𐙚⋆° shayla⋆♡

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Steve’s funeral was held at a beautiful church, four days before the move. 

Noah was by your side the entire time, holding your hand, telling you it’s okay to cry when you began to get frustrated with yourself for it, smiling sadly but proudly when you walked up to say a few words about the man who took you in, the man who raised you as his own, the man who gave you a job and never let you give up on yourself. You never imagined having to go on through your life without him cheering you on… but you also never imagined having someone like Noah become a part of your life either. 

It was just a reminder that although life was cruel, that it had a way of taking things away when you least expected it, it also gave you things you could’ve never imagined. 

The funeral had been beautiful, absolutely devastating, but beautiful. It felt like half the town had turned up to say goodbye to him. There were mechanics Steve had worked with over the span of his life, there were old friends he’d known since he was at school, neighbours from over thirty years ago, customers that grew to love and trust him- because he made it oh so easy. 

Noah was your rock through it all. You could’ve never imagined yourself getting through a day like this without him by your side. He never let go of your hand, not while people were offering their condolences, or while you stood beside Linda, greeting people until your cheeks hurt from forcing brave little smiles. He was just reminding you that you weren’t doing this alone. 

That you’d never have to face anything alone ever again. 

At one point, after yet another person had approached you to tell you they remembered you when you were little- despite you having no clue who they were- and telling you what an incredible man Steve was, that there’d be another guy like him… you found yourself staring blankly at the floor, exhausted from the grief and the whole day itself. 

Noah wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he tilted his head down a little to ask,

“Are you alright?”

You nodded your head automatically, which of course just made him raise an eyebrow. 

“You're not very convincing, y’know.” He said, earning a little smile and a weak laugh from you. 

“I know.” 

He kissed your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before he spoke again. 

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered, “I could see how much you’ve been holding back, but you don’t have to pretend to be okay for me. You know that, baby?” 

You sniffled, and nodded your head, not really having the energy for words right now. Because you glanced around at all the empty chairs, the people leaving, the reality of it all settling in now. The fact that Steve really wasn’t coming back. 

You took Noah’s hand again, and didn’t say a word as you led him outside. He probably guessed you wanted to get some air, so he followed behind you into the cold. The two of you found a bench near the church, Noah laid his jacket down for you since it was a little damp from the rain earlier and you both sat in silence for a moment, trying to process the day. 

“I kept expecting him to walk through the door,” you said quietly, staring up at the grey sky, “I kept thinking maybe everyone got it wrong... I know it sounds stupid-”

“It doesn’t.” Noah said softly, his hand finding your knee. 

You turned your head to look at him, and he was already looking at you with those warm, pretty brown eyes. It only made the lump in your throat worse. 

“I just…” you chuckled weakly, “I keep forgetting. I keep thinking maybe my phone's gonna ring, and I’ll see his name come up again.” 

For a second or two, Noah looked away. You watched his jaw tighten, because he’d lost people too. He’d told you about friends and people he was close to who’d lost their lives far too early and he never got a chance to say goodbye, so you knew he understood. He understood more than you could imagine. 

“If your phone rings,” he said quietly as he looked back at you, his eyes softer than ever, “I’ll answer it for you.” 

“What?” You laughed through watery eyes.

“And if it’s Steve," Noah continued, "I’ll tell him he’s an asshole for scaring everyone.” 

A broken laugh escaped you, making Noah smile. 

“You know what he’d actually say if he could see us right now?” You asked, wiping under your eyes. Noah let out a dramatic sigh, before putting on his best Steve impression. 

“Stop crying over this bullshit! You're supposed to be at work!” 

You laughed even harder. 

“Exactly,” you smiled, sniffling again, “He’d be furious I’m taking time off.” 

“I think he wouldn’t mind if he knew you were spending it with me,” he smirked, though you saw how glossy his eyes had become, “...He always thought I was good for you.” 

You teasingly glared at him. 

“I don’t think Steve knew just what you were really like back then.” You chuckled, “I don’t think he would’ve left you alone in the same room as me if he did.” 

“Hey!” Noah laughed, playfully annoyed, “I’m gonna let that one slide today because you’re grieving.” 

You smiled, and let your head rest against his shoulder. You watched across the church grounds as people left, and life continued. Then you thought about how your life would continue too, how your entire house was packed into boxes that now sat in Noah’s living room. You thought about this terrifying leap you were about to take, but it didn’t scare you as much as you thought it would. 

Because deep down, you knew Steve would be excited- not just you, but for Noah too. He’d be standing there with that stupid grin on his face that he always wore when he knew he’d been right about something all along. And he’d say about time, kid. 

…

Two days before the move, you were back in the shop, and you hadn’t expected it to feel as normal as it did. You expected to be emotional about it, especially as you’d been working here for years- ever since the summer after you turned 15- so it was safe to say you had a lot of history with this place, and memories you’d treasure for the rest of your life.

Maybe it felt normal because now this place had now been handed over to Glenn. It wasn’t Steve’s anymore. Yet you were still sitting at your desk, sorting through paperwork for what felt like the hundredth time. You were going through insurance information and customer records- things Glenn would need, and you wanted to make it as simple and easy to read as possible for him. 

You couldn’t help but notice how empty your office was looking now. You had cleared the shelves- all except the top ones, since you were saving those for someone who could reach…

There were a couple of cardboard boxes sat beside your desk. Steve's old coffee mug had been wrapped carefully in newspaper because Linda had told you she wanted to keep it. Despite everything changing around the place, it still smelled exactly the same. Like oil, coffee, dust, and- strangely- home. 

While you were in the middle of stacking invoices to staple together, the front door opened, and the familiar sound of the little bell ringing made you look up. You couldn’t help but grin as you watched Noah step inside, looking exactly the same as he did the first day he walked in- black skinny jeans, sleeveless band shirt, red beanie on his head. 

“Morning, sunshine.” He smirked, remembering how much you loved to hear him say that every morning when he clocked in for his shift. He watched the way you scoffed and rolled your eyes, “There she is. My beautiful, stubborn girlfriend.” 

You shook your head. 

“And here you are, my never-on-time boyfriend!” You shot back, trying not to grin. 

“Hey, I was picking coffee for your grumpy ass.” He said, crossing the room and leaning down to kiss your forehead, before setting your latte down on your desk. 

“Thank you.” You smiled, looking up at him…

But he wasn’t looking at you. His attention was elsewhere- more specifically, on the car sitting in the workshop. And it was almost like he never left this place, his mechanic instincts immediately kicking back in. 

“What’s wrong with that?” He asked, pointing over at it.

You took a sip of coffee before following his gaze. 

“The blue one?”

“Yeah.” 

You shrugged. 

“I think the guy said something about it making a weird noise, I’m not sure.” 

Noah frowned, then hummed… then started walking towards it, making you laugh. 

“Noah…”

“What?”

“You’re not even employed here anymore.” 

“And?”

You watched him disappear into the workshop, then you heard the clank of tools moving, then you heard him talking to himself, cursing, and then asking,

“Who the hell worked on this thing?”

You smiled to yourself. Some things never change. 

You watched him for a while, still wondering how the hell he could still look so attractive with half his body under a car… but then you got up and wandered to the front door. You glanced left and right, but there was no sign of Dan, the new mechanic. He wasn’t supposed to even get here for another couple hours… so a little smile pulled at your lips as you reached up and flipped the sign on the door. 

CLOSED 

And then you locked the door from the inside too, just to make sure. 

“Babe?” Noah called out, sounding a little confused, “You haven’t locked me in, have you?”

You chuckled. 

“Not alone.” You answered as you slowly wandered into the workshop. 

Noah had moved, he was now leaning over the car, looking down into the engine, tools in hand. You stopped for a moment to just watch him again, because this was how you’d first fallen for him. Sure the flirting and the stupid jokes and the confidence played a part, but watching him work, watching him care, watching him do something he knew so well and loved, and seeing how fucking hot he looked-

“There a reason you’re looking at me like that?” He smirked, catching you staring. 

“Maybe…” You took another step closer, your eyes dragging over him like this. “Maybe I’m thinking about how sexy you look like this,” you smirked, “How I always had to stop myself from coming in here while you worked, getting all dirty and sweaty.”

Noah straightened up, wiping his hands on the rag that was already on the car roof, then his hands found your waist, pulling your body closer to his. 

“Oh, is that right?” He chuckled, his voice low as his hands held your hips, “Well, I hate to break it to you baby… but I’m not gonna fuck you here.” 

You looked up at him through your lashes and pouted. 

“Noo… don’t gimme that face!” He frowned, before leaning down to kiss the tip of your nose. “Babe, I want our last memory of this place to be wholesome… not me bending you over some old car.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at that. 

“Wow,” you softly shook your head, “You really have changed for me, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Noah asked, a playful glint in his eyes. 

“If I walked in here a few months ago and told you that I thought you looked hot, you’d practically be begging for it.” 

Noah huffed a laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“That’s because I was an idiot with no self control.” 

You gave him a look. 

“Oh yeah? What’s changed?” You teased, earning a grin from him. 

“...Now I have slightly more self control.” 

“Pfft, you liar.” You scoffed, making him shake his head. 

He’d missed this. He’d missed you like this- the playful you, teasing him back, looking up at him like he was your whole world. He told himself over and over that he’d never take this for granted if he ever got you back, and now here you were, your hands resting against his chest while his stayed comfortably on your hips… 

“We really did it, huh?” He said suddenly with a soft smile. 

“Hm?” 

“Us,” he said sincerely, making your chest ache, “I know I’ve said it before, but I seriously never thought we’d make it here. I never even thought you’d ever give me a chance.”

You smiled, your hand coming up to cup his face.

“You’re too hard on yourself sometimes, Noah.” You said, your thumb stroking his cheek, “You’re amazing. You’re kind, you’re caring, you make me laugh when I don’t want to, you always know when something’s wrong, even when I don’t say anything… you look after everyone around you, whether they deserve it or not.” 

Noah’s eyes narrowed a little. 

“Baby, are you trying to make me cry?”

“No!” You laughed. 

“Because it’s working.” He added. 

You shook your head, smiling. 

“I mean it, though.” You said, and watched as his eyes softened. 

You could see in his face how your words were slowly settling in him, how he was believing you more and more each time you reassured him. Noah had always seemed so confident on the outside, like nothing in the world could bother or upset him, but you learned pretty quickly that there were parts of him that still struggled to believe good things about himself- parts of him that still couldn’t understand why someone would choose him, after the way he’s been treated in the past. 

You wanted to change that for good. 

“You know what your problem is?” You asked, a little soft smile tugging at your lips. 

“Oh here we go.” He groaned playfully. 

“You never let yourself see yourself the way other people do.” 

Noah’s smile fell ever so slightly, but you carried on. 

“I’d do anything for you to see yourself the way I do… then maybe you’d see why I fell in love with you… despite being unbelievably annoying.”

Noah chuckled, resting his forehead against yours. For a moment you just held him like this, and let him hold you too. 

“I’m not letting you make me cry today,” he whispered, “Should we just get the office packed up then go home?”

You nodded your head, and with a kiss to your forehead, Noah pulled back. 

“Since you’re desperate to get in my pants.” He added, making you scoff. 

“Noah!” 

… 

So Noah left the car alone, and went back into the office with you. It only took a couple hours for the both of you to clear out the storage cupboard and all the top shelves. 

However, while you were emptying the cupboard, you came across a framed photo. It made you stop what you were doing completely, you held it in your hands and slowly turned around to face Noah, who was wiping the dust off of the shelves. 

“Noah… come look at this.” 

He turned his head, eyebrows raised. 

“What is it?”

“Linda took this. This was the first day I started working here…”

He stepped beside you, his shoulder brushing yours as he leaned down to get a better look. 

The photograph had faded a little over the years, which was no surprise, it was taken when you were fifteen. You were wearing a blazer that was a little too big for you, but you didn’t care, at the time you thought it made you feel very professional. Your hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and there was a smear of grease across your cheek that Steve had left after he pulled you into a hug. 

He was standing beside you in the picture, one arm slung proudly around your shoulders while he held a mug of coffee in his other hand. He was grinning from ear to ear, ever so proud to have his niece working with him- and despite how awkward you thought you looked in the photo, you were smiling exactly the same. 

“Baby…” Noah’s face softened, but you shook your head, letting out a quiet laugh through your nose. 

“I hated this picture.” 

Noah’s head turned towards you. 

“Why?”

“I thought I looked awful,” you shrugged, your thumb brushing absentmindedly over the dusty frame, “I remember Linda framing it and leaving it on my desk one morning. I was so embarrassed that I waited until she left, then I hid it in here. When she came in a couple weeks later and asked about it, I told her I moved it so it didn’t get knocked off the desk.” 

Noah looked back down at the photograph. 

“You hid this?”

“I was fifteen, Noah.” You said, “I was dramatic.” 

“I think you still are.” Noah laughed, making you nudge him with your elbow.

“Shut up.” You said with a smile. 

But then Noah took the frame from you gently, holding it carefully, studying it for a few seconds. 

“You know what I see?”

“A teenager with terrible hair and acne?” You asked, folding your arms. 

“No.” He said, his smile softening even more, “I see a kid who looked happy..” then he tapped carefully against the glass where Steve stood, “And I see a man who looked unbelievably proud of you.” 

You swallowed hard. 

“He loved you.” Noah said. 

“I know.” You said, your voice a little wobbly.  

“No,” Noah looked at you, “I mean… look at him. You were his whole world.” 

You looked at the picture again, and tears began to blur your vision. Because you didn’t care about what you looked like in it now, all you could see was Steve’s big, warm smile. The way he’d been looking at the camera with such pride in his eyes. 

You had spent years looking at that photo every time you looked in the storage cupboard, and seeing every flaw you thought you had. Your hair, your face, your awkward smile- you never really looked at your uncle. Until now. 

A tear slowly rolled down your cheek, and you wiped it away before Noah saw. 

“I think this should come with us.” Noah said after a moment. 

“What?” 

“This shouldn’t stay hidden away in a cupboard anymore. It’s coming to California, and we’re going to put it up somewhere for everyone to see.” 

You laughed.

“Noah-”

“No, babe I’m serious.” He said, “It’ll be like Steve is there with us- which he will be. Looking down on you, thinking to himself… I’m so proud of her. I’m so proud she came to her senses and realised Noah’s the love of her life-”

You smacked his arm, shutting him up. 

“You always find a way to ruin it,” you chuckled, taking the photo back, “But I like that idea. Maybe we can put it up on the wall somewhere, or on a shelf?”

Noah nodded his head, wrapping his arms around you from behind. 

“I think that sounds perfect.” He said, before pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

… 

Moving day had finally come. 

Sunlight spilled through the curtains in Noah’s bedroom, though there was very little for it to fall on now. The shelves were empty, the posters and framed tattoo flash art were gone from the walls, the wardrobe doors were open with nothing hanging inside except for a single raincoat that Noah forgot to pack the night before. 

The room echoed now, and it no longer felt like the room you used to sleep in back when you and Noah were inseparable. It was completely bare, ready for someone new to move in, ready to create new memories for someone else. 

“Ready?” Noah asked suddenly, making you turn around. 

He was carrying one of the last boxes, your car keys hooked around his finger, dressed in the same pair of black skinny jeans he always wore, and black sleeveless band shirt. His hair was a little damp and messy from having only just gotten out the shower five minutes ago, it had begun to grow past his shoulders now. You kept telling him he needed a haircut, but he told you it can wait until after the move. Once the two of you were in LA, his bands first album was going to be released shortly after, so he wanted to make sure he looked good for all the interviews he was convinced he would be doing. 

But right now, he looked tired, excited and a little bit nervous. Just like you. 

“As I’ll ever be.” You finally answered. 

Noah let out a soft sigh before setting the box down by the door and walking over to you, wrapping both arms around your waist without saying anything, and you automatically reached up, resting your arms around his neck. 

You stayed like this for a couple moments, just holding each other in silence, in the empty room. 

“I can’t believe this is really happening.” You whispered, and Noah smiled against your forehead. 

“I know. I’m moving across the country with my girlfriend.” 

You chuckled. 

“I keep waiting for something to stop us.” 

“Nothing’s stopping us.” He said, his lips brushing your forehead, “We made it.” 

“Not yet,” you smirked, “We have to get there first.” 

Noah huffed a laugh, then squeezed you one last time before pulling away. 

“C’mon, these are the last boxes. Wanna help me take ‘em?” He said, motioning to one of the boxes by his wardrobe. 

You nodded your head, and reached for one of them. 

The two of you walked through the house and down to the driveway, which looked empty now- but that wasn’t the case two days ago. 

Two days ago, Jolly and Folio were giving you and Noah a hand moving your things out from your place, to take them to Noah's, and they were laughing at the amount of stuff the two of you somehow owned. 

“There’s no way the two of you are fitting this in your car.” Jolly had said as he watched Noah and Folio bring more and more things out of your house- your coffee table, the TV you were not leaving behind, the dismantled bookshelf. He then insisted he take your things to LA in his van, since there was enough room, and it felt rude to say no.

So after that, all that remained was the final handful of things- a suitcase full of clothes, a backpack full of bathroom things and a box containing some of the things neither of you trusted Jolly or Foilo to take across the country. Now those things were all sitting in the back of your car. Noah had sold his a few days ago to someone he knew in another local band, he said it made sense just to take the one to California.

And of course it had to be your car. The one he spent weeks secretly fixing up for you before Christmas. The one that you cried over when he gave you the keys. It was now the one to take you both to begin your new life together, far, far away from this town. 

But just as Noah put the last bag in the back of the car, somebody suddenly pulled up into his drive. You realised who it was immediately, and your heart sank. 

“Hey!” You barely heard a voice before arms were being thrown around you, pulling you into a tight hug. 

“Jess, we were going to stop by your place before we-”

“I don’t care, I had to come and say goodbye.” She said, squeezing you even tighter. 

You laughed into her shoulder, holding her just as tightly. When she finally let go, her eyes were already beginning to glisten. 

“No.” You pointed a finger at her, “No tears, this is a happy day.” 

“I know.” She sniffled, “I’m not crying… it’s just allergies.” 

You chuckled, and from the corner of your eye, you spotted Sam wandering over to Noah. 

“Everything worked out then, huh?”

Noah nodded his head, almost looking a little embarrassed by how happy he felt. 

“I think I’m the luckiest man alive, to be honest.” 

“Luck?” Sam’s brows raised, “I wouldn’t call it luck, bro.” 

Noah’s brows furrowed. 

“What?”

“I’ve had to hear every little detail of you two’s relationship,” he laughed, “And it sounds like you earned this, you worked for it. You didn’t win her over just because you were lucky.” 

Noah didn’t say anything to that straight away, he just slowly nodded his head. Then Sam reached out and patted his shoulder. 

“Good luck out there, man. I hope it all goes well.” He smiled, “And take care of y/n. You don’t want to know what my girlfriend would do to your ass if you do so much as make her cry.”

Noah chuckled, shaking his head. Meanwhile, Jess was holding your hands in hers, squeezing them tight. 

“I’m scared.” You whispered, looking down at your joined hands. “What if it doesn’t work out?”

“Then it doesn’t.” She said with a shrug, “You could come back- you know you’re always welcome at my place- or you figure something else out. But this is your chance, babe. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve talked about leaving this place... and if you don’t go, you know you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what would’ve happened if you did.” 

You swallowed hard, feeling the lump in your throat coming back. 

“I’m going to miss you so much.” You said quietly before meeting her eyes, “I promise I’ll text, I’ll call you at every chance, I’ll send you pictures of cats and the sunsets… it’ll be like we’re not even apart.” 

Jess chuckled, a tear slipping down her cheek. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” You whispered before pulling her into a hug. 

“Baby, I know this is all very emotional, but it’s almost time.” Noah called out, and you carefully pulled back, nodding your head. 

“Guess this is it.” You said, wiping beneath your eyes while Jess nodded. 

