"I felt nothing for the child, it was like an object to me."
This is so important, stories like this need to be told.Β The cultural insistence we have that parenthood is some kind of magical bonding that happens every time without exception does real harm to both parents and children, as you can see from some of these stories:
My father recently told me he never wanted kids, but my mother wanted them. She thought he would love us when we were born.
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I didnβt realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I felt nothing. [β¦] My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It is a bit like a retail job you donβt like where you put on a fake persona and slog through it the best you can. I donβt get to leave this job, though.Β
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I also thought I wouldnβt mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child.
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I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile.Β I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know theyβre pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and itβs exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to βcheck outβ of reality from time to time.
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Because kids arenβt the life completer we believe they are.
Are there people for whom having children completes their lives?Β No doubt.Β Are there parents for whom the downsides like sleeplessness and loss of personal time are outweighed by the love and joy they feel?Β Of course.Β Are there people who change their minds about wanting kids once they have them?Β Sure.Β But thatβs not true for everyone.Β It doesnβt happen every time, itβs never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who donβt want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.
We need to dispel the starry-eyed myths around pregnancy, childbirth, and marriage and create more realistic expectations.Β Parenthood is too important a choice for people not to go into it with their eyes open.
i know im supposed to be dead but can we not normalize parents literally not caring about their kids? reading about parents feeling ansolutely NOTHING for their own children is fucking awful. and dont pull that "these stories need to be told :'(((((" bullshit. we dont need "stories" about parents not caring about a living human being, especially one who is young and literally needs care. fuck off and take care of your damn kid
