ashleigh ୨ৎ

Noah stood still for a moment before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you impossibly closer. You could feel his whole body relax as he melted into the embrace. He lifted a hand to cradle the back of your head, tucking your head under his chin. You simply stood there, your fingers clutching the fabric of his hoodie as he nuzzled his nose into your hair. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, rubbing small circles on your back. 

And that was when the floodgates opened. Large, hot tears started to stream down your face and onto the fabric of his hoodie. Noah didn’t notice until he felt your shoulders starting to shake. He tried to lean backwards a little to look at your face, but you buried it deeper into his chest. 

“Woah - baby? Are you crying? What happened?” 

You just clung tighter to him. 

“Is everyone alright? Is your family okay?”

You hiccuped a little. “I just missed you.” 

“Oh sweetheart… You flew all the way here because you missed me?” 

You nodded. 

Noah carefully pried your hands from his where they were tangled in his hoodie. He took half a step back, taking your face in both of his hands. 

“Let me look at you.” 

You finally glanced up to meet his gaze. His eyes softened as they met your watery ones. 

“Oh my sweet angel…” He rubbed his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping your tears away. 

“C’mere,” he whispered as he pulled you back in. 

A few moments later you were sitting cross-legged on the end of Noah's bed while he unpacked your bag as though it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“How long are you staying?” 

“Until after the show, I think.”

“I feel like four hoodies is a bit excessive, no?” 

You frowned at him. “I packed three?” 

Noah shook his head and started to pull hoodies out of your bag. 

“One… Two… Three…” He pointed at the hoodie that he was wearing. “Four!” 

You snorted and threw the nearest pillow you could find at him. 

“Hey!” He threw the pillow back at you. “Here I am, being a nice boyfriend and unpacking for you and you assault me with a pillow?” 

“Dork,” you muttered under your breath. 

“Oh really?” Noah's eyes narrowed playfully.

You lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

A slow grin spread across his face.

“Oh, it's so on.”

Before you even had time to react, he lunged at you.

“Noah!”

You barely managed to squeal before he tackled you backwards onto the bed, the mattress bouncing beneath the two of you.

“You started this,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I did not!”

“You absolutely did.”

His fingers found your sides. He knew exactly where you were ticklish. You twisted beneath him, trying to squirm away, but every attempt only made him laugh harder. His fingertips danced over your ribs before slipping to your waist, drawing another helpless shriek from you.

“No- No! Noah!”

“You surrender yet?”

You tried pushing him away to no avail, he was so much stronger than you. You planted both hands against his chest and pushed with all your strength. He didn't budge.

“Never!”

“That was the wrong answer.”

He attacked again, relentless.

Laughter echoed through the hotel room as you twisted beneath him, trying desperately to grab his wrists. It was hopeless. You couldn't even catch your breath anymore. Tears stung the corners of your eyes, your stomach already beginning to ache from laughing so hard.

“Noah-” you wheezed between laughs. “Please! Mercy!”

“That's not surrender.”

“I hate you!”

He gasped dramatically.

“That hurts."

“I love you! Mercy! Mercy!”

His hands froze immediately.

A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.

“Better.”

Only then he leaned in to steal a kiss before finally letting you breathe. You laid back, both hands clutching your stomach. You took a few deep breaths to stifle your giggles. You turned your head sideways to look at him only to discover that he was already looking at you. 

“I’m so happy you came. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered.

You smiled. 

“So have I,” you said. And you meant it. You just wished those were the only words you needed to say. 

Noah suddenly jawned, his eyes drooping a little. 

“Tired?” 

He didn’t answer. Instead he simply pulled his phone out from his pocket, set an alarm and pulled you closer to him. Oh how you had missed the feeling of his tall frame surrounding you. You let out a content little sigh and leaned back into him. One of his large hands found its way to your stomach, fingers splaying over your soft skin under your shirt. You went perfectly still. Your heart stuttered. It was such a small gesture, something he usually did - but this time it carried a much heavier meaning. 

