#tw cocsa

Ok so, lots of stuff happened, the reason I stopped using this account was because I was afraid of a former friend(my assaulter) trying to reach back out. Ittybittysnail or whatever they go by sexually assaulted me when I was 10 as well as mentally and emotionally abused me until I was 14. I'm trying to get the help I need I thought I should share this to make and spread awareness about this person. I have also reported this person to the police and made my family aware. Because this happened to me at a young age, it has affected me GREATLY. Both my metal and physical health.

my sister is 2 years older than me. for the majority of my childhood and the beginning of my teen years, my sister would SA me quite frequently. Like, at least once a week. The first time I remember watching p0rn was with her at age like 7. She told me to go the closet cuz she wanted to show me something and thats what she showed me. It became normal for us to watch porn and masterbate together. Then, one day, she told me we should kiss. So we did. That's when the physical touching started. She would guilt trip me and say that she would tell our parents that I watch porn if I didnt do stuff with her (cuz our parents are very religious, and we grew up going to church every week and obviously that was not ok). It became so normal that I actually initiated some of the times that we did stuff. Everytime I was horny (which was quite often, as i was and still am hypersexual) i would go to her and tell her, and we would masterbate together, or she would touch me. She ate me out once and it felt good in the moment but I was so disgusted after. The SA stopped when she got a bf in 8th grade. Now, she continues to guilt trip me over so many things. Her fiance lives with us cuz his mom is a bitch. My parents (being as religious as they are) do not allow them to sleep in the same room (even though they're 23), so he sleeps in the basement. She always wants the 3 of us to sleep in the basement and watch movies. Normally I don't want to because its not comfortable down there, but i oblige quite often. Also, because of my porn addiction that ik I have but have no idea how to stop, I watch porn almost every night. She gets mad at me everytime I say no. She'll beg me and guilt trip me into saying yes. She also asks me to do things for her like getting things from her room. Obviously, siblings ask that stuff all the time. But almost every time I ask her to get something for me, she gets this face and attitude of "why the fuck would you ask me that". But she'll go upstairs and not even be all the way back down the steps and say, "oops I forget blah, can you go get it for me". And if I say "no, youre right there" she gets genuinely angry at me. And when i don't sleep in the basement its the same thing. I genuinely feel like she does this to control me. And ive told her multiple times how triggering it is when she begs and guilt trips me to do things for her or to sleep in the basement, because thats exactly what she used to do. And she'll get mad at me for saying its triggering. Like, just the other week we had a great conversation about what happened when we were little and how sorry she was and I wasn't mad at her because ik our older brother SA'd her on multiple occasions so ik thats where she learned it from. And now shes back to the same triggering behavior. I just feel like she knows she can control me or make me do things cuz I dont like when shes mad at me. Idk, maybe im making her out to be something shes not but thats how I feel.