When it comes to chronic illnesses, mental illnesses, and disabilities, I've noticed that a lot of able-bodied people either don't take names seriously, or don't understand and ask you to explain what it is to them.
Now, if you have any kind of disability, you know it's fucking annoying go have people make you explain something over and over again, or have people go "oh, you have X? You mean, like the [awful stereotype] thing?"
So, I have realized recently that being Vague As Shit is great for making people leave you the hell alone.
I have autism and anxiety, and with that comes the symptom of selective mutism. If you don't know what that is, Firefox is free. But I had an episode where I couldn't speak today in one of my classes, and knew I would have to explain it to my partner and probably my professor.
This usually goes with me writing that I can't speak, them asking why, me saying selective mutism, and them asking me what that is. Then I have to painstakingly write out an explanation. And, obviously, I'm tired of this. So I tried something new. When he asked, I simply told him I couldn't speak, and when he asked if I physically couldn't or just didn't want to, I just opened my mouth and unleashed the terrifying, awful, broken stuttering that comes out when I try to speak while mute.
His response was "OKAY OKAY OKAY YOU CAN STOP NOW" and he did not question me for the rest of class, and even explained to the professor what was wrong when she tried to make me popcorn read.
This also works on doctors. When I tell doctors I have PCOS, POTS, or hEDS, they usually hear "oh the crazy women self diagnosis disabilities" and treat me accordingly. So, instead I drop unhinged symptoms until they leave me alone.
"Yes, my last menstrual cycle started on December 12th, 2025 and ended January 28th, 2026." "I have experienced several events where I have passed out randomly, yes." "My hip has subluxated six times in the past week."
It's like in the principles of writing horror. If you name and describe the problem, it's easier for people to minimize and ignore. Don't let them. You live with this fucking bullshit every day. Let your symptoms haunt people. They don't need to know everything about you. Besides, it makes them treat you better than when you give them names.
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"But what if people will pretend to need this accessibility option so they can be lazy! People who don't need it will use it!!" I don't actually care
I dont care if 9/10 of the people who use the wheelchair ramp arent actually in wheelchairs. As long as the 1 person who needs it has access to it.
I dont care if 9/10 people who use the automatic push button on the library door can actually push the door open themselves. As long as the 1 person who the door is too heavy for gets to use it.
I dont care if 9/10 people who buy the can tab opener, or the little guitar clamp that holds the chords for you, or the hand grip that helps you hold chop sticks, don't need any of it and just get it to "be lazy". As long as the one disabled person who needs it gets access to it.
I do not care. Oh my GOD I do not care. As long as there's a disabled person on this planet who the accessibility device will benefit, the accessibility device is necessary.
Also, if you're so worried about people being "lazy" by using accessibility devices, MORE worried than you are about disabled (visibly or not) people not having access to them, you have unchecked ableism you need to work through.
I appreciate that thereâs a push to make things more accommodating and open for people to choose what content they want to interact with. It comes from a good place. Trigger warnings, click to uncensor, blocking tags, etc. But there is still an amount that people are responsible for their own experience.
I think you can both acknowledge when content glorifies something and the impact that can have, while still holding people responsible for their actions.
For example - I remember back in the day when GTA was first getting popular, and a couple of teens got caught trying to steal a car. Supposedly, they said they did it because they were playing GTA.
Whether they actually said that or not, it became a fuss in the news because it was âproofâ that video games are corrupting the kids.
However. There are many, many, many people who play GTA who uh. Donât go carjacking just because they saw it in a video game.
So whoâs fault is it? Should the makers of the video games be brought up on real auto theft charges because they made a video game where you car jack people? No. Fiction is not the same as reality.
Those kids should not have tried to steal a car. Their actions are still their own, and their own responsibility. You can understand how some teens who want to be cool could be influenced by a video game, but they were not forced to do what they did by any means.
Writing content that includes illegal and immoral choices made by the characters does not make you responsible for the actions of every person who reads it.
A whole lot of military films will be coming out soon. You'll see older ones showing up on streaming service and new ones soon to follow. Sure, a few are, in fact, very good movies. But here's the caution:
Any film featuring the US military is paid for by the US military. They have the final word on what comes out. These films are recruitment tools. Same applies to TV shows, and doubtless many will soon be showing up.
