On February 6, just in time for Galentine's Day, my soulmate and be fri Queen Kayleen Schaefer will release her new and brilliant book (!!), Text Me When You Get Home. It's devoted to a deceptively simple idea: Friendship is more essential to most women's lives than we give it credit for. When we pay attention to it at all (and historically we haven't), we think of it as something girlish and decorative--maybe, if we're being generous, it's scaffolding: the temporary support that enables us to build our careers and relationships and all the other things that constitute *real* life. Text Me When You Get Home examines and celebrates all the ways that, if you're lucky, friendship can be the central structure.
I'm in the book a fair amount, which is simultaneously uncomfortable and flattering; it's a testament to Kayleen's kindness that she only includes one quote that makes me sound like a serial killer--it's on page 176 and you gotta buy the book or check it out from the libe if you want to know what it is--and that I come off looking "confident, funny, and observant" (lol) as Lisa Shea wrote for Elle wrote in a stone cold rave review. It's a testament to her writing and reporting that it's as enjoyable and engaging as it is.
Two things Kayleen doesn't cover in the book that I would like you to know about:
1. She describes how we call each other soulmates and features an (edited) all-caps email I once sent, but is super shady about the subject of the all-caps email, and she also does not explain how those things are connected. The reason I sent the all-caps email proclaiming my strong feelings of happiness and love AND that we began calling each other soulmates was that we both wanted to see Bad Teacher on opening weekend. I don't mind telling you that Bad Teacher is a Bad Movie we both Really Enjoyed watching while drunk.
2. The other important info she leaves out I think will be clear to readers, but I want to state it for the record anyway: Kayleen herself is an absolute A-number-one champ of a friend.
We'll call the Beyoncé tickets she gave me in 2016 Exhibit A, and before I submit it into evidence, I'd like to provide some context. Kayleen didn't know when she sent me the text message at the top of this post that two days earlier, my mom told me she'd been diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer. When I did tell Kayleen--after OF COURSE accepting the invite--she wrote back: "Oh, Ruthie, that is so shitty. I'm really really sorry... I love you and am here for anything, like really whatever you need—even if that's just to hang out and not talk about it at all. With pizza and wine." Over the next few months, we hung out and ate pizza and drank wine, and sometimes we didn't talk about it at all, but mostly we did.
In June of that year, four days after her double mastectomy, my mom insisted I return to New York for the Beyoncé show. Kayleen and I nearly lost our minds dancing, and when I got weepy during Survivor, she put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed. It was a perfect night, and today my mom is healthy and doing great.
One of my favorite lines in the book comes at the end of the intro, "Text me when you get home. When women say this to each other, they're also saying, Let's keep talking. It's my favorite possibility." Being in conversation with Kayleen is a gift that delights and sustains me. If you buy her book, you will get to partake in that experience too, and I can't recommend it highly enough.
Anyway, because I love you, here are some photos of us doing what we do best: Being huge dorks together:
Here we are watching the solar eclipse in Wyoming last August. My healthy mom took this photo!
In 2010, we went as Party Down for Halloween-- we made our bowties out of headbands we brought from the Forever 21 in Union Square. This is the same day as a Miracle in Baltimore. (Seriously, read the fuckin' book.)
Two cool dudes who flew to Canada to see Carly Rae Jepsen play with an orchestra.
This happens every full moon but it feels rude to document it.
Apple picking was a hard day for our friendship because we learned we have VERY different taste in apples. We’re still working through it, but I think we’ll be ok.