“Yeah... go start the rest of your life with that asshole mechanic you said you hated so much,” she laughed through her tears, “Promise you'll come back to visit when you can, though?”

“Of course I will.” You smiled, “Goodbye, Jess.” 

“Bye.” She said, not trusting her voice to stay steady. 

You took a deep breath as you stepped away, but you didn’t get far before Sam wrapped his arms around you. 

“Gonna miss you,” he said before pulling back, “Go be somebody out there. Make a name for yourself, yeah? Make us all proud.” 

You nodded your head, and the tears were getting even more difficult to hold back. You waved to Jess and Sam as they got back in his car, then turned to Noah as they left. 

“There’s one more person I need to talk to before we leave…” 

…

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Noah asked as he pulled up to the curb. “You don’t owe her anything, baby.” 

“I’m not doing this for her.” You said, “I’m doing this for me.” 

“...Are you trying to forgive her?”

“Hell no.” You said, reaching for the seatbelt, “There’s just some things I need to say. I’m not coming to start a fight, or to hear her side of whatever twisted story she’ll tell,” you reached for the door handle, “I just need to get a few things off my chest.” 

Noah nodded his head. 

“As long as you’re sure. Want me to wait in here?”

“Please.” You said before shutting the car door, and staring up at her front door. 

Each step up to her porch came with a memory. Countless Friday nights you spent together while Jess was on a date, the two of you sharing a cheap bottle of wine, sitting cross legged on her bed while you talked about anything and everything. The nights you cried in her arms over stupid things, nights you held her when the guy she was talking to broke her heart. 

This used to feel like your second home, but now it felt like it belonged to a stranger. 

You raised your hand knocked twice on the door, bracing yourself for what was to come. Would she be angry? Would she be upset? Would she talk to you? Would she even open the door? 

You had to remind yourself that she had no right to be angry. She was the cause of this entire mess, and-

“Y/n?”

The door opened, and Maya stood on the other side, her face pale, her hair a mess, bags under her eyes. She looked nothing like the Maya you knew… or the Maya you thought you knew. 

“Hi.” You said, though you noticed she wasn’t even looking at you. She was looking past you, at your car that was parked, then at Noah, who was still sitting behind the wheel, trying to make it look like he wasn’t watching. 

“So… you’re back together?”

“Yes. We are.” You said, noticing the confusion on her face. 

“...Can I help you?”

“I won’t keep you long, I have somewhere to be. I just wanted to talk before I left.” 

She hesitated before stepping outside, carefully pulling the door almost closed behind her. 

“I heard you were leaving town.” 

“I am.” You nodded your head. “With Noah, actually. We’re moving out to LA together.”

She nodded her head slowly, looking away for a moment .

“You got what you wanted then?”

You let out a breath of laughter, shaking your head. 

“No. Not really.” 

Maya frowned. 

“What?”

“What I wanted was my best friend.” You said calmly, almost gently, because there was no anger left in you anymore. “I wanted you by my side while I packed up my house, I wanted you by my side at Steve’s funeral, I… I wanted you to be happy for me, happy that I’m in my first relationship with a good guy, like any other best friend would be.” 

You watched as her eyes began to glisten with tears, the way her bottom lip trembled. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever realised just how much you meant to me.” You said, swallowing hard. “I thought of you as my sister. I thought you’d be my maid of honour one day, I thought our kids would grow up together, I thought we’d…” your words trailed off as you held back a sob, “Jess has always had someone else, she’s always been in and out of relationships… but us? We weren't ike that. We’ve always had each other.”

Maya’s shoulders began to shake, then she covered her mouth with her hand before she started to really sob, tears finally spilling from her eyes. 

“I’m sorry…” She said, though her words sounded broken and weak, “I’m so, so sorry.” 

You just watched her blankly. But a few months ago you would’ve wrapped your arms around her, comforted her, told her it was okay, you can fix this. But not anymore. You weren’t going to waste your time on someone that couldn’t be fixed. 

“I’ve ruined everything,” she said quietly as she wiped at her face, “I don’t why I… I’m-”

Her words trailed off to nothing as she cried openly now, not even trying to hold anything back. 

“Y’know,” you said calmly, “I think I know why you did it.” 

She slowly lifted her red, teary eyes to look at you. 

“I don’t think you hate me.” You said confidently, “I just think somewhere along the way, you stopped liking yourself. Maybe you were jealous of me, I don’t know… but it meant that you couldn’t bear watching me be happy, because it wasn’t you.” 

Maya looked away, ashamed, because she knew deep down, that was the truth. 

“I don’t think this was ever about Noah. I think you were just lonely and insecure.” You shook your head sadly, “And instead of admitting that, or telling me anything, you decided it would hurt less if neither of us got to be happy.” 

Maya couldn't even argue, because again, she knew you were right. 

“And what breaks my heart the most about all of this,” you continued, “Is that I would’ve never thought about doing anything like this to you, ever. But y’know what, I’m glad this happened.” 

Maya suddenly looked back up at you. 

“What?”

You nodded your head. 

“Yeah. I know how it sounds. But Maya, if it ever came down to it, I would’ve picked you over Noah. I would've defended you, stood up for you, I would’ve trusted you with my life… thinking you would do the same.” You shook your head slowly. “But I know now that would've been a waste, because you never would've done the same.” You said softly, “So thank you. Thank you for showing me who you really are. For showing me the ugly, selfish bitch that you really are.” 

You let the words land for a moment, carefully thinking about how you were going to word what you wanted to say next. 

“Something I’ve learned through all of this, is that I don’t want a lot of people in my life anymore. I just want the right ones. People who love me, and people who really care.” You took a long breath before finishing with, “I hope one day you find people who make you feel like you’re enough, even with an evil, bitter heart like yours. But that won’t be me. I shouldn't even be here wasting my time on you, but I thought you'd like to know that while you keep yourself locked up in here, feeling sorry for yourself, I'm the happiest I've ever been. That's all.” 

You were about to turn around and walk back to the car when she reached for you, her fingers brushing your arm. 

“Please, I’m sorry, I know you hate me but-”

You spun back around. 

“I don’t want your apologies, Maya. I don’t hate you. I can’t, because even if I did, I’d know you hate yourself more.” You said gently, “And I’ll never forget all the good memories, okay? I’ll cherish them forever… but that’s in the past, and I don’t want you in my future.” 

You took a step back. 

“I hope you find peace with yourself one day. I hope you learn to love yourself as much as I used to. Then maybe you’ll find somebody… and when you do, I hope to god you lose them too. I hope you feel the same pain you put me through and realise just how much strength it has taken me to not to beat your ass right here.” You smiled innocently. “But other than that, I wish you the best.” You turned around properly this time as you said your final words. “Goodbye, Maya.” 

Then headed back to the car, to Noah, to the future that was waiting for you. You didn’t even look back once. Noah reached over and opened the door for you, giving you a look as if to say was everything alright? But the moment you sat down, you let out a very long breath, like a sigh or relief. 

“Got some things off your chest?” He asked as he started the engine, and you looked over at him with the softest smile. 

“Yeah… I did.”

He reached for your knee, giving it a soft squeeze. 

“You ready to leave?”

You took a deep breath, glancing over at Maya’s house once more before nodding your head. 

“Yeah.” You turned to face him, a little sad smile on your face, “Let’s put this place behind us.” 

…

During the first few hours on the road, it still hadn’t sunk in that you were leaving for good. It felt like you were on just another road trip, another business trip, another drive to a bar to watch Noah’s band. You even had to glance over at Noah every now and then to make sure this was still real, and to poke him to make sure this wasn't a dream.

He had one hand on the wheel, the other on your thigh, red beanie on his head, and music blasting through the speakers. You couldn’t help but smile at him, knowing this was the man you’d happily spend the rest of your life with, and the man you so nearly lost...

You tried not to let yourself think about that anymore though. Because you didn’t lose him. Instead, you lost a fake friend, which is the best outcome there could’ve been from that situation. 

Noah drove for miles and miles, with the occasional bathroom break or stopping to pick up snacks. After a few more hours passed, he told you he was feeling kinda hungry, so when you spotted a diner you stopped off there for a while. While you were on the diner’s free wifi, you looked for motels that you would be passing by, knowing that Noah wouldn’t want to stop tonight but you didn’t want to risk your lives before they could even begin. 

So a few more hours into the trip, you managed to persuade him to stop off somewhere for the night, so he took your bags from the car, got the keys from the front desk and made your way up to your room. 

It wasn’t much, but for tonight it was home. There was a king sized bed, an old TV that you were convinced would blow up if you switched it on, and a lamp that made the room glow yellow. Noah dropped your bags beside the door, before dramatically collapsing backwards onto the bed with a loud groan. 

“Oh…” He said before bouncing slightly on the bed, “It’s pretty comfy. Come check it out.” 

You narrowed your eyes on him suspiciously. 

“It’s not a trap… is it?”

“‘Course not, baby. C’mere.” 

With a playful sigh you wandered over, he kicked his shoes off and moved so he was lying against the pillows, and then pulled you into his arms. God, he had a way of making anywhere feel like home.

You listened to his breathing gradually slow as the tension left his body.

“You know…” He said eventually.

“Hm?”

“It won’t be long until we’re doing this in our own bed.”

Your face lit up, and the words made your stomach flutter... but then another thought occurred to you.

“…Wait.”

He glanced down.

“What?”

“…Do we actually have one?”

Noah’s expression changed just the slightest… but it was enough for you to notice.

“…Maybe.”

You sat up.

“What do you mean, maybe?”

“Well…”

“Noah!”

“What?”

“Tell me the place comes with a bed!”

“…Yeah. Yeah it’s got a bed. Yeah, there’s nothing to worry about!”

You eyed him suspiciously… but didn’t question it any further. 

Eventually you both got unready for the night. You washed your face in the tiny bathroom while Noah brushed his teeth beside you, the both of you constantly bumping elbows because there wasn’t enough room at the sink. 

“You better get used to this, babe,” Noah smirked with a mouthful of toothpaste, “Our bathroom in the apartment isn’t exactly the biggest.” 

“Great!” You rolled your eyes playfully, knowing it wouldn’t be an issue at all. 

By the time you both got into bed and climbed under the sheets, it was completely dark outside, and the room was only lit by the little flickering lamp, until Noah switched it off, and wrapped his arms around you. 

You snuggled into him, letting out a content, happy sigh as you rested your head on his chest, feeling his fingers thread through your hair. 

“Noah?” You mumbled sleepily. 

“Hm?”

“Have I ever told you how happy you make me?” 

Noah’s fingers paused for a brief moment, the question suddenly catching him off guard, before continuing to brush through your hair. 

“No. But I see it.”

“You do?” 

“Yeah.” He said softly. “I see it every time you smile at me.”

You tilted your head just enough to look up at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” he began, smiling almost shyly, “When you’d be laughing with Jess, it would be big and wide. When Steve used to annoy you, you’d roll your eyes first and then you’d smile like you were trying not to.” His thumb stroked your side beneath your shirt. “When you got everything done at work, you’d get this smug little grin because you were proud of yourself.”

You couldn’t help but smile already.

“And when you look at me…” Noah continued, his voice even softer, “I see it all in your eyes. Love. Sometimes I wonder if I’m imagining it, if I’m seeing things,” he leaned down, brushing his nose against yours. “But then the corners of your mouth start lifting, and I know it's real.” He laughed quietly. “I even caught you doing it while I was driving earlier.”

Your cheeks warmed.

“You didn’t.” 

“I did,” he smirked, but then his face softened, and he looked at you with so much affection it made your chest ache. “Every single time you look at me like that…” he whispered, “I think, wow… she chose me.”

“Oh, Noah…” You whispered, “Don’t make me cry again.” 

“Sorry, babe.” He smiled, “You started it.” 

You let out a breathy chuckle, then reached up, gently brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead.

“You know what I think every time I look at you?”

He shook his head.

“I think…” You smiled softly. “That’s my person. My Noah.” 

The words hung between you in the quiet room as you ran your fingers through his hair.

“So many people spend their whole lives looking for what we have… for someone they can be completely themselves with.” You looked into his eyes. “I don’t have to pretend with you… I don’t have to be strong all the time or have everything figured out. You never make me feel like I’m too much

His throat bobbed, and you smiled through the tears gathering in your eyes.

“I still don’t think you realise what you’ve done for me.” You quietly confessed. 

“What have I done now?” He chuckled.

“...I used to be very independent- I still am- but it was different back then. I never liked relying on anybody, I used to think I could carry everything by myself… I’d never even tell my friends about things that I now tell you about. Because now, when something good happens, my first thought is I can’t wait to tell Noah about this.” 

“And when something bad happens?” He asked gently. 

“I want you.”

That answer seemed to hit him right in the heart, and he pulled you impossibly closer until there wasn’t even an inch between you.

“You have me,” he whispered into your hair. “You have me for as long as you want me.” 

“That sounds like a pretty long time.” You smiled softly. 

“Mhm... I was thinking forever.”

You tipped your head back to look at him with a little smirk. 

“You’ve always been awfully confident.”

“Yeah, well I’ve just got that feeling.”

“What kind of feeling?”

He gave you a soft, lazy, sleepy smile that completely melted your heart. 

“That I can see us growing old together. We’d be in our 80s, dumped in some retirement home because our kids were sick of our shit, and I’d still be teasing you and making you blush.” 

You stared at him, your eyes widening ever so slightly. 

“You wanna grow old with me?”

He nodded his head gently. 

“Couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather go grey with.” He smirked.

“...So are you saying you’re gonna marry me one day?”

Noah let out a sudden sleepy laugh. 

“Jesus, you don’t waste any time, do you?”

“I was just asking.” You said, almost a little shy now. 

“Oh yeah?” He looked at you for a moment, softly, before pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Baby,” he said quietly, his voice a little more serious now, “I don’t wanna make a promise like this unless I give you something to show for it.” 

“What do you mean?” You asked, your brows drawing together. 

“I mean… if I sat here and promised I’d marry you one day,” he couldn't help but the big grin on his face, “I’d want to put something on your finger.” 

Your eyes widened again. 

“A ring?”

“Mhm… like a promise ring. I’m not talking about getting engaged tomorrow,” he chuckled, “I think everyone would think I’d completely lost my mind.” He reached down between your bodies, taking your left hand in his, his thumb brushing over your ring finger. “But I want you to know that if I’m making that kind of promise, I want you to have something you can look at every day. So whenever you start doubting me, you can look at it and remember that I mean every word. That I don’t ever want you wondering where we’re headed… because I’m serious about you, about us.” 

Your bottom lip wobbled, especially since Noah’s cheeks were now suddenly a little pink. 

“So when we’ve finally settled in LA, when we’re doing okay and maybe I’ve saved up a little… I’ll get you that promise ring. And then we’ll keep building our life together,” he gave your hand a squeeze, “Because then when the band takes off-”

“You sound very certain about that.” You laughed, cutting him off. 

“I am. We’re so fucking good, and we’ve all worked too damn hard for it to fail.” He chuckled, “But when that happens, and we’re not scraping by anymore, when we’ve got a nice big home with some big dogs running around, and we’re comfortable and I can afford to buy you the most beautiful ring I can find… I’m gonna ask you properly. I’m gonna do it properly. I’m gonna marry you, and I’m gonna give you the biggest, best, fanciest wedding you could ask for- and I know you don’t care about that, I know what you’d say, but I don’t wanna give you anything less than what you deserve, baby. Because I love you… so fucking much, I can’t even put it into words.”

You were quiet for a moment, opening your mouth to say something but it died on your tongue, because what were you supposed to say to that?

“I hate you.” You tried to laugh, to play off the weight of his words, but failed. Because instead, you let out a loud sob, which made him chuckle as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“Yeah… you’ve told me that a lot.” 

…

The rest of the journey seemed to pass pretty quick, which you were quite glad about. Miles passed without you even really noticing, and the scenery outside the windows would change every so often from open roads to little towns into unfamiliar cities. You would stop every so often when either of you needed a break or Noah wanted to stretch his legs, but it was never for long. 

Because you were impatient, and you wanted to be in California already. 

Every night you’d stop off in a motel, you’d shower and freshen up before ending the night with his arms wrapped around you, and sometimes the two of you would just lie away and talk for hours before finally falling asleep.

On the fourth (and final) day on the road, Noah had finally let you drive. You kept telling him it was only fair to take turns, but he insisted on being the one to drive- it was only when you pretended to be offended by it, pretending you were upset that he didn’t trust your driving, that he let you take over. 

Twenty minutes later, he was fast asleep in the passenger seat anyway, his head tipped back against the seat and his mouth slightly open as the occasional snore escaped him, making your heart melt. But the closer you were getting to California, the more impossible it became to stop smiling. 

Especially when you would see the road signs, and your stomach fluttered as you read them. 

LOS ANGELES - 48 MILES.

Then it became twenty, then ten, then you couldn’t keep the excitement to yourself anymore. 

“Noah,” you said softly, but you smiled to yourself when he didn’t move, “…Noah.”

A sleepy grumble escaped him, but his eyes stayed shut.

“Babe.” You tried. 

“Mmph…”

“We’re here.”

His brow furrowed.

“Huh?”

“We’re here.”

He slowly cracked an eye open, turning to face you. 

“…We are?”

“Yes.” You laughed. 

He blinked a few times, still looking completely dazed as he slowly sat up in the passenger seat. Then he yawned as he looked out the window. The highways were busier now than anything you’d ever driven through back home. Cars surrounded you in every lane, palm trees lined the roads, and enormous billboards towered overhead.

It was real. You’d actually done it.

Noah rubbed a hand over his face before suddenly remembering something that woke him up fully.

“Oh shit.”

“What?”

“The apartment.” He reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out his phone, squinting at the screen through sleepy eyes. “Okay… so we need to keep left.”

You did as he said.

“…No, wait.” He frowned at the map. “I think it’s right. We have to go right.” 

“You don’t know where we live, do you?”

“I do! Maps doesn’t!”

You shook your head with a playful sigh, but when Noah shouted out the next direction, you followed… and twenty minutes later, he was able to point the building out to you. So you followed the road, made one last turn, and finally you came to a stop. 

When you parked up and turned to look at him, he was already watching you, a grin slowly spreading across his face.

“We’re really here.” You said in disbelief. 

But Noah leaned over and pressed a slow kiss against your lips before resting his forehead against yours for a second.

“Welcome home, baby… wanna go check it out?”

You nodded your head, before getting out of the car. The Californian sunshine was warmer than it had ever been at home, and you took a deep breath, looking up at the building that would be yours.

It wasn’t huge, the paint had certainly seen better days, but this was home. You turned around, noticing Noah was grabbing some bags out of the back of the car, and you took in the scenery around you. There were similar apartment blocks for as far as you could see, and around the corner there was a taco truck that you were sure Noah would be happy about. You just couldn’t believe how many palm trees there were, it almost felt like something out of a movie.

“Oh, before I forget.” Noah suddenly said as he adjusted one of the bags on his shoulder. “Jolly and Folio got here a couple days ago with the vans.”

You looked up.

“They did? Have they already moved everything in?”

“The big stuff.” He nodded. “Or… what little big stuff we actually own.”

You laughed.

“They said they’d leave us to unpack together though, so they just took everything in and left it.” He added before leading the way into the building. 

“Where are they now?”

“They only live like a mile away.” He pointed down the road. “They came by earlier to drop the keys off, Folio said he left them under the welcome mat.”

You looked at him.

“…Seriously?”

“What?”

“That’s so unsafe! Anyone could’ve taken them!” You gasped as you followed him up the stairs. But then he bent down, lifted the faded mat outside apartment 8… and sure enough there were a set of silver keys. 

“You boys are unbelievable.” You shook your head while Noah gave you a smug look. 

“Yeah, yeah. We prefer smart, baby.”

He unlocked the front door before stepping aside and holding his arm out.

