She Wolf

Milo was annoyed, but resigned enough to let go of his anger. He couldn’t go back to drinking animal blood, not after human blood. And certainly not after Mina’s blood. The last thing he ever wanted to do was turn to Murphy, the person who had taken away his safe, and ethical source of sustenance. But he didn’t have much of a choice. It was difficult to find inexpensive and reliable ways of drinking human, at least without resorting to drinking live, drinking from victims. Murphy swore she had the answer, swore she understood what it meant to find the balance between humanity, and the animalistic instinct to kill. So he was standing on her doorstep, too stubborn to knock, and too prideful to wait for her to let him in. Swallowing his resentment, he pushed open her front door, letting out a huff of breath as he did so. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be doing this, regardless of his hesitant friendship with the wolf. But Metzli knew about Mina now, he couldn’t help feeling like a schoolchild who had been called into the principal's office. He was in trouble, and he was also under strict orders to stop drinking from his friend. If Mina wasn’t involved, maybe he wouldn’t be so ready to listen. But Mina didn’t deserve to be dragged into his mess. None of this was her fault, so it was time to let go of their arrangement. “Murphy?” He called, letting the door swing shut behind him, a bitter taste in his mouth as he walked further into her home. “Are you here?”

 The hum of sleep slowly began to dissipate from within her skull as the sounds of an intruder pulsed into her subconscious. Murphy’s body shifted from human to lupine while she was still half asleep and a loud growl rumbled through her chest and into the empty spaces of her home. It took mere moments for the she-wolf to careen down the stairs, mouth bared as she knocked the person off course. She did not realize who it was until her paws rested upon his chest with his back flat on the ground. As recognition seeped into green hues she allowed herself to shift back. “Sorry.” Her apology was gruff but sincere. “I have not been sleeping well.” Murphy knew it was most likely a result of her lack of contact with Metzli. She missed the other vampire dearly and having gone so long without any kind of physical contact from them was beginning to play tricks on her mind. Their absence continually brought back the feelings of when she thought they had perished. Dead. Gone. It made for a disturbing sleep. A robe was grabbed off the back of a couch and as she wrapped it around her nude form she shot Milo a small smile. “I take it this visit isn’t merely social?”

 Maybe Milo should have anticipated how Murphy was going to react to him letting himself into her home. Even as a familiar growl sounded out from upstairs, followed by incredibly quick, and unmistakable footsteps, he couldn’t bring himself to be surprised. With barely enough time to face the stairway he knew the wolf was bounding down, he was thrown backwards by the animal, hitting the floor with enough force to push the air from his lungs. Staring up at Murphy, taking a moment to draw in a new breath and process what was happening, it didn’t take her long to return to her human form. The shock of being pinned to the ground leaving him as quickly as it had come, he scrambled to get out from underneath her. “Urgh, gross, get off of me.” Sitting up, and straightening his glasses, he averted his gaze while she crossed the room to pull on a bathrobe. “Seriously, how would you like it if I kept walking around naked?” He insisted, with the air of somebody teasing a sibling. “You’re not sorry, Murphy. You live for the chance to prove you’re stronger than I am.” He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it more in his half hearted attempt to brush it down. The sudden shift in position had left his vision black at the edges, and he hesitated before clumsily getting to his feet. 

 “You’ve not been sleeping well?” He echoed. He was curious to know why, but not stupid enough to think she would ever confide in him if he asked her for elaboration. This was Murphy. Everything needed to be on her terms. “Is there anything I can do to help?” The words escaped him before they could stop them, and he was frustrated by the fact that he still held a degree of affection for her. Almost in spite of everything she had put him through. Without her deciding to cut him off from his blood supply, he never would have turned back to animal blood. And without turning back to animal blood he never would have discovered fae blood. Without discovering fae blood, he wouldn’t be sick, and weak, and hungry. It felt as though every problem he had could in some way be traced back to her. “No.” He replied, reminded of the reason for his visit. There was only one sentence he needed to utter, and no doubt it was something she wanted to hear. But it was so difficult to say, he felt as though it was lodged in his throat. Maybe he would choke on it before he could admit defeat. “Look… I’m still mad, okay? About the whole blood thing. But you told me you could help… that you knew how to find a balance between the monster and the person. And I’m hungry… I’m really fucking hungry, so help me.” He held her gaze, refusing to give into his instincts and submissively lower his head. “I want blood, Murphy. Human blood, and I need you to teach me how to control myself.” 

 Murphy’s eyes narrowed in a teasing manner, “If you looked as good as I do without clothes I certainly wouldn’t complain.” Though the sentiment was haughty she also knew it to be true. No one who saw her form, either of them, could claim she was not beautiful. His next comment caused her usual temper to flare. “Is that what you think?” Her words bit. “I leapt on you because I thought there was an intruder.” She tried to calm the edge of anger in her words. It would not do either of them any good to get into an argument. “And when I show you strength, it is to show you what you could be.” Eyes the color of tree leaves in the summer met his gaze. “I would be proud if you could ever out match me. It would mean I had taught you well.” Her head shook. “We are friends, Milo.” A small smirk tugged up the corner of her lips. “Plus, it can be amusing. I am low on wolves to play with so you’re the next best thing.” A friendly sincerity laced through the conversation. Milo may not be pack, family, but he was a friend. Someone that she would look out for if necessary. Though not to be doted and checked in on as though he was pack. It was a distinction that might not make sense to him as a vampire but her wolf understood completely. Between a member of her pack and a friend, Murphy would always choose pack.

