Common Blood. Designer Heart.

me, as my laptop fan suddenly becomes louder: what is it?? what program?? who is doing this to you????

*opening task manager* Who do I need to kill?

it's essential to own at least one completely useless item that does nothing except sit in your room somewhere and bring you joy by existing. for your health or whatever.

*to the tune of the dance of Italy* it's a mental breakdown ho woah woah

just a simple guy with his corn bone

my favourite instagram account is "wheredoesthepeecomeout" and it's run by a girl who asks men on tinder where cis women pee from and then documents their answers

Wholesome prank

my mom: it’s really not good to eat past sunset me, whose circadian rhythms have aligned with a nearby raccoon’s: your rules don’t apply here

guys i got free food for being gay tonight and the receipt literally says “fellow lesbians” on it this is gay privilege