feeling good ,

“A guy doesn’t kiss and tell. Let’s just say it was food related.” 

“Okay? Look. Baggage doesn’t necessarily define an person, not if you choose to not focus on them with a negative manor. I have a lot of that myself. He’s an alright guy and I would accept him regardless of the skeletons in his closet. He’s still piping hot.” 

“Good at getting what you want.” Finn smiled playfully. Ryan had a way of making moves on him that were unrivaled by any other guy Finn had been with. There was something honest in the way that Ryan spoke about what he wanted. Finn appreciated that. Ryan’s response did make him wonder who had done damage to Ryan’s hope in relationships. Finn had never realized that Ryan was so opposed to them before. 

Finn’s eyes grew wide when Ryan mentioned Keegan’s name. Instantly his heart began to beat faster. He remembered their kiss a few weeks previous and then the radio silence from Keegan. “Yeah… “ Finn nodded. “People leave. You can’t trust any of them.” He pondered for a moment about bringing Keegan up, but he decided against it. Keegan was his past now. Same as Casey. He definitely didn’t want to know what Ryan meant when he said that he’d loved all the people who had left him. Had he been in love with Keegan? Finn didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t have the mental energy to think about it.

He sunk into Ryan’s kisses. I’m sorry about your brother. Why was that so healing to hear Ryan say that? Maybe Finn had kept those parts of him too close to his chest. It took a lot of energy to keep his vulnerable side hidden and it only hurt him and isolated him more to do that. I want you, Finn. He let out a satisfying hum of approval as he felt Ryan’s fingertips brushing the skin by his waistband. 

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If it was already so obvious, Finn wasn’t sure what he could possibly hold back. Perhaps it had all come to some kind of tipping point. It had been almost three years to the day since his brother had died. What was his life now? What did he have to show for those years? 

The feeling of Ryan’s fingertips trailing up his skin was an instant distraction. The noise that escaped Finn’s throat was somewhere between a sigh and a deep hum. It was fully involuntary as his body reacted to the proximity of the handsome dancer. Finn’s chest rose and fell with a few excited breaths as he willed his heart to stop racing so quickly. “Fuck you’re good at this.” He murmured, head tilting up slightly as Ryan’s breath brushed Finn’s neck. “I…  Fuck it, I’m falling apart, Ryan.” He stilled himself beneath the man’s touch. “I’ve been in this fucking city for what… two years now? And I’ve been with two guys, one girl, and they’ve all left me…” All gone. Empty apartment. Abandoned belongings. His life was becoming a storage unit of unwanted things. “I came here after I lost someone, my brother. I needed to be somewhere new. I keep thinking I’m not alone here and then… everyone leaves.” It was probably half the reason that losing track of people in the club had bothered him so much.

His arms wrapped around Ryan’s back, fingertips pressing in on the man’s shirt. “Tell me you want me.” Finn breathed, with complete honesty in his voice. That was what he needed. I don’t want to be forgotten. His heart was aching even while his skin was electric with Ryan’s touch. “Even if its just for right now. Let me forget.” 

Ryan smiled. He knew the situation was meant to be serious but he couldn’t help the sense of pride that grew when he saw Finn’s reaction. “Good at what?” He asked. He wanted to tease him farther but he thought he would hear what he had to say first. Ryan didn’t drag the male all the way down here for sex anyway though he wouldn’t mind if they did just that. He wouldn’t be too surprised either. A lot of people only wanted sex from him and nothing else. There had been CJ and Keegan. But both of them disappeared on him. Keegan especially. He had developed certain feelings for him only to abandoned at the end. 

He listened to the male. A frown on his face. He was worried. Finn’s issue was something he could and could not relate concurrently. The male stripper put his guards up. He avoided getting into relationships as much as he could for the reason Finn had spoken about. They all had left him. They all had given him hope. Then crush him later. “Relationships are shit.” He said grimly and softly. He was showing a side of him he didn’t show to anyone else. What does it matter anyway? He knows Finn wouldn’t stick around either. Might as well. “People leave. They either get bored of you or they turn on you to chase for something else. Why do you think I refuse to let anyone get close to me darling?” He asked. His smile was there but bitter. “I wanted to open up once. This guy..... Keegan was his name. He gave me hope. He slept with me and treated me like I was his only one. I was stupid and started believing it would be different. It wasn’t. He left. I’ve had three people I loved. All of them left.” 

