[cool, funny title here]

being an adult is just saying to yourself “this is the weekend i’ll clean my [x]” and then proceeding to not do that because it’s the weekend and you deserve to relax, goddamnit

why does this have 85K notes

because we reblogged it instead of cleaning our [x]

you want to be romantically attracted to someone? the thing that killed romeo and juliet?

Fuuuck I just loss 20000 dollars in adverisement revenue and potential sales when that guy over there didn’t look at my flyer because he was talking to the girl he was walking with. The sensible option here is to ban talking while walking since it’s literally theft.

you are allowed to be wrong you are allowed to mess up you are allowed to be embarrassing.

clicking 'stay signed in'-buttons used to mean that u would stay signed in

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

parents love giving you job hunting advice that's like Have you tried destroying and betraying yourself for nothing

people should be allowed to have low ambition, and also be able to feed a family on the salary of a cashier at a convenience store.

doctors be like "we have no idea what causes this extremely mysterious illness" and the illness is something that affects 1 in 8 women

pulling yourself up by your strap-on or whatever they say