Cowabunga Forever

This time though, it was neither. Mikey stood frozen, as did his brothers. They won. The curse was done. It was gone. That also meant their 'demons', the voices that mislead them or just made sure they wouldn't fight back, were gone. Completely. He could tell immediately, and assumed the others could as well.

He didn't know what was happening in their own minds but he was poinently aware of his own.

It was gone. All of it. Everything. Vanished, into thin air. He was frozen because he was fully feeling things he hadn't felt in almost two decades. It was overwhelming. He glanced over at Shadow. The wave of emotions hit him like a flash flood. He loved her. He loved her so much. He knew he had before, of course, and he'd felt it deeply. But now…….The curse was gone. It wasn't…doing whatever it was it did to him anymore. He could feel that full range of emotion that he'd been trying so hard to reach. He glanced at his brothers and the incredibly complex feelings he had for them were suddenly too big for him to comprehend in the moment.

He fell to his knees. He couldn't stop crying. Relief washed over him and it took him several minutes gain any semblance of control. When he finally did and dared to glance around at his family again, and was glad that he wasn't the only one.

Once they'd all had somewhat collected themselves they made their way to the lair to tend to wounds. To talk, he hoped, but he doubted. He instinctively knew that their experience was going to be extremely different than his. Maybe not Raph, but he couldn't be sure.

It was in silence that they applied bandages, wrapped broken bones and cleaned dried blood from their scales and scutes. He called April and Casey and made sure everyone on their end made it home ans was okay. It was clear everyone was exhausted and not interested in talking, and they all simply collapsed where they sat. When he was sure they were all sound asleep, he dared peek inside himself to start to unpack everything that had happened in the past several hours.

He stepped outside to find space away from everything and everyone to just reacquaint himself with a full range of emotions, and he found himself crying again. It wasn't that he hadn't felt these things, far from it, but the intensity quickly jumped from ecstatically happy to riteous rage to wildly confused to heartbreakingly sad. Every fleeting thought came with new wave of emotions for him to drown in.

He crouched down, then collapsed back against the sewer wall, putting his head between his knees to help calm himself down while he waited for the inevitable moment Shadow would know it was the right time to come to him.

She didn't disappoint.

"Can't sleep?"

"Not in a million years."

"You okay?"

He nodded slowly, looked up at her, and immediately started crying again. Then laughing. Then both.

"I'm sure all of you are going to need a lot of time to adjust."

He shook his head. "No. I just have to….remember how to do this. I guess."

"Do what?"

She knelt next to him, hand on his shoulder. He met her eyes, unable to stop his leaking eyes, and put his hands on each side of her head. "To be so happy. I don't remember how to…to be this happy. Or so anything else. At least not without a lot of effort."

She was concerned, he could tell. And it was as good a time as any to begin the long process of regulating himself, so he did. Taking a few deep breaths he sighed. "I'm fine. I promise I'm fine. More than fine."

He did warn her though, he was going to have to go slow with her. Just being next to her made him feel like a thousand nuclear explosions were going off inside him. He was going to need some serious exposure therapy before he could trust himself with her. Not in a bad way. In a good way in fact. Way, way, way too good. He was aware he was a lot for her before and he was thankful she had always let him feel comfortable being himself, but now he was going to have to implement some serious guardrails if he had any hope of keeping their relationship in that healthy territory. At least until he got used to everything.

Over the next week he carefully watched his brothers. Leo was anoyone's guess. He always kept everything bottled up anyway though, so it wasn't new. He imagined he was relieved to not have to find the anger, the pride and the envy any more. But like with Donatello, he was certain guilt would be filling up any space that was made from the loss of the bad thoughts. Especially with Don. He hadn't been particularly anything other than silent, but he could sense the change in him. He kept careful watch on both of them. Raphael on the other hand, was far less volitle. He couldn't describe him as happy exactly, but definitely less, stressed out. He almost had a hopeful vibe about him. Not positive. Not confident. Just hopeful.