“After you, m’lady.”

You rolled your eyes, but your stomach fluttered anyway. You reached out, wrapping your fingers slowly around the handle and gently pushed the door open. 

As you stepped inside the empty apartment, the kitchen was to the left and the living room to the right. There was already an oven, fridge, couch- and one of the guys must’ve put your coffee table out already. 

Boxes were stacked in the big empty space between the open plan kitchen/living room. Sunlight spilled through the window, making the apartment already feel warm as it shone down onto the worn wooden floor.  

On the other side of the room there were two doors, which you assumed were the bedroom and bathroom. 

The place sure wasn’t luxurious, modern, or very impressive. Most of the kitchen cupboards were chipped, every footstep echoed, the ceiling fan above the living room looked older than the two of you combined… 

“I love it.” You said with a big grin as you turned back to Noah, who looked like he had been bracing himself. 

He looked a little confused, his brows drawing together. 

“…Really?”

“Yes!” You laughed, wandering back over to him. 

“I know it’s… not exactly the best. And I know you deserve so, so much better, baby-“

“But everyone has to start somewhere.” You said, smiling softly. 

“But it’s-“

You shut him up by gently placing a finger against his lips. 

“This…” you looked around the little apartment again, “…is the first place that’s ever been ours, Noah. I don’t care if the cupboards don’t match, or that it’s small. It’s ours.”

You watched his throat bob as he swallowed, before he shook his head. 

“C’mon. We’ve not even seen the whole place yet.” He said before taking your hand with a smirk. “I wanna see our bedroom. Wanna see where the magic’s gonna happen-”

“Noah!” You giggled as he led you through the apartment, up to the bedroom door. 

Slowly, he reached out and pushed it open and let you step in first. Compared to the rest of the apartment, it was surprisingly big. There was a rather large window that overlooked the street below, and the warm California sun shone in brightly through it. 

Against one wall stood a rather big white wardrobe, and across from it sat a dresser that looked like it had barely survived its last three owners. Still, you smiled as you wandered over to the window, taking in the sight of the street below, your street. 

But then you turned back around all of a sudden... and you looked again, suspiciously.

There was a wardrobe. There was a dresser. There was a big window. 

“...Noah?”

“Yeah baby?”

“...Where’s the bed?”

You turned your head to look at him, and he was standing very still. Almost like a dog who knew he was about to be scolded for peeing on the floor. 

“Noah..? You told me this place came with a bed.”

“So… about that…” 

“I’m listening.” You said, folding your arms. 

He looked so embarrassed that you almost felt bad. 

“...When this place said it came already furnished, you’d expect a bed too, right?”

“That’s what it said?”

“Yeah!” He nodded his head, “The landlord told me it was already partly furnished so I thought that meant-”

“Partly, Noah.” You laughed, “Partly! You should've asked!”

“I know!” He groaned, tipping his head back before dragging a hand down his face. “But look, I’ll get it fixed, okay? I’ll quickly go out, if you wanna start unpacking and-”

“How do you plan on fixing this?” You asked with a little smirk, your arms still crossed. 

“...I’m gonna buy an air bed.” He said, almost shyly, “I know it’s not the best, it’ll only be temporary-”

“You promise?”

“Yes!” 

“So eventually we will have an actual bed?”

“The nicest one I can afford.” He nodded, leaning down to kiss your forehead. 

…

By the time the sun had begun to set, the apartment looked a little more lived in. Sure there were still boxes everywhere, but they were no longer stacked in between the kitchen and living room. Half of them had been opened, their contents scattered across the kitchen counters, the coffee table, the sofa and every available bit of floor space. 

Noah had returned from the store proudly carrying a boxed-up air mattress over one shoulder, and dropped it down onto the bedroom floor with a big grin. 

“I have saved the day.” He announced proudly.

“You fixed the problem you created.”

“Hey, it wasn’t even my fault!”

“But you could’ve asked!” 

But now the air bed sat in the middle of the bedroom, fully inflated after Noah had spent five minutes trying to figure out how the pump worked, then complained the entire time it took to inflate.

You laughed to yourself, typical Noah.

Then you continued unpacking one of the boxes for the bedroom, slowly decorating it with things that made it feel like home. You had stacked some books on the dresser, keeping them upright between a fancy candle Jess bought you for your birthday and a vase Linda handed down to you when a customer came in with flowers for you on your twentieth birthday. 

Then you opened up the next box, and right on the top of everything was that framed photo of you and Steve from the garage, the one Linda took, the one Noah insisted you bring. He must’ve packed this without telling you. 

A small smile tugged at your lips as you carefully carried the frame over to the dresser, blowing away some of the dust on it before setting it down and taking a step back to look at it. 

Perfect, you thought. 

Behind you came the unmistakable sound of Noah’s heavy footsteps walking into the room carrying another box.

“Noah?” 

“Hm?”

“What do you think?”

He set the box down before following your gaze.

“Oh…” His smile softened, “That’s lovely…”

He walked over beside you, slipping an arm around your waist while the two of you looked at it together.

“He looked really proud of you.”

“He always was.”

Noah kissed your temple.

“I know.”

A comfortable silence settled between you, but then of course Noah had to ruin it. 

“…Babe?”

“Yeah?” You looked up at him. 

“…Do you really think that should go there?”

You frowned.

“What do you mean?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, trying not to say it so explicitly.

“I mean… I love the picture, and I think we should absolutely have it on display.”

You folded your arms.

“So what’s the problem?”

He hesitated for a second, clearly trying to work out how to word it.

“…It’s just… it’s facing the bed.”

“Yeah?”

Then Noah cleared his throat.

“I just…” He pointed awkwardly between the photograph and the bed, “…I don’t really want your uncle watching us when we’re… y’know…” He made a gesture with both hands that you wished you hadn’t seen, “I don’t want to feel like he’s watching us fuck.” 

Your jaw dropped.

“Noah!” You gasped.

“What? I’m serious!”

You burst into laughter.

“He is not gonna be watching us!”

“He is, and he’s got the perfect view!”

“Ew!” You shoved his arm. 

“I’m just saying!” Noah laughed, “I loved Steve, I’d just rather not be making eye contact with him while I’m balls deep in his-”

“Okay, fine!!” You raised your voice, trying to stop him from saying anything that could possibly make this any worse than it already was, “I’ll move him if it shuts you up.” 

You picked up the frame and wandered into the living room, setting him down on the TV stand. 

“There.”

Noah followed behind you and studied it for a moment, folding his arms over his chest.

“That’s better.” He nodded, “But we’ll get some shelves put up soon, baby. We’ll make this place feel like home, I promise.”

You smiled softly, stepping closer to Noah and slipping your arms around his neck.

“It already does.” You said quietly before standing on your tiptoes to give him a little kiss. 

…

By the time you admitted defeat, it was almost midnight. You had spent pretty much all day unpacking, yet there were still boxes stacked in every room, the kitchen cupboards were only half full, the bathroom still looked like a hotel, with toothbrushes balanced on the edge of the sink because neither of you had found the little holder yet. The wardrobe was half full of your clothes on the side you claimed as yours, and Noah had hung up a couple hoodies and a few t-shirts before getting distracted by something else.

It wasn’t finished yet, but neither of you expected to get everything done today. So after balling up a few pairs of boxers and shoving them messily into his drawer of the dresser, Noah dropped down onto the air mattress with a very exaggerated groan. 

“I’m calling it.” He announced, “I can’t unpack another box tonight. The rest can wait 'til tomorrow.”

You smiled from the bedroom doorway, carrying two mugs of hot chocolate you managed to make despite everything still being all over the place.

“You said that an hour ago.”

“I know, babe, but I mean it this time.”

You laughed, handing out a mug to him. He took it, and took a careful sip before immediately pulling a face.

“You make this with water?”

You looked down into your mug.

“Well, yeah? We don’t have any milk.”

“Oh shit, yeah…”

You laughed.

“We can go shopping tomorrow,” you smiled, sitting down beside him, “I don’t want to do anything else tonight.” 

“Mm, me neither.” Noah hummed, taking another sip of his drink. “Just wanna sleep.”

“Same.” You said through a yawn, making Noah smile. 

So the two of you sat in bed, finally relaxing in peace after the hectic day you had, drinking your watery hot chocolates. Your overnight bags you took into the motels were open on the floor, one lamp filled the room with a warm yellow glow that you were sure you’d get used to in time, and outside, you could hear distant traffic and the occasional siren somewhere across the city.

It sounded nothing like home- not your old home, anyway. 

“I’m gonna brush my teeth before I end up falling asleep sitting up.” Noah said after finishing his drink.

“You say that like you’re eighty.” You laughed.

“My back feels eighty after four days stuck in your car.”

“You are very tall.”

“Bebae, I know.” He chuckled before he leaned down and kissed the top of your head, then disappeared into the bathroom. You smiled to yourself, and a few minutes later, you followed him. 

The two of you stood shoulder to shoulder at the tiny sink, brushing your teeth in a comfortable silence. There wasn’t enough room for both of you, just like Noah said it'd be, and every few seconds one of you bumped the other with an elbow, making you laugh around your toothbrush.

When you were both finished, Noah switched the bathroom light off and let out a long sigh.

“Bedtime, finally!” He reached for your hand. “And you’re coming with me.”

You let him pull you back into the bedroom, giggling as he sat down on the air bed and pulled you down with him. The mattress had dipped beneath his weight, making you roll towards him without even trying.

He smiled as he looked down at you, already by his side. 

“Oh, hi. You’re clingy tonight.” He teased. 

“I’m not even trying!” You laughed as you pushed yourself up, making him chuckle. 

“I know.” His arm slid around your waist anyway, pulling you back into his side again. “You’ll never escape me.”

“I don’t think I want to.” You said with a soft smile. 

The smile that spread across his face was small, but real. He reached out, brushing a strand of hair away from your face before leaning in to kiss you, slow and gently. Like after the busy day you two have had, he was trying to bring you both back down to reality. 

“…You okay?” He asked when he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

“Of course,” you whispered softly, “We really made it, Noah.” 

He nodded his head, and without saying another word, he pulled you impossibly closer until there wasn’t even an inch of space left between you.

“I love you so much.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “And I’m so happy you’re here with me, baby. I don’t know how I would’ve ever done this alone.” 

“I know, but you don’t have to think about that… I love you too, more than you'd ever know.” You smiled. “Even when I hate you.”

Noah chuckled, pressing one last kiss to your forehead before reaching over and switching the little lamp off. 

Outside, Los Angeles was still wide awake, and carried on without you. Cars drove by, people shouted and laughed, and somewhere in the distance there was music playing. But inside your little apartment, everything was calm and still. 

You closed your eyes as you laid in his arms, knowing this should feel scary. You had moved out here with no job, not much money, no real plan… but you weren’t scared at all. If anything, you were excited, knowing that you had everything you ever needed, and he was holding you tight.  

When you first met Noah, when he first stepped into your office that morning, you had no idea just how much he would come to mean to you. You had no idea just what he was like beneath the facade he wore to protect himself, or that the man you swore you wouldn’t fall for would become the person you couldn’t imagine living without. If someone told you then that one day you’d leave everything you’d ever known behind for him, you would’ve laughed in their face. 

But something you’ve come to learn recently was that life has a funny way of changing your plans. You never imagined falling in love before, but now you were laying in the arms of a man who had made a promise just a few nights ago that he was going to give you the world and nothing less… 

And you truly believed him. 

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Somehow, four entire years had passed since you and Noah had packed everything you owned and moved across the country with absolutely no idea what the future held. 

The little apartment that once felt so empty didn’t take long to feel like home. The air mattress had long been replaced with a proper bed- which already feels a little broken thanks to the shenanigans that take place on it every other night. The kitchen cupboards were now full and properly organised, although Noah still somehow manages to put things away in the wrong place when it’s his turn to do the dishes. 

You still keep in contact with Linda and Jess, every few days you’d call and tell them both what you’d been up to, sharing stories of random famous faces you ran into at the grocery store, or telling them where Noah was off to next. 

Because the first Bad Omens album did better than any of you had expected- except Noah, who was so confident and always insisted it’d take off. So the band began to work harder, building it into something real. Tours became longer, they stopped playing in shitty bars and moved into actual venues, and fans had even started to recognise them in the street. 

Then, last summer, their second album was released. It felt like everything was finally falling into place, and nothing could possibly go wrong. 

You become part of the crew too, so you could quit your shitting waitressing job at the restaurant a few blocks away. Officially, your job title was merch manager and social media manager- but unofficially, you did a bit of everything. You sold shirts before shows, then packed all the merch up after them to throw back into the tour van- which had been upgraded now. You reminded everyone where they were supposed to be, you made sure Noah knew when and where he had interviews to do. It was all so hectic, but you loved it. You wouldn’t change it for the world. 

You loved watching people in the crowd sing Noah and Jolly’s words back to them every night, you loved seeing these guys live the dream they always wanted. You were so, so proud of them all. 

And when the band wasn’t touring, life would slow down again. Noah began streaming on twitch a couple years ago in the evenings, partly because he genuinely loved playing games with his friends and talking to the little community online… but also because every extra dollar helped when he wasn't on the road.

Sometimes you’d wander into the room halfway through the stream carrying dinner, only for the chat to explode because they noticed you were wearing one of Noah’s tshirts! Other times, you’d sit just out of frame reading a book while listening to him talk to his friends, to his chat, and laugh over something stupid that someone said. 

You weren’t living a glamorous life whatsoever, but you were proud of what the two of you built together here. And you sure as hell wouldn’t change it for the world. 

And you never thought you’d have to. 

Not until the news started talking about a virus.

At first, nobody paid much attention. “It's not that serious, they're exaggerating”, Noah had told you one night when you were laying in bed, unable to sleep because you were worried about what may come of it. 

But everyday, there were more headlines. More countries reported more cases of it, more events were cancelled and people were being told to keep their distance from others. They began using words like coronavirus, pandemic, quarantine, lockdown, and you tried not to let it get to you. But you couldn’t help it. 

You began to not feel so good. It was probably nothing, you put it down to exhaustion and stress, maybe you’d worked too hard. But still, it was enough for you to decide not to join the guys on their next leg of the tour. It felt wrong, you’d barely spent any time apart over the last four years, but the night that he left, Noah kissed your forehead and promised he’d be home before you knew it. He’d call every day, he’d text at any moment he could… and as a parting gift, he had given you a ring. 

It wasn’t an engagement ring, but it seemed close enough. It was the one he promised to get for you once he’d saved up a little and you were living comfortably out here. It was a reminder of how much he loves you, and how one day he’ll replace it with a bigger and fancier one- not that you really for that thought. 

So he kissed you one last time, then left. That’d had been one week ago… and now, you were sat curled up on the sofa in one of his hoodies, the TV playing quietly in the background with another news report. You weren’t listening to it though, you were too busy reading a book that one of Noah’s friends, Jesse, had let you borrow. 

But then your phone started ringing, which was strange. Nobody told you they’d call, and Noah was supposed to be on stage. And the moment you saw the name on the screen, you feared for the worst. 

Noah❤️

You quickly answered it. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” You asked, only to be met with silence for a moment. “Noah?”

“Hey, baby. I thought I should let you know I'm coming home…” God, you could hear the disappointment in his voice, then he let out a slow sigh, “They cancelled it.” 

“What?” You asked suddenly, feeling your stomach drop. “The tour?”

“Yeah.” He sighed, and in the background you could hear voices, people shouting, things being dragged across the floor. “They’re sending everyone home,” Noah explained, and he sounded so exhausted- not physically, but emotionally, “I’ve never seen anything like this.” 

You swallowed hard. 

“When are you coming back?” You asked. 

“As soon as I can,” he sighed again, “I just… I don’t know what happens now.” 

“Noah…” You frowned.

“I don’t know when we’re gonna tour again,” he laughed quietly, but there wasn’t any humour in it, “I don’t even know if there’ll be venues left by the time this is over.” 

Your heart broke hearing the fear in his voice, the fear of losing everything he’d worked so hard to build. 

“I’m just fucking terrified that this is it.” He said.

“No it’s not.” You didn’t hesitate to answer, “You hear me? This isn’t the end, Noah. We’ve figured shit out before, and built things up from nothing. So whatever comes next… we’ve got this, okay? We're in this together.”

On the other end of the line, Noah let out a small breath. 

“…I can’t wait to come home.” 

Neither could you.

You just had no idea how long the world was about to stand still. And you had no idea how long you were about to be stuck inside a house with your boyfriend.

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

i know i said hedonist is over, which it is!! but i'm writing a mini sequel! it'll be set in 2020, noah's gonna be a streamer and it'll be all about what they get up to during that time!! <3 i haven't written anything for it yet, but i will soon! i've got a few ideas already but if there's anything you want to see in it, like a specific scenario or anything then just let me know :)

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

“Are you okay? Do you want me to come in with you?” Folio asked, both his hands still resting on the steering wheel while you stared ahead of yourself. 

There was a window lit on the second floor- Noah’s bedroom. He was home. 

Your stomach turned as you wondered if he was alone, or if he had company tonight. If there was someone else laying on your side of the bed, running their fingers through his hair, wearing his shirt. What if it was too late, what if he had moved on already-

“Y/n?” Folio brought you back to reality, and this time you turned to face him. 

“It’s fine,” you said as you shook your head, “I need to do this. Whether he wants to listen to me or not.” 

“He’s gonna listen.” Folio said after a moment, his voice quieter this time. 

“How do you know?” 

“Because it’s Noah,” he said simply, like that should’ve been obvious, “And he loves you. Even now, after everything.”

You swallowed hard, reaching for the door handle… but your hand just rested there, as fear hit you all over again. But with a deep breath, you pushed through it, and opened the door. It was cold outside, and the air smelled like rain and cigarette smoke from Noah’s neighbour, who was currently standing outside on the porch. 

“You want me to wait here?” Folio asked through the open window. 

You hesitated for a moment, thinking it over. Part of you desperately wanted it, that safety net, someone to back your corner if an argument starts. But another part knew this needed to just be the two of you. 

So you shook your head. 

“No,” you said softly, “I think I need to do this on my own. But thank you for everything tonight… if you hadn’t been in the bar-” 

“Hey,” he interrupted you, a smile tugging on his lips, “Just go get your man.”

Your stomach did a flip at those words, and as you turned around you felt like time had suddenly slowed down. The walk from the driveway to his door felt far longer than it ever used to be, and the moment you reached it, memories came flashing back. 

All the nights you’d come back to Noah’s after the club, drunk and giggly, trying to unlock the door in between kisses. Other nights when the two of you had gone to pick up snacks because you were craving something sweet, and you had to sneak in like a pair of teenagers because his roommates were asleep. And now your hands were so shaky you weren’t sure if you could even knock on the door. 

But you did it anyway. 

Knock knock knock…

Panic suddenly flooded you, terrified that it wouldn’t be Noah answering the door, but maybe another girl. 

But before you could worry too much, the door swung open, and there he was. Neither of you spoke for a moment, he just stared at you like his brain had completely stopped working, like you weren’t really there. 

And he looked tired, his hair was messily tied in a bun, the sleeves of his hoodie were pushed up his forearms. And as you peered past him, you noticed the stack of boxes against the wall. 

He must’ve been packing. 

“Y/n?” He said carefully, drawing your attention back to him. When you looked back up at him, he was wearing a confused expression, almost like he was in disbelief. 

For a moment, you completely forgot the words you had rehearsed in the car. So you just stared up at him, at his eyes, the crease between his brows, at his mouth you’d missed so much it hurt. You tried to say something, but the moment you parted your lips you were afraid you’d start crying before you could even get a word out. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned. 

You just took in another deep breath as you nodded your head, gathering yourself… trying to figure out how to-

SLAP

Your hand moved without you even thinking, hitting him across the face.  

“That-” You pointed a finger at his with watery eyes and trembling lips, “That’s for fucking Maya.” 