Noah fell asleep within minutes. You turned around in his arms so that you could look at him. For a while you simply observed him. How his hair had gotten long enough to fall down in front of his eyes when he slept. For a moment you wondered if he was planning to grow it out or not. You smiled to yourself, remembering the boy you fell in love with seven years ago. His hair had been longer than yours, his cheeks rounder than they were now. The man in front of you looked more chiseled in every way. But he still had the same smile, the skin around his eyes still crinkled in the same way when he laughed. And above all, he still made you feel the same way as he did back then. 

“You’re gonna be such a good dad,” you whispered, barely audible. 

You hadn’t even noticed that you were falling asleep. The familiar sound of Noah's alarm woke you. He reached out without opening his eyes, tapping the bed with his hand to find his phone. His eyes shot open when his hand landed on you. 

“Oh my god. I forgot you were here!” 

“Rude,” you mumbled. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He reached for you, pulling you on top of him. He smiled up at you, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His lips met yours in a tender kiss. Your heart swelled. You should tell him. Now.

You were just about to open your mouth, but Noah was faster. 

“Coffee?” 

Outside of the hotel you pulled your jacket a closer around you, shivering a little. 

“Cold?” 

“A little.” 

“Want my hoodie?” 

“Noah. You’re not even wearing a jacket.” 

He looked down at his own body. 

“Yeah. I know. But still.” 

You rolled your eyes at him. "Absolutely not. I’ll warm up as we walk.” 

Noah shrugged before reaching for your hand. Your fingers intertwined with his as you started walking. 

“Are you not supposed to be at work? I just realised,” he asked, glancing down at you. 

“I called in sick,” you shrugged. 

He stopped in his tracks. 

“Y/N.” 

“That’s me.” 

“You called in sick to work because you missed me?” he frowned. 

“...Yeah,” you answered hesitantly. Because that was not the whole truth, was it? You started walking again, pulling him with you. You didn’t want to give him the chance to study your expression for too long. 

“What if your boss finds out?” 

“You’re gonna tell her? Gonna snitch on me?” you joked, elbowing him slightly in the ribs. 

He let out a bark of a laugh. 

“Yeah, obviously. Gonna get you fired so you can come on tour with me instead.” 

You rolled your eyes. His tone of voice was sarcastic, but you knew that there was some truth to it. The band had gotten big enough that your income didn’t make that much difference, and Noah had suggested that you could always quit. He’d even suggested that the band could employ you in one way or the other. You thought that it was sweet in a way, that he wanted to spend every day with you, but you also thought that you’d lose your mind if you didn’t have anything of your own. 

The two of you crossed the street together. Once you reached the opposite sidewalk, you found yourself walking closest to the road. A second later, Noah casually guided you to the other side of him, taking your place nearest the traffic. 

“What?”

“You were on the traffic side.”

“So?”

“So now you're not.”

Five minutes later, the familiar green Starbucks sign came into view.

“You're buying,” Noah declared.

“I flew across the country to see you!”

“Exactly. You clearly have money.”

You just huffed and shoved him inside. Your nostrils filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods. You felt yourself almost sniff the air, which made Noah grin and shake his head at you. 

Noah went up to the counter. “Two large americanos please. And one of those cookies.” He pointed towards the cookie display. 

“Actually, could I get mine decaf?” you interjected. 

Noah looked at you, brows furrowed. 

“Decaf?” 

“Yeah… I- I’ve been cutting down on caffeine.” 

“Since when?” 

“Since recently.” 

“...Who are you?” 

You rolled your eyes. Noah turned back to the barista. 

“Okay, one normal and one decaf then, please.” 

Once outside Noah pulled the chocolate chip cookie out of the bag. He split it in two, one half clearly larger than the other. He handed you the larger piece without hesitation. 

The two of you wandered through the streets of Chicago with paper cups warming your hands. Noah filled the afternoon with stories from the tour. A guitar case that had almost been left behind at a gas station. Jolly accidentally walking onto the wrong side of the stage. Nick getting his sandwich stolen by Noah halfway through lunch and refusing to let it go for the rest of the day, five days in a row. 

"Apparently, I have a new nickname.” 

”Oh?”

”They call me the seagull.” 

”…Why?” 

”Nick claims I’ve stolen his food.”

”Noah, you just admitted to me that you have been stealing his food.” 

He shrugged. ”Well… I mean, yeah I have… but I feel like that’s beside the point!”

