Rick

Sitting here looking at my screen, thinking about the past, present and future. I know what happened in past, I'm working through the present, and I pray for my future. Being at the halfway mark to 60 years old and exited out of my 20's. I appreciated what I learned. I get this feeling like life is going too fast and when I look how 10 years went by, the first thought is how is my body going to keep up as I get older. Working out seem harder, eating healthy is gaining its momentum, and now earning paper so I can continue to survive is difficult with the ongoing rise of inflation. Our technology that improved and not knowing where it will be within next 10 years. How culture shifts in generations dictate how this country is ran and what gets more attention in todays social media. How belongings are always more important to people and not the personality that is within a person. Harder it is to make friends when always on the grind to keep up with cost of living. How much I miss my family and how much I will miss those who leaves the world as I get older. Knowing that life is about losing and how you handle it. How a person grows to be the man they want to be and how much effort it takes to keep a family together or keep a significant other to stay wanting to be with you. Letting go who you thought were right for you and them also accepting that you are. How you ponder how life would have been if you stayed with them. If only you knew what you knew now. How thoughts seem like they move faster than seconds.

Before graduation, focusing on grades and what it could have done for my future should have been my main focus. Instead pleasure of friends gossip, drama, experiencing new foods, video games, technology, girls, arguing with those who felt like they figured out life at age 18, and teachers who shoved information that you could not understand but needed to memorize within 24 hrs. Fast forward, consequences and opportunity.No one to express my thoughts to and no one to share beliefs with anymore. Humans believe they love absolutely but all of them only have attention to those who surround them. When pain hits your head so much in life, you begin to feel numb and express lack of empathy or compassion for those around you. All you get to turn to is the peace you have when loneliness kicks in. 24 hrs in a day feels like minutes and minutes feel like seconds. Those who make you happy are the ones who show they still have compassion for not you, but for those around you since you feel like you don't deserve it anymore. You don't change feelings when you get it and you don't change feelings when you don't. Time on earth is beautiful and disturbing at the same time.

This is one of the hardest times in my life so far. Ending a relationship that i wish was more safe in, struggling to make ends meet because of how much it takes to live in the geographic location, have 2 jobs and go to college. It is hard to mentally always be there for yourself because you used to always relay on others to help pick you up at times of pain, sadness, and struggle. This is a long journey that I have no idea when I will have my big break. I pray for it and I work hard for it. I notice the small progress I gain every month but I also question if there were other ways I could be in a better situation. I appreciate those who prepared me for these struggles we go through as humans. But I have to give all the credit to God. He has guided me on a path of challenges and pushes me daily to become better. Not in the way of other people's eyes but in my eyes. I am never going to be perfect but all I care for is to achieve peace in life. Heres to the marathon.

The amount of years that has gone by since I have been on this platform is insane. Last time I was on here, I linked up with an old friend from high school and made new friends. Was such a simple time. Fast forward and Life seems to get harder. Understanding what your worth is by progressing in career, how well your body stays in shape, and what your love life is like. It is exhausting. Life is a gift. Don't get me wrong. It could be a lot worse. There are many days where it does not seem like I will get out of a hole, but little by little, progress seems to show. Age is scary to track. One moment you feel great and next your bones start to crack for no apparent reason. Diet changes and your ability to hang out in areas where you once did is not apart of your age group anymore so you go to Gym, Library, and hike. Night Clubs are hard to meet people. So many young ones. It's been awhile.

There are times you wonder if you are growing or at a stand still. Lately i feel that i am growing and gaining a lot of knowledge that will better myself each day i conduct business tasks, but at the same time, i wonder if I'm living my life to the fullest. With small things at the back of my mind like: Bills, Work, Social Status, and health, makes you wonder if you are really moving at the right pace to getting towards my goal or in reality I'm moving too slow. Just a food for thought as I am working from home on a Sunday and also trying to attend to my hobbies at the same time. Separating Business and Pleasure can be a challenge but i don't think i will ever prefect it because Business is sometime and mostly my pleasure.