stained hands

𝕒𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕔

gunsmoke. ringing in his ears. night vision. understanding the weight of a loaded pistol. combat boots. a broken down 80s ford truck with no tailgate. faded paint. rust stains. motorcycle that’s too loud. blood on his hands. black eyes. busted lips. the taste of blood in his mouth. seeing red. busted knuckles. what are you lookin’ at pretty boy smirk. sizing everyone up. scanning any location for exits. 

𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪

He went from light crime to crime on the US roster. Rhett always had a drive to be the best, which is why he fit in well with the Delta Force, spending time dropping into countries and sleeping in weird places. Rhett didn’t really see much valor to it, it was something he was good at and something he understood. 14 years took a toll on everything about him, his personality, his relationships. When he was discharged, he ended up getting a divorce. Paychecks for a man who had a very special skill set and one that didn’t translate were hard to come by. He started fighting to make ends meet, and eventually started his own construction company and a non-profit company that works with veterans, ex-cons, and former addicts to give them a job to help stabilize their lives.

𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕤

Full Name: Rhett Mateo Castillo

Nickname(s): Rhett, Castillo, Sarg, The Undertaker

Age: Thirty Four

Birthday: November 11th

Hometown: Iron River, GA

Length of Time Back: Since Aug 2020

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Orientation: Heterosexual

Occupation: Construction

Accent: Very slight southern accent

She beamed down at Alto when Rhett gave her a greenlight for their nap weekend. For someone who struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep, Liv had the best night’s sleep in a long time using the 80-pound doberman as a body pillow. Needless to say, she selfishly looked forward to having Alto all to herself.

Her smile grew for a different reason as Rhett reassured that everything was fine. It was difficult for Liv to talk about her childhood and her family. While Rhett just got the bare basics, and there were enough stories to spend days and weeks talking about, she felt relieved to have at least said it out loud now rather than later. As he pressed a kiss to her temple, she curled closer to him, nestling her face in the crook of his neck with a sigh. “Thank you, and you’re right: I don’t need you, but I do want you around.”

Technically, she always wanted him, but it felt like too much too soon to say out loud. Instead, Liv obliged as Rhett pulled her closer, practically having her lay on him in the process. Absent-mindedly, she brushed her fingertips at his hairline as he spoke about the folded flag on the wall. She remembered seeing it the first time he brought her over. She also remembered wondering about it and the story connected to it. “No, you didn’t,” Liv lifted her head a little to get a better look at his face; he seemed pretty at ease in that moment, not tense at all, but she didn’t want to push if he wasn’t ready. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

—

There were things in life that drove you to the brink, things that could make a bottle a crutch. Rhett supposed that folded flag was the closest thing to that he had. All the other scars, on his skin or his soul, those were just the artifacts of war. They were the cost of war, the price that was paid. And while Rhett wasn’t someone who bled the jerk off red, white, and blue, it did mean something. On a smaller level, they all had to answer to themselves and the men they lead and the men they served with, and that flag was a reminder of the choice he made.

“None of my war stories... they’re not something to talk about. They’re not valiant retellings of something great that happened.” Rhett was highly specialized and those who knew him, knew that. “If we want to get really honest, we were paid assassins by the White House. Always in places we weren’t supposed to be.” That was all he could really say, a lot of it was classified but to think that he was doing things for the greater good... well he wasn’t always sure. Did he believe that a lot of the guys they were paid to sort out were bad and likely deserved it? Sure. But there was a sense of morality that even bad men had people who didn’t think they were monsters, and that every life was more grey than not.

That folded flag was a reminder more than it was a memorial. It was the cost of his choices, a constant reminder to him to choose wisely. “When I was coming up on the end, my ex wanted me back at the time. She’d been after me for... a long time... about not resigning my contract since the end of it was soon. I was a unit leader at the time, so I had, you know, a handful of guys that counted on me to lead missions and such. They were the foxhole sorta guys, it was us in the thick of shit. I knew there was a high level mission coming up... but I didn’t resign, as much I wanted to. I told them all it would be okay, the guy next would take care of them.” He looked away, because that wound was right there. He could feel the flag staring at him even if there weren’t even in the same room as it.

“Walker died. I was deployed with him for seven years. No one ever said it, but everyone knew. We went through seven years of shit together, bad shit, and a month after I left, I got to bury him.” There were things that haunted people, and things that really threatened to kill them, and Rhett could never forget the look on his girlfriend’s face. The soldiers folded that flag, and she handed it back to him. “That’s the nicest of the stories I can bear to tell you,” he said with a sad smile. It was his way of saying, he’d been where she was at. He’d lost brothers, too. He’d been the one to blame, however imagined or not, too. “I wish I had something fun to tell you, but, I don’t. And for a while, it felt really impossible to know what to do with it, all the feelings, and I learned that grace and having someone to sit in the hole with you is kinda nice. Because, really, doin’ it all alone is like, even worse.” He almost chuckled at that.