Do not be fooled by these films and shows. They are designed to bring in new recruits. When these are released, there is a surge in new people enlisting in the military. These recruits swiftly discover they were fed bullshit, but now they're stuck due to a contract. Going AWOL, away without leave, is desertion. You will be caught and put on trial for desertion, and they are not light with the sentencing.
Please, for the love of fuck, do not enlist with the military. You are cannon fodder. They do not care about you.
Recruiters are told to lie. To do whatever it fucking takes to enlist new people. Do not fucking fall for it.
These films and shows are recruitment tools paid for by the military. It's why they're so big, glamorous, and quickly made. Enjoy what you see, but don't sign up. It's a fucking lie.
as we enter another period of horrific online censorship, remember this:
you must protect the anime titty for the anime titty's sake as well as for the sake of queer people and sexual education (etc). it is good and beautiful for there to be cheesy games to masturbate to. nobody is growing hair on their palms and going blind.
They start with the anime titty, but they never stop there. Censorship is a ship that tosses a few overboard but never tells you the plan is to drown everyone on it.
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If you haven't heard, the em dash has been getting a lot of attention latelyâŚ
Because it was trained on pirated workâincluding freely accessible online writing (like fanfic, academic texts)âChatGPT picked up patterns and quirks native to human writing.
Including (sigh) the em dash.
There are other victims here (RIP tapestry and delve đŤ ), but the appropriation of the em dashâa punctuation mark beloved by writers everywhereâfeels especially personal.
A kind of low-grade panic is ensuing. Writers who once memed their own em dash overuseâthe greatest punctuation mark ever to grace the control-freakâs lexicon, franklyâare suddenly backing away to avoid accusations.
No. More. We have centuries of dash-abusing writers behind us. We will not sit quietly while AI repurposes our beloved stilted asideâor the just-one-more clarification the sentence demandsâor the dramatic pause your comma could neverâetc.
You donât write like AIâAI writes like you.
Defend the em dash.
(Feel free to download/share/stick it where it matters!)
Real files that arent intrrupted by ads are the best way to go and you get annoffline player you dont need data or the internet cause actual files are on uour devices
i hate that concerns about urban gardening/foraging safety is often met with "What are you, a cop?" scorn. I believe it's a suspicion of anything that hinders the punk/anti-system urgency to jump in immediately and do whatever feels right.
Safety, ethics, and sustainability are all a part of urban gardening and foraging. I'm sorry that means you need to do homework before you can do anything, I know that sounds lame. But life is complicated.
I know anti-intellectualism is viewed as activist these days, but like, surely you don't want to literally eat lead, right?
As Google has worked to overtake the internet, its search algorithm has not just gotten worse. It has been designed to prioritize advertisers and popular pages often times excluding pages and content that better matches your search termsÂ
As a writer in need of information for my stories, I find this unacceptable. As a proponent of availability of information so the populace can actually educate itself, it is unforgivable.
Below is a concise list of useful research sites compiled by Edward Clark over on Facebook. I was familiar with some, but not all of these.
â
Google is so powerful that it âhidesâ other search systems from us. We just donât know the existence of most of them. Meanwhile, there are still a huge number of excellent searchers in the world who specialize in books, science, other smart information. Keep a list of sites you never heard of.
www.refseek.com - Academic Resource Search. More than a billion sources: encyclopedia, monographies, magazines.
www.worldcat.org - a search for the contents of 20 thousand worldwide libraries. Find out where lies the nearest rare book you need.
https://link.springer.com - access to more than 10 million scientific documents: books, articles, research protocols.
www.bioline.org.br is a library of scientific bioscience journals published in developing countries.
http://repec.org - volunteers from 102 countries have collected almost 4 million publications on economics and related science.
www.science.gov is an American state search engine on 2200+ scientific sites. More than 200 million articles are indexed.
www.pdfdrive.com is the largest website for free download of books in PDF format. Claiming over 225 million names.
www.base-search.net is one of the most powerful researches on academic studies texts. More than 100 million scientific documents, 70% of them are free
since I know for a fact survival theft will be going up this month, do not steal from Target, they have some of if not The highest end security measures in place, even if they don't call you out on your first theft, they know you did it, and they're waiting until you've stolen enough to get the law involved.