Noah just stared at you, his head turned slightly to the side from the force of your hand, and he looked absolutely baffled, his hand coming up to hold his cheek. 

Then the tears finally spilled. They ran hot down your cheeks as you reached up, carefully grabbing his face in both hands… and then you kissed him hard, days of grief and missing him and relief and loving him all crashing together at once, and your lips said everything that you couldn’t. 

His hands found your waist as you slowly pulled back, and he was even more confused now, looking at you with a little frown. 

“That… was also for fucking Maya.” You said quietly, your eyes still closed.

“What the fuck is happening right now?” He asked with an almost nervous huff of laughter. 

You opened your eyes again, and the second you looked at him properly, all the panic came flooding back. Because he looked so lost, so thrown off. He looked was trying to piece together a puzzle but half the pieces were missing.

Your hands were still cupping his face, your thumbs resting against his cheeks, and you realised you were crying so hard your whole body had started shaking, and Noah noticed it too. 

“Hey,” he said softly, his confusion immediately giving way to concern again as his grip tightened gently on your waist. “What’s wrong?”

You let out a little sound that could’ve been a laugh, it could’ve been a sob.

“Everything, and nothing…” You whispered.

His face fell.

“Can you just…” you swallowed hard, trying to gather yourself enough to speak properly, “Can you please let me explain before you say anything?”

Noah nodded immediately.

“Okay.”

And god, that hurt too, because he didn’t even hesitate. You took a shaky breath as you tried to figure out what to say first. 

“Maya lied to me.” The second her name left your mouth, his expression changed. He wasn’t angry, he just looked exhausted, like he was just tired of hearing her name. 

“What did she say?” He asked carefully.

You laughed weakly again, wiping your face with the sleeve of your jacket.

“What didn’t she say?” You scoffed. 

Noah stayed quiet, waiting for you to explain. 

“That night… when we were at Jess’s, she was telling me all these things.” You began to explain, your eyes drifting away from his because somehow it felt too vulnerable to look at him while admitting all of this. “She told me that you didn’t love me… that you never did. She told me you only wanted to sleep with me because nobody else had.” 

“Baby-” Noah frowned. 

“And then I came over here and I asked you if it was true,” you rushed on, your breathing starting to quicken. “And you said yes...”

His eyes widened instantly.

“Oh my god.”

You nodded, though your eyes were welling up again.

“I thought you were confessing to it.”

“No,” he said immediately, shaking his head hard enough that your hands moved with it, “No, no- I thought you meant about me and Maya hooking up before we got together.”

Your eyes squeezed shut.

“I know that now.”

“Jesus christ…” Noah breathed, dragging a hand down his face before looking back at you again in disbelief. “That’s what this whole thing has been about?”

You gave a weak nod, but he looked completely crushed. 

“Y/n,” he said quietly, almost in disbelief himself, “I would never do that to you, I'd never-”

“I know,” you whispered. “I know now.”

The silence that followed felt so heavy, like it was weighing down on your chest. Noah stared at you for a moment, his expression softening more and more the longer he looked at you standing there crying in his doorway.

“Why didn’t you ask me properly?” He asked gently, “We could’ve avoided all of this…”

You dropped your head down, knowing there wasn’t a good answer to this. 

“I don’t know,” you said weakly. “I think… I think I was just angry, and even more so when I asked you if it was true, and it seemed like you knew exactly what I was talking about.”

Noah gently shook his head as his thumb brushed against your side through your jacket.

“You really thought I didn’t love you?” He asked quietly. “After everything?”

You laughed through your tears again, feeling embarrassed now.

“She was messing with my head, she made me feel stupid for believing you did, and now I feel stupid for-”

“No, don’t do that, baby.” He said, and you lifted your eyes back up to his, “You’re not stupid, especially not for feeling loved.” 

Noah watched in real time as your weak smile faded and another sob nearly escaped you. 

“Oh no.” He whispered softly, and before you could even react properly, his hand slid up your arms and then he was pulling you against him, into a hug. 

You buried your face in his chest, and the second his arms wrapped around you properly, you completely gave in, and you stopped holding back.

“I’m sorry,” you cried into his hoodie. “I’m so sorry, Noah…”

“Shh,” he whispered immediately, holding the back of your head carefully. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” you sobbed. “I fired you! I blocked your number! I said some things I didn’t mean, I’ve been so horrible to you-”

“No,” he said again softly, “You did it all because you thought I hurt you.”

“But I didn’t even give you a chance to explain! It’s on me for being so fucking-”

“Stubborn?” He asked, letting out the smallest laugh into your hair, “Y’know that’s one of the things I love about you though, right? You’re stubborn, I’m an asshole… you put me in my place. We’re perfect for each other.”

You let out a little weak laugh, and Noah let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. 

God, he’d missed you. 

His hand rubbed slowly up and down your back while you cried against him, telling you to let it all out, it was so comforting that your knees nearly gave out from relief. But after a minute, you pulled back slightly, just enough to look at him again.

“I love you.” You said, so sure of it as you looked into his eyes, “I don’t know how the fuck you did it, I was so certain that I’d never let myself fall for you all those months ago… but now I don’t know how to live without you.”

The moment those last few words left your mouth, you noticed the shift in him. He was scarily quiet, and he was looking at you as if he wasn’t sure whether he should say what he was thinking. 

“What?” You asked, your brows drawing together. 

His eyes drifted away from yours, scaring you a little.

“Noah?”

He exhaled slowly through his nose, like he was trying to figure out how to say it without ruining this moment.

Then, his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, before finally saying,

“There’s something I haven’t told you yet.”

You were guessing you already knew what it was, the move- Folio had told you. But hearing the tension in his voice now made your stomach turn anyway.

Noah stepped back slightly then, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck as he glanced over his shoulder toward the boxes stacked against the wall.

“I got offered a place in LA,” he said quietly. “It’s better for the band out there, more opportunities, closer to everything...”

You stayed still and silent, letting him explain- but Noah mistook that silence immediately.

“I wanted to tell you before everything happened,” he rushed to explain. “I was even gonna ask you to come with me, but then…” 

“Everything happened.” 

He laughed weakly under his breath, giving you a nod.

“And I was worried it was too soon,” he continued quietly. “I was waiting for the right time to ask you, but I was worried I’d be putting too much pressure on you. We’ve only known each other… for half a year, then suddenly I’m asking you to move across the country with me? And then after we broke up…” his voice faltered the slightest. “I figured there wasn’t really a point bringing it up anymore. I figured you’d be glad to get rid of me.”

The thought of that nearly broke your heart again, thinking about him packing everything up alone, thinking he was leaving without you, thinking this was over forever. 

“Noah,” you began softly, “Do you even know why I’m here right now?”

He searched your eyes, a little confused. 

“To tell me this was all a misunderstanding?”

You nodded your head before pulling back from him. 

“That's part of it… I think we should go inside before I explain it all.” 

Noah had been too caught up to realise you were still both standing at the front door, so he immediately nodded before letting you in. 

The two of you went up to his room, and it was so strange to see it this way. Everything had been taken off the walls, there was an empty space where his guitars once rested against the wall, and there was minimal furniture now, just the drawers and his bed. It made it all seem real. 

It suddenly hit you again that he was really going, and that if Folio hadn't said anything, and if you would’ve stayed home, you would’ve lost him for good. 

“I was at the bar tonight,” you started to explain as you sat down on his bed, “Jess wanted to get me out of the house. Our plan was to… celebrate Steve. But then I saw someone I recognised… Folio.” 

Noah nodded his head. 

“Yeah, he told me he was going out tonight with some of the guys. He asked if I wanted to come but I've been busy here… as you can see.” 

You nodded too, looking up to meet his eyes. 

“He came over to us and started talking to me. He brought up us, and he was saying that you wanted to tell me about you and Maya, about you two hooking up before we became serious, and it confused me because that wasn’t the story she told me-” 

“I did want to tell you about that,” Noah explained, “But she told me not to, she said it’d just mess things up between you and her, and you and me, and I was afraid. I didn’t want you to think it meant anything, because it didn’t. I was just…”

He paused for a moment, almost like he was embarrassed about what he was about to admit. 

“Just what?”

He let out a slow breath through his nose, his eyes dropping to the floor. 

“I was stupid,” he admitted, “And lonely, I guess. I was working all day, doing band stuff at night… I know it's no excuse. But I never wanted her like that… not like how I want you.” 

Your eyes widened a little, and Noah gave a weak little laugh. 

“I remember back when I first met you, I thought Jesus Christ she’s terrifying!” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at that. 

“No you didn’t.” 

“I fucking did,” he said, looking almost offended, “You walked around that shop like you owned the place, bossing everyone around, never afraid to argue with me, tell me how much you hate me…” you watched as his face softened slightly before he continued, speaking quietly, “And I kept thinking there’s no way she would ever like me.” 

Your smile faded slightly as you thought back to that first week, you could still picture it all so vividly. Noah walking through the door for the first time, that fucking smirk on his face, the way he’d lean against cars and smile at you, the shameless flirting and teasing, the morning he brought you breakfast- all the moments you brushed off, all the moments you thought were meaningless… 

“You actually liked me all that time?” You asked quietly, earning a look from that said don’t be ridiculous. 

“Baby.” He said, and the word alone made your head spin. He finally sat down beside you on the bed, close enough to bump your knee with his, “You wanna know something really embarrassing?”

You narrowed your eyes suspiciously at him. 

“That depends...” 

He chuckled, shaking his head. 

“I’ve been in love with you this entire time, since the moment I walked through that squeaky door and saw you sitting at your desk, you had no idea who I was or what I was doing there… and I was nervous, so I might’ve come across a little cocky-” 

“A little?” You scoffed. 

“Fine,” he laughed, “But that’s when I realised it got your attention, so I loved teasing you and annoying the shit out of you-”

“You still do.” You said with a little chuckle, and Noah shrugged. 

“Can you blame me? Whenever you’d get all pissed off your cheeks would go pink and you’d try so hard to pretend I didn’t have an effect on you… I thought you looked so fucking cute.” 

“Stop!” You groaned, covering your face with your hands so he couldn’t see he was having that very effect on you right now.” 

“No,” he said, gently pulling your hands away, “No, I’m saying it now, I’m telling you the truth.” 

So you looked at him again with warm cheeks and a racing heart. 

“I’d spend all day finding excuses to come bother you,” he continued with a little grin, “Stealing your pens, asking you stupid questions I already knew the answer to… hiding your stapler…” 

“That was you?” 

“...Yeah…” 

“You dick!” You laughed, smacking his arm, “I thought I was going crazy!” 

“Yeah, sorry, that was me.” He chuckled, but you watched as his smile slowly faded and he became more serious again. “But… I never thought you’d actually like me back though.” 

Your brows drew together. 

“What?”

He looked away, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a moment, before finally saying, 

“C’mon. A guy like me?”

“What do you mean?” You asked, and you watched as he just shrugged. 

“I’m far from perfect, baby, you know that.” He said quietly, “I know I joke around, I act like I don’t care about shit but… that’s because I never really had anything to care about.” He turned to face you again, his hand finding yours, intertwining your fingers, “But then I met you.” 

You swallowed, feeling your heart ache even more. 

“You had your life together. You cared about people, you worked hard, took your job far too seriously,” he couldn’t help but chuckle again. “You made me want to be a better person. So I started working on myself, because of you.” 

You froze, like you couldn’t believe what he had just said. 

“What?”

He nodded his head. 

“I wanted to deserve you,” he confessed, “I started trying harder because of you. I stopped fucking around so much, stopped smoking and drinking all the time- I started taking things seriously because…” he shook his head with a little laugh, “I wanted to feel like I was worthy of you.” 

A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it, but he caught it, wiping it away. 

“I’ve never had a proper relationship before, just like you,” he continued, “No one ever thought I could do anything serious, so they never gave me the chance to prove it. In the end, I started to believe it myself, so I made sure it stayed that way. I didn’t want to get hurt, so I never let myself get in the position where I would… that was until you came along.” 

You looked up at him, still not saying anything, letting him continue. 

“And when I realised there was even the slightest possibility that you liked me back, I knew none of that mattered anymore. At first I thought our stupid enemies with benefits thing was enough, but then I started to miss you when you weren’t around, and I didn’t want to fill that void with random girls anymore. I wanted you, I wanted more, so that day you told me you don’t want me sleeping with other girls… I was hoping that meant you wanted the same thing as me, but you were just too afraid to admit it.” 

You nodded your head. 

“You wanna hear something stupid?” You asked, looking up at him with teary eyes. 

“Nothing you ever say is stupid.” 

“Trust me, this is.” You said, a little laugh escaping, “I spent every day trying to convince myself I didn’t like you. Ever since you walked into my office with that red beanie on your head and your tattoos out, with that stupid sexy smirk that I wanted to wipe off your face, I knew I was in trouble. I told myself and everyone around me that I hated you, but you were right all along- I hated that I didn’t hate you. Then we spent more and more time together, and I started to get to know you properly, and I started to see through that front you put on. I knew you weren’t this fuckboy asshole you pretended to be, and the more you proved it... the harder I fell for you.” 

Noah looked genuinely taken back by that, and it made you feel a little shy. You looked down at your hands, giving his a little squeeze before you continued. 

“I never liked relying on people, I even hate letting myself be vulnerable around my best friends. But you made it so easy, you never made me feel like a burden or like I was too much. Which I think Maya knew, and that’s why she came up with that lie. She knew that would hurt me more than a stupid fling, and I guess it did.” 

Noah frowned, a sorry look in his eyes. 

“But just so I know... what exactly happened between the two of you?” You asked, “I know it’s none of my business because it was before we got together, but she never said a word about it to me.” 

Noah took a deep breath. 

“I started because she kept hanging around after my shows, she’d be there alone so I’d ask where you were- and she’d always have some excuse. She’d always look pissed when I mentioned your name though, like she already knew how I felt about you. But in the beginning she was messing with my head too, telling me how much you hated me and talked shit about me, so of course I believed her because she was your best friend…”

You nodded your head slowly. 

“So when was the first time that you two… y’know.” 

Noah bit down on his lip as he tried to think back. 

“It was after a show one night, there was an afterparty, we were both drunk and she was just there.” He confessed. “Never once did it mean anything though. Like I said, I was just lonely, I never thought you’d give me a chance… and it only happened two more times after that. She kept trying to make it happen again and again but I kept turning her down because it wasn't what I wanted.” 

You nodded your head again, silently telling him you understood. 

“I won’t pretend I’m not hurt by it,” you said quietly, “But I get it. We weren’t together. And I trust that as soon as I asked you to stop seeing other girls, you did.” 

Noah nodded his head, reaching behind him for his phone before handing it over to you. 

“I did. You can even check if you don’t believe me-” 

You shook your head. 

“I do believe you.” You said, a little smile tugging at your lips as you handed his phone straight back, “You’ve never done anything to make me doubt you before, and you’ve just owned up to all of this. I trust you, Noah.” 

The moment he took his phone back, his face softened. He put his phone back down beside him on the bed as his throat bobbed, and for a moment he couldn’t look at you. His vision had blurred with tears, and he pressed his lips together while he thought of how to word what he wanted to say. 

Finally he took in a breath through his nose before turning to face you. He then reached over, both his hands finding your face, gently cupping your cheeks. 

“I love you so much.” He said quietly. 

And you could tell he meant it, 

“So fucking much.” He added, his voice a little shaky. 

Your face crumpled slightly as you tried to hold back your own tears, but it was impossible. 

“No, hey-” Noah laughed softly, “Don’t cry again.” 

“I can’t help it.” You said, laughing even as your bottom lip wobbled. 

He leaned forwards, pressing his forehead against yours, the both of you smiling stupidly through the tears. You stayed like this for a moment until he slowly pulled back, and then his smile started to fade again. 

Because he remembered. His eyes drifted from your face to the boxes, the empty walls, and you felt your heart sink. You knew exactly where his mind went- he was moving away. He was leaving this life, and you, behind. 

You watched him swallow and then he looked back at you again, and tried to smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“I hate this.” He finally said, quietly.

“What?” You asked, your brows furrowed. 

He laughed softly, though it sounded sad. 

“You’re here telling me you love me and you trust me…” he shook his head, “And I’m leaving at the end of the month.” 

He looked away then, and for a moment it was silent between you two.

“I’ve never wanted to stay somewhere before, not for anyone… but then this happened, you happened.” He said with another weak laugh, “I finally get everything I’ve ever wanted… and I’ve gotta leave it all behind-” 

“Noah.” 

He looked at you again, and you reached up, taking his hands away from your face and holding them tightly between yours.

“This is where I was going with all of this,” you whispered, giving his hands a little squeeze. He looked confused, so you continued. “I knew about this before I came here. Folio told me about the move, and he told me you were going to ask me to come with you before everything blew up between us…” You felt nervous now, nervous that he’d turn you down, but you kept going anyway. “I know it sounds reckless, and I know it probably seems like I haven’t thought about it properly-”

“Babe-”

“No, let me finish.” You said, looking right into his eyes. “If you still want me, if you still want us… then take me with you.”

For a moment, Noah didn’t move. He didn’t blink, he didn’t breathe, he just stared at you. You suddenly felt your stomach drop. Oh god, you’ve only just fixed things, maybe this was too much, maybe you-

“What?” Noah asked, still staring at you like he’d just imagined it. 

You swallowed hard, holding his hands even tighter. 

“What would I have left here without you, Noah? Steve’s… gone. Linda’s moving- the shop was going to be handed to me, but they’ve got two sons, one of them could have it… but I've also been thinking about selling it-”

“You can’t,” Noah shook his head, “That place has been owned by your family for years.”

You took another breath, trying to keep yourself composed. 

“I spoke to Glenn, just after Steve passed. I don’t know if you remember him, he was good friends with my uncle, he’d bring his car in sometimes even though there was nothing wrong with it, just to talk to him. He told me he’d take over if I ever needed it, if one day an opportunity came up. He said the only thing Steve’s ever wanted is to see me happy, to live my life with no regrets… he never wanted me to work there forever.”

Noah nodded his head, his eyes softening.

“Since everything happened, and since losing him, this town just doesn’t feel like home anymore.” You said softly. “It feels like my past… and ever since meeting you, every time I picture my future, you’re always there.” Your eyes lifted back to his. “It’s always you.”

You watched as every overwhelming emotion crossed his face- love and joy and affection- you could see it all in his eyes. 

“Baby…” He whispered, and you laughed shakily through fresh tears.

“I know it’s terrifying,” you admitted. “And yeah, maybe everyone’s gonna think I’m insane for following my boyfriend to LA after all of this-”

“Boyfriend…?” 

Your watery eyes met his again.

“Well…” you smiled shyly. “Unless you don’t wanna be?”

The silence between you only lasted a couple seconds, and it wasn’t from hesitation, it was pure awe. 

“Are you kidding?” He asked, suddenly lost for words, “Baby, of course… why would I say no…?”

You didn’t get to say anything before he pulled you into another kiss, kissing you so suddenly that it stole your breath, that your heart fluttered as you felt every word he couldn’t say. 

And when he pulled back, he gave you a proper smile, one you hadn’t seen in what felt like forever. 

“You’re serious about this? You really wanna come with me?”

You nodded your head. 

“I do.” 

“You’d really leave all this behind and move to a city you’ve never even seen before.” 

“Yeah.” You said simply. 

“You’d live in some shitty apartment with me? You’d really move in… with me?”

You nodded again. 

“I’ve learnt to put up with you over these months, it can’t be that bad.” You chuckled, making him laugh. 

“Shit… okay…” He grinned, then he pressed his forehead against yours like he couldn’t even stand the few inches of distance between you. “We’re really doing this.” 

You pressed a soft kiss to his lips. 

“Looks like we are.” You said, smiling against his mouth. 

Noah let out a shaky breath and kissed you again, but slower this time. His lips moved so gently against yours, like he was taking the time to memorise you all over again after all this time apart. His hand slid up to cradle the back of your head, his fingers gently threading through your hair as the kiss deepened. 

