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@galapagosgal
Oh my poor stepmom. She just called to check on me and I haven't talked to her in months and she just got an earful. There's a fine line in really sharing how you feel and sounding sane to make sure your family doesn't worry. Not sure I achieved that balance tonight. 😬
I'm okay. Really. Or mostly okay. Like 62% okay for today. Considering that on Friday I felt like -20 I call today a success. One day at a time.
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I'm drowning. Just when I felt good, I get smacked back down to earth. I'm home, finally after 2 weeks taking care of dad which is great. Then tonight I get a frustrated call from my dad about some of his appointments. I dont know how this damn Medicare red tape works and what's covered and what's not and I'm drowning in indecision and lack of knowledge. All the good feelings I had are now gone and the low place is back.
It was like the sky was telling me everything was going to be okay. I just had to believe.
So at the end of this week with my brother I will either have lost 5 pounds and hopefully retain the eating habits he's drilled into me or I will go home and binge eat all my feelings. It's really a 50/50 toss up right now.
Guys my stomach is going to HATE me later. I had the largest bowl of kale salad for dinner. I like kale, I eat it occasionally. But I think between our 2 salads we are all the kale in AZ.
So here we are almost a week later. He's frustrated, i'm frustrated. It's not great right now. We hope to get him discharged today but I don't know if I'm able to actually give him what he needs at home.
I'm all for people owning their decisions and their bodies. Why that's not okay for him is that he doesn't care to actually learn what's actually fully happening so he makes decisions that he thinks are good and really they aren't. My brother essentially just had to yell at him to get his act together and stop being a dick. So now it's awkward as fuck because he knows I told on him. But I can't do this alone. I'm not alone and I know that but when the person you love tells you they'd rather die, man do you feel alone.
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It sure was a gorgeous sunset last night.
Thankfully my Dad was moved from ICU yesterday and we hope to get him home by Saturday. I'm so happy! This could have been a fatal fall and he is resilient and is determined to fight and get better. I hope this helps with his attitude and behavior and helps him realize he does need more help than he thinks he does.
I finally got some rest last night after a lovely evening of scrubbing blood out of the carpet and doing all the laundry. I don't know how I will survive a few more days sitting in the hospital.
I'm hoping I can leave early today and catch some sun/pool time to recharge for a bit.
So this is a semi-safe place (I mean for being the Internet and all but a family free place) and I know that I pretty much only come here anymore to complain about something but man do I need a safe place right now.
I woke up this morning to a call from my brother that my dad fell last night without his monitor on, a neighbor found him and called 911. A broken nose, twin black eyes, a hematoma and failing kidneys means dad is now an ICU patient. I immediately got dressed and off I went to drive to AZ.
He's okay for now. He's responsive. He's sick. He's grouchy. And somehow I find myself back where I was almost exactly 3 years ago. Sitting by myself on this couch, looking at my mom's art, feeling very lost and overwhelmed by what's ahead. My brothers have picked up all of the lift this time since things went sideways in April. They've dealt with the doctors and the meds and the procedures. We shifted from cancer to congestive heart failure and a triggered auto immune disease and a whole host of other things. And now this. This just seems insurmountable. It's clear he can't live alone anymore. So now what? At least I don't have to do this alone. We have each other. But man, is this shit hard.
So that's what's happening here. It's hot. I'm scared and tired and a host of other things I can't identify just yet.
I guess if there is one good thing that has come out of my Dad's new health crisis is that the thought of being admitted to the hospital for days doesn't freak him the fuck out. As for me, not great Bob. But this is the new normal.
I can't do anything to help at least until June, as I'm off for some time in PA with my cousins and aunt and uncle. Then I can go spend a few weeks in AZ as needed. Didn't think we'd be back to that again but here we are. We really need to move him back to LA because my brothers and I can't survive spending weeks a time with him and away from our own work and lives.
Also hi 👋🏻👋🏻
searching for that fine line between “i need to stay informed” and “i can’t take any more of this.”
My media consumption has become actively harmful. 👍
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LITERALLY THE FACE I MADE
If Rihanna is the new pope, Chadwick Boseman is one of her bishops.
Finally, a man brings the theme!
CALL THE FUCKING VATICAN WE HAVE A NEW POPE. RIHANNA OFFICIALLY SPEAKS FOR GOD, Y’ALL.
This could be her third Met Gala win. If the Met Gala is the Super Bowl of fashion, Rihanna is the goddamn Patriots.
Event planning in small towns equals this written in your hotel contract
“ The Hotel reserves the right to shut down any functions that may get out of hand. “
This “contract” is literally 4 lines of “rules” that ends with this line and signatures. LOL!
A great day of avoiding feelings and responsibilities afforded me the most awesome Disney photo ops ever!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I’m not looking for forgiveness, and I’m way past asking permission.
You know things aren't going great with your dad's health when you are shopping for medical alert devices to give as a gift.
Here Dad is a life alert bracelet so we know if you fall down or your heart stops. Though I have to say the technology upgrades on these things are very impressive.
Can I be 10 years old again and not have to deal with his adult/ parents getting old and sick bullshit?