I am dead serious. Do not fucking steal from Target, you Will be caught.
You're already caught, is what you need to understand. Target is well aware you have shoplifted. Hell, most stores are. Policy is to not confront shoplifters because for every thousand who will be confronted, one will cause serious harm to the employee confronting them. Usually out of panic, in my experience, but that's not very comforting to the employee who just got a concussion from getting hit in the head with a lamp. The employees usually don't have health insurance either, because corporate makes sure to keep them scheduled to only so many hours a week, so they don't qualify.
Thus, they will not confront you. But the cameras sure as fuck caught you, and Target does not cut corners in that department. They keep their shit up to date, monitored, and functioning.
What they do is keep track of the frequent offenders. Because shoplifting $50 [USD] worth of goods is just a misdemeanor. Massachusetts has actually set into place a separate law regarding shoplifting, making it different from theft; anything below $250 is a misdemeanor, no jail time. But most states do not have the separate categories. Shoplifting is theft, legally, and the limit is about $500 before it becomes a felony. But theft is always a more serious crime legally in terms of consequences, and you do risk jail time even for a first time offense. You could get it for a misdemeanor if you get a judge that's a particular kind of asshole.
Target makes sure you've committed felony-level theft before they bust you. They record you every time and keep a tally. So you might think you're in the clear, because you've gotten away clean several times. Only for the cops to be waiting for you outside the next time, or worse, show up at your door with a warrant for your arrest that night. [There are cameras in the parking lot too, and your license plate is registered to your address] Target will not drop it either. They will pursue charges. You will absolutely want a lawyer, because they will definitely be using one. A felony doesnât go away in the United States. You will not be able to change your name legally in the future for any reason without a judge's approval, if at all. You will not be able to adopt children. You will be excluded from adopting from some animal shelters. You will be automatically turned down from pretty much every entry level job for at least five years. You will be denied approval to rent housing. And if you get busted for anything else [speeding, possession of personal use recreational drugs, loitering], you don't get to go home. You're automatically assumed guilty by the cops and you will be a target for quotas.
And if you're leaning on, "well, I'm 14/15, I'm a minor", you will not go down alone. If you are a minor, and a friend or relative who is 21+ is with you, they can be charged too, whether or not they even knew what you were doing. And they can actually face worse consequences than you, because they'll be charged not only as an adult, hell, they might tack on "corruption of a minor" charges. Again, despite the fact your 23yo cousin who just gave you a ride had no idea what you were doing, they will be the one paying the price for your crime. Anyone accompanying you can be charged, but it's especially a problem if they are legally an adult and you are not.
If you are confronted by the police, remember the rules.
"Am I under arrest?"
If "no", the next question is "Am I free to leave?"
If "yes", you are to say clearly, without slang or attitude, "I want a lawyer. Until a lawyer is present, I am exercising my fifth amendment right to remain silent."
And then you shut the fuck up. You answer questions during booking related to your health, such as if you're an insulin-dependent diabetic. You do not speak about the crime you've been arrested for ["what are you here for?" "I've requested a lawyer, and I am not going to comment until I have spoken with a lawyer."], and you do not provoke. The "one phone call" thing is fiction. Your phone call limit is set by the cops and whether or not they're being a particular jackass.
On your phone call:
1.) The calls. Are. Recorded. The calls are recorded. They are recorded. They are recorded and monitored. "I am being held at [jail]. I was taken into custody/arrested at [time]. I requested a lawyer immediately. I am still waiting for the lawyer. I can't talk about anything until I see the lawyer."
2.) If not calling your lawyer, call someone you can depend on to take care of your life, whether you like them or not. If your father is a judgmental asshole, but you know he will absolutely be a Responsible Party, that's who you call. Make the arrangements needed quickly. If your kids need to be taken care of, if your pets need care, etc. Your work needs to be called. The person doing this for you needs to lie, btw. There's been a family emergency. Which isn't actually a lie. ["What kind?" "I can't discuss that right now. We don't have all the details yet. Thank you for understanding, we appreciate your compassion." And then they hang up.]