When he pulled back enough to look at you, his eyes weren’t dark or hungry, they were soft and full of such love and wonder. He gave you a look that silently asked for your permission, and as soon as you nodded, he reached for the hem of your top, gently lifting it over your head- then you did the same with his, letting your palms rest against his warm chest, feeling his heart beating fast beneath your fingers. 

There was no rush at all, he kissed every inch of your face- your forehead, your temple, the tip of your nose, the corner of your mouth, then he found your lips again. His hands gently explored your bare skin like it was the first time all over again. The tips of his fingers traced your spine, your ribs, the curve of your waist… and it wasn’t long before the two of you lost the rest of your clothes, then he laid you down on his bed. 

He settled between your legs, touching you with one hand while the other held himself up above you, looking at you with so much love it made your chest hurt. You let out a soft sound as his finger circled your clit, your hands reaching up to cup his face again, pulling him down into another kiss. 

“I can’t believe you’re really mine again.” He whispered when he pulled back for air, his nose brushing against yours. 

“I’m yours.” You breathed against his lips, “I’ve always been yours.”

With that, Noah kissed you again, deeper this time, and carefully lined himself up with you. He made sure to be extra careful as it had been a while since you were last in bed together. He slowlyand gently pushed inside you until he was buried to the hilt. Then he stilled, and the both of you let out a soft shaky sound. 

You wrapped your arms and legs around him, holding him as close as possible. You both stayed like this for a long moment, just holding each other, completely connected, your foreheads pressed together, breathing in the same air. 

When he finally started to move, he gave you slow, deep thrusts that let you feel every inch of him. Every movement was gentle, full of love and tenderness. He buried his face in your neck, pressing soft, open mouthed kisses against your skin as he moved inside you. 

“I love you,” he whispered between kisses, “So much…”

Tears began to fill your eyes again as you clung to him, your fingers gently running through his hair.

“I love you too,” you breathed, your voice trembling with emotion, “I missed you so much…”

He kept the pace slow the entire time, rocking into you with long, deep strokes. He had one hand between your bodies, stroking your clit, while your nails dragged down his back, leaving faint red lines across his skin. He shivered at the feeling. 

Your lips found his again, catching his bottom lip between your teeth for a moment before soothing it by kissing him even deeper. You don’t think he has ever been so soft and gentle with you, the thought of it not only made your heart squeeze, but your walls clenched around him too. 

“I’m close,” he pulled back to whisper, his face glowing with a sheen of sweat, “Are you?”

You nodded, your lips brushing his. 

“Yeah I’m with you… just like this.”

He kept the same slow, loving pace, kissing you deeply as the pleasure started to build. Your fingers tugged at his hair. A soft, trembling moan left your lips as you came, your body tightening around him in gentle pulses. Noah followed right after, burying his face in your neck again with a quiet, broken sound as he spilled inside you.

Neither of you moved too quickly after, you just held each other. Noah stayed buried deep inside you, arms wrapped around your body as he pressed soft kisses to your neck, your shoulder, your jaw. 

He finally lifted his head to look at you, his eyes soft and full of love. Without a word, he kissed your lips again, slow and sweet.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, brushing damp hair from your forehead. “I’m right here.”

You smiled, tired and glowing, and pulled him back down so his head rested on your bare chest. Your fingers continued running through his hair as your heartbeats slowly settled together.

Noah pressed another kiss right over your heart, then nuzzled closer, wrapping himself around you like he never wanted to let go.

“Stay with me tonight,” he mumbled sleepily against your skin. “Stay with me every night.”

You kissed the top of his head, holding him tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

…

For the first time in what felt like weeks, you woke up without that horrible heavy feeling in your chest suffocating you, without panic, without grief consuming you the second your eyes opened. Instead, you felt warmth. A whole 6ft 3 of warmth, to be precise. 

You sleepily blinked your eyes open, confused at how something heavy was wrapped around your waist, and something warm was pressed against your back. But then when you felt his slow breaths at the back of your neck, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. 

The two of you were tangled up, one of his legs were somehow thrown over yours, and his arm was locked around your middle like if he loosened his grip the slightest, he’d lose you again. You just stayed there for a moment, listening to him softly snoring, feeling his chest rise and fall against your back. 

God, you’d missed this. Missed him. 

Slowly, you turned around just enough to look at him. His hair was a mess, falling into his face, his lips were slightly parted as he slept… and for a moment your chest had that funny feeling, because he looked so peaceful, like maybe he’d slept properly for the first time in weeks too. 

You slowly lifted your hand and brushed his hair back from his forehead, pressing a kiss to it. And as you pulled back, he reacted, scrunching his face slightly before he made a sleepy sound.

“Mmph.” 

You couldn’t help but smile. Then he opened one eye, then the other, and for a moment he stared at you sleepily, a confused look spreading across his face as he processed everything. Then suddenly his face softened, and he gave you a sleepy smile.

“...Hi.” His voice was rough with sleep, making your tummy do a fuzzy flip. 

“Hi.” You said as you smiled back. 

He stared at you for another second, then looked around the room, then back at you. Then he smiled big and wide, but buried it in the pillow. 

“What?” You asked with a soft, quiet laugh. 

Somehow, he moved even closer, pulling you closer into him, his arms wrapped tight around you as he pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder. 

“My girlfriend stayed over.” 

You snorted. 

“There he is.” 

“Mm, morning baby.” 

He pressed another kiss to your shoulder, then your neck, then your jaw, then lazily against your lips. You kissed him back, because how could you not, then he smiled against your lips before giving you another kiss. Then another, and another. Small, slow, needy, sleepy kisses… until you smiled into one of them. 

“What?” He asked, pulling back. 

“...Nothing.” You said, though he wasn’t convinced. 

“You better get used to this, baby. When we’re in our own apartment, this is how I’m gonna wake you up every morning.” 

“I woke you up.” You laughed as he kissed you again. 

“Shut up.” He grinned as he kissed you again. 

Then again, and again. Until eventually, you had to pull back because you were starting to giggle. 

“Noah-” 

“Nope.” He said as he kissed you again. 

“Noah-” You giggled, but again, he shut you up with another nope and another kiss. 

He kept doing this until you shoved gently at his chest. 

“Stop!” You said, still laughing, and his face dropped playfully. 

“Stop kissing you? You want me, your boyfriend, to stop kissing you, my girlfriend?”

“Yes!” You giggled. 

“But why?” He asked, putting on a sad face that made him look like a little puppy. 

“Because you’re being annoying!” You grinned despite yourself, and he innocently rested his chin on your shoulder. 

“Babe?”

“Hm?”

“Say it again.” 

“...Say what again? That you annoy me?” You laughed. 

“No… that thing you said yesterday. What you called me.”

You stared at him. 

“No.” 

“Baby-”

“No.” 

“Baaabe.”

“Noah.” 

“Please?”

You rolled your eyes. 

“Oh my god,” you groaned as you finally sat up. “Boyfriend? You want me to call you my boyfriend?”

He grinned wide, and it melted your heart, because you had been terrified you’d never see that smile again. Then his arms wrapped around you again as he kissed your cheek. 

“Mmhm. That hit the spot.” 

You let out a sigh as you rested your head on his chest, and tilted your head up to look at him. 

“Y’know, I was thinking…” 

He met your eyes suddenly, his smile softening. 

“About what?”

“I should probably go home soon and start figuring everything out… packing and calling people.” 

“Yeah?”

You nodded your head. 

“I just don’t even know where to start.” 

Noah looked at you quietly for a moment, before nuzzling his face into your hair, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

“I’ll help you, baby. You won’t have to do it alone,” his hand gently stroked up and down your arm, “I’ll be with you every step, okay?”

You nodded your head. He always knew just how to make you feel safe and reassured, even when you hated asking for help. 

“Thank you.” You said quietly. 

“No problem.” He said with a smile. “...I’ve gotta pee.” 

You stared at him, your expression blank. Trust him to ruin the moment. 

“Noah!” You groaned. 

“What?” He laughed, already sitting up, “I’m being honest, babe.” 

“Mm.” You grumbled, but he gave you one last kiss before stumbling sleepily out of bed in nothing but his boxers, and disappeared out of the bedroom. 

And you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face after he left. 

… 

A little while later you found yourselves in the bathroom together, brushing your teeth- mostly because Noah refused to let you out of his sight. His exact words had been “I’ve only had my girlfriend back for like… twelve hours.”

So now you were standing beside him at the sink while he brushed his teeth, watching him in the mirror. He caught you staring almost immediately, and he lifted an eyebrow, his mouth still full of toothpaste as he made a noise.

“…Mph?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Nothing.”

He narrowed his eyes and pointed at you with his toothbrush. 

“Mmphmm.”

“Noah, I have no idea what you’re saying.”

He spat into the sink.

“I said,” he grinned, “You got a staring problem?”

“Pfft, as if.” 

He nodded like he didn’t believe you for a second. 

“You think I’m hot first thing in the morning, huh? You missed all of this?” He gestured to himself.

“You’re so annoying.” You scoffed.

And of course, he wouldn’t let you out of his sight when you were in the shower either, insisting you do it together. It felt nice, the two washed each other's hair, and then Noah started singing badly to purposely annoy you. And of course, it worked. 

“What’s up with you this morning?” You asked as you hesitantly reached for his 5-in-1 shower gel, since you made him give all your stuff back a while ago now.

He shrugged. 

“I’m just happy,” he said simply, “I’ve missed you.” 

And the smile he gave you made it impossible to stay annoyed at him, so you smiled back, before pulling him down into a kiss. 

“I’ve missed you too.” 

About an hour later you were both dressed and downstairs. Noah had made coffee, and was gathering his spare boxes from the house so you could start packing. 

You stared at them, the pile of flat boxes piling up on the couch. 

“You got so many.” You said as he threw another onto the pile. 

“I bought all of these back when I was planning to ask you to come with me, so I made sure I got enough.” He explained, and for some reason that hurt a little. 

He was going to have all these spare boxes- 

Suddenly his arm slipped around your shoulders and he pressed a kiss to your temple, as if he could sense the change in your mood. 

“Hey, no more sad face.” He told you, making you grin. 

…

By the time you got back to your place, Noah was taking this a lot more seriously than you expected him to, which really surprised you. You expected him to come in, throw your shit into boxes, forget the important things and somehow lose his phone halfway through. 

Instead he sat cross legged on your living room floor with a notebook in his lap. You sat beside him, hugging your knees as he clicked the end of a pen. 

“Okay.” He said, nodding seriously as he began to write on the page, “Things y/n is not allowed to stress about.” 

“…What?”

He ignored you.

“House.” Scribble scribble. “You rent this place, right?”

You nodded.

“Do you pay rent monthly.”

“Yeah… how much notice am I gonna have to give?”

“Uhh probably a month minimum? Maybe give your landlord a call-”

“Landlady,” you said proudly, “Her names Maxine, and she likes me so I’m hoping she’ll be okay with it.” 

“Okay, that's good.” His hand found your knee, “What about work? The shop?”

The thought of that hurt more than you wanted it to, and Noah clearly noticed. He looked over at you, his voice softening as he spoke. 

“You said you were thinking about handing it to Glenn?”

You nodded.

“He said he’d take it.”

“Then we call Glenn.”

Your eyes dropped to the notebook.

“…There’s probably loads of paperwork I'd have to do.”

“That’s okay.”

“And legal stuff.”

“We can handle that.”

“And then there’s all Steve’s things and-”

“Baby.” He interrupted.

You looked at him. Noah had put the notebook down now, and he had shuffled closer towards you. He reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“You know what your job is right now? The only thing I'll let you worry about?”

You stared at him quietly.

“What?”

He smiled softly.

“Start packing.”

“What?” Your brows furrowed. “But-”

“I’ll handle everything else.”

“Noah-”

“I’m serious.”

His hand slid into yours, and his thumb brushed over your knuckles as he spoke softly. 

“You’ve just lost one of the most important people in your life, you’ve gone through hell and back this month… let me take care of things for a bit, okay?” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against your forehead. “I’ve got this, I promise.” 

You frowned, your eyes starting to sting again. 

“Noah…”

He smiled softly.

“Just pack your things, baby. Start with clothes you don’t wear that often, or things in the cupboards you don’t use everyday.” He nudged one of the boxes toward you. “And maybe stop crying on everything or all your stuff’s gonna get wet.”

You let out a weak laugh at that and leaned forwards, giving Noah a kiss before standing up. 

“Fine.”

“Love you!” Noah called out as you left the room. 

“Love you too.” 

…

You stood in your bedroom, the bedroom you have lived in since you got this place three years ago. You still remember the day you moved in, Steve had friends with big vans who helped take all your stuff from his place to here, and you could still remember the look on his face when he left you by yourself on your very first night here. He told you he was proud of you, yet also terrified. Not because you were living alone, he knew for a fact you could handle yourself, you had always been so independent- it just scared him because of how quick you had grown up. 

One minute you were 8 years old and moving in with him and Linda, the next you were 15, working in the shop on the weekends, learning all about the ins and outs of cars. Then you were 18, moving out of what had become your home. Now, you’re almost 22 and about to restart your life without him. You had always imagined this happening- leaving this town- but you never imagined you'd be doing it without his help.

You tried not to get too emotional. You tried not to think about how proud Steve would be, and how relentlessly he’d be teasing you for stupidly breaking up with Noah over a lie, to then deciding to move across the country with him the very same night you got back together. 

You thought about what you’d say to him right now if he was still here. You’d ask him if he thought what you were doing was stupid, and then you heard his voice in your head,

“You gotta take the risk to find out. That’s what life’s all about, kid.” 

Though a tear slid down your cheek, you smiled. He was always right. 

So you started with your drawers, finding random things you forgot you even had. Concert tickets from shows you went to with her. Old birthday cards, because you could never throw them away, random polaroid pictures and photos from the photobooth at the bar Jess worked at. 

You found yourself sitting on the floor with the box beside you, throwing everything in… until you stumbled across something. An old coffee mug you never used with WORLD’S OKAYEST MECHANIC printed across the front.

You smiled softly, then frowned, then smiled sadly. Noah then appeared out of nowhere, stood by your bedroom door, his arms folded over his chest. 

“…What’s that face?”

You held the mug up.

“Steve got me this after I accidentally put diesel in someone’s petrol car.”

Noah stared at you, looking very unimpressed.

“You what?”

“I was seventeen!”

He looked horrified.

“Babe.”

“It was one time, Noah!”

He started laughing, shaking his head. 

“Remind me to never let you take my car to the gas station.” 

You rolled your eyes but you were still smiling.

“Have you packed much?” He asked, sitting on the edge of your bed. 

“Not really,” you sighed, “I keep getting distracted.” 

“You want some help?” He asked softly, and you nodded your head. 

You gave him the task of packing your closet. You grabbed a few things out to set aside so you’d actually have some clothes to wear before the end of the month. While he did that, you tried your best to carry on with the drawers- and just as you got back into it, your phone started buzzing on your bed. 

Noah picked it up, taking a look at the name on the screen. 

“Who is it?” You asked. 

“Jess,” he said, handing it over to you, “You want me to give you some space?”

"It's fine." You shook your head, and answered the call. 

 “Hey.” 

“FINALLY!” You immediately pulled the phone away from your ear.

“What the hell-”

“I’ve been calling you all morning but you haven’t been answering. How did it go?!”

“…What?”

“With Noah!” Jess practically yelled. “Did the two of you make up, or...”

You looked over at Noah, who was trying very hard to make it look like he wasn’t listening, folding a tshirt with a smirk on his face. 

“Yeah… yeah, we did.” 

She was quiet for a moment, until she finally said,

“And?”

You looked up at Noah again, his hair falling into his face while he organised your clothes in the box, and you couldn’t help but smile at his concentration face. Then he looked up for a moment, and when he noticed you looking, he smiled back at you. A small, soft, fond little smile. As if he couldn’t believe you were both here, packing up your room. 

“We talked- a lot actually- and then I stayed at his place last night.”

“Oh my god!!” She squealed, “So the two of you are back together?”

You smiled even wider, unable to stop it. 

“Yeah, we are. Properly this time.” 

She gasped. 

“He asked you to be his girlfriend.” 

“Well,” you said, “I kinda asked him to be my boyfriend.” 

Jess squealed again, unable to contain her excitement. 

“Oh, I’m so happy for you!” She said, and you could hear the pure joy in her voice, “And uh… I thought I should let you know I paid Maya a visit last night.” 

You swallowed. 

“Yeah?... what happened?”

“Well…” she said, “Nothing bad.”

“Jess.”

“I might’ve yelled a little.”

“…Just a little?”

“And maybe Sam had to get between us because I was about to do something stupid…”

Your eyes widened.

“Oh my god.”

“Relax! I didn’t kill her!” She laughed again, before adding under her breath, “Sam didn't give me the chance.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“So what exactly did you do?”

Jess sighed dramatically.

“I just told her exactly what I thought.”

“What did you say?”

“Oh, y’know… I just asked her what you did for her to hurt you like that. She had no answer, so I asked her if it’s because she’s jealous, and I seemed to hit a nerve there.”

You scoffed, but she carried on. 

“We argued for like twenty minutes until she fucking slapped me. And I wasn’t gonna let that bitch think she can do that… there was a pretty much empty bottle of wine on her coffee table, so I grabbed that, then-”

You gasped, your hand covering your mouth.

“You didn’t!” 

“I couldn’t,” she scoffed, “That was when Sam stepped in, he told me she wasn’t worth it. Then he dragged me back to the car.”

For a moment, you processed everything she had said, knowing she did that for you. 

For as long as you’ve known her, Jess has always had your back- whether you were in the right or wrong. She had been there for you when nobody else has- during everything with Noah, losing Steve, nights where you had convinced yourself you were alone, that everyone eventually leaves and all you could rely on was yourself… 

It suddenly hit you, that you had never actually been alone. 

“Hey, you still there?” She asked over the phone. 

“Oh,” you suddenly laughed, quickly wiping under your eyes, “Yeah… sorry.” 

“...Are you crying?”

“No.” You said, though your sniffle gave you away.

“It sounds like it-”

“I’m not crying.” You insisted, and across the room Noah looked up immediately, his brows pulling together. 

You gave him a little smile and shook your head as if to say I’m okay, though he looked unconvinced.

“I’ll be right back.” You told Noah as you stood up.

“Everything okay?” He asked softly, and you nodded your head. 

“Yeah…” you smiled, “I’ll be two seconds.” 

He watched you carefully for a moment, like he was trying to read you, but he gave you a little smile nonetheless. 

“Okay, baby.” 

Baby. It’s funny how after all this time, your stomach still felt all warm and fuzzy every time he said it. 

You walked out into the hallway, pulling your bedroom door closed behind you before wandering down the stairs, and when you reached the living room you let out a long sigh. 

On the other end of the phone, Jess was explaining something to Sam, and you were grateful for the timing. You sat down on the couch, looking at the wall opposite you for a moment… at the framed picture standing up in your bookshelf. It was a picture of you and Steve, one Linda took when you all went on vacation almost ten years ago. It hurt to look at now, but despite the ache, your heart warmed at Steve’s grin. 

It made you think- if six months ago someone had told you that after losing Steve, after losing one of your best friends, after losing absolutely everything that felt comforting and familiar, you’d be trying to work out how to tell your one remaining best friend that you were about to move across the country with Noah the mechanic… you would’ve laughed in their face. 

“Sorry about that,” Jess said with a little laugh, “Sam didn’t know how to work the new dishwasher.”

You let out a small breath of a laugh, then swallowed. 

“Jess… there’s something I need to tell you.” 

“...What is it?”

You chewed on your lip for a moment… figuring out how to break it to her. 

“Did you hear Folio last night? He said Noah’s moving to LA?”

