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when the fic has 10k+ words, fluff, angst, smut right at the end, friends to lovers, character whoâs down bad for reader, AND Y/N DOESNT ACT LIKE A CHILD
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË You photograph the aftermath. He prevents the next one.
Bucky Barnes has always been protective (maybe too much so). At first, you thought it was just love, but the lines between devotion and darkness blur when your work starts colliding with his secrets.
ıl. content warning. dark romance, secret identity, moral ambiguity, lovers and liars, âIâd burn the world for youâ, a little bit of angstÂ
You always said the camera never lies.
But Bucky knows better.
He watches you from the kitchen doorway as you scrub the smell of another nightâs work off your hands, the faint trace of metallic tang that never seems to wash away. You look tired, your smile weaker than it used to be, but when you lift your camera bag and glance up at him, that soft spark lights again behind your eyes.
âRough night?â he asks.
You hum an answer, trying not to think about the scene; about the alleyway, the blood, the victimâs watch still ticking. âTheyâre getting bolder,â you mutter, âlike they donât even care anymore.â
Buckyâs jaw flexes. They. You always say it like that.
And every time, something darker coils in his chest, the thought that he could stop them, that he has.
He steps closer, pressing a kiss to your temple. âYou shouldnât have to see things like that.â
You laugh softly, hollow but sweet. âSomeoneâs gotta make sense of the mess.â
If only you knew how many messes heâd already cleaned up for you.
Later that night, you develop photos in the dim red light of your home studio, unaware that Buckyâs gone. The faint click of your camera shutter echoes through the room, rhythmic, familiar, comforting.
But across the city, he moves through the dark like a ghost.
He knows the name of the man who hurt that girl in your latest case. He knows where he hides, what heâs done, what heâll do again if someone doesnât intervene.
He doesnât think about what happens after. Only that youâll sleep easier knowing justice is served.
When he returns, the first thing he hears is the gentle hum of your music, the faint laughter spilling from your lips as you talk to yourself about the perfect shot. He leans against the doorway again, watching; that same camera that captures tragedy now aimed at a vase of flowers, light streaming in just right.
âYouâre home late,â you tease, turning to him. âOut saving the world?â
âSomething like that,â he says.
You cross the room, slip your hands into his. Theyâre warm, warmer than they should be. âYouâre shaking,â you whisper. âEverything okay?â
He looks down at you, guilt and longing at war in his eyes. âI just...sometimes I wish I could take it all away for you.â
You smile, leaning up to kiss him. âYou already do.â
And in that moment, he decides not to tell you. Not about the men who wonât be found, the names that wonât reach your crime scenes.
Because love, to him, has always been something worth sinning for.
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‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË to travel through time is said to be a gift; but it's hard to think so optimistically when you slip through little cracks in time. small cracks that are impossible to see and lead you to a time that you are stuck in. what if you slipped to the 1940s, where fate had a different destiny in mind for you.Â
ıl. content warning : mentions of war, death (or presumed death)
The first time you slipped through time, it was an accident; stranded in 2001 England as a ten-year-old, lost and confused.
The second time, at age 17, you found your way to 1598 Elizabethan-era Britain, laying eyes on Shakespeare himself.
These slips were far from common. Instead, they appeared at different stages of your life, different stages of maturity.
No one had come to find out about his, not even your parents, as you'd figured out that time in your era slowed, almost even stopped. In fact, on-lookers wouldn't even know you had slipped and fallen into a rabbit hole of time as you were back within a blink of an eye (literally). Growing up, you figured these were dreamsâhallucinations, even. But you learned the hard way that this was real.
The third slip occurred when you had just turned 20, throwing you into the barbaric conflict amongst what you could only assume were Vikings. Their weapons were either curved and axe-like or long spears used to impale their enemies. Helmets and metal chest plates thrown along the battlefield, the stench of death and violence heavy in the air. It was in this slip that you had learned the true change in humanity, that you learned that these slips were real. A man, war paint and blood splattered across his face, was riding a horse, bow and arrow aimed straight at you. Time slowed in this era too, or so you thought, as the arrow seemed to move torturously slow towards you until finally piercing the flesh of your right shoulder. The pain was unimaginable, your brain blanking as your ears rang. When you finally opened your eyes again, you were in an alleyway, having just left a bar with your friends, gasping breaths escaping you as your hand hurriedly checked for any blood. There was none, but there was a scar in the exact place the arrow had pierced you. It was then that you knew this was real.
Years passed and you didn't slip again. 21 came and went, as did 22, 23, and 24, but the memory never left; it just simply blurred. At the age of 25, you had your own apartment and cat, Alphine (who had a knack for hating people), and a good enough job; something to keep you busy. Yet, one random morning (after returning from the local farmers market), you were in the present, standing in the middle of your kitchen celebrating the fact that you had 3 whole weeks of 'you-time' due to the Christmas holidaysâand the next, you were gasping for air in the middle of 1943 Brooklyn.
It was disorienting at first. The clothes, the sounds, the way the world moved slower and softer. It was hard to get used to the sudden change in scenery, sudden change in sounds, smells, and even the colour of the world around you. The street was grey and bleak, surely not a street for lingering. Making your way through the city, sticking to the shadows and dark alleys, you came across a rather safe-looking bar. A good enough place to hide in until you made your way home. You hadn't attracted too much public attention, as your outfit of choice from the market was a long enough skirt and sweater, something easy and comfortable to throw on.
The bar was buzzing with energy, a lot warmer than outside. Scanning the room for an empty booth, your eyes dragging across every nook and cranny until finally landing on a rather captivating young man. He had his head thrown back, clearly barking a laugh at what his scrawny friend next to him had said. As if sensing eyes on him, his smile dialed down a little (yet never leaving his face) as his eyes slowly met yours. It was shocking, really, how much more colourful the world became.
Feeling your face heating up slightly, you broke the eye contact (rather reluctantly) and made your way to a small booth hidden away.
However, you didn't make it far before a warm hand gently clasped your wrist. Cautiously turning, you met the eyes of your captor; it was him.
"What's a pretty dame such as yourself doing in here?" his smile seemingly never left his face, it seemed. But his eyes were a lot more gentle now.
"I'm not too sure that's any of your business, soldier." Your tone was light, teasing even. He had an official uniform on, so it wasn't hard to guess his profession.
"But I would love to steal you away from this 'business'; I'm sure you'd love it too." He flashed a dashing smile, even giving a dramatic wink. A small laugh escaped before you could stop it. Did this really work on girls? But alas, it was working on you. After a beat of hesitation, your hand covered his that had held your wrist captive.
"I think I should know the name of my newfound company, then."
James Buchanan (although he preferred Bucky) Barnes was magnetic, all bright smiles and easy charm, a warmth that you hadnât felt in so long. You didnât have the heart to resist him, not when he made you laugh like that, not when he looked at you like you were something precious. Bucky had helped you get a job at that very bar, just something to make ends meet as a single girl in a big city. Your new coworker, Marcy, who was living in her father's old apartment, eventually offered you a place to stay, a home (however temporary that might be).
Weeks passed, and eventuallymonths;; you'd started to lose hope of finding your way home. And slowly but surely, you fell into another rabbit hole, a rabbit hole of love.
You fell in love in stolen moments that consisted of long walks through Brooklyn, whispered confessions beneath streetlights, and the way his hand always found yours; it felt like a fairy tale. But not all fairytales ended in happy endings. War loomed heavy over you both, a specter that neither of you could ignore.
You'd known of this war in your time, though believe it or not - you weren't much of a history buff. Little slips here and there were enough to chase you away from the subject, however silly it must sound. But feeling the warmth of his lips pressed against yours, his heart thudding wildly, you wished you had paid attention in class. The only notable thing you remember is the birth of America's hero, Steve Rogers.
âIâm gonna come back to you,â he promised one night, his forehead pressed against yours. âI'm going to come back and marry you, no matter what.â It took only a few minutes after he left for reality to set in, and you were quickly brought down into a fit of uncontrollable sobs.
Weeks passed and few letters came, soldiers too busy or wounded to write to their loved ones. At first, Bucky's letters were frequent, writing of how he longs to be home, to be with you. But, eventually, the letters died down until you didn't receive one for weeks. Worry had chewed through every fibre of your being, your boss at the pub disturbed by your lack of attention (and proceeded to mutter something about "female workers" which added to your overflowing pot of emotions) and promptly sent you home. It was that very day that Marcy had stepped into the apartment, eyes full of sympathy as she held a letter addressed to you. It was not from Bucky, but from an army official instead. The letter was brief, explaing that was to be delievered to a Mrs Barnes and you. At the very end of the page read the following:
Sergeant James Barnes: Killed in Action.
You ran that night. Ran from the grief, from the truth, from the era that had stolen him from you. Your brain and your heart were consumed by thoughts of him as you ran through the streets of Brooklyn. You heard the rustic horn as though the sound were underwater, muffled and far away, before you felt the impact.
You died that night, in all ways possible.
Waking up in your present time, sprawled across your kitchen floor, felt as though you were in a shell. Nothing felt right, nothing felt real. The universe sent you in time and ripped away your sanity and heart and expected you to just move on with your life as it was? What kind of sick, cosmic joke.
A year passed, but you never truly moved on. How could you? Bucky Barnes was a ghost in your veins, a love that time refused to erase. You saw him in every shadow, felt his touch in every fleeting moment of quiet. You tried searching for articles, anything at all that might mention Bucky, but your fingers never moved across the keybad. Instead, they just stayed frozen, unable to move.
And then, one day, you saw him. Or at least, you thought you did.
It was just a glance, a fleeting moment across a busy New York street. You froze, heart pounding, convinced your mind was playing tricks on you. He looked the same, almostâbut older, heavier, like the weight of the world had settled onto his shoulders. His smile was long gone, replaced by a deep frown.
You blamed it on grief, on the part of you that still ached for him. But the next day, you found yourself back on that street. And the day after that. You told yourself it was foolish, that it couldnât really be him, but love and grief does strange things to a person.
And then, one evening, as the sun dipped below the skyline, you stood on the sidewalk, waiting. Watching.
âDoll?â
The voice came from behind you, hoarse and uncertain. You turned slowly, breath catching in your throat as you saw him standing there, close enough to touch.
His blue eyes were wide, filled with something raw, something like disbelief. His hands trembled at his sides, as though he was afraid to reach for you and find that you werenât real.
âI...I lost you,â he whispered, voice thick with emotion. âI thought you were just a dream.â
Tears blurred your vision, but you didnât dare look away. âI thought you died.â
Bucky exhaled sharply, as if the weight of all those lost years had finally caught up to him. And then, hesitantly, he reached for you, fingers brushing over your wrist, the same way he used to so long ago. Slowly, as if testing reality, he lifted his hand and traced his fingers along your cheek, a featherlight touch that sent shivers down your spine.
You leaned into it, unable to stop yourself, and his palm cupped your face fully. His breath was uneven, his forehead pressing against yours, grounding himself in the feel of you. All the decades of torture, of brain washing, could never remove the simple feel of you against his skin.
And then, before the tears could fall, you threw your arms around his neck, holding onto him with everything you had left. He wrapped his arm around you, his left arm hanging loosely at his side, pulling you close, burying his face into your shoulder as if afraid youâd slip through his fingers again.
A century apart, a lifetime of pain, but here you were, standing together again.
Time had stolen him from you once.
You wouldnât let it happen again.
And the odd thing was, after finding Bucky, you never slipped through any cracks again.
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË a heated case leads to a showdown in a warehouse, shots are fired and feelings are revealed
ıl. content warning. angst with comfort, mentions of blood / gunshots, wounds, hurt/comfort, mentions of guns, violence (not graphic but mentioned)
The case had been grueling. A relentless unsub had been terrorizing the city, and the BAU was working around the clock to bring him to justice. You had joined the team as a profiler a little over a year ago, and while you had faced dangerous situations before, this one felt different. The unsub was cunning, always one step ahead, and you knew you had to be extra careful.
The team had finally cornered the unsub in an abandoned warehouse. You and Spencer were positioned near the entrance, ready to move in. Your heart pounded as you exchanged a determined glance with him. This was it. The end of the chase.
As the team breached the door, chaos erupted. Gunfire echoed through the warehouse, and amidst the confusion, you saw the unsub aiming at Hotch. Without thinking, you lunged forward, pushing Hotch out of the line of fire. The next thing you knew, a sharp pain seared through your side, the bullet passing through the blind spot of your vest, and you fell to the ground. Morgan came up from behind the unsub and tackled him, cuffing him with a struggle.
"Y/N!" Spencer's voice cut through the noise, filled with panic and fear. He rushed to your side, his hands trembling as he applied pressure to your wound. The relationship was fairly new, but your feelings were there ever since you first met him.
"Iâm fine," you managed to say, though the pain was overwhelming. The bullet had gone through by your ribs, not a lethal wound but still possibly life-threatening.
Spencer's attention never wavered from you. He barked orders for an ambulance, his usually calm demeanor shattered by worry and anger.
You could feel the stress and lack of sleep catching up to you as the wound affected your mental and physical strength. The last thing you saw before you blacked out was Spencer looking down at you, saying words that sounded muffled.
You woke up in a hospital room, the beeping of machines a constant reminder of your condition. The first thing you saw was Spencer, sitting by your bed, his face etched with a mixture of relief and frustration.
"Hey," you said weakly, offering a small smile.
"Hey," he replied, his voice strained. "How're you feeling?" He winced as he sat up in the chair.
You sighed, "I've had worse, I mean do you even know what a person experiences after a Pilates class? This is a scratch at best."
Spencer sighed and rubbed his eyes, exhausted. "I haven't slept in 2 days, you were shot, and yet you're making jokes." He groaned, "I should've known."
You huff a laugh, but wince at the movement.
"That doesn't mean you're safe from a lecture. What you did was stupid, Y/N, and you know it. Why?" his voice cracked, and his shoulders slumped.
You sighed, "Honestly?"
He nodded.
"I don't know, it was instinct I guess. You guys are like my family."
"But-" he started.
"No, don't 'but' me. I know what I did was out of line and I know that we have to follow protocol. But protocol is stupid. It doesn't account the feeling of seeing your family in danger." Your voice became stern and the heart monitors beeped faster.
Spencer put his hand on yours, gave in a squeeze, and sighed. "That's something I love about you," you froze, you guys haven't really gotten around to saying the 'L' word, "you're so head strong and protective over the ones you love. But Y/N, you could get seriously hurt doing something that, that, stupid." He got frustrated. "Don't you realise we care about you? I care about you? You can't just jump in front of every bullet that gets shot at us."
The silence was thick, and you found it hard to swallow back the on coming tears.
His words hung heavy in the air, and you squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, Spence. I'm so so sorry." Your voice was thick.
He leaned in, his forehead resting against yours. "I know. Just⊠promise me you'll be more careful. I don't want to lose you." he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Who would help me function?" his muttered.
You gestured for him to join you on the bed, and with a lot of convincing, he did. Being mindful of you injury, he crushed you against his chest, and fell asleep almost instantly. The fact that your touch made him this calm melted your heart, and you nestled you head in the crook of his neck.
Recovery was slow, but everyone was there for you. You had your family's support.
$ log - bucky barnes has been lurking in tower doorways for three weeks trying to figure out how to talk to people. you come back from a mission hurt. he stops thinking about it and helps!
$ warn --sfw --gn!reader --avengers!reader --soft!bucky --awkward!bucky --steve-and-sam-are-proud-parents
$ wc -w 2.6k
$ cd masterlist
$ echo âaccount's js going to be quiet during the day bc im busy interning, but posts will be scheduled still, maybsâ > authors-note.txt
The debrief runs long enough that by the time you get back to your floor, the common room has thinned out. You can hear the TV distantly â someone left it on, low volume, a laugh track going off for no one. You've got your kit on the bathroom counter and your shirt off. You're already regretting not asking someone to do this before they all dispersed.
The problem with cuts on your back is geometry. Simple, stupid geometry.
You manage the lower ones fine. The upper left (the one that actually needs a stitch or two) is the problem. You can feel it pulling when you reach, and you keep having to re-angle the mirror. So annoying â the gauze keeps slipping since you're contorting your arm in a direction it wasn't designed to go.
This is fine, you think, pressing the cloth to it at the wrong angle. This is completely fine and very normal and you are a trained operative.
The gauze slips again.
You don't hear him in the doorway. You just â become aware of him. Itâs similar to the way you become aware of a change in air pressure, and when you clock the reflection in the mirror your first instinct is to go for the knife on the counter before your brain catches up:Â
Barnes. It's Barnes.