You laughed until your cheeks hurt.

For a little while, it almost felt like life had paused. There was no countdown. No secret weighing heavily in your chest. It was just you, Noah, and the city stretching out around you. Every now and then he’d bump his shoulder against you, smiling to himself as if though he couldn’t believe you were actually there. 

You couldn't remember the last time you'd seen him this relaxed.

He stopped suddenly, pointing at a large building in front of you. 

“That’s the one,” he chirped. 

It looked massive. 

“That's the arena?!” 

He tilted his head sideways, looking down at you. 

“Yeah. Today it’s empty… On Saturday, hopefully not.” 

“Noah, it’s sold out. It’s not gonna be empty,” you stated. 

He shrugged. 

“How many tickets sold?” you asked. 

A shy smile spread across his face. 

“Ten thousand.” 

“Woah.” 

You looked up at him, watching him taking it in. In your mind, he was still the guy playing in front of a few hundred people. He put one arm around your shoulder, tucking you into his side. 

“Crazy, isn’t it? That they’re all coming to see us?”

“I’m so proud of you.” 

“Even after all these years?” 

“Especially after all these years.” 

You stood there for a few seconds. This was as good of a time as any. You closed your eyes for a split second. 

You opened your mouth to speak but stopped as you noticed a group of girls a few feet away. They looked at the pair of you hesitantly. One of them whispered something to another. You could recognise that look from miles away. You gave them an encouraging smile. 

One of them took a cautious step forward.  

“Hi... I'm so sorry to bother you.”

Noah smiled immediately.

“You're not bothering me.”

“We just... we were wondering if it'd be okay to get a quick picture?”

“Of course.”

He glanced at you apologetically before stepping over to them.

You couldn't help but smile as you watched him chat with them for a minute, thanking them for coming to the shows before posing for a couple of photos. He never seemed in a rush. Even after they'd thanked him about six times, he was still the one wishing them a good day as they walked away.

He reached for your hand as the group of girls went the other way, giggling amongst themselves. Walking side by side you looked up at him. 

“Noah, there’s something I…” 

Noah’s stomach let out an unmistakable growl. 

“...Was that?” 

“Yeah. I'm starving." 

“You just had half a cookie.” 

“I should've gotten two.”

You threw your head back, laughing. If there was something Noah could do it was definitely eat. It seemed like he was always hungry. But to be fair, he was a very large man. 

“We’ll have dinner in a few hours, yeah?” 

“Oh yeah!” Noah started, “I forgot to tell you! We were planning on a big band and crew dinner tonight. But since you’re here I could-” 

“No, no. That sounds great actually. I’ve missed the guys too.”

“More than me?” 

"Definitely," you grinned. That earned you a light shove in the shoulders. 

“Is there like a mall or something nearby? I didn’t bring big dinner-clothes.” 

Now it was Noah's turn to roll his eyes. “Baby, you’d look amazing in a garbage bag.” 

Two hours later you found yourself standing in front of the bathroom mirror, smoothing your hands over your new dress for what had to be the seventh time. You knew that this night was the night you had to tell him. You wanted it to be perfect. 

The door opened behind you. 

”Ready?”

You turned around.

Noah had already changed into a black button-up, sleeves rolled to his forearms. His hair was still slightly messy from the afternoon nap he’d taken as you’d gotten ready.

He looked you up and down.

”Wow…” he said, closing the distance between you. 

Noah’s hand brushed against your side and came to a halt on your hip, the other settled in the small of your back. He pulled you into him, looking down at you with a certain glint in his eyes. 

”We’re gonna be late,” he stated. 

”No we’re not,” you replied. He looked slightly disappointed. 

The restaurant buzzed with the familiar hum of conversations and clinking cutlery. Warm pendant lights hung low from the ceiling, casting a soft amber glow over dark wooden tables. The smell of grilled food, garlic and fresh bread filled the air as waiters weaved effortlessly between the crowded tables.

A long table had been pushed together near the back of the restaurant.The rest of the band and a few crew members were already there. Jolly spotted you first. 

”Y/N!!!” he called, standing up from his seat. ”I heard you were in town!” 

He pulled you into a bone crushing hug. 

