not to be vague but.

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to deny location sharing and turn off personalized ads and reject all non-essential cookies and not set up siri and face ID

That guy from heated rivalry always looks like you just told him you went back to your shitty boyfriend again

i’m like a clown that no one hired or pays

in the dungeon you will have to face a monster with the nose of a tiger, the teeth of a tiger, the ears of a tiger the eyes of a tiger , the cheeks of a tiger , the neck of a tiger, the torso of a tiger, the arms of a tiger, the paws of a tiger, the belly of a tiger the back of a tiger, the the legs of a tiger, the claws of a tiger, the ankles of a tiger, the tail of the tiger, the mind of a tiger, and the power of a tiger

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

"dog residue" post means so much to my ocd

if you're really chill about a lot of stuff, you will eventually become The Person Who Can Be Told Things and unlock a secret extra layer of knowledge about your friends

doc, my advice fetish is taking over my life, i just dont know what to do.......... (lecherous look appears in my eye)

hey can you come over and surgically remove this heavy, aching rot from my heart? we can watch a movie afterwards