He's leaning in the frame, arms crossed, watching you with the particular expression he seems to wear as a default. Not unfriendly, exactly, just very still. Itâs like he's turned most of himself down to a frequency you can't quite tune into.
You'd noticed him around the tower; itâs hard not to. He had this way of hovering near the edges of rooms â near enough to be present, far enough to have an exit, watching conversations like he was studying for a test on how to be a person again.
You'd clocked him lingering near the kitchen while Sam told a story, near the TV while Nat and Clint argued about something. Or near the window during debrief like a curious, brooding version of Thor.
You'd wanted to say something to him about a dozen times and each time you'd talked yourself out of it because you genuinely could not figure out what the opening line was. Hey, you seem lonely felt presumptuous. Good job not being a sleeper agent felt worse.
So you'd just decided not to..
And apparently he'd been doing the same math, which had resulted in him standing in your bathroom doorway at eleven at night watching you fail at first aid.
"Hey," you say, because something has to be said.
He nods, and you turn back to the mirror. "I've got it."
You don't have it. The gauze slips again, proof positive, and you watch his reflection push off the doorframe and cross the room and then his hand â the left one, the metal one, cool even through the cloth â covers yours and just takes it. Bucky wasnât rough with it nor hesitant, just with the quiet certainty of someone who has decided a thing and is doing it.
You go still. "What are you doing?"
"Helping."
He says it like it's the most obvious thing â like you'd asked him what two plus two was. He's already repositioning, tilting the light, assessing. The efficiency of it catches you off guard, the way he moves through like a checklist: clean, irrigate, and assess depth. You can feel him deciding about the stitch before he says anything.
"This needs two," he says.
"I know."
"You were going to do it yourself."
"I was going to, yes."
He makes a sound, something not quite a laugh â something shorter, quieter. But it's there.
Bucky works without narrating it, which you appreciate. Some people talk through medical stuff to be reassuring and it always has the opposite effect. He just does it, and so the stitches are neat. Tighter than you'd have managed at this angle, if you'd managed at all.
You're watching his reflection without meaning to. He's focused â entirely, completely focused, the same way you'd clocked him watching the sparring sessions from the mezzanine last week. Itâs like the thing in front of him is the only thing that exists.
"You had good angles tonight," he says.
You blink. "Sorry?"
"On the entry. The building." He ties off the stitch, reaches for the gauze. "Most people come in high. You came in low and right, cut off the exit before they registered you were there."
You process that for a second.
"You were watching."
"Everyone was watching. You were the interesting part."
It's delivered completely flatly; just a fact he's reporting.
"...thanks," you say.
He tapes the gauze down, smooth and precise, with no wasted movement. "The one by the stairwell. Your second engagement. You knew he was going to draw left."
"He was guarding his right side the whole time. Led with it."
Barnes nods like you've confirmed something. "He'd been hit there before, old injury. You read it in about four seconds."
"Three," you say, and then feel slightly stupid.
The corner of his mouth moves. Not a smile, exactly, but the shape of one. "Three," he allows.
He steps back, checking his work with the same assessing look. You pull your shirt back on and turn around, leaning against the counter. He's already moving to wash his hands, unhurried.
"I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you for like three weeks," you say.
He looks at you in the mirror.
"You're very â " you gesture vaguely, " â a lot to approach. You've got a whole thing going on. Very brooding-corner-of-the-room energy."
He's quiet for a moment, drying his hands. "I didn't know what to say."
"Yeah, me neither."
"So I didn't say anything."
"Same."
He turns off the tap and sets the towel down. Bucky looks at you with that low, even look, and you get the sense he's filing something away â cataloguing this. Perhaps in the way he catalogued your entry angle and the guard's weak side and the two stitches. Just simply noting it.
"Your form on the last guy," he says. "The big one by the door."
"What about it?"
"It was reckless."
You stare at him.
"You had three cleaner options."
"I had him."
"You had him that time." He crosses his arms. "Different footing, you're on the floor."
You open your mouth, close it. "Are you critiquing me right now? You just stitched me up and now you're critiquing me?"
"The two things aren't unrelated."
You look at him, and he just stares back. Somewhere down the hall the laugh track goes off again, tinny and distant.
"Okay," you say. "Fine. What were the three cleaner options?"
And he tells you. Quiet and precise, standing in your bathroom at eleven-fifteen at night, talking about leverage and sightlines and weight distribution like he's narrating a documentary only he can see.
You find yourself arguing back. Though, not defensively, just because you have a different read. He seems like the kind of person who wants you to push back, actually, who comes alive slightly when you do, the stillness shifting into something more alert.
The laugh track goes off again and you both ignore it.
You're still leaning against the counter. He hasn't moved toward the door yet. There's something in the quality of the silence that doesn't feel like an ending, so you don't treat it like one.
"Can I ask you something?"
He looks at you.
"The â " you gesture vaguely in the direction of the rest of the tower, " â social stuff. Is it hard? Like, actually hard, or is that a stupid question?"
A pause. He seems to be deciding something.
"It's loud," he says finally.
"The tower?"
"Rooms. When everyone's â " he stops, and tries again. "When people already know how to talk to each other. There's a frequency. I can't find it."
He says it the way he said three â like a correction. Itâs as if he's been carrying the precise language for it and hasn't had anywhere to put it. "I stand there and I know what a normal response would look like but by the time I've worked out how to enter it the moment's already gone."
Letting the conversation sit, you stay silent.
"Steve tries," he adds. "He's â he tries very hard. So does Sam. It's worse when people try."
"Because then you know they're watching to see if it works."
He looks at you; something shifts slightly. "Yeah."
"I noticed you," you say. "Around, for weeks. I kept almost saying something."
"Why didn't you?"
"Couldn't really figure out the opening line. You've got a very â " you make the same vague gesture from before, " â don't approach energy."
"Hm." He considers this without apparent offense. "What changed?"
"You walked into my bathroom and took the gauze out of my hand."
The shape-of-a-smile thing happens again. Brief and almost involuntary.
"I didn't think about it," he says. "I just â did it."
"Yeah." You pause. "That's usually how it works, actually. The thinking is the problem."
He's quiet for a moment. Then, like he's noting something: "You patch yourself up alone."
"I had it."
"You didn't."
"I almost had it."
He tips his head slightly, but not agreeing. "You came back from a mission with a laceration that needed two stitches and you didn't ask anyone."
"I didn't want to bother anyone."
He looks at you with an expression that is very flat and very pointed and somehow manages to make you feel slightly called out without him saying a single word.
"That's different," you say.
"Is it?"
"I'm not â " you stop and start again. "That's just not wanting to be annoying. That's not the same thing as not being able to read a room."
"You were alone in a bathroom at midnight with a needle."
"Barnes."
"I'm just noting it."
"You're critiquing me again."
"The two things," he says, deadpan, "aren't unrelated."
You stare at him, and he does the same. The laugh track plays. You both continue to ignore it.
"Okay," you say. "Fine. We're both bad at it."
He considers this for a moment, like he's checking it for accuracy. Then, quietly: "Yeah."
It's not a big admission, as he doesn't really make it one. But you get the sense it's the kind of thing he doesn't say out loud very often â the small ordinary version of the truth, without the armor around it.
He's still here, you think, and that's the thing. He walked in and he stayed and he answered. He's still here, which for Bucky at this particular point in his grand life is probably the whole sentence.
"We should spar sometime," you say. "You could show me. The three options."
He goes quiet.
Though not the closed-off quiet from before â something different. Smaller, like a door opening somewhere very far inside, in a room that hadn't been unlocked in a long time. Something that, if you knew him better, if you'd known him before â back when he had a whole laugh and an easy grin and twenty-five cents in his pocket for the Coney Island ferris wheel â you might have recognised it as the very beginning of giddy.
He doesn't let it reach his face, but it's there.
"Yeah," he says. A pause. "That sounds good."
It's four words, but it shouldn't land the way it does.
He leaves, and you're standing in your bathroom, alone again. The laugh track plays one more time.
Huh, you think. Okay then.
He finds Steve and Sam in the kitchen at half past midnight. They're doing nothing in particular.
Sam has a bowl of cereal he's clearly eating out of boredom, Steve has a book open that he hasn't looked at in a while. They both clock Bucky in the doorway and do the thing they always do, which is very carefully not make it a big deal that he's there.
"Hey," Sam says. "You eat yet?"
Bucky doesn't answer that. He comes into the kitchen and stops a few feet from the counter â hands at his sides, shoulders back, the posture of a man delivering a report to people with the appropriate clearance level â and says: "I talked to Y/N tonight."
Steve closes his book.
"Yeah?" Sam says, neutral, cereal spoon frozen.
"They came back from the mission with a laceration on their upper back. I assisted with the stitching." A pause. "Then we talked about the mission. Their tactical instincts are good. They read injury patterns. They noticed I'd been â " a very brief stop, " â around. They said I had brooding-corner-of-the-room energy."
Sam's mouth twitches. "Theyâre not wrong."
"We talked about the social stuff. I told them about the frequency thing." He says it plainly, no preamble, the way he'd report a weather condition. "They didn't make it weird."
Steve's expression does something complicated and tender that he is trying very hard to keep off his face and completely failing at.
"They patch themself up alone," Bucky continues, with the faint air of someone filing a complaint. "They came back with a two-stitch laceration and didn't ask anyone. Y/N said they didn't want to bother people."
"That does sound like them," Sam says carefully.
"It's the same thing. What I do. They just don't see it that way." He pauses. "I told them the two things weren't unrelated."
Sam sets his spoon down very slowly.
"We're sparring next week," Bucky says. "So I can demonstrate the three alternative approaches they should have taken in the final engagement. Their form on the last target was reckless."
Silence.
Steve is gripping his book, but his jaw is doing something. His eyes are doing something considerably worse. He has the look of a man watching a sunrise he'd been told might never come and trying very hard not to ruin it by crying about it in a kitchen at midnight.
"That's â " his voice comes out slightly higher than intended. He clears his throat. "That's really good, Buck."
"Theyâre good," Bucky says, with a faint defensive edge that no one asked for. "Technically. Their entry angles are efficient. And they process fast. They even asked me a question and then actually waited for the answer."
"Mmhm," Sam says, nodding. Neutral and completely fine. Absolutely not affected by any of this.
"I'm just saying. As context."
"Useful context," Sam says. "Very useful."
Bucky looks between them, and they look back. Sam with a careful, nonchalant stillance. Steve with the barely-contained energy of a man who is sitting, technically, but only just.
"What?" Bucky says.
"Nothing," Steve says immediately.
"Nothing at all," Sam agrees.
A beat.
"I'm going to bed," Bucky announces.
"Good night," Sam says smoothly.
"Night," Steve manages.
Bucky leaves; his footsteps go down the hall, then a door closes.
Steve and Sam look at each other.
"He made a friend," Steve says, at a volume that is too loud for midnight.
"Steve â "
"Sam. He made a friend."
"I know, I was there â "
"They waited for the answer â "
"Steve â "
"They just waited â "
"I will pour this milk directly onto you," Sam says. "Look at me. I mean it."
Steve presses both hands over his face. His shoulders are shaking. It takes Sam a second to clock that it isn't distress â it's laughter, the silent kind. The one that gets away from you when you've been holding something careful for a very long time and something small and good finally tips it over.
Sam looks at the ceiling, picking up his spoon and takes a bite of cereal.
"...they sound good," he says, after a moment. Quietly. "The frequency thing. That they just â let it sit."
"Theyâre going to be so good for him," Steve says, into his hands.
"We don't know that yet."
"Sam."
Sam takes another bite and looks at the ceiling again. "...yeah," he says. "Probably."
$ tag @twentytomidnight @i-gotta-go-so-much-bigger @froggibus
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË draco has always tormented you, haunting you at every turn; so why do you long for him in a way you shouldn't? one false accusation sends you straight to umbridge. yet draco, your accuser, soon finds out just how much he makes you suffer.
ıl. content warning. angst with comfort, mentions of blood (writing lines in detention)
The first time the pain comes, it feels like a mistake your body has made.
A sharp sting cuts across the front of your arm in the middle of Potions, sudden enough that your breath catches. You glance down quickly, expecting to see a cut or burn, something to explain it, but there is nothing there. Your skin is smooth, unmarked, untouched. The pain lingers for a few seconds before fading into a dull ache that leaves you unsettled for the rest of the lesson. You tell yourself it is nothing, a stray nerve, a trick of the mind, yet the unease does not quite leave you.
It happens again the next day, and the day after that. Small, precise bursts of pain that feel too deliberate to be random, as though someone is pressing a blade lightly into your skin and then pulling away before you can see the wound. You begin to dread it, not because of the pain itself, but because of what it might mean. Soulmate magic has always been spoken of in hushed voices, rare and unpredictable, binding two people in ways that cannot be undone. If sensations can be shared, then somewhere out there is a person who feels what you feel, and you are beginning to suspect the reverse might be true.
You don't tell anyone, you aren't even sure if you want the answer.
Professor Snapeâs voice cuts through the low murmur of the dungeon classroom, cold and precise as ever. Ingredients have gone missing from his stores, something rare enough to warrant attention, and his gaze moves slowly across the room until it settles, uncomfortably, on you. There is a flicker of confusion before you can even form a defence, because you know you have taken nothing, but before you can speak, another voice intervenes.
âPerhaps I can help, Professor.â
Draco Malfoy does not even look at you when he says it. He leans back in his chair with an air of careless confidence, as though the situation amuses him. His eyes are fixed ahead, his expression composed, but there is something in the set of his jaw that feels too deliberate.
âI saw her near the stores after hours,â he continues smoothly. âIt would explain the missing ingredients.â
The words land heavily. A few students turn to stare at you, curiosity and judgement flickering across their faces. You feel the heat rise in your chest, a mixture of anger and disbelief, but Draco still does not look at you. It is as if he has already decided the truth and has no need to confirm it.
âThat's not true,â you say, your voice steadier than you feel.
Snapeâs eyes narrow, but it is not him who responds.
âIsnât it?â Dracoâs tone is light, almost bored, yet there is something sharper beneath it. âYou do have a habit of lingering where you're not wanted.â
For a moment, your eyes meet. There is something there, something you can't quite place, but it vanishes almost instantly behind the familiar mask of indifference.
âDetention,â Snape says at last, his voice final. âYou will report to Professor Umbridge this evening.â
Draco says nothing more, he doesn't need to. The damage is already done.
Umbridgeâs office feels wrong the moment you step inside. It's too neat, too controlled, every surface polished and arranged with suffocating precision. She greets you with a smile that never reaches her eyes and gestures for you to sit.
âYou will write lines,â she says sweetly, placing a quill in front of you. âI must ensure that students learn from their mistakes.â
You hesitate, though you are not sure why. âWhat line?â
Her smile widens. âI must not steal.â
The words sit heavily in your chest. You take the quill anyway, because there is no choice, and lower it to the parchment. The moment the tip touches the page, pain explodes across the back of your hand. Yet it's not ink that flows from the quill but something far worse, a slicing, burning sensation as each letter carves itself into your skin. You gasp despite yourself, your fingers tightening instinctively around the quill as you try to pull away, but Umbridgeâs voice cuts in softly as she hums from her chair.
âAgain.â
You swallow the sound that rises in your throat and continue. Each repetition is worse than the last, the words etching deeper, sharper, until your hand trembles with the effort of holding steady. Blood slicks your skin, warm and undeniable, yet you force yourself to keep writing. You will not give her the satisfaction of breaking.
Across the castle, Draco Malfoy stops walking.
The pain hits him without warning, a sharp, searing line across the back of his hand that makes him inhale sharply. He looks down, expecting to see nothing, to dismiss it as nothing, but the sight that greets him sends something cold and heavy through his chest. Words are forming on his skin, carved as though by an invisible blade, each letter appearing in real time.
I must not steal.
He stares at it, his mind refusing to catch up, even as another line burns itself into his flesh. The pain is precise, deliberate, and horribly familiar in its rhythm. It is not random; it is not an accident. Instead, it is something older, something that is shared.
âNo,â he says under his breath, the word almost lost in the empty corridor.
Another line. Another cut.
I must not steal.
His thoughts begin to race, piecing together what he doesn't want to understand. The strange, unexplained sensations over the past weeks, the fleeting pains he dismissed, the way they never left a mark until now. Soulmates. The possibility rises unbidden, impossible to ignore, and with it comes a far more immediate and devastating realisation.
There is only one person he sent to detention tonight.
You.
The world seems to tilt. For a moment, he can't move, can't think beyond the image forming in his mind of you sitting in that office, alone, enduring something he has just begun to feel. Then another pulse of pain cuts through him, sharper than the last, and whatever hesitation remains shatters.