”Well,” you said trying to catch your breath, ”I just missed you too much Jolly.”

”Ahh, very understandable. Who wouldn't?"

You felt a hand on your shoulder. Bryan gave you a squeeze. ”I’m so happy you’re here,” he said. ”This one,” he pointed at Noah, ”has been a mess since last week.” 

”Oh shut up,” Noah groaned. 

You sat down between Jolly and Noah. Nick was on the opposite side of the table, observing you. He could see the way you stiffened when a waiter came to take everyone’s orders. Noah leaned into you, asking if you wanted a glass of wine. You declined, blaming a headache. Noah just nodded and ordered you a soda without paying it too much attention, but not without adding that you should drink some water too. Nick however noticed the way your eyes darted from Noah, to the candle on the table, to the untouched glass of water in front of you.

After the food was ordered the conversation bounced effortlessly around the table.

Jolly was in the middle of telling some ridiculous story about getting lost backstage in Germany on the last European tour.

“…I’m telling you, it wasn’t our stage.”

“It literally had our backdrop on it,” Folio deadpanned.

“No, that was afterwards.”

“It was before.”

“It was… somewhere in the middle.”

Laughter erupted around the table.

You barely managed to follow the conversation before it had already moved on to something else.

”So…” you said, taking a sip of your soda. ”I’ve heard that my boyfriend has earned a new nickname.” 

”Oh he’s been awful!” Jolly exclaimed. 

”New levels of shit housery, even for him,” added Davis. 

”Hey!” Noah cut in. 

”At lunch today he stole half my sandwich,” said Nick.

“The day before that, my fries,” Folio chimed in.

“This morning he took a bite of my bagel while maintaining eye contact,” Nick added. 

Noah shrugged. 

”You make it sound like I’m the problem.” 

Nick raised an eyebrow. ”You ARE the problem, man.” 

Noah shook his head, unable to hide the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

As if on cue, a waiter appeared with a tray full of steaming plates, setting them down one by one in front of everyone.

Noah shot Nick's fries a look. 

”…Don’t.”

”Wasn’t gonna.” 

Nick gave Noah an unimpressed look, moving his plate closer to himself. 

You couldn’t help but giggle. 

”Does he actually do this a lot?” 

”YES!” Everyone answered as one. 

Noah turned towards you, gave an exaggerated shrug and grinned at you like a little kid who’d just gotten away with something.

As dinner went on, the conversations around the table naturally splintered into smaller ones. Jolly was still defending his German mishap, while Bryan and a few other crew members debated the best burger they’ve had on tour. 

Beside you, Noah had absentmindedly rested his hand on your thigh. Every now and then he traced small circles with his thumb through the fabric of your dress, as if to remind himself that you were really there. 

Across the table, Nick watched this friend for a moment. Noah looked relaxed, happy. Noah was deep in conversation with the others, laughing at something Folio had said. Yet somehow, he never stopped facing you. His body remained angled towards yours. He looked completely at ease. Not like someone that had just been told something that would change the rest of his life. Nick focused his attention on you. You were smiling too, but the smile didn't quite reach your eyes. He also noticed that you were mostly moving food around your plate. 

Nick caught your eye, tilting his head slightly and raising an eyebrow. Well? You looked down at your plate, giving him the smallest shake of your head. He closed his eyes for a brief second before exhaling quietly through his nose.

When dinner had drawn to a close, Noah told you that he just needed to use the bathroom. Nick seized the opportunity, putting his arm around your shoulders. 

”Walk with me for a second, darling.” 

He guided you out of the restaurant, stopping a few feet from the entrance. For a moment, the two of you just stood there. He searched your face, you looked at everything but at him. 

”You didn’t tell him.” 

You shook your head, biting the inside of your cheek. 

”…What happened?”

Closing your eyes for a second, you exhaled deeply. 

”I just… I couldn’t do it.” You scuffed the toe of your shoe against the pavement. ”I tried. But every time I was about to tell him, something happened. Something interrupted.”

Nick placed both hands on your shoulders, giving them a light squeeze. 

”You’re looking for the perfect moment, Y/N.” 

You nodded.

”There isn’t one.” 