 “Any chance you could get that roommate of yours to stop by?” She paused before continuing quietly, “I cannot even smell them in the house anymore.” It was a momentary lapse. The she-wolf wanted to tack on a ‘nevermind if they can’t be arsed to see me I certainly don’t need them’ but decided against it. An attempt to reconcile and dismiss what she had stated would only make her weakness, her need more obvious. Murphy felt as her brows quirked in surprise at the baby vampire’s question. “I do.” Though the reason for her control was something she knew that Milo would hate. She had the control to resist because she let herself give in when she needed. Embraced the monster. Were she to suppress her instincts, something she would never do, the results would be disastrous. She could picture the headline now, “Werewolves in White Crest”. Her head nodded. “I can teach you, yes. But only if you are willing to learn. It requires you listening to what I say, doing what I tell you to.” She snorts as she remembered how volatility he had acted the last time she had tried to teach him something. “Don’t worry, it is only in this matter you’re required to obey. You’re free to do what ever other stupid things you’d like without comment.” Murphy kept her gaze open and honest. To show Milo that she had truthfully extended the offer as a friend. Obedience was simply needed to avoid disaster. You could never be too careful when monsters came out to play. What remained to be seen was whether or not he could bring himself to actually agree.

 Milo rolled his eyes, not finding the display of confidence surprising in any way. But he was caught off guard by Murphy’s sudden attitude. “Did I say that?” He demanded. “I have no doubt if you genuinely thought I was an intruder I’d already be dead dead.” Crossing his arms over his chest, he glared at her pointedly. “It’s got nothing to do with how strong I could be, you would hate it if I somehow ended up your equal.” Murphy enjoyed being dominant, she lived to take control, and if that wasn’t about to work in his favour, maybe he would have added more venom to his tone. As it was, he needed that desire. She would only agree to help him if she knew it gave her power, so he leaned into it. His expression softening as she reminded him of the fact they were friends, he thought back to who she had been when she believed Metzli to be dead. He had seen a softer side to her, one that was gentle, and caring, and protective. That Murphy was still standing in front of him, just hiding behind the Murphy he had come to expect. “I’m really the next best thing? I’m flattered.” He deadpanned, unable to hide the fact that he genuinely was. It took a lot to win Murphy’s affection, and somehow he had managed to. 

 Faltering at the mention of Metzli, it took him a moment to process the unexpected question. As far as he knew Murphy and Metzli were still close, but maybe something had shifted in their dynamic. “You haven’t seen them?” He asked, realising as he spoke that he couldn’t smell his roommate either. “You know you can always visit the apartment, right? It isn’t like we’d turn you away or anything.” I do. Two simple words that were able to ignite a spark of hope within him, and push all other thoughts from his mind. He felt a smile tugging at his lips. He didn’t want to think Murphy was the answer, he didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. But maybe she was. Maybe this was the way forward for him. Allowing a few beats of silence to pass, he hesitated before agreeing to her terms. Not only because he knew how much she would love to hear him submit, but because it went against his stubborn nature. This was the person who had stolen his autonomy. Who, without his consent, had taken away his ethical, and convenient source of blood. She was dangerous, and wilful, and if he said he would follow her orders he knew she would hold him to his word. But what other choice did he have? He wanted this. Jeez, he needed it. “Fine.” He muttered, a bitter taste filling his mouth. “I’m willing to learn, I’ll do what you say, but nobody gets hurt, okay? That’s my one condition.”

 “You aren’t a pile of ash right now because I have control.” Murphy snapped the words at him. The irritation was because his words stung. Though they did not always see eye to eye, she had at least thought he understood. It was now painfully obvious that he was in fact, oblivious. Milo did not see the care in her actions. Did not understand that her tough love was compassion. A way for her to look out for him. If he had any brains at all he would realize that her actions meant that she cared for him. “You don’t know me.” This time her voice was quiet and resentment budded in the tone. “A pack is only as strong as its weakest link. But it is more than that. We teach because we care. To know that if necessary we could survive without each other. And the weak want to learn because it means they can better protect their family. You know nothing! Nothing of the comfort it brings to be able to rely upon each other. To trust that you can close your eyes safely.” An unbidden growl bubbled in her chest. It was soft, just like her words. “Are you so arrogant that you think it is just to put your friends in danger because of your mistakes?” Green hues flashed. “Or perhaps you can’t be bothered to truly give a shit about someone other than yourself?” Cooly Murphy looked him up and down. “Don’t pretend that your weakness, your morality,” she laughed at the word, “Makes you better. It doesn’t.”

 His words about being welcome at their apartment were tossed aside. Though he stated she was, Murphy was smart enough to know it was mere courtesy. Words that were expected to be said. She knew when she was not wanted, and she could sense that feeling now. “No ones going to die, if that’s what you mean.” Someone would be hurt the moment Milo’s fangs sank into their skin. Murphy would not make a promise she couldn’t keep. Her back was turned to him as she went into the kitchen and pulled down a reusable bag from some local business. Into it she stacked several bags of blood. More than was needed in the time frame she would give him. The she-wolf thrust the bag into his hand. “Drink all of these by Friday. You haven’t been feeding regularly, your body has weakened. You don't drink anything else other than this.” Before he could ask the question her answer was already spilled forth. “You’re doing this because if you don’t, I can’t promise you won’t kill anyone. That’s my advice. Follow it or don’t. But if you choose not to, those deaths won’t be on my head.”

  Milo could see Murphy had been affected by his words, and he almost, almost felt guilty. He knew she didn’t see herself in the same way he did, but he hadn’t expected her to be so reactive to what he considered the truth. He knew if he wanted her to help him, he needed her to care, so he decided to pull back. To speak less plainly, and do what he could to strengthen the tenuous connection they shared. “Then thank you for allowing me to live, I guess.” He countered, his voice far less sharp than it previously had been. “And thank you for implying I’m a weak link. I thought I wasn’t a part of your pack, anyway.” He added, resisting the urge to make air quotes around the word. It still wasn’t a concept he could fully understand, maybe because he wasn’t a wolf. But he should probably respect it to the best of his ability. Otherwise it wouldn’t be long before Murphy was shutting the front door in his face. Feeling a sudden rush of anger, he swallowed his resentment, his eyes flashing a brilliant red. It wasn’t fair of her to suggest he was selfish, it wasn’t fair of her to tell him his mistakes were putting his friends in danger. He had learned the basics of how to physically protect himself from both Eilidh, and Metzli. But he was still so new to the supernatural world. The threats it held were overwhelming, and terrifying beyond anything else he had ever experienced. It was easy for Murphy because she had been born into it. How did she not understand that? “I’ve been dead for less than a year.” He snapped. “I’m not going to apologise for being unnerved by violence. That’s bullshit.” 

 Setting his jaw, he didn’t fail to notice how Murphy carefully worded her sentence. He supposed it was fair. When a poorly timed promise could land you in danger, and there were creatures waiting to use an apology against you, navigating language was key. Another way he had yet to adapt. “That’s what I mean.” He agreed, with a grim sense of satisfaction. At least Murphy could assure him of that. No matter what happened, he trusted her to stay true. Watching quietly as his friend turned on her heel to fetch a large bag of blood from the kitchen, he knew what it contained before she could reach him. He took it when she pushed it into his arms, holding it against his chest as she spoke. He wondered briefly whether Metzli had told her about his brush with fae blood. But apparently she hadn’t spoken to Metzli. She was either making an assumption based on his lack of a decent food source, or he looked about as weak as he felt. Honestly, either would be believable. “Wait- anything other? Like no alcohol?” He asked, feeling his stomach drop. “I- I will- I’m not stupid, Murphy. I told you I’ll listen, I just… I can still drink alcohol, right? That’s not going to make a difference?” 

 “You’re not.” It was bland, the way she said it. The she-wolf did not care that Milo was not a part of her pack. Her time with Ada had begun to show her what it meant to be wolf and it did not involve begging those who were less than, uninterested, into joining her. She was wolf. She was better. “Were you and a member of my pack in danger I would gladly feed you to one of the roots to save them.” Murphy knew that she would defend Milo if necessary but not with her life and not at the expense of a packmate. “The human world is full of violence as well. Especially when drugs and alcohol are involved.” It would have been easy to continue to debate, but Murphy simply let the subject fall. To teach him was something she took seriously and getting into an argument that left them both in a high temper would be fruitless. 

 “Not stupid?” A laugh barked into the air. “That question was stupid.” Her head shook. “Injest whatever the fuck you want, as long as the only blood you take in is what I’ve supplied you. Be back at ten pm Friday and don’t be hammered.” Murphy moved to lie upon the couch and her arms rested behind her head of tangled hair in a gesture of clear dismissal.

  So, why do you care? Milo swallowed the comment, not wanting to be pulled deeper into their argument. That wasn’t the purpose of his visit, and he would have plenty of time to argue with Murphy in the future. It seemed to be what they were best at. Letting out a huff of breath that implied he was tired of the conversation, he wasn’t concerned to hear she would kill him to save someone she cared about more deeply. He had always known that. She didn’t work very hard to hide the fact. “Cool.” He muttered, matching her level of disinterest. “No shit, it’s full of violence, but when you’re an unassuming teenager you can avoid it pretty well.” He had definitely experienced the darker side of drug use. He had done questionable things when he was looking for a hit, and witnessed others doing far worse. But when things became violent, he was usually adept at making a quick exit. And for the most part, the circles he ran in tried to avoid confrontation where possible. That being said, his habit had undeniably resulted in his death, so maybe Murphy was right. If he shared her perspective, and her cutthroat attitude, then it was possible he might still be alive.