The whole week he'd practiced very carefully to keep his outward reactions in check, but it hadn't been easy. Shadow knew they had a lot to deal with, so she was in and out of the lair, patiently waiting for the time when she could have her husband back full time. She and the Jones' brought food, chatted with them about simple things and in general made sure they had anything they needed. When Mikey was alone with the Jones' or Shadow, he didn't try to hide it.

Every morning the coffee was extraordinary.

Mikey knew, on an intellectual level, that it was the same coffee. Same brand, same grind, same water, same coffee machine. Nothing about the coffee had changed.

It was still extraordinary.

He wrapped both hands around the mug and just stared at the ceiling, wishing he was at home with Shadow and thought, not for the first time that week, that this is what it was supposed to feel like. Joy in just being alive. The happiness that came from a stupid cup of coffee for no reason at all. Breathing in the cool spring air when he went outside to get some sun. Since when was the sky so freaking blue? Did the sun feel *so* good. The people seem so interesting?

He heard the others coming before they arrived — Raph's footsteps, heavier than they needed to be, the way they always were when he was trying to be careful. Leo's barely audible at all and Don's shuffling gait. The difference between them still made Mikey smile.

He schooled his face before they came in. They didn't need to know that he'd fully reclaimed what he'd lost and that his particular guilt was small in comparison to the vastness that they must be feeling. Surely they wouldn't notice though, if he indulged just a little bit. Internally. Definitely not at all outward so anyone could tell just how happy he felt.

At the end of that the first week, Leo also called a family meeting with all of them.

At first, Mikey assumed that he wanted to get some things out in the open, though with the Jones' present, he doubted the intent was some kind of confessional. They really hadn't talked much about anything, so he hoped this was opening that door.

"I know this has been hard for all of us. And…I think it's going to take a long time to deal with it. A very long time, for me, at least."

They glanced around the table at each other, then Mikey realized the most of the looks were settling on him. No, all of them. Every last one. This was definitely about him. Entirely about him. Only...him. This, he realized, was an intervention of sorts. And he didn't like it. He didn't think. But maybe.....

"There is one of us that's having the opposite problem, I think. And we need to talk about it. Everyone at this table came to me with the same concern, except one."

Mikey shifted his gaze nervously around at the faces all staring at him. "Guys, what's going on? I...I've tried my best to stay out of everyone's way. To be quiet. Calm even! You can't say…"

Leo sighed. "We know Mikey. That's the problem."

"I…what? Wait…." He looked over at Shadow, who was just smiling at him.

"Michelangelo, we can all see how much you're holding back." April always got right to the point.

"But I…"

"We know. We all have to deal with what the curse took, and what we have back. And, yes, there is also having to deal with the things that we've done under it's influence. This aftermath, for me, is almost worse."

"I.. yeah. I know.Me too. I can't say I'm proud of a lot of what I did but that's why...."

"Look lil bro, we can tell you're back to tha old you. Or the grown up version anyway. Overflowing with all that positive energy n stuff. Every irritain' bit."

"Raphael is right. Everyone here has noticed. You are not as good at hiding it as you think."

"An we all talked an decided that someone needed ta tell ya that ya don't have to."

"Casey…?"

"We know you probably feel bad that ending the curse was a net positive for you."

"I…well, yeah. Of course I do."

Leo held up his hand. "Mikey, your family, all of us, are telling you that it's okay. You don't have to pretend for our sake."

"If anything, it would help if you would just be your usual stupid happy self."

The whole table turned and looked at Donatello. He turned his face away from them.

"Mikey, Leo and I both….did unforgivable things. But, speaking for myself, watching you bounce around the lair like a dumb Labrador puppy like you used to, joking, laughing, cooking, singing…as bad as it is…makes it all…hurt less. A little bit. It's a distraction, but also a reminder that, that it's possible to just be normal again. It's also incredibly annoying but…" he trailed off and went silent once again.

"Mikey, you've always been tha heart of the family. We need that more than eva right now. All of us. Even me. Just be yerself, okay?"

"Raph…." He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to let it happen.

"You were always the glue that held us together, Mikey. I humbly request you return to that role. If not for nothing, then just to ease our pain a little bit, and someday, help guide us back to the that bright light that only you seem to be able to see."