Slowly he kissed Finn on the lips. He looked so raw. So empty and lost. “I’m sorry to hear about your brother.” He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t leave. They were practically strangers still but he didn’t want to give him another false hope. Maybe he cared for him more than he had let on. He saw himself in this vulnerable man’s eyes. “I want you, Finn. I want every inch of you.” He said. He stroked his fingers down to his waistband. He moved his kisses to his neck. “Wanna help you and make you feel good. Let me make you forget.” He played with his pants and looked at him with big eyes, asking for his permission. 

How did Ryan always get such a good read on him? Finn’s expression froze for a moment when Ryan asked if he needed to relax. He definitely did. Casey was gone…. Keegan was gone… The world had crumbled around him. Finn was a protector at his core, and he had lost. He had lost so many people that he had loved. “You are very right.” He breathed with a weak smile. He didn’t know how Ryan was going to help, but he was willing to surrender entirely at this point. Finn had run out of coping mechanisms. He was a tightly wound man and something in him had broken. Desperately, miserably, he was trying to hold himself together. Under the soft gaze of this well-known stranger, he finally realized how futile those efforts were. “You… know me too well.” Finn exhaled, feeling the true irony of that statement. He and Ryan couldn’t really be described as friends, but Ryan had always seemed to recognize him in an intimate sort of way. 

You can tell me what’s on your mind while I touch you. A shiver passed through Finn’s entire body. This was it. Ryan’s intoxicating mix of seduction and emotional release. “Amazing,” was the only word that Finn could muster. But he couldn’t focus purely on what was going on in his head when Ryan was standing in front of him in such an alluring and imposing manner. Finn’s hands came up and rest on Ryan’s shoulders for a moment before softly running down his biceps. Beneath Ryan’s hand, Finn’s heart was beating so fast. “I… don’t know what to say though.” He admitted, hands falling away from Ryan’s body. “I don’t know where to start.” He shook his head in disbelief and then looked back up at Ryan. 

Finnegan was a tormented soul. That much was obvious. Ryan had worked under several establishments and seen his fair share of patrons harboring dark secrets even if only through a simple glance. Now under typical circumstances he would have elected to ignore the stress in other’s eyes but Finnegan was someone the male stripper had grown curiosity for and he would be lying if he hadn’t felt at least a twinge of attraction. Who could have possibly resist that? He was tall, dark, handsome and now mysterious. “I don’t think I do. The sorrow in your eyes though. It’s a tad obvious.” He said as he pushed him farther into the room. The world was spinning fast yet it felt like it just spun for the two of them. He could look at Finnegan’s eyes and allow himself to get lost in there forever, yearning to solve the unspoken riddles. 

“You can start by telling me what’s been hurtying you. You look like you’re in pain. Emotionally at the very least.” His voice was husky. He wanted him to enjoy all of this and not get turned off by the request. Ryan decided to be more brave a second after. After Finnegan had put his arms down, the male stripper lowered his own. Except he lifted back them up again, sneaking underneath Finnegan’s top and touching his toned skin appreciatively.  “You can talk about anything or not at all. I just want to help you.” He said. He leaned closer until his body was pressed flush against him. His lips lingered over his neck. “Let me help, darling.” 

Margaret wasn’t much of a partier, she prefered intimate conversations with a few people rather than being anonymous and lost in a crowded space. An old coworker turned friend was trying to get Margaret to loosen up and brought her along. She felt so weird being there, and of course her friend ditched her when she saw some other friends. She looked to the man who approached her and gave him a friendly smile. “Yes, please.”

Ryan smiled at the female. He was naturally charming and flirty but she had seemed a little lost so he thought he would approach with caution. The last thing he wanted was to scare her or anyone for that matter, away. The male stripper chuckled, hearing the agreement to his casual offer. “Not a fan of the party I take it?” He wouldn’t blame her. The rave wasn’t for everyone. It was too raunchy. Not to mention crowded, even he almost felt suffocated being there. “There’s a unoccupied room nearby. I promise I won’t do anything funny.” He said, raising his hands. “The name’s Ryan.” 