He is moving before he consciously decides to, his body being smarter than his mind, his steps quick and unsteady at first, then faster as urgency takes hold. Each new line that appears on his hand drives him forward, each repetition a reminder of what he has done, of what you are enduring because of him. The words echo in his mind with sickening clarity.
I must not steal.
A lie. A punishment built on something he created to ignore these sick, love-ridden thoughts he has harbored for you.
When he reaches the door, he doesn't pause. It swings open with force, the sound cutting through the quiet of the room.
Umbridge looks up, displeasure already forming on her face, but it falters when she sees him. You freeze, the quill hovering above the parchment, your hand trembling and stained with blood. For a moment, everything is still.
âStop,â he says, and his voice is colder than you have ever heard it.
Umbridge straightens. âMr Malfoy, I don't recall inviting you to this detention.â
âYou will release her,â he replies, each word controlled, deliberate.
Her smile returns, thin and strained. âI am afraid discipline is necessary, especially when a student has been caught stealing.â
Draco steps forward, and this time there is nothing careless in the movement, nothing performative. He lifts his hand without looking away from her, the carved words stark and undeniable against his skin.
âWould you like me to explain,â he says quietly, âwhy I am being punished for the same offence?â His voice is cold, displeasure pouring from every word.
The room shifts. You feel it as much as you see it, the fragile control Umbridge holds slipping just slightly as something beyond her authority makes itself known. Her gaze flickers to his hand, then to yours, the identical words, and the identical wounds. For the first time, uncertainty creeps into her expression.
ââŠVery well,â she says at last, her voice tight. âYou are dismissed.â
You don't move immediately. Neither does he. The silence stretches, thick with everything that has not yet been said, until he crosses the space between you in a few measured steps and yanks you out of the room, only stopping in a rather dark hallway.
âLet me see,â he says, and there is something different in his voice now, something quieter, stripped of its usual sharpness.
You hesitate, then extend your hand. Up close, the damage is worse than you realised, the words carved again and again into your skin, overlapping, raw. His expression tightens as he takes it in, his fingers hovering just above yours as though unsure if he has the right to touch.
âI didn't know,â he says, the words low and rough, as though forced past something lodged in his throat. âIf I had, I wouldn't haveâŠâ
He trails off, because the truth is not so simple. You see it in his face, in the conflict that flickers there. He had accused you without proof, had chosen to believe the worst because it was easier than confronting anything else.
âYou would not have what? Accused me of something you know I didn't do? Typical Malfoy, doing what you want and only stopping when it affects youâ you scoff, tears threatening to spill as the wound starts to throb.
His eyes lift to yours, and for once, there is no mask to hide behind. âI was wrong,â he admits, the words unfamiliar on his tongue. âAnd now I have to feel exactly what I did to you.â
You study him for a moment, weighing the words against everything that led to this. âWhy me, Draco? Why am I always the first you torment?"
His jaw tightens, and for a second, he looks away and drops your hand, your skin cold from the loss. "I am a Malfoy, a pureblood with my future already planned for me. My friends determined as though they are pawns to be shopped for by my parents. I have never chosen anything for myself, but.." he swallows hard, the confession stealing the breathe straight from your lungs.
"But?" your voice is small, unsure as his eyes finally raise to meet yours. The air seems to ignite around you, your skin pulling taunts and flushing.
"Ever since I met you, I have longed for the freedom to choose. The freedom to...love who I want to. But you have to understand, it's not that easy for me. If they knew, if anyone found out how I felt about you.." Your chests seem to rise and fall as one, sharing a breath - sharing a heart, his eyes never leaving yours,
There is something raw in that, something unguarded that you have never seen before. Slowly, carefully, his fingers close around your hand, and the contact is light, almost hesitant.
"I hate myself for how I have treated you. By the Gods, I have tried to stop loving you. But this," he lifts your hand, the pads on his fingers tracing lightly around the pulsing wound, "Is proof that I can never stop loving you, and I am done trying to deny it." His eyes shyly look away, his face paler than usual.
You take a step closer and his breath hitches, his posture straightening.
"It's embarassing, really," your voice soft, "How I love you even though you've treated me so horribly." His shoulders sag, his eyes wide as he takes in the confession as though it's the most wonderful, and suprising thing he's ever heard.
"If you're serious, if we decide to take this step, things have to change, Draco. I don't just mean between us, I mean your overall behaviour. Until then, I'm sorry but I can't do this, not when all of my friends despise you so." You withdraw your hand from his, placing it on his hollow cheek instead. A small, undeniable sound escapes him from the contact, his hand coming to cover yours as he nods.
"I can do that, you just need to be patient with me, please." Your eyes widen at the words, a giggle almost escaping you.
"That's a start, Draco Malfoy saying 'please'? I never thought I'd see the day." He rolls his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips as his cheeks start to colour.
"Tell anyone and I'll hex you."
"Hey, that's one strike already. You have to start doing better if you want to date me." Draco's hands find their place on the dip of your waist, your body zinging at the contact; nothing has ever felt so right.
 âĄËË Â Ä±l. pairing.  fred weasely x readerÂ
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË fred has always been a bit silly - but here, in this field of flowers, he was serious for the first time in his life.Â
ıl. content warning.sappy stuff (at the beginning), talks of marriage / proposals and such !, battle / war, death of a character Â
 The field had always felt like something out of a dream.
It stretched endlessly, a sea of soft colour; lavenders, whites, and yellows swaying gently beneath a warm, honeyed sky. You lay on your back in the middle of it, fingers threaded lazily through the stems, the scent of summer thick and sweet in the air.
Beside you, Fred Weasley was unusually quiet.
That shouldâve been your first clue.
You turned your head slightly, watching him from the corner of your eye. âYouâre thinking,â you said.
He scoffed. âI always think.â
âNot like this,â you teased. âThis is dangerous thinking. This is âFred Weasley is about to do something ridiculousâ thinking.â
He grinned at that, rolling onto his side to face you. âYou wound me.â
âI know you,â you replied simply.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The wind whispered through the flowers, brushing against your skin, lifting strands of your hair across your face. Fred reached out absentmindedly, tucking them behind your ear, his fingers lingering just a second longer than necessary.
It made your chest tighten, just a little.
âYou ever think about it?â he asked suddenly.
âThink about what?â
âThe future,â he said. âAfter all this.â
You huffed softly, staring up at the sky again. âConstantly. Itâs how I survive all this.â
He nodded, gaze tracing your features like he was memorising them. âYeah. Me too.â
A pause.
Then, before you could ask anything else, he sat up abruptly, pushing himself onto one knee.
You blinked.
ââŠFred?â
He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly looking far less composed than youâd ever seen him. âRight. Okay. So - hypothetically - â
You were already laughing. âOh no.â
âDonât laugh,â he said, though his lips twitched. âThis is serious.â
âYouâre kneeling in a field of flowers saying âhypothetically,â Fred, I physically cannot take you seriously right now.â
âJust, give me a second, yeah?â
You sat up too, propping yourself up on your hands, watching him with a soft, amused expression.
He took a breath.
Then another.
âMarry me.â
Silence.
The wind seemed to still. The world narrowed to just him, his freckled, earnest eyes brighter than youâd ever seen them, like this moment mattered more than anything.
Your heart stumbled.
ââŠFred.â
âI know,â he rushed. âTiming is...objectively terrible. Thereâs a war, and weâre both a bit preoccupied with not dying, and I donât even have a proper ringâthough I could make one, actually, George and Iââ
You reached out, grabbing his hand.
He stopped immediately.
You were smiling, but your eyes were shining with something deeper beneath the teasing.
âSilly idiot,â you murmured.
His expression faltered. âThatâs not exactly the response I was-â
âIâll marry you,â you said softly.
He froze.
âJust⊠after the war,â you added, squeezing his hand. âWhen everythingâs over. When we actually get a future to start.â
Hope flickered across his face.
âYeah?â he asked quietly.
âYeah,â you whispered. âAfter the war.â
He let out a breath, something almost disbelieving, before breaking into a grin so wide it made your chest ache.
âBrilliant,â he said, dropping down beside you again, pulling you into him. âThat gives me time to plan a proper proposal. This one was clearly lacking.â
âOh, absolutely terrible,â you agreed, resting your head against his shoulder. âNo ring, no speech, very disappointing. Solid 3/10 I reckon.â
âOi,â he nudged you. âI said âmarry me.â Straight to the point. Efficient.â
âRomantic as ever.â
He pressed a quick kiss to your temple. âYou love it.â
âI do.â
You lay there together as the sun dipped lower, painting the sky in soft gold and rose. His fingers intertwined with yours, warm and certain, like a promise neither of you doubted.
The future felt real there.
Possible.
Yours.
But they never got their happy ending.
Because when the war came, it took more than it gave.
And in the end, death did them part.
And when she visited that same field years later, she found it dead, decayed. As if Fred took all the joy and beauty of this world with him.
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 âĄËË Â Ä±l. pairing.  fred weasely x readerÂ
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË fred has always been a bit silly - but here, in this field of flowers, he was serious for the first time in his life.Â
ıl. content warning.sappy stuff (at the beginning), talks of marriage / proposals and such !, battle / war, death of a character Â
 The field had always felt like something out of a dream.
It stretched endlessly, a sea of soft colour; lavenders, whites, and yellows swaying gently beneath a warm, honeyed sky. You lay on your back in the middle of it, fingers threaded lazily through the stems, the scent of summer thick and sweet in the air.
Beside you, Fred Weasley was unusually quiet.
That shouldâve been your first clue.
You turned your head slightly, watching him from the corner of your eye. âYouâre thinking,â you said.
He scoffed. âI always think.â
âNot like this,â you teased. âThis is dangerous thinking. This is âFred Weasley is about to do something ridiculousâ thinking.â
He grinned at that, rolling onto his side to face you. âYou wound me.â
âI know you,â you replied simply.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The wind whispered through the flowers, brushing against your skin, lifting strands of your hair across your face. Fred reached out absentmindedly, tucking them behind your ear, his fingers lingering just a second longer than necessary.
It made your chest tighten, just a little.
âYou ever think about it?â he asked suddenly.
âThink about what?â
âThe future,â he said. âAfter all this.â
You huffed softly, staring up at the sky again. âConstantly. Itâs how I survive all this.â
He nodded, gaze tracing your features like he was memorising them. âYeah. Me too.â
A pause.
Then, before you could ask anything else, he sat up abruptly, pushing himself onto one knee.
You blinked.
ââŠFred?â
He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly looking far less composed than youâd ever seen him. âRight. Okay. So - hypothetically - â
You were already laughing. âOh no.â
âDonât laugh,â he said, though his lips twitched. âThis is serious.â
âYouâre kneeling in a field of flowers saying âhypothetically,â Fred, I physically cannot take you seriously right now.â
âJust, give me a second, yeah?â
You sat up too, propping yourself up on your hands, watching him with a soft, amused expression.
He took a breath.
Then another.
âMarry me.â
Silence.
The wind seemed to still. The world narrowed to just him, his freckled, earnest eyes brighter than youâd ever seen them, like this moment mattered more than anything.
Your heart stumbled.
ââŠFred.â
âI know,â he rushed. âTiming is...objectively terrible. Thereâs a war, and weâre both a bit preoccupied with not dying, and I donât even have a proper ringâthough I could make one, actually, George and Iââ
You reached out, grabbing his hand.
He stopped immediately.
You were smiling, but your eyes were shining with something deeper beneath the teasing.
âSilly idiot,â you murmured.
His expression faltered. âThatâs not exactly the response I was-â
âIâll marry you,â you said softly.
He froze.
âJust⊠after the war,â you added, squeezing his hand. âWhen everythingâs over. When we actually get a future to start.â
Hope flickered across his face.
âYeah?â he asked quietly.
âYeah,â you whispered. âAfter the war.â
He let out a breath, something almost disbelieving, before breaking into a grin so wide it made your chest ache.
âBrilliant,â he said, dropping down beside you again, pulling you into him. âThat gives me time to plan a proper proposal. This one was clearly lacking.â
âOh, absolutely terrible,â you agreed, resting your head against his shoulder. âNo ring, no speech, very disappointing. Solid 3/10 I reckon.â
âOi,â he nudged you. âI said âmarry me.â Straight to the point. Efficient.â
âRomantic as ever.â
He pressed a quick kiss to your temple. âYou love it.â
âI do.â
You lay there together as the sun dipped lower, painting the sky in soft gold and rose. His fingers intertwined with yours, warm and certain, like a promise neither of you doubted.
The future felt real there.
Possible.
Yours.
But they never got their happy ending.
Because when the war came, it took more than it gave.
And in the end, death did them part.
And when she visited that same field years later, she found it dead, decayed. As if Fred took all the joy and beauty of this world with him.
 âĄËË Â Ä±l. pairing.  bucky barnes x readerÂ
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË surrounded by snowfall and potential enemies, you and bucky are forced to take shelter in an abandoned cabin. only problem? you don't have enough bodyheat - and he has way too much.Â
ıl. content warning. no warnings for this one !just forced to cuddle, one bed shenanigans.
Snow wasnât supposed to be part of the mission. Switzerland, yes, mountains, altitude, a little cold, but not this. Not a storm that swallowed the sky whole and turned the world into nothing but blinding white. You could barely even see ten feet ahead of you, your breath sharp in your lungs as the freezing wind cut through every layer you had. âVisibilityâs gone,â you called, though it felt useless; the storm seemed louder than your voice.
Ahead, Bucky didnât stop immediately. He rarely did. He just kept moving, steady and relentless, like he could outwalk the weather itself. Then, finally, he turned, eyes narrowing slightly as he took in the conditions. The wind tearing at his clothes.
âWe keep moving,â he said.
âAnd walk straight off a cliff?â you shot back, your patience thinning with the temperature. âWe need shelter.â
There was a pause, brief, but telling. Bucky wasnât used to stopping. But even he could see it now; the storm had turned too dangerous to carry on.
ââŠFine,â he said. âWe find cover.â
That was as close to agreement as you ever got.
The cold crept in slowly at first, almost unnoticeable beneath the adrenaline. Then it settled deeper; first it spread into your fingers, then your legs, then your chest, until finally every step felt heavier than the last. You stumbled once, your boot catching in the snow, and before you could even react, Buckyâs hand was on your arm, steadying you.
âFocus,â he said.
âI am,â you muttered, though your voice lacked its usual bite. âI just canât feel my hands.â
His grip tightened for a second, not that you could feel it. âStay close.â
You didnât argue.
That alone wouldâve surprised him, if heâd had the energy to think about it.
The cabin appeared like something unreal: half-buried in snow, tucked between the trees like it had been waiting for you. You almost thought youâd imagined it until Bucky reached it first, forcing the door open against the wind.
Inside, the silence hit just as hard as the storm. No warmth. No fire. Just still, frozen air, but hey, it was shelter, and that was more than enough.
You stumbled in after him, shutting the door quickly, cutting off the roar of the wind. For a moment, neither of you spoke. You just stood there, catching your breath, the quiet settling heavy between you.
ââŠWe got lucky,â you said eventually.
âWe donât rely on luck,â he replied automatically, already scanning the room.
You almost smiled at that, but it faded quickly as another shiver ran through you, stronger this time, harder to ignore.
Bucky noticed immediately; it was hard to miss the aggressive shakes coming from your body.
âYouâre shaking.â
âIâm fine.â
âYouâre not.â
âI saidââ Your voice caught slightly, betraying you, ââIâm fine.â
He stepped closer then, his gaze sharper now, more focused on you than the room. âYouâre freezing.â
You let out a weak breath that mightâve been a laugh. âWeâre in a snowstorm, Barnes. What gave it away?â
But he didnât react to the sarcasm this time. His attention dropped briefly to your hands, your posture, and the way you tried (and failed) to balance your weight.
ââŠWe need heat,â he said.
âThereâs nothing here,â you replied. âNo firewood, no power.â
A beat passed.
"Then we share body heat.â
You blinked, caught off guard. ââŠSeriously?â
âItâs survival,â he said simply. âHypothermia doesnât wait.â
You knew that. You did. Still, you hesitated.
âWe donât have to talk,â he added, softer now. âJust...stay warm.â
Something about that made it easier to nod.
ââŠFine.â
At first, it was awkward. You sat beside each other, close but not quite touching, like there was still some invisible boundary neither of you had crossed before. But then another shiver hit you, sharp and uncontrollable, and Bucky didnât hesitate anymore.
He moved closer, one arm pulling you in until your side pressed against his chest. His hold was firm, steady, and grounding in a way that surprised you. You tensed for half a second but didnât pull away; the heat coming from him was too nice to reject.
âThis is weird,â you muttered.
