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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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Janaina Medeiros
DEAR READER
Show & Tell
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@roguevaxildan
who wore it better

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Any story which refers to Haiti as an impoverished nation, which is all of them, should also mention that when Haitians won their independence from France, French gunships showed up and demanded they pay something like 22 billion dollars in todayâs money to compensate France for the stolen land and enslaved people they could no longer exploit
It took Haiti over a hundred years to pay that ransom and itâs difficult to explain just how badly that fucked up their entire development, especially since France also demanded a 50% discount on everything they bought from Haiti just to make it harder. Like! No wonder theyâre impoverished!
Anyway if France would like to assist Haiti in its current difficulties they could always pay back the fucking money they extorted
hello all.. so sorry to bother you on this sunday but iâm in a bit of a pickle, as it were. my momâs car has been damaged and as she currently unemployed due to her health, iâm footing the bill. (actually, my sister busted her tire and rim bc sheâs a hot fucking mess and also unemployed and deeply unreliable and blew all her money on weed). between the tire, rim, and repair costs iâm looking at about a $500 tag on top of the rent i pay virtually by myself anyways. (and yes they all live with me, so like thats great).Â
if anyoneâs willing to help, iâd be more than grateful.Â
cashapp - $patrocles / venmo - patrocles Â
update:
people have donated which has been INCREDIBLY helpful!! the car has been repaired and i have gotten paid, but iâm unfortunately a few hundred short on rent as a result
plus iâm based in rural florida and we apparently have a hurricane coming (which i jusr found out today) and i really really need to buy supplies (literally when it rains it pours đ)
again, anything is greatly appreciated even if its just a signal boost!!
hello all.. so sorry to bother you on this sunday but iâm in a bit of a pickle, as it were. my momâs car has been damaged and as she currently unemployed due to her health, iâm footing the bill. (actually, my sister busted her tire and rim bc sheâs a hot fucking mess and also unemployed and deeply unreliable and blew all her money on weed). between the tire, rim, and repair costs iâm looking at about a $500 tag on top of the rent i pay virtually by myself anyways. (and yes they all live with me, so like thats great).Â
if anyoneâs willing to help, iâd be more than grateful.Â
cashapp - $patrocles / venmo - patrocles Â
Coworker: nice day out huh?
Me, who watched a 2hr documentary about the Hindenburg disaster the night before and is desperately trying to share the information i learned: yeah, a real nice day, not at all like May 6, 1937 in Germany.

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So I've taken the plunge and started watching The Terror, because I kept dreaming about talking to Edward Little despite having only ever seen gifs of him on this hellsite. And listen, he's cute, but Harry fucking Goodsir deserves every nice thing in this world and that's that on that.
Heath Ledger as William Thatcher, A Knightâs Tale (2001) Dir. Brian Helgeland
the fallen jedi statue on jedha in rogue one
âAll we have are our instincts and our training.â
New discoveries from HMS Erebus
EPAULETTES â This pair of epaulettes was discovered in its box, within what is believed to be the 3rd Lieutenantâs Cabin, on the lower deck. The solid upper part of each epaulette, called the bonnet, is made of twisted gold plated silver wires over sheet metal. Fringe-like gold bullions are attached to the sides. Epaulettes were part of a British Royal Navy officerâs dress uniform, worn over the shoulders of a coat so that the fringe-like bullions dangle downwards. These epaulettes are specific to the rank of lieutenant. These epaulettes may have been those of 3rd Lieutenant James Walter Fairholme of HMS Erebus.
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âThe men you asked for are assembled, sir.â
âMy name is Number Two. You know why? Because our father couldnât be bothered to give us actual names. He had Mom do it.â
the terror + the moment they step from a high adventure story to a horror story
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(conât.) Each ship housed hundreds of men; Grundy, like his fellow-convicts, lived with fifty other inmates in a crowded cell. The work was backbreaking, and the conditions brutal. Shortly after Grundyâs arrival, yellow fever swept across the island, and he watched in terror as more than a hundred other prisoners died. Grundy spent six and a half years in Bermuda; when he returned home, to London, he summarized his experience, in a scathing complaint to the Colonial Office, as âthe most soul destroying and hellish ever devised by man.â
In his letter, Grundy charged the prison administration with several counts of mismanagement: gross and inhumane punishments; quartermasters and guards âguilty of drunkenness, debauchery, blasphemy, and theftâ; and the absence of religious and moral instruction for the convicts. He asserted that the surgeon did not care for the sick under his charge, and that guards allowed convicts to work illegally in private businesses off the ship. But the full force of his contempt was reserved for his fellow-prisoners. Midway through his account, he apologized for what he was about to reveal, then described how, on the prison ships, sex between men was not only tolerated but conducted in plain sight. âI am prepared to prove that unnatural crimes and beastly actions are committed on board the Hulks daily,â he wrote. âFor some years Sir I have wished for the opportunity I now have of bringing to light the foul deeds of a Convict Hulk. They are indeed Sir âseminaries of crime.â â
Grundy recounted how, soon after arriving in Bermuda, he saw two men engaged in âfilthy actionâ in the middle of the day. He instantly reported them to officials. The menâSamuel Jones and Burnell Milfordâwere charged with âbeing found in a position âderogatory to the laws of God.â â They were given twenty-four lashes each, and their pay was suspended. âBeing a new prisoner at the time, I thought I should be generally supported,â Grundy wrote. âBut such was not the case.â The convicts retaliated against him. He was ostracized, and some of the men threatened to put him âto sleep.â He also felt unsafe among the prison guardsâwho, he claimed, did not like it that he had exposed the ship to criticism.
