barty

mood ring that turns red when i have a boner

if youre my friend and ive texted you while you were jerking off im sorry

ooh so you like my blog? name five of my fetishes

“do you even ca-“ no😍😍

I’m such a “yay <3” person like unironically a hip hip hooray type of personality

What they aren't telling these kids that's really dangerous is that if you do make it all the way to the heart of a Scientology building, the autosave will lock you into entering the Tom Cruise boss fight chamber, and you won't be able to leave until you defeat him in combat.

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

pleading for the Scientology runs to become this year’s Area 51, it’s so funny. They can’t stop all of us

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

Straight up killing it. And by killing it? Well, let's just say... myself.

instead of asking ai to do your homework you can just ask me to eat it for you