âYeah,â he agreed quietly.
But neither of you moved.
"How are you so freaking warm? Curse that super serum," you grumbled under your breath, feeling a silent huff escape Bucky.
The warmth came slowly, seeping through layers, through hesitation, through whatever distance had always existed between you. Your breathing steadied first, then your hands stopped shaking so violently. At some point, your head ended up resting against his shoulder - you werenât sure when, and he didnât comment on it.
âYou're a stubborn ass,â he said after a while, his voice low in the quiet.
You frowned slightly. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âIt means you donât stop, even when you should.â
You tilted your head just enough to glance at him. âAnd you do?â
âThis isn't about me.â
His grip tightened slightly, not enough to hurt, just enough to be felt. The silence that followed wasnât uncomfortable anymore. It felt⊠full. Different, even. Like something had shifted without either of you saying it outright.
âYou couldâve left me,â you said eventually, your voice softer now.
His response was immediate. âNo.â
âYou didnât even think about it.â
âI donât leave people behind.â
You exhaled slowly. âYou left Clint behind on the last mission; why do you think I'm here and he isn't. â
His gaze dropped to you then, something unreadable flickering there.
âBecause you're one of the few people who isn't cautious around me, who makes me feel like I can be myself," he said.
You didnât know what to do with that, so you didnât try. You just stayed there, letting the warmth settle deeper, letting the moment stretch a little longer than it probably should have.
By the time the storm began to quiet outside, the distance between you was gone. Not just physically, something had changed
When you finally pulled away, it felt wrong. Too cold. Too empty.
Neither of you moved toward the door right away.
Because stepping outside meant going back to the silence, to distance, to whatever this had been before.
And for the first time since youâd met Bucky Barnes, neither of you seemed ready for that.
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË when draco is cursed by harry in the bathroom, he loses more than just his blood. with his memory messy and having reverted to his old, spoiled self, you are forced to endure as malfoy returns to hating you. secret relationships just got a less popular.Â
ıl. content warning. angst with potential comfort, unspoken breakup, malfoy being malfoy
You donât hear it all at once. It comes in fragments, in passing whispers that you almost ignore until one name pulls everything into focus.
ââSectumsempraââ
ââblood everywhereââ
ââMalfoyâs in the hospital wingââ
ââsomething wrong with his memoryââ
Your heart drops so violently it feels like youâve missed a step on a staircase, and before youâve even processed the rest, youâre already moving, pushing past people in the corridor, ignoring the annoyed looks and muttered complaints. None of it matters. Only one thing does.
Draco.
By the time you reach the hospital wing, your breathing is uneven and your hands are trembling, though youâre not sure whether itâs from the running or the fear clawing its way up your throat. You slow just before entering, instinctively, as if part of you already knows that whatever waits inside will change everything.
Madam Pomfreyâs voice reaches you before you see her, low and tense in a way youâve never heard before. âThe physical wounds are healing well, but the spell, combined with the shock, has affected his mind. Memory loss is not uncommon in cases like this, but I cannot say how extensive it is or whether it will return fully.â
You feel cold all at once.
ââŠhe may not remember certain people,â she continues, and something inside you fractures quietly, irreversibly.
You donât wait to hear more. You step inside.
Heâs lying there, pale even by his standards, bandages stark against his skin, his hair slightly dishevelled in a way that would have annoyed him before. For a moment, relief floods you simply because heâs alive, because heâs breathing, because heâs still here. You move closer without thinking, drawn to him in that way you always have been, your fingers lifting as if to take his hand.
âDonât.â
The word is sharp enough to make you flinch, you freeze. His eyes are open, fixed on you with a cold, assessing look that you havenât seen in months, not since before everything between you changed.
âWho are you?â he asks, his voice flat, almost irritated.
It shouldnât hurt this much. You knew, you heard what Pomfrey said, you prepared yourself as much as anyone could, but nothing prepares you for the complete absence of recognition in his gaze.
âItâs me,â you say, and even to your own ears, your voice sounds fragile.
His frown deepens, and when you instinctively reach again, he pulls his hand away as if your touch is something unpleasant. âThat doesnât answer the question.â
Your throat tightens. You want to say itâyou want to tell him everything, remind him, force the truth back into placeâbut the way heâs looking at you makes the words die before they can form.
âIâm just someone from school,â you manage instead.
He studies you for a moment longer, something flickering behind his eyes, and for a split second, you thinkâhopeâthat something might surface.
But then his expression shifts into something all too familiar.
âRight,â he says slowly. âYouâre that half-blood.â
It feels like being struck.
You donât remember leaving the hospital wing, only that youâre suddenly in the corridor again, the noise of students washing over you as if nothing has changed, as if your world hasnât just tilted off its axis.
The days that follow are worse in a quieter way.
You donât go back to see him. You tell yourself itâs because he needs time, because forcing yourself into his life when he doesnât remember you would only make things harder, but the truth is simpler and far more painful: you canât bear the way he looked at you.
Still, you hear about him constantly. You canât escape it.
âHeâs basically the same as before,â someone says near you in the Great Hall.
âHonestly, itâs like the past year never happened,â another adds.
âHe called a Hufflepuff girl âfilthyâ yesterday, proper Malfoy again.â
You sit there, staring down at your untouched plate, the words echoing in your mind.
Proper Malfoy.
As if the version of him who laughed with you in quiet corners, who hesitated before taking your hand in public but did it anyway, who whispered confessions into your hair late at nightâthat version had never really existed. The first time he directs it at you, you think youâre prepared; spoiler alert, you're not !
You nearly walk into him in the corridor, your thoughts too loud, your awareness too dulled, and you step back quickly. âSorry.â
He looks at you with that same detached irritation. âWatch where youâre going.â
Thereâs a momentâa small, fragile pauseâwhere something in his gaze lingers, like recognition trying to break through.
Then it vanishes.
âHonestly,â he mutters, his lip curling slightly, âyouâd think half-bloods would at least try not to be completely insufferable.â
The words are precise, practiced, like theyâve been worn smooth from repetition.
You nod once, because anything else might break you open right there in the hallway. âRight.â
And you walk away.
He doesnât see the way your hands shake, but something unsettles him all the same. He canât name it, only that thereâs a strange, unwelcome tightness in his chest that lingers long after youâve gone.
Sleep becomes something distant, something you canât quite reach no matter how exhausted you feel. Every time you close your eyes, memories press in too close, too vivid: his voice softer than anyone else ever hears it; the careful way he used to hold you; the quiet confession he once made like it cost him everything: âI donât believe any of it when Iâm with you.â Now he does. And he doesnât even know what heâs lost.
Itâs what drives you to the Astronomy Tower, night after night, because itâs the only place that feels far enough away from everything else, from everyone who looks at you like youâre imagining things when you say he used to be different.
You sit on the cold stone, pulling your knees in, pressing your sleeve against your mouth to muffle the sound as your composure finally cracks. You try to be quiet, as if that might make it hurt less, but the tears come anyway, slow and steady.
You donât hear the door open behind you.
Draco doesnât expect anyone to be there. The tower has always been his place, even if he canât fully explain why, just that something about it feels familiar, grounding.
So when he sees you there, curled in on yourself, shoulders trembling, something inside him shifts uncomfortably.
ââŠWhatâs wrong, half-breed?â he asks, the insult automatic, a shield he doesnât even realise heâs using.
You go still before slowly straightening, wiping at your face as you stand. When you turn, your expression is composed, almost cold, but your eyes betray you.
âNothing, Malfoy.â
Your voice is distant, stripped of anything soft, and the absence of it unsettles him more than your tears did.
You brush past him, your shoulder knocking lightly against his. âMove.â
He does, almost instinctively, and you disappear down the staircase without another word.
He remains where he is, staring at the space you left behind, a strange, unfamiliar ache settling in his chest.
That wasnât right.
None of that felt right.
The feeling doesnât go away.
If anything, it worsens.
He starts noticing you without meaning to, drawn to you in ways that irritate him because they make no sense. He watches you laugh with others and feels something sharp twist inside him, hears your voice across a room and finds himself listening for it without understanding why.
And every time he says something cruel, every time he leans into the version of himself that feels expected, something in him recoils afterward, leaving behind a hollow discomfort he canât shake.
It comes in flashes, too brief to graspâlaughter that doesnât feel mocking, a voice that sounds like yours but softer, closer, saying his name like it matters. The images vanish before he can fully see them, leaving only the impression that they were important.
That heâs missing something.
That heâs missing someone.
When he finds you at the Astronomy Tower again, it feels inevitable.
You donât turn this time when he approaches, as if youâve already decided he isnât worth acknowledging.
âWhy do you keep coming here?â he asks, though the question feels strange even as he says it, as if heâs intruding on something that used to belong to both of you.
âItâs none of your business,â you reply quietly.
He steps closer despite himself. âYouâre crying again.â
âIâm not.â
âYou are.â
You let out a hollow laugh, shaking your head slightly. âBrilliant observation.â
Something in your toneâflat, tired, devoid of anything that once might have been warmthâgrates against him.
âDid someoneââ
âStop,â you cut in, turning sharply to face him. âJust stop pretending like you care.â
The accusation lands harder than he expects, and he falters. âI donâtââ
âExactly,â you say, your voice cracking despite your effort to keep it steady. âYou donât.â
Silence falls between you, heavy and suffocating.
âYou used to,â you whisper before you can stop yourself.
He stiffens. ââŠWhat?â
You shake your head, already regretting it. âForget it.â
âNo,â he says, more firmly now, stepping closer. âYou donât get to say that and then walk away. What did you mean?â
You let out a shaky breath, the fight draining out of you all at once. âWe were together.â
The words hang there, impossible to take back.
He stares at you, disbelief etched into every line of his face. âThatâs not possible.â
âBecause Iâm a half-blood?â you ask quietly.
He doesnât answer, and the silence is louder than any insult.
You nod once, tears slipping free. âRight.â
You turn to leave, needing distance before you break completely, but this time his hand closes around your wrist, stopping you.
The touch is hesitant, almost unsure, as if even he doesnât fully understand why heâs doing it.
âI donât understand,â he says, his voice lower now, stripped of its earlier sharpness.
âJoin the club.â
âNo,â he insists, his grip tightening just slightly. âI mean⊠I donât understand why this feels like Iâm losing something I donât even remember having.â
Your breath catches.
âBecause you are,â you whisper.
He goes still, something shifting behind his eyes as another fragment surfaces; your hand in his, your head resting against his shoulder, a quiet moment that feels more real than anything else he can recall.
âI donât remember you,â he admits, the words rough.
âI know.â
âBut I remember⊠how it felt,â he continues, his gaze searching yours. âOr at least...something like it.â
Your chest aches. âThatâs not the same.â
âNo,â he agrees softly. âIt isnât.â
Thereâs a pause, fragile and uncertain, before he lifts his free hand and hesitates, as if asking permission without words, before brushing a tear from your cheek.
The touch is gentle, instinctive.
Familiar.
âI want to,â he says quietly. âI want to remember. Or⊠feel it again.â He said it such a childlike voice, unsure and hesitant to rebel against his pureblooded beliefs for the second time.
Your heart stutters painfully at that.
âYou hurt me,â you whisper.
âI know.â
âYou forgot me.â
âI didnât choose to.â
âThat doesnât make it easier.â
âI know,â he says again, but this time it doesnât feel empty. It feels like something he means, even if he doesnât fully understand why.
You donât realise how close youâve moved until thereâs barely any space left between you, the tension thick, fragile, ready to shatter.
âI donât remember loving you,â he says, his voice barely above a breath.
"But I think I still do,â he adds.
Everything in you stills. The kiss that follows is hesitant, uncertain, like stepping onto unfamiliar ground that somehow feels known all the same. Itâs not the same as before (you can feel that)b ut thereâs something there, something real, something that lingers even as memory fails.
When he pulls back, his forehead rests lightly against yours, his breath unsteady.
âIâm sorry,â he murmurs.
You close your eyes, letting the words settle.
âI know.â
And for the first time since you heard his name whispered in the corridor...it doesnât feel like the end.
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË while working late at the lab, an unknown assailant kidnaps you, stealing you away from the team (and bucky).
ıl. content warning. kidnapping, paranoid and super protective buckyÂ
The hum of the fluorescent lights overhead was the only sound in the otherwise silent lab. You leaned over the workbench, brows furrowed in concentration as your fingers traced the strange etchings on the alien weaponâs surface. Tony had asked for your expertise, but even you werenât sure what you were dealing with yet. The metal pulsed faintly beneath your touch, as if it were alive.
You exhaled, rubbing at your tired eyes. It was well past midnight, and you knew Bucky would be worried. He always was when you worked late. You smiled at the thoughtâyour grumpy soldier turned soft for you. He was the only one who could pull you away from your work with just a look, the only one who could convince you to rest.
Just as you reached for your communicator to send him a quick message, the lights flickered. A deep, guttural growl echoed through the lab, freezing you in place. The air turned thick, heavy with the presence of something unnatural.
Slowly, you turned.
A towering figure loomed in the doorway, eyes glowing a sickly yellow. The weapon vibrated violently beneath your hand, reacting to its true owner.
âOh, shit.â
Before you could move, the alien lunged.
The compound shook with the force of the blast.
Bucky was in the common room with Steve and Sam when the alarms blared, a cold dread seizing his chest. He didnât need to be told where the explosion had come fromâhe already knew.
â(Y/N),â he breathed, already sprinting toward the lab.
The sight that greeted him made his stomach drop.
Shattered glass, overturned tables, and a gaping hole in the labâs reinforced walls. But the worst partâthe part that made his blood run ice coldâwas the pool of blood staining the floor.
âNo,â he whispered, voice strangled.
His hands shook as he crouched down, fingers brushing over the still-warm blood. Your blood. His vision blurred, heart hammering wildly in his chest.
Steveâs voice was distant, muffled, as he barked out orders. Sam was already scanning the security footage, but Bucky couldnât move. Couldnât breathe.
Sheâs gone. They took her.
Heâd let himself love you. Let himself believe he could have something good. And nowânow he might have lost you.
The alienâs ship was located two hours later. It wasnât soon enough.
Bucky had barely let the Quinjet land before he was leaping out, sprinting toward the structure where the signal led. The others barely kept up, but he didnât care. He had to get to you.
They found you strapped to a metal slab, restraints biting into your wrists. Blood coated your torn shirt, fresh wounds marring your skin. You were barely conscious, eyes fluttering weakly as the alien loomed over you, preparing to strike again.
Bucky saw red.
The alien barely had time to react before Bucky was on him, metal fist colliding with bone with a sickening crunch. He didnât stopânot when the creature roared in pain, not when Steve yelled for him to stand down.
It was only when he felt your weak fingers brush his own that he froze. Steve must have freed her when he had the chance.
âB-Bucky?â your voice was hoarse, barely a whisper. You were hunched over, on your knees.
His heart clenched painfully at how broken you sounded. He turned to you immediately, cradling your face with shaking hands. âIâm here, doll. I got you.â
You tried to smile, but it quickly turned into a wince. âTook you⊠long enough.â
Bucky let out a strangled laugh, pressing his forehead against yours. âYou scared the hell outta me.â
Your fingers curled weakly around his wrist. âDidnât mean to.â
His throat tightened. âYou're never working on one of Tony's projects again. Ever.â
You hummed softly, eyes slipping shut. Bucky panicked, shaking you lightly. âHey, no, stay with me. You hear me? Weâre going home.â
He quickly scooped you up, letting your head rest on his shoulder. Bucky's heart ached at the sight, and he subconsciously pulled you closer to him, vowing to never let you out of his sight.
Back at the compound, it was hours before you woke up. Bucky never left your side, metal fingers intertwined with yours as he watched the steady rise and fall of your chest. Steve had tried to lighten to mood by joking that Bucky was far too overprotective, that he was too much like a lost puppy; but he quickly realised that Bucky was not paying attention, and he left.
When your eyes finally fluttered open, he exhaled deeply, relief washing over him like a tidal wave.
âHey,â you croaked, voice still weak.
Bucky leaned in, brushing his lips over your knuckles. âHey yourself.â
âYou look like hell,â you teased weakly.
Bucky huffed a laugh, but his eyes were still clouded with worry. âYou almost died.â
You squeezed his hand, offering a tired smile. âBut I didnât.â
His jaw clenched, emotions warring in his gaze. âI canât lose you,â he admitted, voice barely above a whisper. âI wonât lose the only person I know I can trust, I know I can love.â
You tugged on his hand until he hesitantly leaned down, resting his forehead against yours. You sighed, reveling in the familiar warmth of him.