What happened between Jones and Milford, Grundy had learned, wasnât an isolated incident: âthe abominable sinâ was practiced âto such an extent,â he wrote, that many of the convicts âboast of it.â He underscored, too, that this wasnât just sex: the men would refer to their relationships as marriages. The practice became so commonplace, according to his account, that âmarriageâ was the rule rather than the exception: âif they are not âmarriedâ as they term it, it is out of the fashion.â In his telling, at least a hundred men aboard the prison ships in Bermuda had same-sex partners whom they considered spouses.
Today, the official archive of gay marriage is still in its infancy: in the United States, June marked the fifth anniversary of the Supreme Courtâs ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges, which provided gay couples with the legal right to marry. That decision, which followed the legalization of same-sex marriage in the U.K., in 2014, was a breathtaking victoryârecognition of a people and culture long unrecognized by the law. But we would do well to remember, too, that queer people considered themselves married long before the state sanctioned it. The convicts on Grundyâs shipâdeprived of basic rights, exiled from their homeland, abused by the officials and guards of the prison administrationâadopted the language of marriage even when the mere act of sex risked brutal punishment.
Historically, court documentsâtypically concerning criminal investigations into sodomyâoffered the most detailed proof of the existence of queer people. But, as the historian Charles Upchurch has argued, in âBefore Wilde: Sex Between Men in Britainâs Age of Reform,â such records provide limited evidence. During the Victorian era, punishment for sex between men would typically have taken place in the family, not the courts, since a public affair would have risked a familyâs reputationâand, besides, having a son or brother in prison would reduce household earnings. Sex between men didnât automatically mean permanent exile or public hanging; most families could hush up such affairs long before the authorities were contacted.
The convicts on the Bermuda hulks, living far from their families, were no longer tethered to these customs. They might have seen, too, how colonial officials took advantage of no longer living under familiar forms of social scrutiny and religious codes; British soldiers and officials raped and enslaved women throughout the Caribbean, establishing a new set of unspoken rules and mores that rarely found its way into the official records. In the colonies, matters of sexuality were all but absent from the recorded bureaucracy.
Grundyâs letter, buried within a thick ledger of Colonial Office records in the British National Archives, is a rare exception. Finding an official document that describes queer sex this early in the nineteenth century is highly unusual. (It wasnât until the end of the nineteenth century, when âhomosexualâ and âheterosexualâ were invented as medical categories, that more written evidence of the existence of what we might call gay communities emerged.) Historians have found examples of people using the terms âmarriage,â âhusband,â âwife,â and âspouseâ to define queer relations in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, and even earlierâJen Manion, in her book âFemale Husbands: A Trans History,â provides invaluable scholarship on the subjectâbut these were usually isolated cases. In February, a researcher at Oxford announced that he had uncovered a farmerâs diary from 1810 espousing tolerance of same-sex attraction. That document articulated the attitude of one man; Grundyâs letter describes in astonishing detail a robust culture of same-sex intimacy, involving dozens of men, that flourished for years.