“Oh yeah,” she said, “It’s a good job you found out before-”

“I’m going with him.” You said suddenly… 

And Jess was silent. 

So silent that you actually pulled the phone away to check if either of you had accidentally hung up. 

“Jess?”

“...You’re what?”

“I was just thinking-”

“The two of you only got back together last night!” 

“I know, but… let me explain.” 

“Please do.” She said with a lighthearted laugh. 

You stared at the picture on the shelf again. 

“I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. Only time will tell, but… Steve’s gone,” saying it still hurt, it still felt wrong, “Linda’s moving, I’d rather chew off my own arm than have to think about Maya again… and I know I’ve still got you and Sam, I know I do, but this place doesn’t feel the same anymore. My house doesn’t feel like home, this town just feels like a reminder of it all… and I feel like I’ve got to move on. I feel like it’s my time to leave this place, and hopefully I never look back.” You took a breath, then a little smile tugged at your lips, “And I know no matter what happens, or where I go, or how much we might argue over the stupidest thing… Noah feels more like home than anything I've ever known.” 

On the other end of the line, you heard Jess sniffle. 

“Are you crying?” You asked with a little laugh. 

“Can you blame me?” She asked, not even trying to hide it now. “After that?” 

“Sorry,” you chuckled, “You always knew I wanted to get out of here. And after everything that’s happened, I’ve just realised that life’s too short. If I don’t go now… will I ever?”

Jess went quiet for a moment before sniffling and asking,

“You’re really gonna leave me?” 

“Jess,” you frowned, “It’s not-”

“No no no,” she said quickly, sniffing again, “I’m happy. I’m so fucking happy for you. God, I adore Noah and I love you two together, and if anyone deserves to leave this shitty little town it’s you… but I’m really gonna miss you.”

Oh, that did it. A tear rolled down your cheek, you couldn’t hold them back anymore. Because now you weren’t thinking about Steve or Maya or how much you hated this town… 

You were thinking about summer roadtrips, driving around with the windows down, singing terribly with Jess. Movie nights, coffee runs, shopping trips, sleepovers where the two of you would sit in her room and talk shit and giggle until three in the morning. You used to talk about your futures, how you’d make sure your kids were best friends whether they liked each other or not, how you should be neighbours and raise them together. You thought about how she made a promise when she first started dating Sam that she’d never let him take your place, that you’d always come first… and she never went back on that promise. 

But here you were telling her you’re about to move across the country with a guy you haven’t even known for a year. It made you feel awful.

“I’m sorry…” 

“Don’t apologise!” 

“No,” you sobbed, “I know I’m being selfish and-” 

“Y/n.” She stopped you, “You are my best friend, and you deserve the whole world, and I’m so happy that you’ve got this opportunity. Noah’s proved himself to be worthy of you time and time again, so I’ve got no doubts that he’ll treat you exactly how you should be treated. You’re doing this for you. And sure, I’m going to miss you more than anything… but I’ll still come to visit- fuck, you’ll never get rid of me!” She laughed, “So let yourself be selfish. Let yourself be happy.” 

Those words really stuck with you, and for a moment you couldn’t say anything because suddenly it felt like everything was catching up to you again. But this time it didn’t feel hollow or crushing or panicked, if anything you felt like you were slowly making peace with it. 

“Jess-”

“Oh no.” She said suddenly, “Now we’re both crying!” 

“I’m not crying.” You said, shaking your head. 

“You’re doing the voice.”

“What voice?”

“The little wobbly voice you do before you cry.”

You let out a breathy laugh that betrayed you in an instant, because the second it left your mouth, it broke apart, and came out sounding a little choked. 

You weren’t even entirely sure why you were crying though. 

Maybe because you felt like you were finally giving yourself permission to stop feeling so guilty, to stop holding onto everything so tightly. It felt like you were being given permission to move forwards. 

For a while you’d felt like if you even smiled too much after Steve died, it meant you were leaving him behind. Like if you moved away, you were abandoning him, and if you chose Noah, you were choosing him over everything else.

But maybe you weren’t. Maybe you didn’t have to leave anything behind- the past, Steve, all your happy memories… maybe you just had to carry it with you in your heart, and let yourself move on with the rest of your life without feeling guilty.

Another tear rolled down your cheek, and another and another, until you couldn’t hold it back anymore and you let out a quiet sob. 

“Oh honey…” Jess whispered.

Before you could say anything, you heard the sound of soft footsteps coming down the stairs, and you looked up. Noah was there, carrying the cardboard box that was now full of your clothes… but the moment he met your eyes, concern washed over his face. 

“Baby?” He carefully set the box down on the floor, “What’s wrong?”

God, the poor guy looked terrified. Like he’d just walked in and assumed the worst, like maybe you had changed your mind, or someone else had called with bad news again. But you shook your head, laughing through your tears. 

“Nothing.” You said, though your voice came out a little weak. 

Noah’s eyes widened a little, and he stepped across the room until he crouched down in front of you, his hands finding your face, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. 

“What’s the matter?”

You shook your head again, tears slipping free now.

“Baby, talk to me.”

You let out another little broken laugh and reached for him immediately, your arms wrapping around his neck to pull him close, and your phone dropped down onto the couch beside you. Noah moved you, sitting down on the couch and pulling you closer until you were in his lap, both arms wrapped around him, your face buried into his shoulder, into his neck… and he just held you tighter. 

Then he glanced down at your phone, and put it on speaker. 

“Jess?” He said, his voice sounding concerned again. “Have I missed something?”

“No, everythings fine... they’re happy tears!” She called out. 

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

i can't believe this is almost over :') i have no idea what to do with myself once this comes to an end...

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

Tuesday morning came far too quickly for your liking, you almost didn’t want to go into work that day because you were dreading the reality of it.

It was time to let Noah go. 

You interviewed Daniel, your new mechanic, on Sunday- though it was hardly an interview, it was just a few simple questions. “Do you have experience working with cars?” “How soon can you start?” He seemed nice enough, he almost reminded you of your uncle when he was a few years younger, and it was quite a pleasant afternoon showing him around the place and getting to know him. He told you he had four kids and two ex wives, he’s worked with cars since he left school at 16, and he got fired from the last shop he worked at because he was sleeping with his boss’s wife... you didn't want to hear the rest.

But then when you got home reality hit you again, because Noah had brought your stuff back while you were out, and you also saw that he left your house key on the side. No note, no waiting around, no more apologies. It was over. There was no going back now. This was it... or almost. You just had to get this morning out of the way.

Despite the feeling of dread sitting heavy on your chest, you got out of bed and got dressed, and headed into work like everything was normal. You unlocked, sat down at your desk, and buried yourself in a mountain of paperwork to keep yourself as busy as possible.

Daniel came in before Noah, which you weren't sure whether you were relieved about or not, but he greeted you as he stepped through the door and shrugged his jacket off. You told him there was a car booked in at 10, but there was already one in the workshop that just needed a tire changing, something Noah didn’t get around to doing before the weekend. Daniel- who was now insisting you call him Dan- told you that was no problem, and he wandered off to get it done. 

Your heart started to race in anticipation as you waited for the door to swing open again, you swallowed hard, trying to force the feeling down… but before you could even take a deep breath to steady yourself, you heard heavy footsteps in the other room. Ones you’ve learned to recognise after months of working together. 

Oh god... 

You could hear his voice, he must’ve been talking to Dan, though you couldn’t work out what they were saying. You felt sick, you suddenly wished you would’ve just told him over text, you could’ve unblocked him, sent him a message and then blocked him again before you could get a reply. It could've been simple!!

But it was too late now. 

“Who the hell is that?” Noah’s voice startled you as he stepped into the office, carefully shutting the door behind him. You swallowed hard, unable to even look up from your screen. 

“That’s Dan." You said as if it was obvious, despite how nervous you were right now. "My new mechanic.”

“Oh…” He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I see.” 

You kept your eyes on the screen, chewing the inside of your cheek as you thought about how you could-

“So I'm this is it then?” He said, interrupting your thoughts as he let out a humourless laugh, “You want me out?”

You swallowed hard. Don't fold, don't fold...

“You knew this was coming.” You said quietly, you hope he didn't notice how you had to force the words out.

“Yeah,” he snapped, “I knew you were gonna replace me eventually, not just-” he gestured towards the workshop, “Not like this! Without even letting me know!” 

You finally looked up at him. 

““I told you when I found someone new, you’d be out-” 

“Yeah well I didn’t expect it to be so soon!” He shot back, “And a warning would've been nice... Jesus, y/n!” 

You felt your stomach sink at the way he said your name. 

“You really think I’d wanna keep you here after what-”

“Oh here we go!” He scoffed again, “So this is it? One argument and suddenly I’m out of a job?”

“It wasn’t just an argument.” You snapped. 

“You’re blowing this way out of proportion- look, I said I’m sorry! Can’t we just-”

“You seriously think an apology is gonna magically fix everything?” You raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s a start!” He waved his arms as he spoke, “What else do you want me to do? Build a time machine and go back and unfuck-” 

“That’s-” 

“I’ve got rent to pay!” He stopped you, his voice rising now, “I’ve got bills, I’ve got the fucking band!! Do you have any idea how much I rely on this job?!”

Your stomach turned... suddenly you realised just what this actually meant. Just how this would effect him.

“I’m sorry.” You said quietly, and all he did was stare at you. 

“Don’t fucking start with that. You’re not sorry. And y’know what?” He shook his head, “Yeah, maybe this is what I deserve. When the fuck has anything ever gone right for me?”

You felt your heart sink a little at that, that bastard always knew just how to make you feel bad.

“Noah-” 

“No.” He shook his head, “No, this is it. You said we’re done, we’re over… I guess this is it.” 

He didn’t sound angry anymore. He sounded like he’d accepted it, that this was just his fate… and if anything, that made it worse. 

Your chest ached, and something in you instinctively wanted to reach for him, to take it back, to say wait… but you didn’t move. You couldn’t. Because you were the one who started this. You were the one "not taking any shit."

You were the one ending it. 

Noah let out a slow breath, dragging a hand over his face before stepping back toward the door.. and for a moment he looked like he was about to say something, like he might fight a little harder. But instead, he nodded to himself, muttering an alright before wrapping his fingers around the handle. 

“Guess I’ll get my shit and go then.”

The door opened and then shut behind him just as quick… and just like that, he was gone. You didn’t chase him, you didn’t move at all. You just sat there at your desk, staring at the same spot he’d been standing in.

Out in the workshop, you could hear movement, drawers opening and slamming shut, tools being gathered, the sound of Dan’s voice, a little confused, probably trying to figure out what was going on, but you didn’t hear Noah respond. 

You turned back to your desk, and your hand trembled as you reached for your pen again and tried to focus on the paperwork in front of you. That’s what you needed to do, just focus.

But nothing made sense, the numbers and words were blurring together on the page, and all you could think about was Noah. 

When the fuck has anything ever gone right for me?

You felt awful, you really did, because a part of you was still full of doubt. Nothing Maya said really added up, and how the fuck would she even know? What if you had overreacted, what if it was a big misunderstanding, did he really deserve to lose his job? But he said yes, like he already knew what you were talking about without even having to clarify… so it must be true, right? 

Fuck, who knows. 

But you weren’t going to let him back in, let him tell you a bunch of lies to win you back over. Because you knew exactly who he was from the beginning- a fuckboy, an asshole, a guy who knew exactly how to get what he wants- how did you seriously think he’d ever change for you? 

…

The rest of the morning dragged by, a part of you wondered if it would ever end. 

Dan tried. Bless him, you could tell he was trying. He asked questions, checked in, even made you a cup of tea at one point like he’d already decided to take on more than just the job. But you didn’t want to get anyone else involved in your drama, it wasn’t fair. 

So you told him not to worry. You told him everything was fine, that you and your boyfriend were just having an argument… and it seemed to work for a while. You got to sit in peace for a couple hours, distracting yourself with some online shopping, but then the phone rang. 

You didn’t think much of it at first, it was probably a customer. So you picked it up-

“What the hell d'ya think you're playing at, kid?” You flinched the moment the voice boomed through the phone. That was not the tone- or the person- you had expected.

“…What?” You asked carefully.

“I just had Noah on the phone,” Steve said, his voice sharp and confused, even a little breathless. “He told me you’ve fired him??”

Of course he told Steve. Of course he did.

You closed your eyes for a moment. 

“Yeah…” you said quietly. “I did.”

“What? Why? Have you lost your damn mind?”

You shook your head, quickly reaching over to shut the door to your office. 

“I can explain-”

“Then you better start!” He cut in. “Because last time I checked, that boy was keeping that place running!”

“I know,” you said quickly. “I know, but-”

“But what?” Steve pressed.

You hesitated for a second, wondering how the hell you were supposed to explain this to Steve of all people. 

“It’s just… it's personal.” You said finally, your voice a little quieter.

Steve went silent for a moment, like it clicked. 

“Oh…” He said, he didn’t sound angry or upset, but like he understood. “You two had a falling out, huh?”

You swallowed.

“…Something like that.”

He let out a slow breath.

“Jesus, kid,” he groaned. “And your solution was to fire him?”

“I couldn’t have him here anymore,” you said,. “I can’t even look at him, not after…”

“After what?” He asked carefully. 

You shook your head, even though he couldn’t see you.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It clearly does,” Steve replied. “You don’t just throw something like that away for nothing. What did he do, then?”

Your throat burned, and you didn’t answer him. You couldn’t. And clearly Steve got the message, as he let out a slow exhale before speaking again. 

“Look,” he said, his voice softer now, “I’m not gonna pry, I know it’s none of my business.”

You let out a small breathy chuckle.

“Thanks.”

“But,” he added, “I will say this…”

You braced yourself.

“That boy’s crazy about you.”

Your heart fluttered.

“Steve-”

“I’m serious,” he continued. “The way he looks at you? The way he teases you? The-” 

You squeezed your eyes shut.

“Please don’t-”

“Look, I’m just sayin’ I know the difference between someone messing around and someone who’s in deep.” Steve said, “And I don’t know the whole situation or what he’s done… but we had a chat when you came to visit me in here, and holy shit… he’s in deep. It’s more than obvious.” 

You swallowed hard. 

“…Well, it doesn’t matter now.” You said quietly. “Because he’s gone.” 

Steve didn’t respond straight away, but you heard him groan. 

“Well,” he said finally, “I hope you know what you’re doing. Otherwise when I’m home I’m gonna lock you both in the garage again until you sort your shit out.”

A surprise laugh escaped you. 

“Steve!” 

“Hey, it worked the first time didn’t it?” Then his voice softened again. “Just… don’t be too quick to throw things away, yeah? Talk to him. I know you... I know you probably haven’t even heard him out yet, and I know you won’t, you can be stubborn as hell sometimes, kid… but promise me you’ll at least try.”

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Okay.”

“Alright,” he said. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Okay. Thanks, Steve- and I hope everything goes well… Linda told me about the surgery.” 

“Yeah, thought she would… I’ll be fine, sweetheart. You know me, it’ll take more than a few doctors to take me out.” He laughed weakly, then broke into a coughing fit.  

“Steve? Are you-”

“I’m fine, darling.” He promised, “I’ve gotta go, Linda said the grandkids are coming to visit soon… I’ll speak to you soon, okay? I love you.” 

“Love you too.” 

The call ended after that, and you sat there with the phone still in your hand, staring into nothing while his words echoed in your head. 

That boy’s crazy about you.

Maybe you were right to doubt it… maybe it wasn’t all what it seemed… 

…

The days leading up to Steve’s surgery were passing all too quickly, and you did all you could to stop it. You were barely sleeping, staying so late at the garage that sometimes you fell asleep at your desk and woke up to Dan calling out morning boss! You tried to stay as distracted as possible, spending all your time out of work with Jess and Sam, who tried their best to keep you grounded, to keep you smiling, to stop you from slipping too far into your own head. 

But there was only so much they could do, because at the end of every night you still went home alone to a cold and empty bed, wishing for your old life back. Wishing to go back to how things were just before Christmas, when you and Noah were happy, when Steve was still healthy. When you had everything, and took it all for granted.

And because of the way you were feeling, you thought it was still best to keep your distance from Noah for now, not to talk to him just yet, just to avoid becoming dependent. So for now, you hung on to the hope, and did what Jess suggested. You were taking one thing on at a time, and right now, that was making sure Steve was okay. There was still a chance for you and Noah to fix things down the line, but for Steve… this was literally a matter of life or death. 

…

The night before the surgery felt strange, like something awful was looming, even though nothing had even happened yet. You stood in your bedroom after taking a shower and getting changed, your hair still damp as you ran your fingers through it, the sound of the bathroom fan vibrating through the wall. 

Your eyes drifted around the room slowly… everything was where it should be, nothing had changed, but it still just didn’t feel right being here without Noah. It had been a week now, and still you hadn’t adjusted. Your mind hadn’t caught up. You still found yourself listening for things that weren’t there anymore- the sound of his keys hitting the counter, his footsteps following you up the stairs, the sound of his voice calling your name from another room. 

You swallowed hard as you sat down slowly on the edge of the bed. The mattress sank the way it always had, but there was no second shift of weight beside you. No extra warmth, no other presence. It was just you. 

You reached for your phone, unlocking it and hesitating for a moment. You told yourself you wouldn't do this, you knew it wasn’t a good idea… but you opened your contacts. 

And fuck, just seeing his name there made your heart ache. 

Noah❤️

You stared at it for a long moment, your thumb hovering over it… then you pressed it. 

Unblock contact

You swallowed hard as you pressed the unblock button, your heart beating a little faster, like you’d just done something you weren’t supposed to.

You sat there for a second, staring at the screen… but then you tapped the message button, and the conversation opened. 

Before you could even think twice, you started typing. 

I know you probably don’t want to hear from me…

You paused. Deleted it. Then tried again.

Hi. I just wanted to say I miss you. I’m sorry about how everything ended, I think we should…

Deleted.

Your chest tightened, frustration creeping in as you buried your head in your hands. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t you just say what you needed to say?

You tried again, your fingers typing faster this time as it all came to you, like maybe if you didn’t think too much about it, it might actually come out right.

Steve’s surgery is tomorrow and I’m scared and I don’t know why I’m telling you this but I just…

You stopped and stared at the words, your vision blurring slightly, your throat feeling like it was closing up. 

Then you deleted it all again. 

A small, quiet sob escaped you before you could stop it, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as the tears all came out at once. You bent forward slightly, your shoulders shaking as everything you’d been holding in for days finally started to spill over.

If only he was here. He’d know just how to comfort you, he’d know exactly what to say. God, you missed him more than you ever thought was possible. You didn’t care about what happened anymore, whether it was true or not… you just knew you hated being here alone, letting yourself get too deep in your head again when all you wanted, all you needed, was him. 

You just wanted it to be simple again. You wanted the stupid arguments. The teasing. The stupid names he loved to call you. The way he’d lean in the doorway just to watch you work with that stupid smug grin on his face. The way he made everything feel better without even trying. 

God you just wanted him back. Before everything got complicated, before words were said that couldn’t be taken back, before this. 

You were just so scared that even if you fixed it, if you called him right now and he answered, that nothing would be the same. Why would he even want to take you back after you fired him? What if he already moved on? What if he realised you weren’t worth it? What if that’s why he stopped fighting? 

You stayed like this for hours, unwelcome thoughts racing through your mind. But eventually, the crying slowed, you were both physically and mentally exhausted, your head pounding as you leaned back against the bed, your head resting on the pillows as you stared up at the ceiling with teary eyes.

Your phone was still in your hand, still unlocked, still on your conversation with Noah. You glanced at the screen for a moment before slowly locking it, and letting it fall beside you on the bed. 

Why would he even want to hear from you after everything? 

…

You should’ve gone home hours ago, but you were still at work. The lights were off everywhere except for your office, the usual noise was gone, no tools, no engines, no voices, Dan had left hours ago, leaving you alone in the silence. 