âYou wonât,â you promised. âIâm right here.â
Bucky swallowed hard, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead. âYeah,â he murmured. âAnd Iâm never letting you go.â
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pairing: bucky barnes x avenger!reader
summary: you think itâs nothingâjust a one-off, a flukeâwhen bucky softens at the sight of a baby in your arms during a cookout. but then it keeps happening. babies at airports. babies on recon. babies in vending machine ads. and every time, he looks at you like youâre the answer to a question he hasnât asked out loud yet. he starts carrying gum âin case someoneâs kid gets fussy on a flight,â stares too long at tiny boots in store windows, and once, unironically, asks if your hypothetical child would like goats. youâre not dating. officially. no one knows. but youâve been sharing a bed for months and he makes you tea without asking and youâre starting to have dreams about pacifiers. heâs subtle about it. until heâs not. until heâs standing at a target, holding a baby hat like it cracked his ribs open, and says he wants a familyâwith you. not someday. now.
word count: 10.7k
content warnings: 18+ mdni, fem!reader, piv, oral (f! receiving), soft dom bucky, light bdsm undertones, bucky barnes being whipped (he gets the baby fever first let's bffr), kind of feral bucky, you think you guys are in a situationship when he's fully looking at baby registries, nipple play, yearning, angst, dirty talk, praise, overstimulation, self-induced angst, multiple orgasms, talks of pregnancy and starting a family, marathon sex, riding, fingering, body worship, size kink, bucky picks the reader up, he talks you through it, breeding kink, unprotected sex, creampie
notes: this is the most unhinged, feral thing i've ever written. i hope you enjoy!
The baby gets handed to you like a bread basket.
No warning, no instruction manual. Just, âHere, can you hold her for a sec?â from someoneâone of the off-duty OXE staff maybe, or someoneâs civilian cousin. You donât catch a name, just a flurry of motion, and thenâ
Sheâs in your arms.
Somehow, between the last debrief and the next recon drop, a grill appeared in the Watchtower's rooftop patio, along with several folding chairs, a cooler full of Avengers-branded soda, and one slightly charred volleyball. You suspect Val had something to do with it. Some psychological team-building exercise disguised as a cookout.Â
Either way, youâre here.
Sheâs maybe seven months old, squishy-cheeked and furrow-browed, in a tiny Sentry onesie. Her hair is an indecisive wisp of something light brown, fine and floaty like thistle down, and her eyesâheavy-lidded, contemplativeâregard you as though youâre a particularly uninspiring segment of the Discovery Channel.
âSheâsâuh,â you say, because your brainâs buffering. âHi?â
âHey,â you say again, dumbly.
Next to you, Bucky lowers his beer so slowly itâs like watching a magic trick. He blinks once, then again, like heâs not sure youâre real or the baby is. Possibly both.
âWhatâwhyâdid you steal a baby?â he asks.
âShe was just handed to me.â
You shift, trying to get comfortable. Sheâs a solid little thing, warm like a fresh loaf of bread, and her hand is currently fisting your collar with alarming purpose. Your shirt stretches under the assault.
Buckyâs still staring. You can feel itâlike a sunlamp trained directly at your temple. His mouth is parted slightly. One finger taps against the side of his bottle, rhythmically, unconsciously.
âSheâs fine,â you say. âIâm holding her fine, right?â
âYeah. No, yeah. You lookâgood.â
You glance at him. His eyes snap up to yours, then away again, like they touched something they werenât supposed to. The tips of his ears are pink.
You almost say somethingâtease him, maybeâbut the baby chooses that moment to yawn, a full-body, jaw-cracking affair. She snuggles closer into your chest, small cheek pressing into the fabric of your shirt, and suddenly itâs less funny.
Bucky tilts his head, unreadable. âShe trusts you already.â
âSheâs a baby,â you say, trying to shrug it off. âShe trusts anyone with a pulse.â
âNo. She knows,â he says, like itâs a settled fact. His gaze lingers on the place where her fingers clutch your shirt, and thenâslowlyâdrifts back to your face.
You feel that look all the way down your spine.
The barbecue hums around youâlow, uneven, weirdly domestic for a group like this. Someoneâs burned the corn on the grill again (probably Walker, judging by the smoke and the defensive muttering). Yelenaâs holding court by the picnic table, sunglasses perched on her head, force-feeding Bob the worldâs most questionable potato salad and narrating it like a cooking show. Alexeiâs seated in a folding chair two sizes too small, already shirtless and red-faced, beer in hand, yelling something about meat science. Ava is off to the side, calmly reading the nutrition label on a bag of marshmallows like it might be a coded message.
But you and Bucky are caught in this little bubble. A stillness between the beats. The baby, breathing softly. Bucky, watching you like the moment means something more than heâs prepared to admit.
She shifts in your arms. Grunts. You adjust your hold, and Bucky makes a small, strangled noise.
âShe good?â you ask.
âSheâsâsheâs got a strong neck,â he says, as though thatâs a compliment. Then, after a second. âYouâre really good with her.â
âYouâve seen me hold her for thirty seconds.â
âStill.â
You hold his gaze a beat longer than you should. Itâs soft, something unguarded in it. You remember, vaguely, hearing Steve say once that Bucky used to watch people the way most men look at stars. Like there was something miraculous in the simple fact of their existence.
You think maybe youâre beginning to understand what he meant.
âShe wants you,â you say, mostly to break the tension. The baby is reaching now, hands grasping toward the collar of Buckyâs henley like sheâs on a tiny mission.
He stiffens. âShe what?â
âSheâs targeting you. Consider it payback for all that glaring you did at the diaper bag earlier.â
âI wasnât glaring,â he says. âI wasâŠassessing.â
You arch an eyebrow. âWell, sheâs assessing you back. Here. Take her.â
You donât give him a choice. You shift the baby into his arms, and despite all his protesting, he takes her like heâs afraid sheâll breakâgently, like someone handed him a fragile truth.
For a moment, he just stands thereâawkward, tense, unsure. His left arm, the vibranium one, catches the light in hard, gleaming lines. But then she sighs, her head lolls toward his shoulder, and his body reacts before his mind doesâhe cradles her closer, shifts to support her neck, leans in slightly like heâs listening to her breathe.
A hush settles around you.
âSheâs warm,â he murmurs.
âThatâs a good sign. Youâd know if she was cold. Babies are very vocal about injustice.â
His eyes donât leave the babyâs face. Those eyesâstormcloud blue, too old for his face, always a little waryâare softened now. They flick across her tiny features like heâs reading scripture. Absorbed. He sways just slightly, unconsciously, like some long-dormant instinct is waking up in his bones. âSheâs got little eyelashes,â he says, like itâs the strangest thing heâs ever seen.
âSheâll grow into them,â you say softly. âIt happens.â
Heâs silent a long time. The baby squeaks in her sleep and tugs at the collar of his shirt.
âSheâs⊠safe,â he says, the word delicate on his tongue. âYou can feel it, canât you? Like the whole world isnât so bad. Justâquiet, for once.â
Your chest aches.
He glances at you then, and for a split second, he looks completely vulnerable. Like thereâs something perched just behind his teeth that he doesnât know how to say.
You step closer. Not enough to touch. Just enough for proximity to pass as intimacy.
âBucky.â
He doesnât look away from you.
âI think youâd be good at it,â you say quietly. âThe whole dad thing.â
You watch the thought settle on himâslow and heavy, like snowfall. He blinks, once. Breathes in, shallow. His jaw shifts, like he might say something and doesnât. And thenâ
âIâd want you there,â he says.
Itâs not casual. Not joking. Just... real. A plain sentence, stripped of armor.
You freeze. The baby exhales against your collarbone like sheâs aware of the moment and giving it space. Bucky, for his part, looks like heâs just handed you something delicate and possibly flammable.
âOh,â you say, brilliant as ever.
And he nods. Thatâs it. A small thing. But he looks weirdly shell-shocked by the admission, like heâd surprised himself saying it aloud. Like he hadnât even meant to. His smile comes after, slow and stunned and slightly lopsidedâalmost sheepish, as if he's staring straight at the sun and canât quite believe itâs warm.
Then her parentâs voice breaks through, all cheerful gratitude. âHeyâthanks! I just needed a sec.â
You watch Bucky blink back into the moment, his hands reluctant as they ease from the babyâs back. He doesnât quite give her up at first. His fingers linger on the edge of her onesie like theyâre memorizing the feel of it. When he does let go, itâs too slow to be casual.
Just like that, the babyâs gone. The space she took up in your arms feels heavier now that itâs empty.
You glance sideways. So does he. But you donât quite meet in the middle.
Instead, you reach for a napkin and hand it over wordlessly. He accepts it like itâs a diplomatic gesture, dabbing at the drool spot on his shoulder with a sort of distraction.
âShe liked you,â you offer, voice quieter than you meant it to be.
His lips quirk. A ghost of a grin. âYeah?â
âYeah.â
Thereâs a silence after thatâlonger than it needs to be. Not uncomfortable, just... spacious. Like itâs waiting for someone to step into it. Neither of you do.
Then Bucky clears his throat. âWanna go in on a pack of bibs?â
You blink. âWhat?â
He shrugs, suddenly preoccupied with smoothing the napkin along his leg. âJustâyou know. For next time.â
You almost laugh. You want to. But something in your chest goes soft instead.
âYeah,â you say. âSure. Next time.â
.
Everyone else calls you âthe new Avengers.â Valentina prefers to call you just "the Avengers," like saying it with enough fake reverence will make people forget it started as a Hail Mary branding ploy and ended with supernatural darkness swallowing half of New York.
You still call it the Thunderbolts in your head. Not out of loyalty. Just because it fits better.
Technically, you werenât supposed to be on the roster. Neither was Bucky. He was busy playing congressmanâpressed suits, policy meetings, public appearances where he looked like heâd rather be fighting a bear. He wasnât exactly thrilled about the job, but it was penance, or progress, or both, depending on who you asked. Youâd been benched too, in a less official capacity. Tactical reassignment, they said, which is just HR speak for âwe donât know what to do with you yet.â
But then Bob Reynolds cracked in half like a cosmic wishbone. And everything went sideways.
They needed people who could navigate pocket dimensions without losing their minds. People who wouldnât balk at the Void whispering their worst memories back to them in surround sound. People who could get in and out of a childhood bedroom that wasn't theirs, and still say the right thing.
So now youâre here. In a Watchtower with folding chairs and lunchboxes with your face on them. With a new badge and a code name you didnât pick. With Bob, whose grip on sanity is improving in inches. With Ava, who can barely look at light too long without phasing through it. With Alexei, whoâs taken to shirtless speeches and the New Avengers merch like a religion. With Walker, who somehow thinks this is a promotion.
And Bucky.
You donât talk about what you are.
Thereâs no label. No neat little term to slot yourselves under, no status update or whispered confession over pillowcases. No oneâs dared to say the word ârelationship,â and yet youâve brushed your teeth side by side, curled instinctively toward each other in sleep, passed cups of coffee back and forth like currency. Youâve learned each otherâs silences. Memorized the geography of old scars. He knows how you like your eggs. You know when his silence means donât ask and when it means please.
Itâs not nothing. It never was.
Youâre just not telling the others. Not because youâre ashamedâgod, noâbut because itâs yours. And because once the world knows something, it stops being sacred. It becomes strategy. Becomes leverage. People like Valentina will smile too wide and call it a liability. Alexei will make a crass joke. Walker will ask for details.
Itâs easier this way. Quieter. Unnamed, it canât be ruined.
And besidesâyou donât even know what to call it. What to call him, when itâs three a.m. and heâs tucked behind you in bed, breath warm against your neck, arm slung around your waist like he doesnât even realize heâs doing it.Â
Buckyâs not a man who rushes things. He moves like heâs learned the cost of wanting too much. And youâyouâve never let someone all the way in without already picturing the exit wound.
But moments like earlierâwhen he held that baby like she was breakable and looked at you like you were the answer to a question he hadnât meant to askâtheyâre getting harder to ignore.
You donât think about it. Not actively.
You just⊠catalog. Silently. Like a squirrel with emotional acorns.
.
Itâs past midnight when you find him again in the kitchen.
You knew heâd be here. You always do.
Thereâs leftover risotto on the stove and a mostly full bottle of red wine on the counter. Heâs sitting at the tiny table like itâs a church pewâhunched a little, fork in hand, bare feet braced on the cold tile floor. His hoodie is soft with age, sleeves shoved up to his elbows, and the vibranium arm glints under the light. His hairâs still damp from the shower.
He looks up when you pad inâdoesnât startle, doesnât flinch. Just finds you with those soft, sleep-starved eyes like heâs been waiting for you. âYouâre up.â
âSo are you,â you say, sliding into the chair across from him. âCould smell garlic from my room.â
âI put more cheese in it this time,â he says, with the quiet pride of a man whoâs learned domesticity through stubborn practice and YouTube videos.
You reach for the wine, pouring yourself half a glass. The silence between you is familiar. Easy. Itâs the kind that grows roots.
âBad dream?â you ask.
âYeah,â he says.
You nod. You donât ask about it.
Instead, âYou always this good at risotto?â
âFirst one was basically wallpaper paste,â he admits. âSam said it was fine. His sister actually cried.â
You snort, half-choked on your sip. âCried?â
âShe got emotional. Said she saw God in a grain of arborio.â
Youâre still grinning when he pushes the pot toward you with a silent offer. You help yourself, spooning some into a mismatched bowl. Itâs warm. Comforting. Rich with butter andâyeah, definitely more cheese.
Thisâthis is your favorite version of him. Not the soldier. Not the team lead or the briefing-room strategist. Just Bucky. Tired and soft-eyed in the kitchen, humming low when he stirs a pot. Still, in a way that feels rare.
You think about the baby again from earlier. About the way he looked at her. How his whole body went still, but his eyes went soft, like heâs seeing something he misses but canât remember.
You stir your wine with a finger. Casual. Not casual at all.
âIâve been thinking,â you start, mostly just to fill the space. âWeird day, huh?â
His brow ticks up, a silent question.
âThat baby,â you say. âShe just⊠latched on. Like I was made of Velcro.â
Thereâs a beat.
âShe liked you,â he says. Quietly. Not teasing. Just honest.
You huff a small laugh, not quite hearing the undertone. âShe drooled on me. Thatâs practically a proposal.â
But he doesnât smile.
Heâs looking at you the same way he looked at the babyâstill, like something cracked open and never quite resealed. You miss it entirely. Instead, you sip your wine and stretch your legs beneath the table, toes brushing his. âBut, I mean, you held her like a pro. Natural instincts, huh?â
His gaze lingers on you for a moment more before dropping to his bowl. He stirs it aimlessly, the motion absent.
âI used to think Iâd have a bunch.â
That surprises you, but he keeps going.
He smiles a little, faint and crooked. âBack when I was just some punk from Brooklyn. Thought Iâd get married. Have a couple kids. A porch swing. You know. The American Dream.â
âWhat changed?â you ask, voice gentler than you meant.
He shrugs. âEverything. Time. Who I became.â
You nod slowly. Try not to let your chest cave in.
âRebecca used to say Iâd be a good dad,â he adds. âShe said I was good with her dolls.â
âYour sister?â
He nods. Thereâs a glow in his eyes nowâfaint, faraway. âShe was eight years younger. I helped raise her, after my ma got sick. Used to walk her to school, do her hair. She liked braids. I wasnât good at âem, but I tried.â
You try to picture itâBucky, hair slicked back, hands clumsy with a brush, coaxing bows into place on a giggling childâs head.
Your lips twitch. âBraids?â
âBad ones.â He finally glances at you, mouth quirking faintly. âShe called âem âbuckle braids.â Said they looked like seatbelts.â
You laugh, unexpected. He ducks his head, a little embarrassed, but you miss the way his eyes stay on you too long.
âSheâs still alive, isnât she?â you ask softly.
He nods. âWe talk. Itâs⊠complicated. A lotta years between us now.â
Thereâs another pause.
You donât fill it. You just watch him, lit gold by the stovetop light, swirling his water like itâs something stronger. He looks far away in that momentânot guarded, not distracted, just... elsewhere. Like his mind is somewhere quieter, and heâs trying to remember how it felt to live there.
He looks like a man trying to remember a life that feels more like a dream.
You think about the look on his face earlier, when that baby yawned and curled into your chest. How heâd watched like he couldnât quite breathe. Like heâd seen something he wanted and couldnât name. And yeahâokayâit tugged at something in you too, sure. But not like it did to him. Heâs still in it. Still holding on to the ghost of that moment with both hands, even now.
You look at himâsoft in a hoodie and bathed in golden light, cheeks pink from wine and warmth and maybe something elseâand your chest twists with something slow and awful. The kind of ache that leaves no bruise.
