bruises.

cleaned out the garage and found my old thinking cap from when i would think

some of you are mentally unwell bc your reusable water bottle is filled with black mold go wash that shit

never met a sentence i couldn't make incredibly long

lesbian scifi is so easy. here’s a woman in cargo pants and a tank top on a spaceship. are you with me

thanks

You can lie when you name things

to the couple who had loud sex in my apartment complex: honestly congrats nice work if you can get it glad you sounded like you were having a good time, but i was on a call with a student discussing their paper on comparisons between the 1950s nuclear family sitcom and modern family vloggers + tradwives, and well. gotta be honest, the moaning in the background didn’t really add a whole lot of academic value to the meeting. much love to ya, peace on earth.

having a body made of meat sucks ass

kill dorothy fuck the lion marry the tin man and i dont care about the other one

save me, rice mixed with some bullshit

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems