I'll become what you like...

Guitar (Acoustic and electric)

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My hobbies are(the main ones are marked in orange):

Ukulele

Ocarina

Block flute

Sport

Collecting stones/dried flowers/soda cans and so on

Drawing

Gardening

Skateboarding

Solve Rubik's cubes

Read books(Mostly thrillers with humor and maybe a little romance)

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My fandoms(main ones marked in purple, bold means active):

TBHK

Studio Investigrave

All for the game

Project sekai(and vocaloids in general)

Undertale/Deltarune

Genshin Impact/HSR/ZZZ

Fnf

Sk8 the infinity

Vanitas no carve

8:11

FNAF

Cookie Run Kingdom

Lololowka(Russian Minecraft YouTuber)

Sfawtde/dawtde

A bunch of Roblox horror games(Like Bad Things, Let him go, My mouth is rotting, Why is love?, Basil's pizza time and so on)

The Freak Circus

ISAT

and much more I'm just lazy :P

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And finally my favourite bands(main ones marked in blue):

MSI

Three Days Grace

My Chemical Romance

Дайте танк(!)

TX2

Get Scared

and some more!

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-I don't mind being tagged or play ask/tag game

Again I really love to make friends but I don't really know how plus I kinda afraid of starting conversations but I'm trying my best!^^

I use this blog mostly to talk about all sorts of things in my life, but sometimes I show what I've drawn or how I play musical instruments (I'll try to post more creativity in general in the future)

My sideblog for reblogs:

@rin-reblog-things13

Tags:

#Rin's art -well, my art

#Rin finally playing music whoa - post about me playing something on my musical instruments

#Rin talks - I'm talking about anything that came to my mind

#Whiner - vent post

#Reblog I wanna have here - reblog

#Ask yippee!! - in case there will be any asks

#Rin is confused and language is hard - post where I ask about language stuff

☎️✷⊹ฺanon⊹ฺ✷ - a tag for an anon

Now there should be a reason for it, right? And to be honest I knew I had this issue but never wanted to acknowledge it fully. I am underweight. Not extremely but I am. Because while being depressed I stopped feeling hunger and then stopped eating almost at all. Now I have this

This is terrible. I know a month ago I was 45kg. Which means I gained 2kg. And it's great. But still not enough.

I still can't eat. I love food and I'm not not letting myself to eat. I just don't eat a lot. I know I should but I just can't. Even when I'm trying.

Just checked my blood pressure. Now it's too high (137/79) so I'm taking a pill. I'm literally shaking omg...

But whatever. I hate it that I'm not okay. In any way. I'm just fucked up. I can't even go to sleep because I have to monitor my blood pressure now.

Today I had like. Candy, a salad, a cup of coffee and then tea, and a few sushi. Yeah. That's all. If you don't count water.

I can't even tell my parents because my mother will make take my blood pressure pills again and will make me eat. But if she does? I'm going to atop doing it at all. Because she'll be forcing me.

I genuinely don't feel hunger. And when I do? I'm about to pass out at that point. And the worst part is that I can't force myself myself. It only makes things worse.

So two extremes. I eat almost nothing or I'm overeating.

Why did I make this post? Just to ramble honestly. Because it's my blog. And I can post anything I want to talk about.

I want to acknowledge my problems. And talking about them at least like this is already a first step to maybe solving them. Because I'm scared of talking about it. With anybody. Even my girlfriend(hi. Please don't text me about this. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? In person). Because well. I'm a guy. I should be strong and all that jazz with this stupid toxic masculinity. I do hate it that I act this way but I can't do it any other way.

Plus it's pretty scary to think that just this morning I wanted to be even more underweight. But now when I finally feel the full force of consequences... Maybe I'll start taking care of myself. But I'm sorry I can't promise anything