secret garden

my last therapist got a new job and emailed me a goodbye and today i'm meeting the new therapist and it's gonna be so hard to meet a new person and then just unload everything all over and i just got a new psychiatrist too so this is all so overwhelming

the horrifying realization that i no longer have a buffer for my weirdness. when i was married or lived with family, they'd always introduce me as being an oddball or like if i wanted to stop and take a picture of a funky water fountain and people were '???' i'd have someone who knew me deeply to be like 'oh they like taking photos of random things nbd' and since i always had some kind of mutual friend involved, my weirdness has mostly just been a quirky thing

it really does suck that my adult sister ghosted me after i left my dad's side of the family, but i also get it. when you've been conditioned to think that anything unique about you is actually weird or bad, and that you're really not allowed to be vocal about opinions that don't match the Adults™ it's gotta be hard to just accept how much abuse you've actually been through