3.) If you're lucky, your appointed lawyer can get you out of jail on your own recognizance. You will have a trial date. In the meantime, you need to find a criminal lawyer who specializes in shoplifting/theft charges. Contact your local Legal Aid. Ask for help. Be honest with the lawyer.
4.) Don't talk to anyone but the lawyer about the pending case. You can say "I was accused of shoplifting. But it's not smart to talk about it."
5.) Make a plan for if you get jail time. Appoint a legal guardian for your kids, make plans to rehome pets. Do not allow utility bills/rent to put you even more in debt. Legal Aid can help you with what resources are available to you.
And finally
6.) Don't shoplift from Target. They'll ruin your life.
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YOU CAN TURN OFF AI IMAGES ON PINTEREST NOW!!! đ
From your Pinterest profile, click Edit profile â Refine your recommendations â GenAI interests â uncheck ALL GenAI interests you don't wanna see in your recommended Pins.
Dont let them have your footage if possoble. Look for alternatives instead of the video dorbell. Its convient but a hidden security works too if youre that worried about seeing out your front door when youre not there. Keep AI out of safety in general theres so many ways for it to go wrong. If they dont know about about your video cameras they cant subpoena *spelling* them, a ring doorbell is pretty obvious and theyll know what it is. Remember your rights dont say anything to them, dont let them in without a warrant and dont say anything to them except i am invocking my right to have cousel present i will not speak to you without a lawyer and then shut the fuck and dont answer even if they say something as inocent as do you want a glass of water. If your white distract them waste as much of their time as you can. Throw out anything connected to these fucks, theyll use it against you. Unbeleivable except its not cause its happening
Doctor Sam Snowâs temporary blinding spray isnât quite as temporary as he claimed. Tommy uses Samâs ineptitude to his advantage. Caius gets Big Mad.Â
Not all chapters are included in my master list since I have apparently maxed out the amount of links I can add to my pinned post?? A new master list is in the works which will have that corrected, but for now: This chapter continues from here
Mostly complete masterlist available here
Chapter context: Tommy has been sprayed in the eyes with an experimental chemical spray that numbed and blinded his eyes while keeping his pupils reactive to light. His hands are cuffed behind his back and he has been gagged and muzzled for a little supervised outdoor time.Â
~
Tommy stumbled over his feet as they made their way back to the house. His head turned behind him, blind eyes wandering; his last vain attempt to spot the sun before he was dragged back into the underbelly of the house.Â
His chest seized with pain as he felt what he wanted so badly- even one moment where he could see the sun- so tantalizingly close, slipping through his fingers.Â
No!!! Please!! Let me see!!! he wanted to cry, but all he could make was a broken-hearted sob from deep in his chest. He had to be good if he was going to play his game, so he had to comply as he was guided back to his imprisonment. The knowledge burned like a shot the whole way down.
As they walked, he clung to Caius, two thin arms clutching one of his. Tommy fawned until he was picked up, emitting a small eep! when Caius hauled him up over his shoulder. He got a fond pat to his butt for his troubles.Â
Caius deposited his captive onto his squeaky twin bed, stepping back to watch Tommy in his muzzle try to nose through the blankets to find the wall or his pillowâ anything to orient himself.Â
"Find the edge of the bed, baby, I'll let you out.âÂ
Tommy clowned it up a bit, leaning too far off the bed and nearly going head over heels before Caius caught him, just like he knew he would. Cauis laughed merrily and pulled him back up, unlocking his muzzle and thumbing the lines it left on his face underneath. Tommy was laid gently on his front before Caius straddled him on the bed to unlock his cuffs. He took in a sharp gasp of pain when his arms fell back to his sides, the sudden release sending a ripple of agony through his shoulders.