There was a moment of silence before Nick spoke again. 

”You’re not protecting him. You’re protecting yourself.” 

You lifted your gaze to hesitantly meet his. His expression was gentle, but there was an unmistakable determination behind it. He wasn’t judging you. He was trying to help you. You knew he was right.

”And I get it. I’d be terrified too.” Another squeeze around your shoulders. ”But he deserves to know.” 

You tilted your head back, blinking rapidly in an attempt to keep your tears from falling. 

”Look at him,” Nick continued. 

You glanced through the window. Noah had just returned from the restroom and was joking around with the others, Ricky caught in a loose headlock while everyone laughed. Somehow, even in the middle of it all, his gaze instinctively wandered until it found you. The second he found you, his grin widened. 

”He’ll be okay.” 

”How do you know?” 

You looked through the window once more, Noah caught your eye again. He tilted his head slightly, silently asking if everything was okay. You forced a smile. 

”Because it’s him. It’s Noah.”

You moved your head in the slightest nod. Nick once again put his arm around your shoulders. 

”Come on, mom. Let’s go.” 

”I’ve told you to stop calling me that!”

The hotel room felt unusually quiet after the evening at the restaurant. You could hear your own heartbeat pounding in your ears. The sound felt intrusive, unwelcome. 

”I can’t believe Nick is still mad about the sandwiches,” Noah said, toothbrush in one hand. 

”I mean,” he continued, ”we’re supposed to be brothers!” 

Silence. 

”Y/N? Angel?” 

”Hm?” you busied yourself with paying even more attention to the makeup remover in your hand. 

”You okay?”

”Yeah.” You weren’t. 

He leaned against the sink, arms crossed over his chest. 

”You’re doing that thing.”

”What thing?” 

”Where you say you’re okay even though you’re obviously not.” 

”Oh.” You rubbed your eyes more intensely with the wipe. ”I’m just tired honey. Promise.” 

He looked at you for a moment. 

”Alright,” he said. ”I just… you know you can talk to me, right?” 

”Mhm.” 

Noah studied you for another moment before giving in with a quiet nod, not pushing any further.

No matter how tightly you closed your eyes, sleep refused to come. You needed to tell him. You cursed yourself for not getting to it. For having climbed into bed and curled up next to him without telling him.

”Alright,” came Noah’s voice beside you. 

He sat up, reaching for the light on his bedstand. You heard a quiet click before the room illuminated with an amber glow. 

”I give up,” he said. ”I can practically hear your brain frying. Whatever’s going on in there must be very loud.” 

Slowly, you lifted your gaze to meet his. For a heartbeat, you simply looked at him. Really looked at him.

His brows knit together ever so slightly. There was something in your expression he’d never seen before. You looked frozen. His stomach tightened. You looked terrified. Not anxious, not upset. Terrified.

Like a deer caught in headlights.

“Angel…?”

Your lips parted, but no words came. Your eyes filled so quickly with tears that it almost startled him.

Then, all at once, you broke.

A sob tore through your chest as you threw yourself into his arms so hard it knocked the breath out of his lungs. He closed his arms around you, pulling you into his lap. 

Your whole body trembled with violent sobs. You cried like he’d never seen you cry before. Noah felt so helpless. All he knew to do was hold you closer, rubbing your back and rocking you gently back and forth. He didn’t shush you, didn’t ask any questions. He just held you, continuously swaying and pressing kisses to your hair. 

After a while, your sobs gradually became quieter, giving way to shaky breathing and the occasional hiccup. Your body stopped shaking so violently. And still, Noah just held you. 

”Angel…” 

”Look at me.” 

You shook your head. His hold of you loosened, his arms snaking between you. He cupped your face with both hands, forcing you to glance up at him. He searched your face, his own stricken by the sight of you. You’d never seen him look so helpless. Not because you were crying, but because he couldn’t reach you. Because whatever was hurting you, you were carrying it alone. Because you would not let him in. 

“It’s me,” he whispered.

Those two words, paired with the look in his eyes, broke through something inside you. You took a shaky breath and closed your eyes for just a second. When you opened them again, you met his gaze.

For the first time all evening, you didn’t look away.

”Noah… I’m pregnant.”

---

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