Coercion, strikingly, is absent from Grundyâs account. This does not mean that sexual violence did not take place on the hulks. Without the voices of the other prisoners, itâs impossible to know definitively. But what seems to enrage Grundy most is the mutual consent of the men he describes. The men aboard the hulks created an entire set of rituals and cultural values, with âmarriageâ not just a word used to justify sex but a term of devotion. When older inmates were given the occasional opportunity to make extra money as shoemakers, cooks, and servants, they often spent their earnings on gifts for their partners. The older men would âstrain every nerve to procure for [their partners] as many of the good things of this worldâ as possible, and they would âincur all sorts of risks for them.â Some men starved themselves so that their partners would âhave plenty,â or saved up for âcanvas shoesâ to replace their partnersâ uncomfortable, prison-issued pairs. They washed their younger partnersâ clothing and competed with one another to prove âwho can support and clothe his boy the best.â
The convictsâ story echoes that of other people in the early nineteenth century who borrowed the language of marriage to describe relationships that the government wouldnât recognize officially. Enslaved people throughout the antebellum South defined themselves as married despite the fact that they were excluded from the legal institution of marriage. In her book âBound in Wedlock: Slave and Free Black Marriage in the Nineteenth Century,â Tera W. Hunter includes an account from Thomas Jones, a formerly enslaved man from North Carolina: âWe called it and we considered it a true marriage, although we knew well that marriage was not permitted to the slaves as a secret right of the loving heart.â
Like the law, history relies on evidence in order to reconstruct the past. Without it, queer people, especially before the late nineteenth century, are mostly absent from the record, their lives rarely seen, their intimacies reduced to speculation. When investigators from the Colonial Office visited Bermuda to make an official inquiry into Grundyâs complaints, they couldnât get anyone to corroborate his accountâwhich is little surprise, given the punishment that would have followed for everyone involved. The allegations were dismissed. According to Grundyâs original letter, the authorities in Bermuda would have been loath to record what was happening on the hulks; silence was more convenient. âThey didnât seem to know anything about it,â he wrote. âBut the truth is, they donât wish to know.â
This wish not to know has rendered much of the story of queer sexuality invisible to historians. But, even with such a limited archive, itâs not difficult, when reading Grundyâs letter, to imagine how marriage might have conferred a sense of humanity and normality on the lives of the convicts, as a way to make meaning of the endless toil and to create a new world among those banished by society. One might even imagine their self-described marriages as assertions of a right to be included in an institution that wouldnât accept them for nearly two centuries.
From here. By Jim Downs, the Gilder Lehrman and N.E.H. professor of Civil War studies at Gettysburg College, is the author of âStand By Me: The Forgotten History of Gay Liberation.â
Thatâs dope
A History Of Black Cowboys And The Myth That The West Was White
Brad Trent, âEllis âMountain Manâ Harris from âThe Federation of Black Cowboysââ series for The Village Voice, 2016
A quick internet search of âAmerican cowboyâ yields a predictable crop of images. Husky men with weathered expressions can be seen galloping on horseback. Theyâre often dressed in denim or plaid, with a bandana tied âround their neck and a cowboy hat perched atop their head. Lassos are likely being swung overhead. And yes, theyâre all white.
Contrary to what the homogenous imagery depicted by Hollywood and history books would lead you to believe, cowboys of color have had a substantial presence on the Western frontier since the 1500s. In fact, the word âcowboyâ is believed by some to have emerged as a derogatory term used to describe Black cowhands.
An ongoing photography exhibition at the Studio Museum in Harlem celebrates the legacy of the âBlack Cowboyâ while chronicling the unlikely places around the country where cowboy culture thrives today. Through their photographs, artists like Brad Trent, Deanna Lawson and Ron Tarver work to retire the persistent myth that equates cowboys with whiteness.
Deana Lawson, âCowboys,â 2014, inkjet print mounted on Sintra, courtesy the artist and Rhona Hoffman Gallery
In the 1870s and â80s, the Village Voice reports, approximately 25 percent of the 35,000 cowboys on the Western Frontier were black. And yet the majority of their legacy has been whitewashed and written over.
One notable example of this erasure manifests in the story of Bass Reeves, a slave in Arkansas in the 19th century who later became a deputy U.S. marshal, known for his ace detective skills and bombastic style. (He often disguised himself in costume to fool felons and passed out silver dollars as a calling card.) Some have speculated that Reeves was the inspiration for the fictional Lone Ranger character.
Most people remain unaware of the black cowboyâs storied, and fundamentally patriotic, past. âWhen I moved to the East Coast, I was amazed that people had never heard of or didnât know there were black cowboys,â photographer Ron Tarver said in an interview with The Duncan Banner. âIt was a story I wanted to tell for a long time.â
Ron Tarver. âLegends,â 1993
In 2013 Tarver set out to document black cowboy culture, in part as a tribute to his grandfather, a cowboy in Oklahoma in the 1940s. âHe worked on a ranch and drove cattle from near Braggs to Catoosa.â Another artist, Brad Trent, shot striking black-and-white portraits of members of the Federation of Black Cowboys in Queens, New York, an organization devoted to telling the true story of black cowboysâ heritage while providing educational opportunities for local youth to learn from the values and traditions of cowboy life.
Kesha Morse, the FBC president, described their mission as using âthe uniqueness of horses as a way to reach inner-city children and expose them to more than what they are exposed to in their communities.â
Trentâs images capture how much has changed for black cowboys, who now dwell not only on the Western Front but on the city streets of New York and in rodeos held in state prisons. Yet certain values of cowboy culture remain intact. For Morse, itâs the importance of patience, kindness and tolerance.
Ron Tarver, âThe Basketball Game,â 1993Â
Brad Trent, âArthur âJ.R.â Fulmore, from âThe Federation of Black Cowboysââ series for The Village Voice, 2016
Ron Tarver, âA Ride by North Philly Rows,â 1993Â
Brad Trent, ââMamaâ Kesha Morse from âThe Federation of Black Cowboysââ series for The Village Voice, 2016
Ron Tarver, âConcrete Canyon,â Harlem, 1993
So much more needs to be said on this topic.