Broad hands took those thin shoulders in their palms and began to squeeze and massage. Caius watched them work from some distance, his movements automatic. Sometimes he felt like he couldnât take his hands off of him. Tommy grit his teeth through the initial burn, but the massage did help. As soon as he could start to unlock his body from the pain, he tried to accommodate Caiusâs movements as best he could.Â
It took a strong will to lock away the hatred in his heart long enough to enjoy this. A dreamer adept, Tommy depersonalized the hands working him, tried to amputate them from the pain and cruelty of his handler. It had been years since he had begun this meditation; to sever the moments of gentleness he was allowed from all the rest of the pain. The humiliation, the shame, the judgement, if he could all lock it away then he could bask in these moments of comfort. Then he could wring them dry of every drop of pleasure he could get when he could get it, a junkie desperate for a hit, because he needed to feel something good once in a while.Â
Air, water, food, and happiness were all necessary to survive. Tommy had learned that a long time before he ended up down here.Â
First he had been only able to enjoy these brief kindnesses for flashes, mere moments, before his shame and fear and disgust took back over and lingered long after. Then their holds on him lasted shorter, and shorter, as he managed to separate for longer, and longer. Separate all the bad so he could enjoy the good in those moments when he got them. Moments of separating begat seconds begat a minute begat more.Â
Still the shame visited, a veil around his head for a while or two, but its impact was lessened by his constant craving for more. His deprivation was so profound that he only survived at a steep deficit of joy. It was an act of survival to feel happiness again, to have anything to break up the monotony of constant pain and humiliation. No matter what cruel, degrading, torturous part he had to play, the show always had to go on.
But for just a couple of minutes, he could have the pain rubbed from his shoulders, and he nearly wept from the relief. He closed his eyes and nuzzled his face against his covers, and he separated the relief from this moment in his mind with a surgical precision. He cut away Caius, the basement, the sting of his cigarette burns, the shame, the hate; he cut and cut and cut until he could arch back against those hands in pleasure.Â
~
Caius had never internalized his catholic upbringing, and he wasnât a religious man, but he felt something spiritual when he touched Tommy. Heâd had moments before, with others who had submitted to him - moments where they felt so perfectly in sync that it moved him. With Tommy - oh, with Tommy it was different. When he touched Tommy, something in Tommy touched him back.Â
He traced his hands down Tommyâs back, savoring that smooth and downy skin arching beneath his touch. He trailed his fingers up and down his sides, traced the carefully manicured tips of his nails in shallow scratches where he was most sensitive. It inspired soft, sweet cries, Tommy writhing beneath him. A lowly worm in motion; the squirm of a lover desperate.Â
Five years later, and stillâŚwatching Tommy plead for mercy, the scent of fear before the torture started, the knowledge that he had this beautiful boy in his hands and he was ruining him - it still gave Caius butterflies. The thrill was intense and addictive â Tommy wasnât the only one who depended on a product of their connection.Â
But for Caius, well⌠it was so easy, sometimes he started to take it for granted, and began to neglect him. And why not? His lovely doll waited around for him all day and all night for whenever he wanted to play again. He kept up the maintenance, fixed him when he broke. But then they would connect againâ really connectâ and every time, it was electric. Tommy made him spiritual, because the way they synced up was divine.Â
Caius leaned down, pressing his nose to the warm skin low on Tommyâs back and breathed him in. The tip of his tongue traced the shallow nile in the flesh over his spine, all the way up to the nape of his neck where he nuzzled him fondly. At the casting of breath on his shoulder, Tommy bit into his pillow, knowing before Caius did that he was about to sink his teeth into the tender meat there. He stiffened as Caius bit down, straightening suddenly in distress when it dug unexpectedly deep. He made low, guttural moans of pain into his pillow when Caius began to chew, testing the feel of his flesh in an indulgent act of savagery. When he finally pulled off, Tommy let out the softest moan, and blood began to well in the deepest troughs of the bite mark.Â
Caius kissed over it softly, wondering if the pain was more intense for Tommy while he was blind.Â
Wondering if pleasure could be, too.
He rose up from the bed feeling a renewed sense of purpose, sobered up and focused back on his business.Â
Caius felt a hand gently touch his ass.
âCaius?â
Caius turned, amused. The dumb, aimless doe eyes staring back at him told him Tommy hadnât meant any impropriety, but the idea of it tickled him. The thin and threadbare sheet provided for him was wrapped around him in a makeshift nest, slivers of skin exposed between the gaps of each coil. His outstretched hand, now assless, cautiously felt around until he caught Caiusâs arm, tugging softly.
âStay,â he whispered. âPlease stay.â
Caius was frozen. He should go back to his boyfriendâŚbut how could he abandon such an angel? Caius loved it when Tommy was needy like this.