You sat in your office chair, your phone in your hand, desperately waiting for a call or a text, or any kind of update from Linda. Your leg bounced restlessly under the desk, as your mind ran in circles. It should’ve been over by now. Someone should’ve said something. Anything.

You tried to take a deep breath but didn’t quite manage it.

“Come on…” You whispered under your breath, like somehow that would make your phone light up. But sitting here wouldn’t do anything. 

You pushed your chair back suddenly, the legs scraping softly against the floor as you stood, pacing once across the small office before stopping by the doorway, your eyes drifting out into the empty garage.

You could still picture Steve in there, working on a car, laughing with customers, smoking by the door. 

It felt wrong like this, without him. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to calm your breathing, anything to stop you from panicking. 

He said he’d be okay. He said that. So why hadn’t you heard anything?

Suddenly, the familiar sound of tires outside made you freeze.

Your head snapped toward the door, your heart jumping into your throat as headlights briefly cut through the gaps in the blinds. Your stomach dropped as you heard the car door open and shut… then there was a knock on the office door. A very familiar knock. 

“Y/n?” Of course it was him.

You stayed where you were for a second, your body going completely still, your chest tightening for a whole different reason now.

He shouldn’t be here. Maybe if you were quiet enough he’d think maybe you forgot to turn the lights off…

But when you glanced over at the door, you met his eyes through the open blinds. 

“…We’re closed.” You called out, your voice quieter than you meant for it to be.

There was a short silence again, but then he gave the door a push... and it opened 

You glanced over at him and immediately noticed he looked awful, like he hadn’t been sleeping much either. It made your heart hurt even more. His eyes found you almost instantly, and whatever he’d been about to say seemed to catch in his throat for a second.

“I was just passing and, uh, I saw the lights,” he said, his voice careful, like he wasn’t sure how far he could go. “Thought you might still be here.”

You nodded slightly, your arms still wrapped tight around yourself.

“Yeah.”

The silence stretched between you both, and he took a few steps closer, not too many though, just like he was testing the distance, like he didn’t want to push you.

“You alright?” He asked. The question almost made you laugh. 

You shook your head before you could stop yourself.

“No.” 

You looked away quickly, pressing your lips together like you could hold everything in if you just tried hard enough.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his voice softer now.

You swallowed hard.

“It’s Steve,” you said, your voice barely holding together. “He’s in surgery today-”

“Shit that was today?”

You nodded.

“I haven’t heard anything, not since I called him this morning,” you added, “It’s been hours… I don’t know if that’s normal or if something’s gone wrong or if-”

You cut yourself off, almost on the verge of hyperventilating as you looked down at the floor.

For a moment, he didn’t say anything, but he took another step closer.

“Hey,” he said gently, “I’m sure-” 

You shook your head again, like you didn’t want comfort, like you didn’t want anything that might make you crack. 

“Don't… I can’t-” you let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know what to do.”

Your phone stayed silent in your hand, like it was mocking you. Noah glanced at it, then back at you.

“…Do you want company? Just while you wait for the call?” He asked carefully.

It should've been a simple answer, but you hesitated. Because a part of you- a big part of you- wanted to say yes. You wanted to step forward and let him hold you like he used to, bury your face in his chest and breathe him in and let him wrap his arms around you… 

But you knew that wasn’t the best idea right now. 

So you shook your head softly, almost apologetically. 

“I think I just… need some space.” You said quietly.

He gave you a small nod.

“Yeah,” he said. “That’s okay.”

He didn’t argue or push, or convince you otherwise. He knew this was also for the best, and he didn’t want you to think he was taking advantage of the situation. 

So even though it hurt, he accepted it. 

“I’ll-” he gestured toward the door. “I’ll leave then.”

You nodded again, your eyes still fixed somewhere past him.

“Thanks.”

For a moment, he didn’t move. It was like he wanted to say something else. Like there were a hundred things sitting right on his tongue.

But he didn’t.

“…He’s gonna be okay.” He said instead, quietly.

You didn’t trust yourself to respond, so you just nodded. He stayed there for one second longer… then two. Then he turned and walked back towards the door. 

And just like that, it was quiet again. You stayed there for another hour, waiting for a call on either your phone or the work phone- though you knew that wasn’t likely. 

So finally, you made your way home. 

The world didn’t feel real anymore, everything felt like a bad dream that you were just waiting to wake up from. When you pulled up, you realised you had completely zoned out on the drive home, but you shook it off and opened the door with shaky hands. 

You didn’t take your shoes off when you stepped in, you didn’t take your jacket off either. You just stood there in the hallway, your heart beating too hard against your ribs as you reached into your bag for your phone. 

It had been long enough now, so you hit the call button under Linda’s name. 

It rang and rang and rang.

...Then it went to voicemail.

“No…” You groaned under your breath, already pulling the phone away to try again.

You paced as it rang this time, back and forth across your hallway, your free hand gripping at your hair, at your jacket, at anything.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up…”

Voicemail again. 

You hung up again immediately, your fingers trembling and tears slipping as you pressed call again. The sound of it ringing filled your ears, or maybe that was just your heartbeat. 

Your stomach churned, a wave of nausea hitting you so suddenly you had to brace a hand against the wall.

“Please…” You whispered. 

Ring ring.. ring ring.. r-

“Hello?”

You froze.

Your breath caught so sharply it hurt.

“Linda?” you said quickly, your voice already breaking. “Linda, what’s going on? I’ve been waiting all day, I didn’t hear anything, I-”

There was a far too long pause on her end. 

That was never a good sign. 

Suddenly, you felt your heart drop before she even said anything.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Linda said, her voice quiet and soft. Too soft. 

“Is he okay?” You asked immediately. “Did it go alright? Why didn’t anyone call me, I’ve been waiting all day, I thought…”

There was another pause, but it was longer this time. 

And that’s the moment you knew. 

“…Linda?” 

On the other end, you could hear her breathing. Unsteady and shaky, like she was trying to find the words. Like she didn’t know how to say them… like she didn’t want to say them because that made it real. But you didn’t even need to hear her say it. 

Because you knew. 

“Oh, sweetheart…” Linda’s voice cracked, and you could tell she was holding back a sob. 

“No…” you whispered, shaking your head even though she couldn’t see you. “No, no, don’t… just- tell me he’s okay. Please.”

She was silent. 

“…I’m so sorry.” She finally whispered weakly. 

Your brows pulled together, your grip tightening.

“What?” you said, almost breathless. “No, what do you mean sorry? You said… he said he was gonna be fine, I only spoke to him this morning-”

On the other end, Linda’s voice wavered.

“There- there were complications,” she said gently. “They tried, they really did, but…”

“No,” you cut in immediately, shaking your head harder now. “No… he said he’d be okay…” 

The world around you stopped moving completely. You felt frozen to the spot.

“I know.” She said softly, but that didn’t help. 

It didn’t make sense. It didn’t fit. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

She was lying. 

Your breathing turned sharp and uneven, your chest heaving as panic flooded through you ice cold. 

“No,” you said again, louder this time. “No, you’ve got it wrong, you have to- can I talk to him? Just… just put him on the phone. Please I need to talk to him-”

A broken sound came through the line. Not quite a sob, but something close, and then you heard her sniffle. 

“I can’t, darling.” Linda whispered, and that was it. Something inside you completely shattered.

“He can’t…” your voice cracked, the words barely forming. “He can’t be, he can’t-”

Your knees gave out beneath you, you barely registered the moment you hit the floor, your back sliding against the wall as your body gave in, your hand clutching the phone so tightly it hurt.

“No…” you sobbed, the sound tearing out of you without warning, completely raw and uncontrollable. “No, no, no…”

Tears were burning down your face, blurring your vision, making your hair stick to your cheeks. 

“I didn’t even- I didn’t get to…” you choked, your words falling over each other. “I was gonna come see him again, I was gonna- he said he’d be fine-”

“I know,” Linda said softly, though her own voice trembled now like she was trying her hardest to hold it together, because she knew someone had to. “I know, sweetheart…”

Your whole body shook.

“I didn’t even say goodbye,” you cried, your voice breaking over the words. “I thought I had time…”

You could barely even breathe through the sobs, your chest burning. 

“I can’t-” you gasped. “I can’t do this… I don’t know how-”

“You’re not alone,” Linda said quickly. “I’m here, okay? I’m right here, darling.”

But she wasn’t. Not really. Not in the way you needed.

“I want him back,” you cried, the words childish and desperate, “I want him back, Linda-”

A soft and broken sound came through the phone.

“I know... me too.” She whispered, her own tears spilling now. 

But wanting didn’t change anything. 

There was nothing you could do. Nothing could fix this. Nothing could change this.

The crushing, irreversible truth struggled to settle in your chest, that he was gone. 

Steve wasn't coming home.

…

Noah didn’t hear anything, and at first he didn’t think much of it. He knew it’d take time, surgeries could run long and people didn’t always have their phones on them. 

Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself.

But by the next day, he knew something was off. He stood in his kitchen, phone in hand, staring down at the message he’d sent last night. 

Noah: Hope it all went well, old man. I promise I'll be back to visit when you start to feel better... there's a lot I need to talk to you about.

He swallowed hard, staring at the screen for a moment longer before shoving his phone into his pocket. 

He assumed everyone was just busy. 

Then, the next day, he passed by the garage on his way to Folio’s place for rehearsals. 

And it was closed- properly this time. No cars outside, no lights, nothing. That wasn’t right. Even on a slow day, someone would be there. You’d be there. 

But he kept going and drove past, telling himself not to overthink it. 

But the next day, he drove past again. He didn't need to pass it, but he was just curious.

Hm. That's weird. It was still closed.

Even the next day, nothing had changed. 

That’s when he realised something was definitley wrong. He had a feeling from the beginning, but he didn’t want to overreact. But now he knew. 

And instead of heading to Folio’s this time, he turned the car around. He didn’t head back toward his place either, instead, he drove straight to yours. 

His car slowed as he pulled up outside your house, his eyes scanning your drive- his heart sunk when he spotted your car there. You must be in. 

He cut the engine, sitting there for a second, his hands still resting on the wheel as he stared at your front door. No lights were on inside, he couldn't see any movement. Maybe you weren’t even in? Maybe Steve was fine and you’ve gone to visit… but then why would your car be there dumbass? 

Please be okay, he thought as he got out and walked up to your front door. 

He lifted his hand to knock…

“Y/n?” He called out.

There was no answer, and he felt his heart starting to race before he knocked again. 

Still nothing.

He stepped back a little, glancing at the windows, trying to see any sign of movement inside, but there wasn’t 

For a second, he considered leaving. Maybe you wanted space, maybe you weren’t in, maybe you were asleep? Whatever it was, whatever you needed, he just wanted to respect it. 

But then he saw the kitchen light flick on, so he knocked one more time, a little more urgent this time.

“Y/n, I know you’re in there… it’s just me.”

A long pause followed, before he heard the sound of the lock. 

Then the door opened just enough for him to see you. And the moment he did, everything inside him shattered. 

Your eyes were red and swollen, like you hadn’t stopped crying. Skin pale, hair a mess. Your whole body looked like it was barely holding itself together.

“Hey…” he stepped forward instinctively, his voice soft but urgent. “What happened?”

Your lips parted slightly, but no words came out. You haven’t spoken in days, unless you count sobbing, your voice must’ve completely gone. 

So you just looked at him.

“…Y/n?” 

“Steve didn’t make it.” You just managed to say, the words sounding more like a breath than sound. 

But they still hit him like a punch to the chest, and he completely froze, his heart stopping for a brief second. 

“What?”

Your face crumpled again almost instantly, your grip on the door slipping as another sob forced its way out of you.

“He didn’t make it,” you repeated, your voice breaking as your shoulders sagged. “He- he was supposed to be okay, he said he’d be fine and I…”

You couldn’t finish what you were trying to say, but you didn’t need to. 

Noah’s stomach dropped, suddenly feeling sick. 

“Fuck…” He whispered, his hand coming up to the back of his neck as he tried to process it.

Steve had gone… just like that. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn't-

But when his eyes met yours again, he knew that whatever he was feeling didn’t matter. It meant nothing compared to you. 

“Hey,” he said quickly, stepping closer without thinking this time. “C’mere-”

His arms wrapped around you before you could stop him, before either of you could think about it. And for a split second, your body tensed, remembering everything that had happened between you… 

But you didn’t pull away. You let him pull him in, you let him hold in the doorway as a loud, uncontrollable sob tore from you, your hands clutching at his hoodie as you pressed your face into his chest. 

“Shhh, I’ve got you,” he whispered, keeping his voice steady despite the way he was feeling himself, “I’ve got you.”

His hand came up to the back of your head, holding you closer, the other wrapped firmly around your back like he was afraid you might fall apart if he let go. 

Fuck, he just wanted to take the pain away. 

“I didn’t get to say goodbye, Noah…” you cried, your head tilting to look up at him. “I thought I had time, I thought-”

He swallowed hard, his jaw tightening as he held you tighter. But before he could say anything, your knees buckled beneath you, but he caught you, his arms wrapping tigther around you.

“Hey… hey, easy.” He whispered, “Can I come in?”

You nodded your head against him, clinging to him as he gently guided you backwards into the house. He led you over to the couch, where he carefully eased you down. And the moment he tried to pull back, your hands tightened on his hoodie, so he stopped. Instead, he crouched in front of you. 

He wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, though. He wasn’t sure where he was or wasn’t allowed to touch, so he played it safe, and hesitantly he raised his hand and cupped your cheek. Your skin was cold and damp with tears, but his thumb brushed them away as they fell. 

“Look at me.” He whispered again, but your eyes stayed squeezed shut as you shook your head, like you were embarrassed you were even in this situation, like you didn’t want him seeing you in this state. 

“I was supposed to be there,” you choked out, “The morning he went in… I wanted to actually be there but- but I was scared… what if- what if he-”

Your words trailed off as your breath hitched, making Noah’s heart hurt. 

“I know,” he said softly, gently, “I know… I’m sorry.” God, it felt useless, but he wasn’t sure what else to say. What else do you say in this situation?

His hand slid from your cheek to the back of your head, and he gently threaded his fingers into your hair as he slowly pulled you closer, just enough to offer it without forcing you-

But you fell into him, like it was the only place left to go. The only place left that felt familiar and safe. 

Your sobs were muffled by his hoodie as you buried your face into his chest again. 

“I didn’t get to say goodbye…” you cried, hiccuping, “I never thought I’d- I’d have to.. he said he’d be okay and I believed him… I always believed him!” 

“I know,” Noah whispered, his cheek resting against the top of your head, his eyes falling shut as he held you tighter, “Shhh, I know, baby…” 

Shit. The word slipped out before you could stop it, and he froze- you felt his body tense up… but neither of you acknowledged it. Neither of you really had the strength to. 

His hand moved slowly against your back, stroking up and down steadily, and despite everything that happened between you two, you found comfort in it. Your body shook against him, your whole body completely exhausted from crying but unable to stop. 

“I should’ve been there,” you whispered, your voice weak and scratchy, “I should’ve visited more… I should’ve-”

“No,” he said softly, pulling back just enough to look at you, his hand still carefully cradling the back of your head, “Don’t do that… don’t start doing that to yourself.” 

You opened your eyes, glossy and unfocused as you tried to search his face… like you were looking to see if he had an answer to this, if he could make sense of this. 

“But I left him.” You said, your voice barely even a whisper. But it made his heart twist. 

“You didn’t,” he replied gently, “You didn’t leave him-”

“I did!” You insisted, your face crumpling even though you tried so hard to keep it together, “I thought I had more time… but I stayed here- he must’ve been so scared, Noah, he-” 

You couldn’t even finish your sentence, but Noah’s thumb came back to brush your cheek again, catching another tear as it fell. 

“You didn’t know. Neither did he. But this isn’t on you, okay?” He said softly, “Did he have his family around him?”

You nodded your head. 

“His sons… and Linda- but I wish I was there. He’s… he’s all I’ve got. All I had.” 

The last word barely made it out, it caught in your throat before you forced it out, and Noah noticed. His hand thumb slowly stroked your cheek, trying to offer you at least a little comfort in this situation. 

“You know that’s not true,” he said quietly, his voice dipping like he was trying to meet you where you were. “You’ve still got people.” 

You shook your head, more urgently this time. 

“It’s not the same! It’s not- no one else knows me like that, Noah… he raised me, he took me in, he-” 

Your words dissolved into nothing again, your shoulders shaking as another sob broke through you. And something in Noah shifted, because he had seen it- the way you were with Steve. The way he was the one thing you knew you always had to fall back on, the way you’d always be look so happy when you'd tell him about the memories you had of him, it was more than obvious that he wasn’t something you could replace. Ever. 

“I know,” he finally said, swallowing hard as he forced his voice to stay steady, even if it cost him something to keep it that way, “I know it’s not the same. It’s never gonna be the same… he really was one of a kind.” 

You carefully let go of his hoodie, your hands aching a little from how hard you had grasped. But then you looked up to meet his eyes, searching his face, looking at him like you needed him to say something else… something better. Something that would make it hurt less. 

He knew what you wanted him to say, but he didn’t want to lie to you. He couldn’t. 

Not when in a month's time, he’d be on the other side of the country. 

“It doesn’t mean you’ve got no one.” He added gently. 

Then he hesitated for a moment, because this was the line, and he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to cross it anymore. 

“You’ve got your friends… and Linda.” 

You sniffled, using the sleeve of your hoodie to wipe your face. 

“You haven’t stopped crying since I got here,” Noah suddenly pointed out, “I’m gonna get you some water, okay?” 

You didn’t respond properly, you just gave him a small, weak nod.

He slowly rose to his feet, straightening up while you sank back into the couch, curling up into yourself. And Noah lingered for a moment by the door, just looking at you, making sure you were still breathing steady, then he turned and headed into the kitchen. 

He didn’t need to think as he moved through the kitchen, muscle memory guided him as he reached for a glass and filled it with water from the tap, his own hands trembling from everything that had just happened. 

But he ignored it. 

He then found the bread, pulling out a couple slices before slipping them into the toaster. He knew you hadn’t eaten, he knew you too well. He knew you’d say no if he asked you, and if he asked why you’d say you feel too stressed, too sick. So he wanted to make sure he at least offered something to you. 

When he came back into the living room, glass in one hand, plate in the other, he spotted you on the couch, half lying on your side, staring blankly at nothing. 

He couldn’t help but frown as he set everything down on the coffee table. 

“Can you sit up for a second for me?” He asked gently, and you just blinked at him, like it took too much effort to even register those words. 

But you eventually pushed yourself up weakly, like crying had drained you of all your energy. But he was there, and he helped steady you. 

“Here,” he said as he handed out the glass, “Just a few sips, okay? Get your fluids back up.” 

You listened, taking a few shaky sips.

“Good,” he smiled gently, “That’s it.” 

You handed the glass back to him when you were done, and he set it back down on the table. He then reached for the plate, carefully offering it to you. 

“I’m guessing you’ve not eaten much lately, so I made some toast… think you can try for me? It's only a little burnt.” He teased, trying to lighten the mood.

You looked at the plate, then back at him. Your stomach turned at the thought, but you knew he was right.

But another part of you was a little unsure, you couldn’t quite understand why he was being like this? Why he even cared? 

“Just a little…” He added softly. 

You nodded then, taking a slice from the plate and taking a small bite. But you were only doing it so you had something else to focus on that wasn’t him. 

… 

By the time you’d had enough, your energy was completely gone. You could barely keep your eyes open, your head kept dropping slightly, your body swaying with it, and Noah couldn't help but smile gently when he noticed.

“You tired?” He asked softly. “Let’s get you to bed, yeah?”

You didn’t argue, you just gave him a weak nod, then he helped you up off the couch and followed him to your bedroom. 

He guided you inside, pulling the covers back with one hand before helping you lay down. 

You didn’t even have the energy to adjust yourself, you just sank into the mattress, feeling completely exhausted and empty. 

