Two weeks ago, my sister and I went out for breakfast at a popular cafe near her place. Enyaâs âOnly Timeâ started playing halfway through our homefries, and was still droning right along as I ate my last bite of potato. Squinting, I looked up at the ceiling, looked at my sister, and said:
âEither someoneâs playing âOnly Timeâ back-to-back, or âOnly Timeâ is a lot longer than I remember.â
Her eyes went huge. We lingered over our tea (a thing we normally wouldnât do in a crowded eatery, but we had a mystery to solve) and soon confirmed that, yes, somebody was looping Enya. No one else in the cafe seemed to have caught on, but we were some of the younger people present anyway. The staff were all going about their business. Nobody was looking around with fearful millennial knowingness but us. By the sixth-ish repetition, we were in silent hysterics, biting our fists, whispering âGODDAMMITâ to each other, drawing weird glances from adjacent tables.
My sister got up to use the bathroom. Left alone with the seventh repetition of âOnly Timeâ, I left my stuff at our table, got back in line, and ordered a pastry to go. As the barista rang me up, I said:
âHey, sorry, weird question, but I have to know. Are you guys pulling a Salt and Pepper Diner right now?â
Her face transitioned from âpolite customer service maskâ to âsly but delightedâ in .2 seconds. âWeâve been waiting to see if anybody would notice. Nobodyâs been reacting at all!â
âIs there a prize for being the first?â I promise I was joking, but she lit up and said,
âYes, oh my god! Do you want a cookie??â
And thatâs the story of how John Mulaney won me a giant ginger-molasses cookie.Â
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