Sam came down the stairs with an impatient puff and rolled to a halt at Tommyâs doorway.
âCai, you good down here? I was just thinking that weâŚâ He trailed off, taking in the sight of his boyfriend cradling their ward. There was a fierce, possessive look in his eyes that scared Sam.Â
Yet, more than anything, he burned with envy that Caius looked at Tommy in that way, and not him.
âCheck Tommyâs eyes,â Caius murmured, stroking raven strands of Tommyâs hair. Always touching, always doting on his pet.
Samâs medical pack was still sitting on the bed from earlier. He dug in his bag for his penlight, bent over his bag to look inside, gave up, checked his pocket for his phone, found the actual penlight, sighed, and shined it into Tommyâs eyes.Â
âAaaaalrightâŚ.hey buddy. This is God speaking. Go towards the light.â
Illuminated pupils closed into tiny little black pinpricks, the green of each iris verdant and glowing against the irritated pink of each sclera. No recognition crossed his face, his gaze still absent.Â
âTommy?â Sam prompted, waving the flashlight back and forth in front of his eyes.Â
A new discomfort shadowed Tommyâs face. âWhat?...â
A long moment of silence passed between them.
âSam.â Caiusâs voice cut, sharp. âHow long has it been.â
âItâs been- Itâs only been a couple hours, it still has time to wear off,â Sam said, careful to keep his voice light.Â
âIf you have permanently blinded him without my permission-â
âI didnât, heâs fine,â Sam insisted. Careful, he thought to himself. Thou doth protest too much. He smiled to try to reinforce his confident appearance. It sat awkwardly on his face, far too strained to appear serene.Â
Caius, still cradling Tommy in his arms, looked at him coldly.Â
âGet the fuck out of my house.â
Tommy nuzzled into Caiusâs chest, and was rewarded with gentling touches, petting his hair and  stroking his skin. Sam glowered at him on his way out.
~
A cold feeling was infiltrating Tommyâs chest, like little rivulets of ice water were filling cracks in his new determination and freezing, the ice expanding inside to push those cracks open wider and wider.Â
âAm I -âÂ
Caius didnât even let him finish, rushing a broad hand to cover his mouth and stop him from speaking.Â
âDonât say it, Iâm already going through enough as it is.â Caius sighed dramatically. It didnât seem to occur to him that Tommy should feel anything other than sympathy for him. It was his property that might have been permanently blinded, after all. Tommy couldnât possibly understand how hard that was.Â
Tommy sought comfort in Caiusâs arms like the last human on earth hugging a mannequin out of loneliness. Desperate; for sure. Insane; perhaps, but even the coldest semblance of human comfort was worth insanity when no other option was available. No matter what Caius and company did to him, nothing could change that Tommy was human. Tommy searched for humanity in turn in the soft fabric of Caiusâs shirt against his face, cradled in his handlerâs arms, locked away in the prison of his design.
Caius more often sought a different expression of humanity â under the snap of his cane, punishing Tommy for the sin of being so lovely in agony. As he held Tommy in his arms, lying on Tommyâs little bed as his bitemark clotted in his museâs shoulder, he didnât feel a humanity that he cared for. But in his own way, in his cold heart, he felt love.Â
~
The light did return to Tommyâs eyes. Slowly at first, only a glimmer he thought he might have imagined, and then the world began to take shape.Â
Sam held the penlight up to Tommyâs eyes and he flinched, immediately cursing himself. Heâd promised himself he would resist the urge, but now that heâd done it he would just have to cover.
âCan you see anything?â Sam asked, and there was worry poorly disguised in his voice. Not for Tommy â but for the sake of the skin on his own ass.Â
Tommy pointedly looked off in the distance over Samâs shoulder, refusing to focus his eyes. He squinted.
âI uhâŚI think I might seeâŚ.a little light? Iâm not sureâŚâ He roved his eyes around aimlessly, forcing himself not to meet Sam or Caiusâs worried looks as he feigned continued blindness.Â
âWhich eye are you shining it into?â He kept his voice innocent, forlorn.