He pulled the covers up over you, tucking them in slightly around your shoulders like he used to, like nothing had changed.

His hand lingered there for a second… then moved to softly brush your hair back from your face.

“…Try and get some sleep.” He said quietly.

Your eyes opened just enough to look at him, debating whether to say it… 

Stay? 

But you didn’t. Maybe you didn’t have the energy, maybe you already knew the answer. Maybe you were afraid you’ve already been too much.

You sniffled as you watched him.

“I will.” You whispered.

He nodded, just once, then he stepped back. Like he didn’t even think about staying… and for some reason, that hurt. Because there was no hesitation, he didn’t linger, he just headed back to the bedroom door. 

And then he paused there for a second, his hand resting on the handle like he was grounding himself, like leaving was taking something out of him too.

But he didn’t turn around.

“Text someone if you need anything,” he said quietly. “Jess… or…”

He stopped himself, swallowing hard. He couldn't say me. He didn’t know you had unblocked him. That’s why he came over instead of sending you a text. At least that’s what you were telling yourself, otherwise he would’ve said to text him… right?

“…Just don’t stay like this on your own, alright? Please, don’t isolate yourself.”

“Okay.” You said, and it came out smaller than before, weaker. 

And then he nodded again, and left without another word. 

…

When you woke up, it didn’t feel like morning. You didn't know what it felt like, you were just so disoriented and had no idea how long you’d been out for- but light was spilling through your curtains. It took you a moment to even register where you were- your room, your bed, the same position you’d fallen into hours ago.

Then you turned over to look at the clock, and saw it was now late afternoon. 

An entire day had passed.

You felt your stomach drop, had you really been asleep that long?

It made sense, in a way. Your body had needed it, it needed to shut down, to escape, to take a break from everything your mind couldn’t stop replaying. But waking up meant it all came back.

And it did. 

You swallowed hard, staring blankly at the wall for a long moment as you replayed every awful thing from the last few days… but then, something else surfaced. Something a little less terrifying. 

Noah.

You could still picture it so clearly- the way he looked when you opened the door, the way his expression changed the second he saw you, the way he didn’t hesitate before pulling you into him.

Even after everything, he came. He didn’t have to, he didn’t owe you that… but he did it anyway. He took care of you, then he left. Why did he leave?

Oh. Yeah. 

You understood why he left.

You weren’t together anymore. You’d made that clear. You were the one who told him there was nothing to talk about and shut him down every single time he tried, every time he offered… 

You were too much. You always had been. 

You exhaled slowly, pushing yourself up just enough to reach for your phone, your movements sluggish, like your body hadn’t fully caught up with you yet.

You ignored all the notifications, and went straight to your contacts, scrolling down until you found his name. You knew you shouldn’t text him… everything was still unresolved, nothing had actually changed. You were still hurt, still angry, still trying to hold onto the decision you made.

But he held you, he stayed long enough to make sure you were okay, he was the one to pull you in first. 

And now you were just… going to say nothing? Go about your lives like it all meant nothing?

No. You at least had to thank him first. 

You tapped onto the message button, and for a moment your thumbs hovered over the keyboard, your brain going completely blank. What the hell were you even supposed to say? 

You tried not to overthink it, and just typed anyway. 

Hey, I just woke up and I wanted to say thank you for yesterday… 

You stared at it, it didn’t feel like enough. You knew you had more to say… so you swallowed and started typing again. 

I’m sorry if I was a bit much. I didn’t mean to put that all on you.

Your throat burned as you kept going. 

I know things are still messed up between us… and I’m still upset. 

You knew you had to be clear that this changes nothing, that you had to protect yourself, even now, despite what your heart wanted. 

This doesn’t change anything, but I’m glad you were there. I really appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me. 

You took a deep breath, not daring to read it before pressing send. Because once it was out there, you couldn’t take it back. He could read it, he could respond… or not. 

You then set your phone down beside you, staring at nothing as that daunting feeling, that familiar anxiety crept back in again.

And you couldn’t believe that even now, even after everything, a part of you was still waiting for him to come and make everything better again. 

… 

20 minutes away, Noah was sitting in a diner with Folio and Jolly as they discussed the move. All three of them were moving out to LA, Folio and Jolly were moving in with a couple friends, but Noah was going to be alone in his apartment now that things with you were over. 

He tried not to think about it. About how he imagined your reaction to each room, how he decided on that specific one because he knew you’d love the balcony, how the place would be perfect to-

“Dude?” Folio waved a hand, “You still with us?” 

Noah blinked, like he had been woken from a trance. 

“Yeah… yeah… uh, Jolly’s picking up a van?”

“Yeah, it’s gonna be a long drive… google's saying it's gonna take a couple days...” 

Jolly’s words trailed off to Noah as his phone screen lit up, and he felt his heart stop for a second when he saw your name light up the screen… was he dreaming? 

“Uh… I’m just gonna go out for a smoke.” Noah lied, and the guys knew it was a lie- he stopped smoking the day you told him you hated the smell. 

He stepped outside, then pulled his phone back out of his pocket. His heart sank as he read your message, but then again you reached out. You didn’t have to text him…

He stood there for a moment, wondering how the hell to reply to that. There was so much he wanted to say, but none of it felt right right now… not while you were still hurting. So instead, he tried to keep it simple. 

You weren’t too much

He paused for a moment to think, before deciding to add...

You could never be too much. You didn’t put anything on me, I wanted to be there, I wanted to help. 

He rubbed a hand over his jaw as he thought about the next part, how to say it without crossing a line, without making it about him. 

I know things aren’t okay between us, and for what it's worth I'm still sorry. But I’m not going to push that right now… just know I meant what I said. You’re not alone. You don’t have to go through this alone. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself. 

His heart hurt as he read it over. It wasn’t perfect, but none of this was.

So he hit send, and stayed out there for a moment, trying to steady himself again before he went back inside. 

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, he wasn’t really expecting a reply, or for you to even read his message. 

…

The next few days all blurred together, it didn’t help that you had messed up your sleep schedule the day Noah came over. But in those days, you didn’t leave the house. Not even once. 

The garage stayed closed, like everything had paused in respect for Steve. Jess even sent you a picture of the front door when she passed by a couple days ago- flowers were scattered across the ground, candles that had been lit during a little memorial that was held for him by some of his friends and regulars. You would’ve gone, but you knew you wouldn’t have been able to handle it. You couldn't even think about leaving the house right now.

Most of your time was spent on the couch, or the bed, or the floor. Wherever you ended up when it all weighed down on you.

You didn’t feel too lonely, however, since you spent most of your time on the phone to Jess or Linda- but mostly Linda. You spoke to her every day, sometimes for hours, sometimes for just a few quiet minutes where neither of you said much… but you were both glad that you had each other in a time like this.

You learned the details you didn’t want to hear and needed to know at the same time. What happened, how it happened. The last thing he said before he went in.

“The night before he went in, he was talking about you and that boy…” She said softly during one of the calls.

You let out a soft chuckle despite the pain in your chest.

“Noah?” You swallowed, “What did he say?”

She paused for a moment before answering. 

“He was telling me you had a falling out, but I didn’t believe that. That boy looks at you like you hung the moon… seeing the two of you up here when you came to visit... it reminded me of when we were younger…”

She trailed off, and you heard her sniffle over the line. Your heart ached for her. You felt stupid for feeling upset about everything with Noah when you know what she’s going through right now. 

…

A week had passed, and Jess had had enough. She didn’t say it like that, but you knew. You could just tell. 

She sat beside you on the couch, she had been coming over to visit ever since Noah had come by, because that’s when you realised you couldn’t stand to be alone. Even though you don’t say much when she’s over, she doesn’t mind. She sits with you anyway. One day she even brought a couple colouring books over, just so you both had something to do, something to keep your mind distracted.

But by now, she was tired of seeing you sulking. Of course she knew you were grieving… but she hated seeing you sit in the same place like this every single day.  

“This isn’t what he’d want, you know.” She said out of the blue. 

Your brows drew together slightly as you looked up from you colouring and met her eyes.

“What?”

“Steve,” she said gently. “This…” she gestured around you, at the blanket, the stillness, the way you hadn’t moved much all day. “This isn’t what he’d want for you.”

You looked away, feeling the lump in your throat come back.

“I don’t really care what anyone wants right now.” You grumble under your breath as you picked your pen back up.

Jess didn’t push right away, she just looked at you for a moment, letting the words sit before she spoke again.

“He’d want you to celebrate him,” she said. “Not hide away like this.”

You swallowed hard.

“I don’t feel like celebrating anything.”

“I know,” she said softly. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.”

You shook your head, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself.

“I can’t just go out and act normal, Jess.”

“I’m not asking you to act normal,” she said quickly. “I’m just asking you to leave the house.”

You stayed quiet after she said that, thinking it over… or trying to.

“Sam and I were gonna go out after he finishes work tonight,” she added casually, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Just for a drink. Nothing crazy.”

You didn’t respond, so she continued…

“You can come with us,” she said. “If it’s too much, we’ll leave. No questions asked. We can come back here instead, or come back to my place… or if you need some time alone, just tell us.”

You glanced over at her, and she was watching you carefully, a soft smile on her lips. She wasn’t pushing, she was just offering. You knew that if you said no then she wouldn’t force you. 

“You don’t have to stay long,” she added. “You don’t even have to talk. Just… get out of the house for a bit…?”

You were so torn, because a part of you knew she was right. That’s exactly what Steve would’ve wanted. He would hate to see you in this state. You could just imagine him looking down on you, sighing and shaking his head the way he always did.

You let out a slow breath.

“…I don’t know if I can.” You admitted with teary eyes.

Jess nodded.

“That’s okay,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be tonight…”

Your eyes dropped to the colouring in your lap as you thought about it. How Steve would always tell you that you were too stubborn for your own good. 

He’d always been right. 

“Okay,” you said quietly, “Just one drink.” 

Jess perked up, a big smile spread across her face.

“Really?”

You nodded your head. 

“For Steve.” 

And for the first time in what felt like forever, the heaviness on your chest felt like it had been lifted just a little.

...

Like last time, you didn’t get dressed up. You showered and made sure you looked presentable, but you weren’t looking for any attention tonight. If anything, you wanted the opposite. 

The world was suddenly louder than you remembered, the music in the bar hurting your ears the moment you stepped in. It wasn't too overwhelming, though. You adjusted to it after a moment, it was just a bit of a surprise after spending days in silence. 

Glasses clinked around you, laughter rose and fell in waves, cutting through the music and soft chatter in the room. It should’ve felt normal. Comforting, even.

But it didn’t.

You sat in the booth beside Jess, your drink untouched for longer than it should’ve been, your fingers loosely wrapped around the glass as condensation gathered against your skin.

You didn’t feel like you were even here, not fully. Your mind was drifting in and out, catching a few words between Jess and Sam, watching how the lights reflected off the windows, but your mind was still elsewhere. 

Every few moments, it all came back. You thought you’d come to terms with it now, but every time you thought about Steve it all felt fresh again. You blinked quickly, forcing your gaze down to your drink, taking a slow sip just to give yourself something to focus on, to force the lump in your throat back down. 

“Hey,” Jess said gently beside you, nudging your arm slightly. “You still with us?”

You nodded, even though it wasn’t entirely true.

“Yeah,” you murmured. “I’m just… a bit tired.”

She gave you a small, understanding smile before turning back to Sam.

And you tried, you really did. They both knew you were trying, and they were just happy to see you out of your house. They had no other expectations tonight. 

You listened, you nodded at the right moments, you even let out a quiet laugh once or twice, but it all felt like you were watching yourself do it from somewhere else. Like you weren’t really you in this moment. Like you were slightly out of sync with everything.

Still, it was better than being alone. At least here, you weren’t sitting in silence with your thoughts.

You exhaled slowly, your shoulders dropping just a little… and that’s when you saw him across the bar. 

At first, it didn’t register. You just knew you recognised his face… but you couldn’t quite place it through the haze of everything else that happened. 

Then suddenly, it clicked. 

Folio!! 

Noah’s friend…

Your stomach dropped when you realised. You froze for a second, your fingers tightening around your glass as your eyes lingered just a second too long. Just long enough to catch you looking.

The moment he spotted you, his expression changed- he looked surprised at first, then it changed to something softer, then something more uncertain. Then he started to make his way over, and you quickly turned back to your friends.

“You alright?” Jess asked, looking a little confused.

You nodded your head.

“I think I know this guy… he-”

Before you could say anything, before she could ask any questions, he was there. 

“Hey…” Folio said, stopping just beside the table, his voice careful. “Y/n, isn't it?”

You nodded, managing a small, tired smile.

“Yeah. Hi.”

He glanced between Jess and Sam briefly, offering a polite nod before looking back at you.

“How are you?” He asked. You wondered how much he knew, whether Noah talked to his friends about you or not. 

Still, you let out a quiet breath.

“I’ve been better.”

He winced slightly, realising after he asked. 

“Yeah… I heard about your uncle,” he said, softer now. “I’m really sorry.”

You let out a huff- a sound that wasn’t quite a laugh. All you’ve gotten from people lately has been I’m sorry…

“It’s not your fault.” You shrugged, your voice blunt and cold, almost a little rude. An awkward silence followed, and you almost felt bad. But then he spoke again. 

“And… about you and Noah.” He added, a little more hesitant this time.

Your fingers stilled against your glass as you looked away.

“What about it?” You asked, your voice quieter now.

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“He told us you guys split,” he said. “He didn’t really go into detail, but…” he trailed off, shrugging slightly. “Didn’t seem great.”

You swallowed hard. 

“No,” you said. “It wasn’t.”

Then Folio sighed softly, like he was debating whether to say something.

“…He didn’t want it to end like that, you know.” He said.

Your brows pulled together slightly as you looked back up at him.

“What do you mean?”

He shifted his weight on his feet, glancing over his shoulder for a moment before looking back at you.

“I mean… he wanted to tell you,” he said. “About him and Maya. Even before you two started taking things seriously-”

“…What?” You asked, shaking your head, like you couldn’t believe the words you were hearing. 

He frowned slightly.

“Yeah,” he said. “He was gonna tell you, but Maya…” he huffed out a small breath. “She told him not to. Said it’d just complicate things, so she made him promise not to tell you…”

Your stomach dropped.

You stared at him, like it was all you could do. 

“Wait,” you said slowly. “Him and Maya?”

“…Yeah?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Now it was his turn to look confused.

“…That they used to hook up,” he said, like it was obvious. “Before you and him even-”

“What?” The word came out sharper and louder than you meant it to.

Jess and Sam both turned to look at you now, but you barely noticed.

“Yeah…?” he frowned. “That’s- that is why you guys broke up, right?”

Your heart was pounding now.

“No??” You said, shaking your head slightly. “That’s not…” you let out a breath, your thoughts scrambling. “That isn’t what she told me.”

He blinked.

“…What do you mean?”

You swallowed hard.

“Maya said that… that he only wanted to sleep with me,” you were breathless now, your heart racing, “That it was just some kind of plan. That he didn’t actually… he didn’t love me.”

For a moment, he was quiet. 

Then he couldn’t help but burst into laughter. It wasn’t intentionally mean or cruel, just genuinely surprised. 

“Are you serious?” 

“I don’t see what’s funny.” You spat. 

He shook his head, still a little in disbelief.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I just- fuck, that’s like… the total opposite of the truth.”

You stared at him.

“Huh?”

He let out a soft chuckle.

“Y/n,” he said, more serious now, “That guy’s been head over heels for you since the moment you met.”

Your breath caught.

“No, he hasn’t… that’s-”

“Yes, he has,” Folio cut in, a small smile pulling at his mouth. “You should’ve seen him when he first started working with you. Fuck, he wouldn’t shut up about you. Ever.”

Your heart pounded harder.

“That’s not-”

“Shit, I remember he was so nervous,” Folio continued, like he couldn’t quite believe you didn’t know. “Which- by the way- never happens. Ever. We were all making fun of him for it. Nick even said we should get him a swear jar but for every time he says your name.”

You shook your head slightly.

“But he didn’t act nervous, not once-”

“Yeah. Because he’s an idiot,” Folio said simply. “He hides it behind all that cocky shit.”

Oh yeah, now that sounded like Noah. 

“He actually thought you hated him at first,” Folio added. “He was convinced you were gonna get your uncle to fire him in the first week.”

A small, broken laugh almost escaped you. Because it was true. 

“But he was still…” Folio shook his head again. “He was all in. Straight away. I’ve known Noah a while now, and I’ve never known him to feel that way about somebody.”

You swallowed hard, still trying to process it all. 

“That doesn’t make sense, though,” you said quietly. “Why would Maya-”

“Maya’s just pissed,” he cut in bluntly. “She always had a thing for him, or so he said- he says that about everyone. She didn’t like that he didn’t want her the way she wanted him.”

Your stomach dropped. She was your best friend… and you never knew that?

Was that why she was so distant with you after Halloween?

“…What?”

He nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “It wasn’t serious between them at all. It was just… well, it’s not my place to explain it all. But let’s just say she didn’t take it great when he wanted to stop.”

Your mind was working hard trying to piece everything together, trying to make it all make sense.

“And I’m guessing you know about LA now? You saw Noah the other day?” He added, almost as an afterthought.

Your head snapped up.

“LA?”

Folio blinked.

“…You don’t know about that either?”

Your stomach turned.

“No... what about it?”

He hesitated… then sighed. 

“We’re all moving,” he said. “There’s more opportunities for the band out there, and the albums coming out this summer so he wanted to go before that. He’s been talking about this for ages.”

Your heart suddenly dropped.

“…He never told me he was moving.”

“He was going to,” Folio said. “He even wanted you to come with him.”

The words hit harder than anything else.

“He did?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “He was waiting for the right time to talk about it. He wanted to ask you properly.”

Fuck, you felt like you were gonna be sick. 

“But then all this shit with Maya came out,” he continued. “You two broke up, and…” he shrugged slightly. “He figured that was it.”

Your mind raced, replaying every word you could remember, every argument, everything that all happened to just be a misunderstanding. 

This was exactly why none of it made sense. It all made sense now.

It’s not because he didn’t love you, or want you, or care about you. He did. God, he did. 

“I’ve got everything so wrong…” You whispered. 

Folio frowned.

“What?”

“When I asked him,” you said, your voice barely there. “If it was true… he thought I meant something else.”

A look of sudden realisation spread across Folio’s face.

“…Oh.” He nodded slowly. 

Your stomach dropped.

“He thought I meant him and Maya,” you said, more to yourself now than to him. “She made it all up… this is what she wanted all along. She planned this all, she- that bitch!!”

Your breathing picked up, adrenaline racing through your system, your vision blurring as the weight of it all came crashing down at once.

“…He loves me?” You asked, your voice small, almost disbelieving, as you looked up to meet Folio’s eyes. 

Folio let out a quiet breathy laugh. 

“It’s more than just love. Trust me.”

Your heart ached so much, and suddenly everything started to make sense. 

The flowers on your desk, the way he took care of you, the way he checked in… it wasn’t because he felt bad, it wasn’t because he wanted to keep his job. 

You were wrong. So, so wrong.

“Oh my god…” You whispered. “I need to fix this. I need to talk to him right now, I need to-”

“Hey,” Jess reached for your arm, trying to get you to sit back down, “Maybe not tonight. Remember what happened last time you went to his place after a drink?”

“But it’s different this time!” You flew up from your seat, grabbing your phone and jacket, “I was wrong! It was all a lie… we- I-” You couldn’t get your words out, so you just shook your head and turned back to Folio. 

“I’ve only had half a beer if you want me to take you to his place? He told me he’s packing tonight, otherwise he would’ve been here-”

“Please,” you nodded frantically, “God, I’ve got so much to apologise for!!” 

“You don’t have anything to apologise for.” Jess said as she picked up her bag, “But I know someone that fucking does.” 

· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

hehe <3