And still. You push your bowl toward him and say, âOkay, fine. Iâll admit it. This is good.â
He snorts, low. âTold you. Not totally helpless.â
âMm,â you hum. âJuryâs still out.â
But your smile lingers, even as your heart doesnât know where to settle.
You donât talk about babies again. Not directly.
But when you both stand to rinse the dishes, you brush past him and say, âFor the record⊠I bet youâd nail braids now.â
And his ears go pink.
You pretend not to see. Because if you doâif you look too closelyâyou might not be able to keep pretending you donât know what all of this means.
.
âI want ten of my babies. Obviously.â Ava dips a fry into mustard with the kind of grim determination usually reserved for defusing bombs. âDifferent thing.â
Youâre all at the diner again. It started as a jokeâsomething Walker demanded once after a particularly grim mission, swearing by the restorative power of bacon and drip coffeeâand somehow, it stuck. Now itâs tradition: post-debrief pancakes, a rotating cast of bruises and black eyes crowding into a corner booth thatâs definitely too small. No oneâs sure when it became sacred, but no one skips it, either.
The baby talk started againâsomehow inevitablyâbecause of the mission.Â
A standard evac turned sideways. Smoke, rubble, a collapsed stairwell. Someone heard crying. Alexei went full Terminator through a wall. And when the dust cleared, there he wasâcoughing soot and holding a six-month-old like it was a live grenade. The baby didnât even cry. Just blinked and drooled and grabbed Alexeiâs nose like he owed him money.
It shouldâve been a footnote in the mission report. It turned into a full-on debate about parental instincts, fight-or-flight hormones, and who would actually survive trying to raise a baby while doing this job.
From there, it was only a matter of time before Ava declared her hypothetical soccer team of spawn with a kind of detached confidence that suggested sheâd already drawn up the chore wheel.
You nod in reluctant agreement, as if thatâs a normal sentence to hear over diner food at 9 a.m. on a Thursday. âDifferent thing,â you echo, like that explains anything.
Thereâs a pause filled only with the faint sizzle of a kitchen grill and the shriek of someoneâs child two booths over. Youâre content to let the silence stretch, to keep spooning eggs into your mouth like a sane person, until John leans back. His arm stretches across the vinyl booth with the exaggerated flair of a man who thinks heâs charming. He tilts his head toward you like heâs about to ask for a kiss, and then drops the bomb.
âWhat about you? Ever think about having kids?â
Your fork pauses mid-scramble. You blink. Once, then again, slower. The question isnât newâitâs just never been aimed quite so directly at your throat before.
And somewhere in your mind, like a coin dropping into a well, you hear Buckyâs voice again.
âI used to think Iâd have a bunch.â
The memory curls in your chest like a secret.
âSure,â you say finally, and it comes out like a shrug in sentence form. âSounds like fun. You know. In a nightmarish, identity-altering kind of way.â
John grins like youâve handed him a gift. âHey, I know a guy if youâre interested.â
âOh?" you deadpan, already regretting it.
âBanked some before deployment, real clean record, full medicalââ
Thereâs a sound beside you. Ceramic on laminate. Not a crashâmore of a punctuation mark. You glance over.
Buckyâs hand rests on his coffee cup like heâs trying to stop it from shivering apart. The cupâs rim taps against the table once, sharp and accidental. His face doesnât move. Doesnât look at you, or at John. He stares into the coffee like itâs a black hole that might finally suck him in, if he just glares hard enough.
Walker doesnât notice. Or pretends not to, which is maybe worse.
You shift slightly, angle your body just enough to catch Buckyâs profile. Not his eyesâheâs not giving you that. But you see the muscle ticking in his jaw, the way his thumb presses against the handle like itâs either that or throwing the cup against the wall. He breathes, chest pounding and heavy, like heâs counting to ten. Like ten isnât enough.
And youâidiot that you areâyou feel it too. That low, aching pull at the thought of him with that baby. How natural heâd been. How soft his voice had gone. And how, for one weird, echoing second, youâd let yourself imagine it. Not just him with a child. But him with yours.
(Itâs a thought you shouldn't let live, but it does anywayâburrows in, sharp and hungry. Heâd be such a good father. Steady hands, steady voice, a tenderness in him that most people never get to see. Youâd watched it spark to life like muscle memory, something old and unforgotten.Â
And then, because your brain is a traitor, the thought tiltsâwhat it would feel like to give him that. To give him that child. Not some hypothetical future, not a vague maybe someday. You. Him.Â
That kind of closeness. That kind of permanence.Â
The weight of him over you, inside you, something rough and completely undoing. It knocks the air from your lungs before you can even feel it coming.Â
You imagine his voice rough and lowâyouâd look so fuckinâ good like this, heâd murmur, hands spreading over your stomach, already possessive. Full of me. Mine. You imagine his mouth, soft stubble between your thighs, saying let me make you a mom, like itâs the last sane thought in his head.
And youâwell, now you're sitting in a diner booth trying to pretend you didnât just think the words âlet me make you a momâ while someoneâs child screams three feet away. Youâre not proud. You are, in fact, actively praying for death. Or coffee. Whichever comes first.
So you do what you do best. You pivot.)
âAnyway,â you say, louder now, aiming your voice like a dart at Walkerâs oblivious skull. Making sure your voice is light enough to convey that there isn't a world that it would ever happen with him. âLet me know if your guy offers a bulk discount. Iâll take two or three. Maybe four if they come pre-housebroken.â
John laughs. âFirst five are free. They just start billing you in sleep and soul erosion.â
Bucky finally moves. Not much. Just enough to slide the cup an inch back toward the middle of his placemat, like maybe now itâs safe. Like maybe no one noticed.
Youâd like to kick John under the table. Just enough to shut him up. Just enough to let Bucky breathe.
Instead, you swirl your fork through yolk and wait for someone else to speak. Hope to someone out there that this whole baby thing will be put to rest.
.
But that day was just the start.
You donât know if something cracked open in the universe or if Bucky secretly bartered a piece of his soul to a baby-loving deity in exchange for emotional clarity, but suddenlyâitâs like the planet has been overrun. Babies. Everywhere. Strollers, carriers, those ridiculous kangaroo pouches. Toddlers with juice mustaches and light-up shoes. Infants in tiny sunglasses.
Worse, youâre always with him when it happens.
It starts innocently enough. Youâre on stakeout. The intel turns out to be garbageâno targets, no movement, just an empty building and a guy who mightâve been Hydra or mightâve just been bad at directions. Youâre about to call it when Bucky⊠stops walking.
No explanation. Just freezes on the sidewalk.
You turn, squinting. âWhat? You see something?â
And then you hear it. A laugh. Tiny. High-pitched. Pure. You scan the street and there it is: a baby in a stroller, arms flailing with chaotic joy, pink beanie slipping sideways on her round little head. Her mom is pushing her like itâs just a Tuesday. But Buckyâhe crouches. Hands on his knees. Watching like heâs stumbled across the Ark of the Covenant.
âThatâs a good laugh,â he mutters, almost worshipful. âThatâs⊠like a top-tier laugh.â
You blink. âYou ranking baby laughs now?â
He doesnât answer. Just keeps watching. Like the baby might do it again. Like heâs rooting for her.
You nudge him with your elbow. âWant me to get you a ringtone?â
He says nothing. His silence is telling.
Then it escalates.
Buenos Aires. Late afternoon. The heatâs syrupy, everything sunstruck and slightly too bright. Youâre waiting for the decryption key to finish runningâloitering under a chipped awning while the team fans out down the block, pretending to be tourists. Youâre halfway through a warm soda and reading something in Spanish when Bucky drifts up beside you.
You donât look at him. Youâve learned not to. He does this thing sometimesâleans in close enough for his shoulder to brush yours, says nothing at all, and just exists like a slow-burn fire youâre pretending not to feel.
This time, itâs worse. He gestures toward a store window. Shoes. Not just any shoesâtiny tactical boots, scaled down like someone was kitting out the junior division of the Avengers. Rugged soles, reinforced stitching, little laces that look too delicate for real fieldwork but too precise to be anything but serious gear. Theyâre absurd. Theyâre perfect.
âYou think they make those in toddler size 5?â
You turn. Slowly. Give him the full weight of your skepticism. âPlanning to outfit your own baby militia?â
He shrugs. Casual. Easy. Too easy. âJust wondering. Hypothetically.â
But then his eyes flick toward youâjust for a beat. Like heâs measuring something. Like heâs waiting for a reaction you donât know youâre giving.
You keep walking. Pretend not to feel your heart skip unevenly.
And it becomes a pattern. A weird, creeping, almost endearing pattern. Youâre raiding safehouses, rerouting encrypted intel, shaking a tail in Prague, and somehow Bucky is the one lingering in front of vending machines, pointing at squeezable yogurt pouches like theyâre alien tech.
âThese have the little resealable caps,â he says, deadpan. âFor babies, I think. Smart.â
You blink. âYou want one?â
âNo,â he says, looking thoughtful. âJustâclever design. Kid-friendly.â
You stare. He shrugs. Again. Itâs becoming suspicious. Too real.
.
Later, itâs dark. Safehouse. Everyone asleep or pretending to be. You and Bucky are curled in the guest room thatâs technically yours but hasnât been solo occupancy in weeks.Â
Heâs already touching you before your brain catches up. Warm fingers ghosting under your shirt, calloused and rough, sliding over your ribs like heâs taking inventory of your soft places. Youâre breathing shallowly before he even kisses you, your body already recognizing this as surrender.
There was a time when you thought Bucky would be a gentleman.
Reserved. Polite. Old-world chivalry repackaged in tactical black. Youâd imagined he was probably hesitant in bed, at first. The type to ask twice, maybe three times, before putting his hands anywhere remotely close to where youâd actually want them. You thought heâd kiss softly. Whisper his affections like prayer. You thoughtâfoolishlyâthat his stillness was quiet.
Itâs not.
Itâs restraint. Caged hunger. A man constantly one flick away from wrecking you completely.
Because Bucky doesnât fuck like a soldier. Or a hero. He fucks like a man starved. Like heâs spent entire decades in lockdown with nothing but the memory of heat, and youâre the only warmth heâs ever wanted. Heâs filthy in the way that makes your ears ring. Filthy in the way he moans your name when heâs too far gone to realize heâs saying it out loud.
Filthy in the way he says please.
Thatâs the worst part. The please.
Please kiss me, sweetheart. Please, let me stay in a little longer. Please, donât stop. Please, Iâll be good. Please, have my kiâYou gasp. He hasn't said that last part. You can't entertain that.
âRemember that time in Bolivia?â he murmurs, more statement than question, voice a gruff rasp against your throat. âWhen I fucked you against the wall and I had to put my hand against your mouth, becauseâJesusâbecause you were being too loud?â
You tried to open your mouth. You usually have some sort of witty remark. But tonight his hand is trembling a little, and your chestâs too full of ache to joke.
"We can't do that here, sweetheart. I need you to stay quiet for me. Can you do that without my help?"
Itâs always like thisâa little desperate, a little unhinged. Like you both know it canât mean what it means and keep doing it anyway. A nightly game of chicken with the truth.
Your legs spread, obscene, filthy, and soakedâgiving him just the right view. He ducks down underneath in a flash, tongue swiping out before he does so, the pink flesh needy and hungry. The flutter of his eyelashes as he takes you in and wraps your legs around his face.
And when he pushes his tongue inside you, itâs slow. Not teasing. Not lazy. Like heâs trying to stayâinside you, with you, in the moment.
Your hands are in his hair, your legs wrapped tight around his head, and thenâmidway through a breath, a moan, a whisper of his nameâhis hand slides up.
Spreads across your stomach.
Not rough. Not possessive.
Settled.
Justâthere.
Like heâs holding a thought.
His thumb traces one slow arc across your skin. Then another. Circling your navel like heâs drawing a map. Or casting a spell. You donât even register it until his breath stutters.
You freezeâjust for a secondâbut he doesnât stop moving. Doesnât stop looking at you, either. You look down and his eyes are dark, wide, wrecked. Like heâs trying to rein it in. Like heâs already failing.
âJesus,â he murmurs, half-strangled, pulling away from your cunt long enough for you to see the long, shimmering streak that connects his mouth to you. âYouâdâfuck, youâd look so perfect like this.â
You blink down at him, too far gone to process. âLike what?â
He doesnât answer. Just looks at youâlike he wants to say it. Like the words are climbing up his throat and heâs fighting to keep them down. He presses a kiss to your thigh instead, then to your core, mouth hot and desperate.
âSorry,â he breathes. âI justââ
Youâre not stupid.
But you are, maybe, willfully stupid. Denialâs easier than everything else. Safer. You pull his head closer instead, scratch at his hair, drag him deeper into your legs feels like you're trying to climb out of your own skin.
Come inside me, come inside me, the thought, intrusive and loud and irrational, echoes in your head, even as he wrenches your first orgasm of the night from you. You watch as he licks up the remnants from between your legs, then the way his tongue darts out to catch the streaks around his stubble.
And you think, with a sense of finality, that you're fucking doomed.
.
It doesnât help that the rest of the team is starting to notice. Yelenaâs not subtleâsheâs taken to raising her brows whenever you and Bucky so much as walk in the same direction. Alexei hums under his breath sometimes, low and vaguely ominous, usually something about âstrong bloodlinesâ or âresilient genetics,â just loud enough to make your skin prickle. Even Val, smug and sharp-eyed, had that moment last week where she looked between the two of you, then at the empty supply room, and muttered, âBetter not be rearranging furniture in there.â
The thing isâyou and him have always been subtle. Always toeing the line but never stepping over.
Except now, lately, that subtlety is starting to unravel. Not in big ways, but in increments. A slip of tone. A lingering look. The way he doesnât bother disguising the softness in his voice when he says your name. Itâs like heâs decidedâquietly, firmly, permanentlyâthat youâre it. And heâs just waiting for you to catch up.
Itâs in the little things.
He starts carrying gum in his pocket âin case someoneâs kid gets antsy on a flight.â He asks if the noise-canceling headphones in your shared gear bag might work for toddlers. He watches you when you pick up a fallen pacifier at a rest stop, eyes going all soft at your hands, like heâs imprinting something in his head he doesnât quite understand.
Then, during a recon op, he nudges you awake after you dozed off in the back of a surveillance van. âYou sleep like a baby,â he says quietly.
You think he means it as a compliment, but your heart flips and your brain short-circuits, and you spend the rest of the mission wondering if heâs trying to tell you something or if youâre going insane.
(You do not, in fact, sleep like a baby. You drooled on the armrest. He said nothing.)
Weeks pass. Missions blur. The baby sightings continue like clockwork. You start to brace for them. For Buckyâs inevitable sighs. For the way his expression slips into something almost wistful.
Youâre trained to read microexpressions. He should know this. You see itâthe way his jaw softens, the way his shoulders fall just enough to say I want this. Not now, maybe. But someday.
And more terrifying: the way he keeps looking at you. Like youâre part of that someday.
And Godâhow could he?
How could he look at you like that?
Youâre good at the quiet things. The watching, the stitching-up. The banter. The fight, when you have to. But youâve never known what it means to build something that doesnât involve exit strategies or a go-bag tucked under the bed.
Bucky⊠he deserves someone solid. Someone whoâs not half a shadow. Whoâd instinctively know how to hold a baby without second-guessing. Whoâd have a laugh that sounded like Sunday mornings, and hands that were always warm. Someone who could braid a childâs hair without worrying theyâd pull too hard. Someone kind. Someone permanent.
Not someone like you.
Youâre not sure if he even sees the difference. Youâre not sure if he knows heâs dreaming with his eyes open when he looks at you like that.
But you do.
You just pretend it doesnât mean anything. Because if it doesâif heâs looking at you like he already knows, like heâs already chosenâ
Well.
Youâre not ready for that kind of fallout.
Not yet.
.
The worstâby farâis the petting zoo in Nebraska.
Youâre there under completely fabricated cover identities. Something about an eco-terrorist cell operating out of an adjacent farm-to-table cheese shop. Youâve both got sunglasses and fake names and those little earwig communicators that make you feel like youâre in Mission Impossible. Youâre trying to be inconspicuous.
But then you pass the small animal enclosure.
Thereâs a toddler up ahead, perched on her dadâs shoulders like a giggling parrot. She squealsâdelightedâat the sight of the baby goats, then gets lowered gently down so she can feed them through the fence. Her little fingers curl around the bars, one of the goats licks her hand, and she lets out a laugh so pure and shrill and untouched by the horrors of modern living that it actually makes your chest hurt.
You donât even register it at firstâjust the absence of footsteps beside you. Then you glance back.