Tommy had to hold back a laugh when he saw Samâs horrified Iâm so fucked look matched with Caiusâs youâre so fucked one.Â
This might be even easier than he thought.Â
âSamâŚhow long did you say it lasted?â he asked innocently.
Sam sighed, irritated. âIt lasted six hours for me. But may-â He caught himself, righted it. Sat up a little straighter in the chair Caius usually sat in, pretended he had a grip on the situation.Â
âYour dose was much higher. Thatâs all.â
âOh GodâŚIâm so stupidâŚâ Tommy curled in on himself, hiding a secret smile behind his hands. He swallowed hard and licked his chapped lips, fixing his face. All he had to do was find the right mask and stick to it, just for a little longer. âI thoughtâŚI thought you had said a few hours, that you had checked after onlyâŚtwo...â He sniffled pathetically and kept his voice soft, scared.Â
ââNâ you were blind for, for six hours? Alone? DidâŚwould eyedrops help? OrâŚâ He let himself trail off. Sam didnât answer, just rubbed his eyes.Â
If Tommy really was blind, and neglected by his quack doctor like this, it would be hell, but it didnât matter now. Truly, he wasnât even having a conversation with Sam. Tommy was just plucking out those numbers again, picking over his doctorâs explanation piece by piece. He didnât have to say anything further, didnât even have to imply. All he needed to do was give Caius one last little push, and he could see the gears working in his head. Tommyâs work was done.
Caiusâs face was drawn in thought, his eyes narrowed, his gaze somewhere distant. Tommy knew it would be â because Caius was playing a numbers game.Â
Tommy shrank back against the wall before Caius even moved, like feeling a charge in the air a split second before lightning struck. Then Caius was on Sam, and they were both too caught up to notice. Sam was hauled out of the chair and slammed against the wall, hands closing around his throat.Â
Caius looked so calm, so still. So deeply righteous in his anger was he that Tommy felt paralyzed as his witness.Â
His voice was almost emotionless, but his words betrayed his anger.Â
âYou text me every thirty fucking seconds, when the fuck did you supposedly have this blinding spray home trial, huh? You just took one for the team like that, even though it didnât get you high? How fucking noble of you, a real man for the advancement of science here.â
âCaius, let up,â Sam gasped, his voice strained and thin from the pressure on his throat. He let out a pained wheeze, and Tommy saw the tendons flex as Caiusâs fist only tightened on him.Â
âItâs been three days. You said a couple hours, then that number started getting bigger when it didnât wear off. âOh well maybe it was longer, maybe it was five, errr ten hours, it could be up to a day, oh well with that dosage it could easily be two. Now youâre trying to wind it back to six hours, but you havenât gone without answering one of my texts or calls in that long since - how long? I would have known. You would have told me. Go ahead and explain that.â
Sam gasped for breath when Caius let go of him, clutching at his chest and his throat. Tommy forced his gaze very deliberately towards the floor. He couldnât get caught looking at them now - Sam would jump at any opportunity to throw Caiusâs wrath back at him.Â
âI - I took it before, before bed,â Sam managed to croak out, still struggling to catch his breath. Caius slapped him across the face and he received it with a cry of pain alien to Tommyâs ears.
âIF that was true, then you would have NO FUCKING IDEA when your sight came back BECAUSE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN ASLEEP! YOU FUCKING LIAR!!â Caius dragged him forwards by the front of his shirt before slamming him back against the wall.Â
Tommy didnât remember putting his hands to his ears, didnât even register the pain of his palms mashing them into his skull. All he knew was that it wasnât enough, because he still heard that sickening, meaty sound when Caius bounced his head off the concrete.Â
Sam staggered one step before crumpling to the floor, clutching his head. Caius kicked him in the back, hard, and Tommy clapped his hands over his mouth.
No, no, no!!
His hackles were raised, everything in him screaming that he was in danger, because he knew what happened when Caius was like this. He had learned that lesson the hard way, over and over and over and over and over and over again and over the edge of the bed he went, onto the floor, under the bed, cover your mouth, wait for it to be over and over and over and over againâŚ
Guilt burrowed sharp tines into his gut and began a slow and agonizing twist. In spite of everything Sam had done to him, Tommy knew all too well how terrible it was to be the object of Caiusâs fury, and he felt bad for having inflicted it upon another to such a violent degree.Â
No. Sam can leave. Sam could leave right now and put an end to all of it, all of this. No guilt. He gets a choice. He always had a choice.
