Renaissance Lady

Are there actually any hot people that live like Josh Cody and his uncles? Just woke up from a dream where I was hang out AND making out with Finn Cole, at a huge house party, and he was quite similar to his role on Animal Kingdom… I was abruptly woken up, and now I’m sad that I’m not in that world anymore. I strongly wish for that life.. meh

When I was a kid, one of my biggest fears were ghosts with bullet wounds in their heads. I know that sounds kinda specific, but you can thank The Sixth Sense and The Amityville Horror. However, I remember always thinking “it’s just a movie,” or “it’s not real,” as that’s what our parents always told us when we had nightmares. But two and a half years ago, an abusive ex took his life, by gunshot, in his closet, surrounded by pillows. Leaving this world, blaming me. Nothing could’ve prepared me for this. Because no one, even me, could’ve seen something like this coming. Nothing has ruined me more. I’m still losing my shit.. two and a half years later.. and I still don’t know how to be a person, again.. just as I’m finally getting up, again, another trauma occurs.. what is the point in this life if I’m only meant to suffer? Did I do something wrong in a past life? Nothing else makes sense.

Everytime I share my interests/dreams/wants with other people, it all works out for them… WHAT THE FUCK?! I’m tired of this shit. I’ve wanted these things for so long, and then you come along, and the shit is practically handed to you. I’m so tired of working for nothing. Tired of having too much anxiety and depression to work. Tired of everyone else getting what I’ve always wanted. Tired of being fucking poor and sad. Fuckkkkkkk.

So, I need to get my car inspection, and I’m afraid it won’t pass without having my brake pads replaced.. fml. If anyone has more $$ than they need, and would like to donate to my pity fund, please do.. currently unemployed bc mental illness ruins my life.. 😓 PayPal- @missba1991.. your help is always appreciated more than I could ever express. ❤️