all my friends are heathens

shane hollander bouncing on it in the passenger seat of ilya’s faggy orange lamborghini aventador hitting his head on the ceiling bump bump bump because it’s a really small fucking car send post

man imagine going 73 years thinking that blond bitch is going to come out any minute and expose your marriage built on lies only for your one-that-got-awaytionship from 50 years ago to return in leveled up gilf form and do it instead

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

they should invent putting on sunscreen that doesn't feel like putting on sunscreen

one night ilya finds out about clone-a-willy and he has never ordered something so quick. he makes a mold of his dick at home just for shane to have a custom dildo because he's not obsessed with the idea of shane fucking himself with an exact replica of his dick, not at all. if shane can't have him when he's away that is the next best thing for him right, he's just being a very selfless boyfriend here. and he makes one that glows in the dark just to piss shane off cause he'll have him sexually satisfied but not without enraging him first the rozanov way☝️