouth as well, the electricity between them crackling as she held her breath. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be okay. God Rylan wanted that so badly herself, for herself, for him, for both of them. “I want that too…” She whispered before their lips connected so lightly she wondered if she’d fabricated it, except then Nate was kissing her with more conviction and she was returning it with her own passion. Her hand coming up to sit on the side of his neck, sliding to the back of it where her fingers tangled in the curls at the nape of his neck. 

Even when he’d pulled away far too quickly for the girl’s liking she was left with a heady sensation that forced her eyes to remain closed for a little longer. Brushing her nose against his silently as she finally came back into the room. “What…no I…”

-

“Maybe there was a reason for that.” Nate reasoned. And even if there was, it clearly ended up with both her and Kal hurt, and he loathed it. He loathed seeing Rylan hurt, and he loathed knowing that Kal was hurt. He had to check in on his friend, see how it was, especially now that he was feeling oddly guilty about it. He couldn’t explain it, yet, at the end of the day, he was visiting her, and not his closest friend. “You have to eat something. Eventually.” He insisted stubbornly. The empty bottles haven’t gone unnoticed by him, and he completely understood it. He was a mess when a decision was made on his divorce, and despite the mutual agreement on it, it still hurt like crazy. Rejecting the proposal, clearly, hurt just as much, if not more. The pain wasn’t something that could be compared, and seeing Rylan like this, he couldn’t even bring himself to do it.

“Tell me about it. Having a heart just sucks overall, doesn’t it?” It wasn’t often that he wasn’t a cheerful or overall a happy person, but he knew he could let the guard down around her. Besides, what was the point of being completely cheerful when Ry was hurting? He didn’t even wince when she threw the bottle against the wall, only making a mental note of cleaning it up once she would be resting, or sleeping. At least she was doing something, rather than moping around, and it was already a fairly decent improvement. “I think I saw more bottles around.” He suggested, almost urging her. Breaking stuff, to some, definitely worked, and if it would work for Rylan, then so be it. “I’m not too nice to you. I’m not nice enough. Besides, it’s not a metric to use to measure anything.” He argued with a shake of his head, only to pause as her hand rested on his knee. Looking down at it, he only tensed up as Ry moved the hand away, as if realizing her own mistake. Yet, rather than feeling relieved, he felt sudden emptiness where her hand had been; and an even worse wave of guilt came over him. No matter what the two of them went through, she was Kal’s girl.

So it was easier to focus on just about anything else, and Nate merely shook his head, focusing on her words, rather than her actions or the conflicting feelings. “You can fix any kind of mess. Saying no to a proposal is not final. Getting a divorce is where it becomes final.” He grimaced at the poor joke he had made; that was all that he could really do. “And I know you can fix this, Ry. Just the fact that you’re here, feeling like this, means that maybe you do want to fix this.”

The moment his hand went to her cheek, he wasn’t sure whether he had made a mistake or not. It felt like air was knocked out of him as Rylan held his gaze, and despite everything, Nate did not want to look away. There was so much he wanted to do- so many things crossed his mind- but he didn’t dare to act on it. Not when she was in a state like this. Not when she was his close friend’s girl. “No, Rylan, you don’t. You make mistakes, sure, but that’s human, isn’t it? Cause otherwise, it’d be very weird being human. Picture a life where everything goes right the whole time. Can you imagine how boring it would be?” He was rambling, but it was easier that way. Maybe she’d laugh and just look away, breaking whatever this is. Maybe she wouldn’t, but he wasn’t sure which one he wanted more. “What happened is not permanent. What’s important is how you’re going to fix it. And I know you can do that, because you’re absolutely amazing.”

“Maybe, or maybe there is no reason for fucking anything i do anymore and I’m just running around making stupid decisions. Or not making decisions.” Because after all she’d fled from Kal in a blind panic instead of actually making a decision regarding the question he’d asked her. Kind of. She had shook her head but that still left things up for debate in a way. She’d not explicitly said anything at all. “Sure…eventually. Eventually is not right now though.” Rylan knew he’d have clocked the bottles, the man wasn’t stupid, plus there were a lot of them littered around the room even for her. She was someone known for loving a drink or five, but this was a lot. Attempting to drown her feelings, or failing that, at least numb herself. Had Nate not shown up she probably would have just carried on in the same fashion until she’d descended into alcohol induced sleep - something about that sounded very attractive.

“It really does, it’s a fucking trap, no one tells you this when you’re growing up and learning like….long division. It would be more helpful to be taught that your heart will give you nothing but pain. Hell, life gives you nothing but fucking pain.” Okay, a little dramatic, but she was in a dramatic mood. The girl had just chucked a glass bottle at the wall for god sake she was hardly being subtle. At least she knew with this boy in particular she didn’t have to censor herself for fear of judgment, just like he knew he didn’t have to do that in front of her either. They were free to be their most authentic selves. “Keep a mental note of where you saw them because chances are I’ll be needing them before the night is over.” Rylan didn’t notice him tense up as she moved her hand away, instead it went straight to her face as she rubbed her tired eyes, lack of sleep starting to catch up with her except not enough to actually release her into sleep. “Not nice enough? I don’t know how you worked that out but it’s total shit. You are nicer to me than I deserve. Not just now but like all the time. not going to lie I am kinda torn between wanting you to get to dance lead because you’d nail it but also loving when you don’t because at least that means we get to hang out backstage more often.” Throwing him a small smile as she admitted yet more that potentially revealed her underlying emotions towards him. Something they had quite literally flirted around but never acted on.

