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Cr:publicdiaryyy1

the situation: *works out fine*

i have this intense need to hurt myself i been clean from **SH** since 2024

i don’t really open up to no one and when i do, everyone js wants to give me advice (i get it i would do the same, they tryna help)

i js want someone to listen

to hear.

i’ve never been alone, but i’ve been lonely my whole damn life.

i’m on a European holiday and shit still hurts. Doesn’t matter where I am. Doesn’t matter where I go. Doesn’t matter how far I fly. I can’t escape myself at the end of the day. It’s always gonna be me versus me.

And I think that’s the worst part. How do I win a war that started with myself and is against myself?

I got so many people so many fake connections.

So many connections based on being needed and/or desired.

I don’t want to hurt myself, but all I get are these vivid images in my head of ending at all.

Ik i ain’t gonna do it, i tried so many times and it’s not that i’m indestructible, it’s that you can’t quit before your time.

i started fearing god after my first OD, started fearing hell, started fearing a worsen fate than what’s been dealt.

ik everyone suffers

ik life ain’t fair for no one

ik that entitlement is what eats away at gratitude

ik that the ego lives exclusively in the past and the future

i study psychotherapy, i know

i know all this and yet, i am not above the human condition.

i am not above the curse of Zeus