Heâs standing there, completely still, like heâs been struck by divine intervention. Like that baby goat and that toddler just rewired something deep in his old brain. His expression is unguarded in a way that makes your stomach tilt. Soft and stunned.
He doesn't even pretend to be focused on the mission anymore.
And thenâthenâhe turns to you. The most serious he's ever been. Eyes locked on yours.
âDo you think ours would like goats?â
You nearly choke on your lemonade. Actually choke. You cough once, twice, like your lungs are trying to escape your body. âWhat?â
And itâs not just the questionâitâs the way he says it. Our kid. Not flippant. Not ironic. Not followed by a wink or a smirk or even a shy smile. Just fact.Â
âI said,â he repeats, casually, clearly, like itâs the most normal thing in the world, âhypothetically, would our kid be into goats.â
You just stare at him. Youâve stopped trying to be cool about this. The number of times heâs said our baby with absolute, unsettling conviction has reached what can only be described as a statistically significant trend.
âI donât know, Bucky,â you say, rubbing your temples. âI think most hypothetical babies are goat neutral until proven otherwise.â
He hums. Actually hums, like heâs storing that away. âMakes sense. We'll have to test it early. Build a baseline.â
âStop,â you say, pointing a finger at him like that might restore order to the universe. âYouâre not serious.â
His eyes flick to yours. And thereâs no twinkle there. No smile. Just this steady, almost stubborn kind of affectionâso open it knocks the wind out of you.
"You said Iâd be good at it,â he says, voice low, so only you can hear. âThe whole dad thing.â
You open your mouth. Then close it. Then open it again like a very confused fish. Because you remember saying it. You remember the patio, the way the baby curled into his chest. The kitchen, the risotto, the late hour and the way heâd talked about braiding Rebeccaâs hair. You remember the quiet ache in your chest, the one thatâs back now, curling tighter.
And you donât know what the hell to say. You really donât. Because heâs looking at you like heâs already imagined the whole damn life and decided it was worth every scar. Like heâs already picked out the parts of himself he wants to give a kidâthe kindness, the patience, the rebuilt softnessâand buried the rest.
So you make a joke. Mask it. Swallow the quake in your throat and reach for levity like itâs body armor.
âWell, if the goat thing doesnât work out, we can always try hamsters,â you say. âLow stakes. Contained mess. Give Yelena's little guy a friend.â
The goat bleats behind you. Bucky doesnât flinch. Just watches you like he's still waiting for an answerâa real answerâthat you're not sure how to give.
You move on.
.
It finally breaks in a Target.
Of course it does.
Youâre on a supply run for the team. Technically, this is all mission prep and there's assistants for things like thisâmed supplies, energy bars, razors, weird thermal socks Yelena swears byâbut somehow, somewhere between the bottled water and the electrolyte tablets, you and Bucky wander into the wrong aisle.
Not wrong like âaccidental.â Wrong like fateâs playing dirty.
Now youâre standing in front of an endcap display you definitely didnât mean to find, and there it is. Tucked between pastel swaddles and soft-textured washcloths, like a landmine in the wrong aisleâa tiny cotton baby hat, pale blue with little stitched ears.
Itâs nothing. Just a hat.
But Buckyâs staring at it like it cracked his ribs open.
âHey,â you murmur, stepping closer. âYou okay?â
He doesnât answer.
Just reaches out and picks it up. Turns it over in his hands slowly, like itâs something fragile. Like it might vanish if he isnât cautious enough. His thumb brushes over the tag. He squints at it like heâs trying to make sense of the fibers. His jawâs set hard, but thereâs something in the line of his shouldersâsomething tired.
âBucky,â you say again, gentler this time.
He doesnât look at you. âDid you know their heads are soft?â His voice is quiet. âBabies. Their skulls donât even come together for a while. You have to be real careful.â
You blink. âHave you⊠been reading about this?â
He swallows, shrugs. âI don't know. I justâI see stuff. I look it up.â He sets the hat down too fast. It doesnât bounce. It just flattens there on the shelf like itâs watching him back.
You donât speak. Neither does he. You just stand there for a second, like the airâs been drained from the aisle.
Thereâs a baby crying somewhere in another aisleâhigh-pitched and sputtering. A lull, then a hiccuping wail. A mother murmurs something gentle in response. The sound floats over the shelves and then disappears.
Eventually, you both walk.
Wordless. Past rows of seasonal candy wrapped in rustling orange plastic. Discount school supplies. Travel-sized deodorant and decorative lint rollers. Your cart is still half full, but you donât look at it. Your eyes keep tracking him instead. His steps are slower than usual, like each one is being dragged out of him. His shoulders slope in that particular way youâve started to recognizeâlike heâs still holding that hat in his mind, apprehensive and afraid.
The automatic doors swish open and spill you into the afternoon like youâve been exiled.
Outside, the parking lotâs too bright. The sun glares off windshields and the pavement radiates that late-summer kind of heatâbaked rubber and exhaust fumes and burnt asphalt. A shopping cart wheel squeals in the distance, sharp and whiny. The plastic Target bags crackle like theyâre judging you.
You lean against the car. Itâs hot through your shirt. The silence settles againâheavier now. Thicker. Like itâs pressing into your ribcage and asking for something neither of you are sure youâre ready to give.
You look at him. Not just glanceâlook.
Heâs standing with his back half-turned, metal hand flexing and unflexing at his side, like heâs trying to let something out but doesnât trust whatâll happen if he does. His vibranium arm glints in the sunlightâcharcoal black veined with gold, all matte finish and unforgiving elegance. It doesnât belong here, not really. Not in this mundane little parking lot, not against a backdrop of SUVs and clearance bins.
But neither does he.
You let the silence stretch a little longer. Let the heat sweat on your back, the wind tousle your hair, the tension between you wind tighter like thread pulled taut.
Then, finally, like youâre testing a live wire. âWhatâre you thinking about?â
He breathes in slow. Shaky.
And then, finally, he speaksâvoice soft, too soft for someone built to survive war. âDo you have any guesses?â
Thatâs new.
You blink. Look down at your shoes. Your reflection warps in the car door.
âI donât want to guess wrong,â you say. Even though you know fully well.
He huffs something between a sigh and a laugh. Itâs not bitter. Just⊠tired. Then he gestures loosely, not at anything in particular. Just out. Broadly. Helplessly.
âWe keep running into this,â he says, quieter now. âNot just here. Everywhere. At the grocery store. On recon. That billboard downtown with the giggling baby and the diaper brand weâll never have enough time to run and grab from the store. That kid last week with the tiny shoes, remember that one?â
You do. You remember too well.
âThere was this moment,â he continues, voice cracking, not looking at you yet, âwhen I saw that kidâand I thought, heâs going to walk into your arms someday. And I realizedâI already want that."
Heâs pacing now, one hand on his hip, the other dragging through his hair like heâs trying to pull something out of his skull. The sleeve of his hoodie is shoved up to the elbow. His dog tags are visible. His metal hand flexes open and closed like he needs something to grab onto.
âI just couldn't stop thinking about it.â He laughs, breathless and small. âWhich is stupid, right? I meanâlook at me. Who the hell am I to want something like that?â
âBuckyâŠâ You trail off. Because he deserves it. He deserved all of it and you want to give him everything.
âBut this? You?â he says again, shaking his head like he still canât believe he has to say it out loud. âThis isnât hollow. This is wanting. Real wanting. Not some half-dead echo of need or distraction orâGodâforgiveness. I donât want you because I think youâre gonna fix something in me. Or because I think thisâll be easy. I want you because itâs you.â
His eyes find yours againâsteady, burning.
âBecause when I think about a future without you in it, it feels wrong. Like my bones know it. Like every damn instinct Iâve got wants to drag me back to wherever you are and justâstay.â
Your throat tightens. He presses on.
âAnd donât get it twistedâI see you. I see the way you move through missions. The way you think six steps ahead, the way you take hits like theyâre nothing and still check on everyone else first. Youâre not some fragile thing I wanna put behind glass. Youâre steel. Youâre tougher than half the people Iâve fought beside. You donât need anyone. Hell, you donât need me.â
He steps forward. Lowers his voice.
âBut I want to be needed by you. I want to be the guy who gets to hold you when the worldâs too loud. I want us. A home. A babyâmaybe two. One of âem likes goats. I don't know. Maybe we argue about preschool names and you yell at me for lettinâ them eat cereal off the floor. You're the person I want to be a disaster in front of at 3 a.m. because our hypothetical child wonât sleep unless you sing that dumb Fleetwood Mac songââÂ
âFleetwood Mac isnât dumb.âÂ
âSee? Thatâs exactly the tone youâd use,â he says, as if that proves a point.Â
You blink hard. Your chest aches in that quiet, painful way reserved for things that are almost too good to believe.
âAnd Iâve been trying to be subtle,â he says, a rough laugh in his throat. âPointing at strollers like a moron. Buying those damn pouches with the resealable caps. I kept hopinâ maybe youâd see it. Maybe youâd say somethinâ first. I didnât wanna scare you off. I know what weâve been through. What youâve been through.â
He looks down for a second, then back at youâgentle now, gentler than youâve ever seen him.
âBut Iâll wait. As long as you need. Iâm not going anywhere. And if youâre scared? Good. Me too. Means weâre not makinâ this decision with our eyes closed. But donât pretend itâs not real. Donât tell me Iâm imagining this, because I know what this feels like. Iâve spent too long not feeling anything to mistake this for anything else.â
His vibranium hand curls into a loose fist at his side. Not clenched. Just steady. Anchored.
âI want this. With you. All of it. Even the hard parts. Especially those. I want the missions and the night shifts and the baby who wonât stop crying and the mess and the fear and the way you look at me like I might still be good. I want all of that, and I want it with you.â
And there it is againâthat feeling like your ribs are about to crack open from the pressure of it all. From the weight of being seen this clearly. This completely.
You step closer, close enough now that the heat from him leaks into your skin. You stare up at him, eyes burning.
âYou really want all that with me?â
He nods. âMore than Iâve ever wanted anything.â
âAnd youâre really not afraid Iâll mess it up?â
His smile is small, painedâlike heâs trying to hold it together with fraying thread. âYouâll mess it up. So will I. Weâll accidentally teach them to swear. Maybe we let Alexei babysit and they come back speaking fluent Russian and craving vodka. Iâll still want you. Even when weâre sleep-deprived and overwhelmed and knee-deep in goldfish crackers. Especially then.â
Your voice cracks open without warning. Raw. Bare.
âBuckyâwhat the hell am I supposed to say to top that?â
âYou donât have to say anything,â he says softly, hand cupping your cheek with the kind of conviction that makes your knees go weak. âJust⊠donât walk away. DonâtâGod, pleaseâdonât say no. Not to this. Not to me.â
You nuzzle closer into his hand. Your voice, when it comes, is paper thin. âYou really think Iâd say no to goat-loving, minivan driving Bucky Barnes?â
His mouth twitches. âYou making fun of me?â
You smile. Youâre shaking a little. âOnly a little.â
He laughs, and itâs a real oneâwet around the edges, but honest.
And thatâGod. That lands like a sucker punch.
You take a breath. Step closer. Your heart is a drumbeat in your ears but your voiceâyour voice is iron and sunrise. âOkay. Letâs say, hypothetically, we make our first one now. What then?â
Buckyâs entire body stills.
Like heâs been hit center massânot by a bullet, but by possibility. Like your words cracked open a vault somewhere deep in him and heâs still trying to process what came out. His breath hitches. His brows lift just slightly. You can almost see itâeach implication of what you just said unfurling in real time: first one, meaning more than one. Meaning permanence. Meaning forever.
His eyes go wideâlike, really wide. Like heâs just been handed the Infinity Gauntlet and told to babysit it. His mouth opens, then closes again. Then opens. A soft, stunned âNow?â escapes.
You nod, never been more sure of anything in your life. âYes. Now.â
And itâs like a switch flips. Whatever gears were turning in his head just snap into place, and then heâs grabbing youâgently, desperatelyâand kissing you like he hasn't kissed you thousands of times before. Itâs all hands and breath and something that tastes like joy, wild and uncontainable. You laugh into it, half-giddy, half-overwhelmed, and then someone leans out of a passing minivan and honks.
You both jump. Bucky flips the guy off without looking. âKeep driving, asshole!â
Youâre laughing so hard your ribs hurt, and you have to clutch his arm just to stay upright. He looks at you like youâve personally realigned his entire future.
Then itâs a race. You barely make it through the parking lot without tripping over yourselves, bumping shoulders and brushing hands and laughing like lunatics. Bucky opens the car door for you like heâs being timed for a rescue op, and the moment your ass hits the passenger seat, his hand is on your thighâfirm, possessive, fingers warm even through the denim.
He doesnât even pretend to drive normally. The car peels out like youâre being chased, tires screeching as he swerves onto the freeway with all the caution of a man on fire.
His other hand clenches the wheel, knuckles pale. âYou sure youâre not gonna regret it?â he asks, voice low, like itâs been scraped out of him. Like heâs terrified this is a dream and one wrong word will wake him up.
You glance over. Heâs flushed down to his collar, eyes flicking from the road to your face and back like he canât decide which is more dangerous. Youâre smiling so wide it hurts your cheeks.
âIf you keep asking questions like that,â you murmur, âI might pull you over and climb on top of you right here.â
He chokes. Visibly swerves. âYouâyouâre not joking.â
âI am, Bucky. We're at a fucking Target.â
He lets out a groan like it physically pains him. âYouâre evil.â
You lean your head back against the seat, breathless with laughter. But then you glance sideways andâyeah. That look on his face? Thatâs love. Thatâs a man about to commit several felonies in your name.
âIâm gonna treat you so fuckinâ good,â he mutters, almost to himself. âGonna make you feel safe and spoiled and full of me. Gonna worship you every damn night. You donât even know.â
âOh, I know,â you say, suddenly a little breathless. His grip on your thigh tightens, just for a second.
His foot presses harder on the gas.
The car hums like itâs picking up on the tension. Buckyâs jaw is set, eyes dark, every red light a personal affront to his timeline. At one point he actually mutters ânoâ at a yellow light and runs it anyway. Another person flips both of you off until they squint and see who's in the car. Bucky doesnât blink.
When the Watchtower finally comes into view, he exhales like heâs just crossed a finish line. The tires screech again as he parks, but you barely register it. Because the second the engine cuts, he turns to you, all flushed cheeks and unholy devotion, and whispers, âUpstairs. Now.â
And thenâ
He lifts you like itâs muscle memory, like your body belongs there, bracketed against him. Your legs wrap around his waist. Somehow, some way, he finds the bedroom with barely a glance, kicks the door shut behind him, and lays you down like youâre breakable.
Not fragile. Important.
He hovers above you for a beat, breath uneven, gaze raking over your face like itâs the first time heâs really let himself look. Like heâs memorizing thisâjust in case the world tilts sideways again.
He bends down, his voice rasping against your mouth. âYou still sure about this?â
You pull him back to you by the waistband of his jeans. âI said I wanted all of it. The house. The minivans. The goats. I meant it.â
Something in him loosens. Not all the way, not yetâbut enough to soften his edges. He exhales through his nose and kisses you like itâs a vow, mouth warm and open and aching. His hands find your thighs, settle there like theyâve always known the shape of you. Thumbs brushing slow circles like heâs grounding himself on your skin.
You kiss him back with everything youâve got, fingers fisting in the fabric of his shirtâand when you tug, itâs not subtle.
And you tug at his shirt again. âBuckyââ
âNo, justâlet meââ He peels it off over his head in one fluid motion, and fuck. Youâve seen him shirtless before. Dozens of times. Training sessions. Medical checks. Casual Sundays in sweatpants.
But not with the full breadth of him laid bare, chest heaving, dog tags glinting faintly in the low light. Thick, ropey muscle, that deep ridge where his hip cuts in and disappears under the waistband of his jeans. Heâs massive. Bigger than you can ever brace for. Every inch of him looks carved from the kind of strength that short-circuits your higher brain function.
And it hits you, all at once, how strong he really is.
Not just tactical, not just capableâbut superhuman. The kind of strength that could lift a car or crush a manâs throat or pick you up like you weigh nothing. Youâve felt it beforeâin combat, in sparring, in those accidental brushes where heâd catch your wrist or hoist you clear of an explosion.
Youâre trying to keep it togetherâyou areâbut then he grins. That slow, crooked, devastating thing like he knows exactly what heâs doing to you. âYouâre staring,â he murmurs, voice gone husky with amusement.
You shoot back, âSo are you.â
âYeah,â he says, and steps in, close enough that his chest brushes yours, heat radiating off him like a furnace. âDifference is, Iâm about to do something about it.â
Your mouth goes dry. Your brain attempts a witty reply and fails spectacularly. So you shove at his shoulder with mock offense, and he grabs your wristsâgently, easilyâand pins them to the mattress above your head.
