lalala

Anyways I'm back in the fuckin g building again because I'm neglecting my hair again bro ahhhhh. Tomorrow I'll finally wash it.

I've been getting these like. Flash-back, optionally uploaded images on tiktok for over a week now. They all flash-back to exactly a year prior. Literally every new day of May I get a new image I can choose to post. I always just upload them to my story, most of the images consist of Seranok and Merely related content LOL I've liked them for so long wow. It's kinda killing me man I was so happy.

I hope it continues into June because I want to see what comes up on my b-day LOL. Wow I'm going to be 15 in less than a month 0_o. I don't want to grow up, I feel like 15 is the age people start expecting you to do more tedious and "adult" tasks, I am not prepared in the slightest for that. I might as well try and prepare myself for my 15th birthday. I'll clean my room and see if I can get my routine back on track, if I'm successful I'll start trying to eat and drink more and sleep on time.

Oh yeah, then there's points 3 n' 4. You're fatigued/tired, and you get easily angered at people.

And don't think I have a really really hard time trying to speak or wore my sentences like other people no o just mildly kind of struggle, especially if I haven't talked in awhile.

I used to talk more when I was in middle school and I can't remember if even then I struggled to speak. I genuinely can't. Makes me wonder of this is a struggle I gained recently because if that is the case my trouble with speaking does not seem valid at all idk why.

ok, so like a couple weeks ago or around that time period I saw some lady say that neurotypical people like. shut their brains off during tasks, meanwhile neurodivergent people can't. I found it very interesting but hey I am too depressed or something to literally do anything, so I didn't look into it. But it still left its mark... I should really consider looking into it to see if it's actually. Y'know. real.

I'm so tired I forgot to specify what I meant by "shutting brain off" basically they don't think. Their goal is to get the task done and they just go for it. I suppose that's why they can focus so easily. This has made me reflect on myself a lot and how I achieve tasks. It's made me realize I genuinely can't tell if I'm one or the other :0( this guy is me because I am frustrated trying to figure myself out. I wish something or some1 would tell me about myself, but I don't got anyone observing me. Impossible :,(

I do know I somewhat shut my brain off when doing something. Maybe it's more like reoccurring zoning out, rather than full on focusing.

An interesting thing about this is that I think it actually STILL messes me up. You'd think not having thoughts get in the way the whole time you're trying to do a task would make you succeed, and you'd only be kinda right about that (when it comes to me lol). But you're only kinda right because me not having thoughts = me having trouble registering stuff so I end up messing up a lot.

I forget to process stuff if I'm not at least thinking a little bit. And BTW all this shit I just explained goes for simple tasks. Such as completing Roblox obbies! This definitely does NOT go for academic related duties, assignments.

I might be wrong about all of this. I might be wrong about the point I just brought up before this one. Because I think as time passes, I am gradually teaching myself how to focus better. I've noticed I can read better, I can do things thoroughly, without pause when I get motivation. I still think my mind doesn't function normally, but it's finding its workarounds! It's magical how my brain is teaching itself how to do things, guess that's the beauty of developing. Perhaps having nobody to guide me through my younger adolescence has brought me here; to becoming subconsciously independent.

What game made you rage quit the hardest?

Feed your dashboard by answering my question, blogger.

I got a rare yay