Untitled

chat i’ve done it again. i’ve fallen in love with someone that i can never be with. to be with him would require denying who i am in my soul.

that time of month when im having to fight the delusions and the want to disappear into the woods with my cats. but like it would be so nice to never have to interact with another person and i just have my little cottage and endless time with my babies and hobbies.

sometimes I wonder about how I could become someone I no longer recognize. not even in an appearance way but more so how did I misplace the person who enjoyed life so fully and was able to romanticize everything. when did the weight of the world and expectations become so heavy?

y'all ever just torture yourself by being around someone you like but know isn't willing to be what you want. like yes I know you don't wanna date me exclusively but even just basking in your warmth is better than nothing. but also the all consuming guilt of knowing that you shouldn't even allow that cause it just confuses things more

i know living with other people is hard but it shouldn't be this hard. especially cause I've already lived with these people for a year before but these days they kinda just act like I don't exist and it makes me really sad. I'm not even sure what I did and how to fix it and I've tried talking to them but they say I didn't do anything.