Maybe he was right, maybe the fact she felt like this right now signalled that Rylan wanted to fix this. Well, no she knew she did because regardless of how things moved forward with their lives she knew that she didn’t want to hurt Kal, or have him hurt for any longer than he already had been, because she truly cared about him from the bottom of her heart. No, she loved him. She loved him a lot.

Nate’s hand on her cheek though, it stopped the girl in her tracks as their eyes renamed locked together. He didn’t look away but neither did she as time seemed to be suspended around them, even her tears pausing for them to just exist together. The air much more laden than it had ever been between them even if this wasn’t the first time they’d walked this very fine line together. “Mistakes, mistakes are human.” She whispered as if more about the situation they were currently in than the one between her and Kal. Her body moved forward a fraction of an inch of its own accord as her gazed flicked down to his lips and then up again to meet his eyes again. Her tongue darting out to smooth along her bottom and top lip in turn, she could feel her breath tickling against them as she breathed in and out audibly. Could he hear the hammering of her heart speeding up in her chest? It was likely with how loudly it was roaring in Rylan’s ears. “You’re amazing too, you keep telling me I’m amazing, but you are amazing too…coming to be here with him. To check on me. To look after me. You’re always looking after me…” Her voice trailed off as she almost silently willed him to kiss her, not sure where the intense urge had come from because in her heart she was well aware it was wrong.

ˑ⋅ .   ( @rylanpratt​ )

    he knocked and knocked . .  . knocked again and kept knocking on the door until rylan would open it. he hadn’t called and once again hadn’t told anyone when he was coming back and showed up to her apartment unannounced. it was becoming a terrible trend for the boy, one that seemed to take second place as his first response when the door was opened was, “ you moved your spare key. that’s a terrible habit, ” and took a step forward but paused, awaiting the invite, hello or hug he hoped for, mainly the hug. 

Rylan had seen Lily, she’d seen Delilah, she’d seen Nate, and she was sure as hell that it wasn’t Claire knocking at the door because that would take balls from the woman she was pretty sure she didn’t possess. Frowning to herself she called out ‘coming’ in a tired voice as she dragged herself off the sofa, somewhere she spent more time than she did basically anywhere else. It was her safe place, everyone had one right?  Especially recently, if she was on the sofa she felt like maybe nothing could hurt her. And she certainly wouldn’t be able to fuck anything up if she just….stayed there. “What the fuck!” She shrieked as she saw who was standing on the other side, throwing her arms around Clive who seemed to have a habit of materialising out of nowhere whenever Rylan needed him both. It was a special skill he had. “What are you doing here?!” She mumbled against his shoulder, not ready to let go yet.

.

“Ry it is” smiling back at Rylan, Bel wondered why did her face seem so familiar. She couldn’t quite recall if she had seen her before, or where had she seen her before… Instagram maybe? Or in some magazine. It was probable that Bel followed Rylan on social media. Still, she decided not to say anything about it since she could tell, by Rylan’s previous words, that it was kind of a sensitive matter. 

At Ry’s comment about her painting skills, Bel only laughed “you would be surprised by all the art that’s exhibited in important upper east side galleries that seems to have been drawn by a three year old” she shrugged, offering a smile, “art comes in many forms, the most important thing is that you enjoy the process” Bel finished. A lover of art herself, she had to admit that before she started working with small artists, organizing exhibitions and events, she used to think that a piece of art could only considered ‘good’ if it followed certain rules and techniques; now that thought seemed too boring. Life was too short not to enjoy all forms of art. “So, how can I help you? I’m so glad you liked those festival promos!. But let me buy you a cup of coffee. Or would you like something else?“

Letting out a loud snort of laughter at the cutting comment regarding art on the Upper East Side Rylan grinned, enjoying Bel’s company already. Her sense of humour was certainly up the same ally as her own. “I bet, i mean some of the most famous paintings in the world look like figure painting so I bet the Upper East SIde is no different. My parents have this one in their living room that cost like a bomb, it’s by some really famous painter, and i swear he must have done it with his eyes closed.” She laughed again, shaking her head. “Funnily enough they don’t find it amusing when I point that out.” It was one of her favourite ways to wind her mother up in particular who seemed to hold extra fondness for the odd piece.

“You don’t have to do that! Here, let me get you one as a thank you for listening to me ramble on about what I’m looking for, ‘cos i promise you you’re going to be bored of it in about three and a half seconds. What do you want?” Rylan had already jumped up with the intention of placing the order so that Bel couldn’t argue with her on the matter. “I was going up to get myself a second one anyway so…” An enthusiastic grin thrown in her direction.

Closed starter with @rylanpratt​

Delilah was shocked. She just talked to Lily about Rylan’s situation and felt so bad for Rylan. She didn’t think twice, she got into her car, drove to a near pizza place and on her way she picked up some aspirin because she know that Rylan would probably need it. She then drove to Rylan’s house and as soon as she arrived at her door she started to knock “Rylan, it’s me, open up! I won’t leave until you open up! Plus, I brought food!” She said while still knocking. Rylan was Delilah’s best friend and she know she needed to be there for her right now.

If there was one thing Rylan could say for her friends it was that’s they all knew her well. If there was one kind of food she wasn’t often found turning down it was pizza, so when she pulled open her apartment door and saw the box in Delilah’s hand she couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Pizza, it fixes everything. Well, maybe not this but that’s my fault, we can’t blame the Italians for that.” She joked in a voice that was flatter than usual, pulling the door open enough to indicate she was inviting the other in before heading back into the apartment herself. Her messy hair tied up into a sloppy topknot and her tiny frame clad in her usual sweatpants and vest combo, it wasn’t a pretty sight but hanging out with Delilah wasn’t a fashion show. “Lil called you?”