ibuprofen addicts anonymous

snakes really make you appreciate how gross mammals really are. squamates are very dry and clean

a bird is a kind of reptile that has learned to be yucky.

“paid subscription with ads” is fucking crazy. if you pay for a service and then get served an ad on said service you should be allowed to pipe bomb its executive at no legal risk

who else COLD tonight

high as fuck lowballing never worn baby shoe listings

doc, my advice fetish is taking over my life, i just dont know what to do.......... (lecherous look appears in my eye)

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows

i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

I be running my fingers through my bush pondering ancient wisdoms

For the painting especially there’s a beauty in depicting some of our most advanced technology as synonymous with the most ancient. Very few people throughout history have had the privilege of seeing the face of Jupiter but many would recognize the sling thrower immediately.