Oh.
Itâs nothing. No pressure, no real force. But it reminds you. Reminds you exactly what heâs capable of. How easily he could break you. How he never has.
âCould hold you like this forever,â he murmurs. âYouâd let me, wouldnât you?â
You squirm beneath him, flushed and wrecked and undone.
âYouâre so goddamn beautiful,â he breathes, dragging his nose down your throat. âI could carry you around all day. Pick you up, fuck you against a wall, against a table, hell, the fridge, if I wanted.â
You gasp, and his grip tightensâjust enough to feel it.
"I need to get you ready first," He pulls back slightly, meets your eyes. âThat okay?â
You nod. Hard. âYes. Fuck, yes.â
His stubble rubs along your neck, your collarbones, until he pauses at your chest, nuzzling one of your nipples with his eyes closed. His tongue darts out, sucking and pulling at the sensitive muscle, more for his sake than for yours.Â
There's a graze of his teethâthen, his other hand comes to meet your other breast, ever the multi-tasker. He murmurs your name, once, twice, the sound vibrating low against your skin.
You don't know how long he stays like that, in that blissful purgatory, his leg, between your legs, just barely giving you the stimulation you need, until his mouth, his beautiful, beautiful mouth, gets faster, more greedy, and the leg you're grinding against pushes deeper against youâ
"Come for me, sweetheart."
It's like fucking fireworks. You cum with a groan, eyes closed shut, whining low and deep and overwhelmed.
When you come to, vision returning to you in hazes, you look at him through fluttering lashes, the way he strokes his cock in front of you. Painfully hard, red, and weeping, but it's his words that make you short-circuit next.
âYouâre gonna let me put a baby in you, huh?â
Your breath catches.
He kisses you before you can answerâdeep and consuming and hungryâand when he pulls back, thereâs a look in his eyes youâve never seen before. Something molten. Something fierce.
âBeen thinkinâ about something else too,â he confesses, dragging his mouth along your jaw. âYou, round with my kid. All soft and happy. Maybe bossinâ me around with that look you get when youâre pretending not to care.â
The words stickâand it's all the warning you get before he's slotting his cock in between your cunt, slipping inside of you.
His hand settles on your stomach, low and possessive. He presses his palm there like heâs already claiming it. Like heâs asking permission to fill it. You can feel it, the pressure delicious, as his thrusts get messier, less controlled. The room's filled with the sound of it, groaning and snapping and skin slapping together.
âIâll be good,â he says, voice cracking. âIâll be so good. Youâll never have to lift a finger. Iâll make breakfast. Iâll learn lullabies. Iâll paint the damn nursery if you want me to.â
You moan, high and helpless. âKeep talking.â
He thrustsâdeep, slow, intentional. âIâll hold your hand through the appointments. Rub your back when it hurts. Run to the store at 3 a.m. for pickles, or chocolate, or whatever the hell you needââ
Then, his handâthe metal oneâmoves between you, lower and lower until his thumb's hovering right over your clit, pinching and squeezing and rolling it, and you have to fight every cell inside of you not to cum right then and there, even while he's looking at you and saying everything so, so goddamn perfectly.
You clench around him, once, twice, like a vice grip that's desperate for him to feel just the way he makes you feel.
âJesus,â he breathes. âYouâre soâfuck, I just wannaââ He shakes his head, then mutters against your collarbone, âDon't do that, not yet, I'll cum."
âYou say that like itâs a bad thing,â you whisper. "I just wannaâoh godâshow you how thankful I am."
His hips rock against yours.Â
âYou wanna thank me?â he pants, jaw trembling as he fights to hold on. âThen do it with an ultrasound. Let me hear it. Let me see it.â
You whimper, wrecked by the words alone.
âSay it,â he demands, but softer now. Frantic and obsessed. âTell me you want it too. Tell me you want to keep me forever.â
âI do,â you gasp. âI doâGod, Bucky, I doââ
Then he shifts, pushing himself deeper inside, and one brutal thrust later, raking his hands across your abdomen, you gasp. Shuddering, shaking like a leaf, finishing in his arms so hard that you nearly twist out of his grasp.
Seconds later, Bucky spills into you, and you can feel the precise moment he throbs inside you, warmth filling you up, up, up, and you can fill the drip of his cum spilling out from the sheer volume of it. You've never felt so full.
When you try to get up, he stops you with a gentle pull against your waist. He buries his face in your neck. âNeed you to stay still,â he growls, words slurred, âmake sure it takes.â
And who were you to say no to that?
You're tangled up in him, hours later. Or maybe minutes. Timeâs a blur. The sheets are kicked halfway down the bed, your leg slung over his hip, the air still thick with heat and something heavier. Sweeter. Like gravity finally decided to show up and drag you straight into the future.
Buckyâs arm is around your waist, metal plates cool against your damp skin, the weight of him grounding. Heâs curled slightly, head bowed like he canât stop looking at you. His fingers draw mindless, absent circles on your bellyâlike the thought never left him. Like itâs only just beginning.
Neither of you says anything for a long time.
And then, quietly, âYou okay?â
You nod, not trusting your voice. Your heartâs still hammering like a warning bell and a love song. âYou?â
He huffs a laugh into your shoulder. Presses a kiss there. Then another, softer. His voice is hoarse when he finally answers. âIâve never been this okay.â
Thereâs a pause. You donât fill it. You just watch as his thumb drags slow and soft across your stomach again, like heâs memorizing the shape of possibility.
âI can see it,â he murmurs. âNot just a kid. Our kid. One that frowns like you and kicks like me. One whoâs smart, and stubborn, and throws food at Walker's head during holidays.â
You snort softly. âYou think weâd raise a kid that obnoxious?â
His grin is lazy and real, eyes bright with something so big it makes your chest ache. âI hope so.â
You stare at the ceiling for a beat. Let the words sink in. Let the idea grow legs.
Then you roll closer, press your palm over the hand thatâs still stroking your belly.
You whisper it this time. Fragile. Hopeful. âYou think thisâll do it?â
Bucky shuddersâactually shuddersâand shifts to kiss your jaw, your cheek, your mouth like itâs a prayer.
âSweetheart,â he says, low and wrecked, âIâll do it again. And again. All night, if thatâs what it takes.â
‷ âĄËË Â Ä±l. synopsis. âĄËË when draco is cursed by harry in the bathroom, he loses more than just his blood. with his memory messy and having reverted to his old, spoiled self, you are forced to endure as malfoy returns to hating you. secret relationships just got a less popular.Â
ıl. content warning. angst with potential comfort, unspoken breakup, malfoy being malfoy
You donât hear it all at once. It comes in fragments, in passing whispers that you almost ignore until one name pulls everything into focus.
ââSectumsempraââ
ââblood everywhereââ
ââMalfoyâs in the hospital wingââ
ââsomething wrong with his memoryââ
Your heart drops so violently it feels like youâve missed a step on a staircase, and before youâve even processed the rest, youâre already moving, pushing past people in the corridor, ignoring the annoyed looks and muttered complaints. None of it matters. Only one thing does.
Draco.
By the time you reach the hospital wing, your breathing is uneven and your hands are trembling, though youâre not sure whether itâs from the running or the fear clawing its way up your throat. You slow just before entering, instinctively, as if part of you already knows that whatever waits inside will change everything.
Madam Pomfreyâs voice reaches you before you see her, low and tense in a way youâve never heard before. âThe physical wounds are healing well, but the spell, combined with the shock, has affected his mind. Memory loss is not uncommon in cases like this, but I cannot say how extensive it is or whether it will return fully.â
You feel cold all at once.
ââŠhe may not remember certain people,â she continues, and something inside you fractures quietly, irreversibly.
You donât wait to hear more. You step inside.
Heâs lying there, pale even by his standards, bandages stark against his skin, his hair slightly dishevelled in a way that would have annoyed him before. For a moment, relief floods you simply because heâs alive, because heâs breathing, because heâs still here. You move closer without thinking, drawn to him in that way you always have been, your fingers lifting as if to take his hand.
âDonât.â
The word is sharp enough to make you flinch, you freeze. His eyes are open, fixed on you with a cold, assessing look that you havenât seen in months, not since before everything between you changed.
âWho are you?â he asks, his voice flat, almost irritated.
It shouldnât hurt this much. You knew, you heard what Pomfrey said, you prepared yourself as much as anyone could, but nothing prepares you for the complete absence of recognition in his gaze.
âItâs me,â you say, and even to your own ears, your voice sounds fragile.
His frown deepens, and when you instinctively reach again, he pulls his hand away as if your touch is something unpleasant. âThat doesnât answer the question.â
Your throat tightens. You want to say itâyou want to tell him everything, remind him, force the truth back into placeâbut the way heâs looking at you makes the words die before they can form.
âIâm just someone from school,â you manage instead.
He studies you for a moment longer, something flickering behind his eyes, and for a split second, you thinkâhopeâthat something might surface.
But then his expression shifts into something all too familiar.
âRight,â he says slowly. âYouâre that half-blood.â
It feels like being struck.
You donât remember leaving the hospital wing, only that youâre suddenly in the corridor again, the noise of students washing over you as if nothing has changed, as if your world hasnât just tilted off its axis.
The days that follow are worse in a quieter way.
You donât go back to see him. You tell yourself itâs because he needs time, because forcing yourself into his life when he doesnât remember you would only make things harder, but the truth is simpler and far more painful: you canât bear the way he looked at you.
Still, you hear about him constantly. You canât escape it.
âHeâs basically the same as before,â someone says near you in the Great Hall.
âHonestly, itâs like the past year never happened,â another adds.
âHe called a Hufflepuff girl âfilthyâ yesterday, proper Malfoy again.â
You sit there, staring down at your untouched plate, the words echoing in your mind.
Proper Malfoy.
As if the version of him who laughed with you in quiet corners, who hesitated before taking your hand in public but did it anyway, who whispered confessions into your hair late at nightâthat version had never really existed. The first time he directs it at you, you think youâre prepared; spoiler alert, you're not !
You nearly walk into him in the corridor, your thoughts too loud, your awareness too dulled, and you step back quickly. âSorry.â
He looks at you with that same detached irritation. âWatch where youâre going.â
Thereâs a momentâa small, fragile pauseâwhere something in his gaze lingers, like recognition trying to break through.
Then it vanishes.
âHonestly,â he mutters, his lip curling slightly, âyouâd think half-bloods would at least try not to be completely insufferable.â
The words are precise, practiced, like theyâve been worn smooth from repetition.
You nod once, because anything else might break you open right there in the hallway. âRight.â
And you walk away.
He doesnât see the way your hands shake, but something unsettles him all the same. He canât name it, only that thereâs a strange, unwelcome tightness in his chest that lingers long after youâve gone.
Sleep becomes something distant, something you canât quite reach no matter how exhausted you feel. Every time you close your eyes, memories press in too close, too vivid: his voice softer than anyone else ever hears it; the careful way he used to hold you; the quiet confession he once made like it cost him everything: âI donât believe any of it when Iâm with you.â Now he does. And he doesnât even know what heâs lost.
Itâs what drives you to the Astronomy Tower, night after night, because itâs the only place that feels far enough away from everything else, from everyone who looks at you like youâre imagining things when you say he used to be different.
You sit on the cold stone, pulling your knees in, pressing your sleeve against your mouth to muffle the sound as your composure finally cracks. You try to be quiet, as if that might make it hurt less, but the tears come anyway, slow and steady.
You donât hear the door open behind you.
Draco doesnât expect anyone to be there. The tower has always been his place, even if he canât fully explain why, just that something about it feels familiar, grounding.
So when he sees you there, curled in on yourself, shoulders trembling, something inside him shifts uncomfortably.
ââŠWhatâs wrong, half-breed?â he asks, the insult automatic, a shield he doesnât even realise heâs using.
You go still before slowly straightening, wiping at your face as you stand. When you turn, your expression is composed, almost cold, but your eyes betray you.
âNothing, Malfoy.â
Your voice is distant, stripped of anything soft, and the absence of it unsettles him more than your tears did.
You brush past him, your shoulder knocking lightly against his. âMove.â
He does, almost instinctively, and you disappear down the staircase without another word.
He remains where he is, staring at the space you left behind, a strange, unfamiliar ache settling in his chest.
That wasnât right.
None of that felt right.
The feeling doesnât go away.
If anything, it worsens.
He starts noticing you without meaning to, drawn to you in ways that irritate him because they make no sense. He watches you laugh with others and feels something sharp twist inside him, hears your voice across a room and finds himself listening for it without understanding why.
And every time he says something cruel, every time he leans into the version of himself that feels expected, something in him recoils afterward, leaving behind a hollow discomfort he canât shake.
It comes in flashes, too brief to graspâlaughter that doesnât feel mocking, a voice that sounds like yours but softer, closer, saying his name like it matters. The images vanish before he can fully see them, leaving only the impression that they were important.
That heâs missing something.
That heâs missing someone.
When he finds you at the Astronomy Tower again, it feels inevitable.
You donât turn this time when he approaches, as if youâve already decided he isnât worth acknowledging.
âWhy do you keep coming here?â he asks, though the question feels strange even as he says it, as if heâs intruding on something that used to belong to both of you.
âItâs none of your business,â you reply quietly.
He steps closer despite himself. âYouâre crying again.â
âIâm not.â
âYou are.â
You let out a hollow laugh, shaking your head slightly. âBrilliant observation.â
Something in your toneâflat, tired, devoid of anything that once might have been warmthâgrates against him.
âDid someoneââ
âStop,â you cut in, turning sharply to face him. âJust stop pretending like you care.â
The accusation lands harder than he expects, and he falters. âI donâtââ
âExactly,â you say, your voice cracking despite your effort to keep it steady. âYou donât.â
Silence falls between you, heavy and suffocating.
âYou used to,â you whisper before you can stop yourself.
He stiffens. ââŠWhat?â
You shake your head, already regretting it. âForget it.â
âNo,â he says, more firmly now, stepping closer. âYou donât get to say that and then walk away. What did you mean?â
You let out a shaky breath, the fight draining out of you all at once. âWe were together.â
The words hang there, impossible to take back.
He stares at you, disbelief etched into every line of his face. âThatâs not possible.â
âBecause Iâm a half-blood?â you ask quietly.
He doesnât answer, and the silence is louder than any insult.
You nod once, tears slipping free. âRight.â
You turn to leave, needing distance before you break completely, but this time his hand closes around your wrist, stopping you.
The touch is hesitant, almost unsure, as if even he doesnât fully understand why heâs doing it.
âI donât understand,â he says, his voice lower now, stripped of its earlier sharpness.
âJoin the club.â
âNo,â he insists, his grip tightening just slightly. âI mean⊠I donât understand why this feels like Iâm losing something I donât even remember having.â
Your breath catches.
âBecause you are,â you whisper.
He goes still, something shifting behind his eyes as another fragment surfaces; your hand in his, your head resting against his shoulder, a quiet moment that feels more real than anything else he can recall.
âI donât remember you,â he admits, the words rough.
âI know.â
âBut I remember⊠how it felt,â he continues, his gaze searching yours. âOr at least...something like it.â
Your chest aches. âThatâs not the same.â
âNo,â he agrees softly. âIt isnât.â
Thereâs a pause, fragile and uncertain, before he lifts his free hand and hesitates, as if asking permission without words, before brushing a tear from your cheek.
The touch is gentle, instinctive.
Familiar.
âI want to,â he says quietly. âI want to remember. Or⊠feel it again.â He said it such a childlike voice, unsure and hesitant to rebel against his pureblooded beliefs for the second time.
Your heart stutters painfully at that.
âYou hurt me,â you whisper.
âI know.â
âYou forgot me.â
âI didnât choose to.â
âThat doesnât make it easier.â
âI know,â he says again, but this time it doesnât feel empty. It feels like something he means, even if he doesnât fully understand why.
You donât realise how close youâve moved until thereâs barely any space left between you, the tension thick, fragile, ready to shatter.
âI donât remember loving you,â he says, his voice barely above a breath.
"But I think I still do,â he adds.
Everything in you stills. The kiss that follows is hesitant, uncertain, like stepping onto unfamiliar ground that somehow feels known all the same. Itâs not the same as before (you can feel that)b ut thereâs something there, something real, something that lingers even as memory fails.
When he pulls back, his forehead rests lightly against yours, his breath unsteady.
âIâm sorry,â he murmurs.
You close your eyes, letting the words settle.
âI know.â
And for the first time since you heard his name whispered in the corridor...it doesnât feel like the end.