“Yeah, a bit. A bad one though. I’ve lost track of all the familiar faces already.” He shrugged, casting his eyes over the crowd for a moment to confirm that he had, in fact, lost sight of everyone. His eyes returned to Ryan and he smiled. The other man was tied in Finn’s mind to relaxation, release, and comfort. He had visited the dancer a few times before in order to get himself out of his corrosive headspace. Ryan was a wonderful remedy and a very kind person at his core, from what Finn could tell. He felt a sudden rush of excitement flutter in his gut at the prospect of spending some time and getting to know the dancer a little better. “I can settle for a somewhat private room.” He teased. “A good view of the rave, or…are you promising something else?” Finn moved closer, ready to follow Ryan’s lead. “I’m in the midst of a strange and unexpected period of freedom… More than I’m used to.” He had mentioned Casey once to Ryan in passing, if only to say ‘I’m taken’, but now things had changed. Finn had no one waiting for him at home and nothing tethering him to responsibilities at this point. He was on a brief leave from work after everything had happened with Casey and Keegan. “So I’m trying to give in to the flow of things a little bit more.” He smiled softly, watching Ryan’s face as they made their way out of the ruckus of the main room. Loss of control was usually a major trigger of Finn’s panic, but so many things had fallen from his grasp at once that he had resigned himself to allowing the waves to pull him along as they wished. If they pulled him under…he wasn’t going to fight it.

“Oh, darling. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This place is huge.” He liked Finnegan but he thought the guy was a bit too tense. Obviously a lot was burdening his mind. Ryan wanted to be one of the people who maybe could set him free from his own thoughts, even if only for a second. He looked trapped. Like he didn’t know what to do with his life or what to choose. He knew Finn was anything but a prude. He had seen those hungry eyes watching him and there wasn’t anything pure about it. So he wondered, what exactly was holding him back? Trauma or fear? Ryan’s mind was filled with questions. Finnegan was complex and Ryan wanted to scratch on every surface, finding the person behind this good guy exterior. “It could be both. Depends on your mood. You look like you really could use some relaxation. Am I right?” He listened to him and nodded his head. He didn’t know if he could relate exactly to what he was experiencing but he had been in a position where he had no idea where to go either. “Let me help?” He said softly. For a moment he lost his usual seduction and he looked at Finnegan with warmth in his eyes. He wanted to know what scarred this beautiful man. He took him into one of the rooms with less people and more furniture. There was an old television, frayed curtains and a surprisingly rather comfy couch. “You can tell me what’s on your mind while I touch you.” He said. He placed his hands on Finnegan’s chest. “How does that sound?” 

Timid and reticent as he typically was, raves might as well be his second home. Punk attitude was interwoven in his personality over his appearance, taking on a more Bohemian dress, but the tattoos and makeup were still present. Innocent as he might seem in the environment, Orion had actually been involved in his share of rave fights. This rave, though, was on the next level of borderline insanity, able to count a drug deal everywhere he turned, ecstasy pills on the floor, and the crowd was starting to pack in. Maybe he should grab Micah and get them out of here before his claustrophobia kicked in and devolved him to a panicking mess. The strobe lights were burning his vision, rubbing his hands together with squinted eyes while he examined the crowd near the bar. Shit, maybe she was already outside. He shouldn’t have wandered off for a few moments to go to the bathroom. The bathroom could hardly be classified as a bathroom, in case anyone was wondering, and it already smelled like piss. Jaded gaze locking on the man that approached him, he slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans after he had fixed his worn concert tee, replying calmly, “I’m looking for my wife, actually. Have you seen a girl with long purple hair around here? Fishnets, pink shirt? I’d say she has an ass that never quits, but she might kill me.” Chuckling, he lifted a hand to brush a stray piece of hair behind his ear, glancing around the building 

The person looked like he fit in and didn’t simultaneously. He looked too quiet to be blending in with everyone else but he dressed for the occasion perfectly. Not a first time experience but not exactly something he enjoyed either? That was Ryan’s guess. Just like him. It was also bizarre to see someone bringing a wife to this kind of rave but he assumed they were just one of those couples who really liked taking risks or enjoying the pleasures of life. Ryan smiled, shaking his head at the question. “Not really. I just got here afterall.” He raised an eyebrow in surpise hearing his next statement. He laughed uncertainly. “No.. I wasn’t really looking at anyone’s ass? Not yet at least.” Ryan thought the comment was a bit insolent even by his standards but who was he to judge really. He never understood couples in general. “Maybe she’s in the bathroom? It’s a risky place out here, make sure she doesn’t get lost.” He informed.