Thinking about the differences between Shane and Ilya’s early careers and I don’t know how it was in Russia, but I can imagine Shane billeting in like fucking Sherbrooke or some shit when he’s 16, far from home but known as the guy who’s gonna get drafted. Like, barring something disastrous, it’s clear. And this is a fucking multi-edged sword for him, because on the one hand, in terms of skill and play, Shane Hollander is the man. However, he is also quiet and not super interested in socializing and, crucially, Asian.
Shane has to deal with chirps about his race all the time. Chirps about his marked lack of body hair compared to his peers, his pretty face, the fact that his mom is so hands on (thinking of one particular phrase here). Shane is constantly feminized because he’s Asian, and it doesn’t help that he’s such a goody two shoes - I mean, fuck, Holly’s kill count is 1 because he’s so committed to his fucking girlfriend. And I think he can get away with that because of his skill. I think his quirks in the name of keeping up his performance saves him a lot of the time, but it wouldn’t protect him from everything. It can’t. Hockey has a very bro-y herd mentality and if you don’t gel with the team you’re out. Which means he has to gel, and at that level that means being one of the boys.
So, while Shane isn’t necessarily hazed as consistently and violently as the rest of the rookies, I think he is hazed, and it is fucked up. And it fucks him up specifically, because he’s starting to heavily suspect (read: in his heart he knows) that he likes guys. And yeah, he doesn’t have to drink dick beer (he would die before allowing himself to show weakness in front of these guys he doesn’t care he can’t lose), but he feels violated and terrified the whole time he’s doing pushups, because what if the rest of them can tell? What if there’s something about him that gives himself away? It’s not just his career that’ll be ruined (before it even starts). He’s 16, there are guys in the room that are fucking 20. They’re men. If they find out what the fuck’ll they do to him? And I mean, it’s tough for Shane to tell when something is and is not considered gay when it comes to this shit so he stays out of it all, but what the fuck will they make him do if they think he’ll like it?
I know that Heated Rivalry is romance and fiction but in the same way that I think there is so much interesting shit to dig into re: the fact that Shane plays for Montreal where hockey is basically a religion, we could have some really interesting conversations about how it’s really likely that Shane would have been incredibly traumatized by growing up in hockey culture because of his race, sexuality, and the fact that the culture is fucked to begin with. I think experiences like that shape how you inhabit the closet and how paranoid you get in protecting a piece of your identity that could actually have physically harmed you if it had gotten out. Add the Montreal of it into the mix, and yeah, I would be fucking paranoid about everything too. And it would take me a very very long time and copious hours of therapy to like, actually feel settled and comfortable after being outed.