He suddenly remembered Sam, the first time they met. An unkind memory, one he thought heâd lost long ago. Once he was certain heâd lose again in only a moment. Before he could try to push it away, it took him.
~
Samâs face leering down at him, eclipsing the light over the operating room table. What they were even doing to him, then, he couldnât remember, but he remembered - that smile.Â
âHello, Tommy!â
He remembered the feeling of - of endless tears streaming down the sides of his face, pooling in the shells of his ears as he laid bound to the table, terrified.
âYouâve got to help me, I donât - I donât know where I am, I donât know whatâs happening to me. Please, heâs hurting me, Iâm not crazy,â he whispered, his voice hoarse and breaking on every word.
He felt hands in his hair, fingers combing the stray tears through, and he realized with horror that Caius was there, his hope for rescue dashed.
âGo on,â Caius had murmured, patient as if handler to a petulant child. âKeep begging.â
Samâs smile had grown wider.
âPlease,â Tommy rasped desperately. âYou donât have to do this. We could go. We could be free.âÂ
There was so much he wanted to say. He was so tired. He was in so much pain. Nothing more articulate came out.
Sam didnât answer. Just raked his eyes over him like â meat. Just aâŚnice piece of meat. Caius stroked him possessively. Whatever he was to these people, he was not a human being.Â
âIâm real.â Tommy whispered. He was fading out. Some terrible, terrible feeling told him that this was his last chance, and he was failing to say whatever he had to that would make them understand.
Tommy was back under his bed again, sheets clutched in his hands, face buried in their folds. Familiar fingers combed through his hair, comforting him.Â
âThatâs right, itâs all over,â Caius cooed. âJust breathe.â
Only then did Tommy realize he was sobbing, hyperventilating into the fabric. He forced himself to slow, coughing a bit at first but then starting to manage more even, albeit laboured, breaths.
âCome here, little one.â Caius was surprisingly gentle as he coaxed him out from under the bed. When Tommy emerged, trembling as he crawled out on hands and knees, he was embraced.
It was rare for Caius to lower himself to even kneel on the floor, but now he sat with Tommy pulled into his lap, and nothing verbal passed between them other than Tommyâs panting, which slowed, finally calming.
Lips pressed to the top of his head. A hand cradled his face, and Tommy could smell the blood cooling on his knuckles. Peering over his shoulder, Sam was nowhere to be found.Â
âI canât wait for your sight to come back,â Caius sighed, but he sounded calm, resolute that it would happen.Â
Oh Caius, Tommy thought, sitting atop a throne of the coils of his snake.Â
I canât wait to tear you apart.Â
~
~
~
@suspicious-whumping-egg  @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @whumpyourdamnpears @generic-whumperz @lonesome--hunter
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â§Â Crying isnât pretty. Itâs snot, blotchy faces, gasping for air, and red-rimmed eyes. Forget the single tear rolling down like in Hollywood.
â§Â Anger often hides hurt. People lash out, slam doors, shout, not always because theyâre just mad, but because theyâre covering up fear or pain.
â§Â Shaking is common. Stress dumps adrenaline into the system. Hands tremble, voices break, knees wonât stay steady.
â§Â People go quiet, too. Not all breakdowns are screaming and sobbing. Some are dead silence, staring off, numb responses. Equally devastating.
â§Â Exhaustion hits after. The âpost-breakdown crashâ is real ... headaches, sore eyes, complete emotional hangover. Theyâll want to sleep for hours.
â§Â Words get messy. Rambling, repeating the same sentence, stuttering, saying things they donât mean. Emotions trip over themselves on the way out.
â§Â Breathing changes. Short, shallow breaths, hiccupping gasps, or holding their breath without realizing. Sometimes it even feels like theyâre choking.
â§Â Embarrassment creeps in. Once the wave passes, a lot of people feel ashamed, apologizing or avoiding eye contact. Vulnerability often leaves guilt in its wake.
â§Â Physical pain shows up. Tight chest, stomach aches, tension headaches. Because emotions donât just stay in the mind , the body carries them too.