It was true, the outdoors and fresh air really were the best cures. There was quite a bit of pent up energy to expel and frustration to work out so Jeremy had hit the trails for some running but mostly hiking and free climbing where he could find a decent open face. Hearing a familiar voice pulled him from the zone he was in, the one where he was forcing himself to forget the things tucked in the depths that he never seemed able to shake and the recent bullshit running through the forefront. “Shit, Castillo. Look at you out here,” he said with a grin and a chuckle in his tease as he outstretched a hand. “Oh, you know,” Jeremy shrugged, “just ruining lives but better than last year so that counts for something. How’s yours been?”

—

“Yeah, you know, not in the blind or in some mountain range off the grid.” He shrugged. He was being atypical of himself this year, but he had someone else to consider so he was more available. Before, he was entirely selfish, but he wasn’t these days. “That bad, huh?” he asked. It was something of rhetorical, the answer could be deep or not, he didn’t mind. Rhett’s own family was something that existed but he wasn’t close to any of them aside from his one sister. 

“All I have is a high school diploma,” she reminded her brother, “so what’s that got to do with anything?” Since she could remember he’d always teased and given her a hard time for not being Einstein, in fact plenty of other people did too and she was starting to see that Rhett maybe led by example. “Affect my sense of self? So now wanting support from my big brother is frowned upon?” With a deep breath in and then out, Ren rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly. “Whatever.”

Nodding along a little as they drove along, she wasn’t exactly connected to conversation anymore. Her eyes were looking out the window and her thoughts were drifting to the big dreams she had and the things she still very much wanted to accomplish in her life. For some reason she had never imagined she’d be doing it all alone, but if that’s what it took for Mia to have a good life then she would do it as she had been doing it. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” she replied back about Christmas, glancing over at Rhett. “It’s mom you’ll have to answer to but I don’t think anyone would be expecting you.” Since he always seemed to find a way out and was fairly disconnected from the family. Florencia wasn’t going to try and convince him. 

—

She was taking things too seriously when they weren’t meant that way. He didn’t say it, though. Instead it was a stark reminder of his family and why he didn’t really strive to be close with them. Most of his siblings played a victim complex, and it was something at he didn’t get. Rhett had been one arrest away from being in jail when he was a kid, he joined the Rangers to get away from it, and it was mostly on a dare because the recruiting officer was sort a dick and he wanted to prove him and everyone else wrong in his life. “Not explaining myself, I am warning you.” Rhett knew they knew the only one he’d really listen to was Florencia. She’d likely get the questions and asks from their entirely too large family.

When it came to his mother, Rhett paid her exactly zero attention. She wanted to bond with him when she needed something fixed in the house and she’d only started to care about him after he enlisted and there now a life insurance policy she could receive if he died. When she wasn’t named on it, their relationship rifted further. Rhett was seen largely as a paycheck when it came to her. “They’re used it, but they keep asking,” he mused lightly. Some things never changed, and every time he went there he was quickly aware that he was asked over not as part of the family but as some sort of handyman to complete a task or be asked to complete something at one of his siblings houses. 

Liv rubbed at the bump as Rhett spoke about it out loud. So, he noticed it in the locker room that night after all. Every now and then, it ached like the past, but most days she barely even noticed the warped feature. It was just there. Just like how her childhood just was what it was. As Rhett’s eyes raged like a tiger in a cage, mind processing what she told him, Liv glanced down at Alto who now sat on alert. 

Listening to Rhett speak about disrespect, his voice rumbling a warning, made Liv look up. She shook her head a little; she didn’t want a defender; she didn’t need it either. She told him because she trusted him – not to make him angry. Although, if he took that in stride, if he pitied her, she’d have been annoyed. In a way, Liv knew there was no good reaction to hearing something so heavy. Once he collected himself, Liv reached out and gave his hand a brief squeeze. “I might stop by to take Alto for an afternoon or two – he’s my nap buddy – so, if y’all are around I’ll say ‘hello,’ but nothing too official. Unit buddies kind of seem on par with family,” Liv said with a little shrug. 

“Not to beat a dead horse, but I didn’t tell you about my family life to upset you; I told you because my sister’s getting married in February at Iron Bend. She can’t change the date, she wanted to because Gene’s not awake yet, but they can’t lose deposits with some of the vendors…,” Liv trailed off with a little frown; she’d hoped Eugene would be awake well before then, but as time passed it seemed less and less likely. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat at the thought. “I’d like you to go with me, but I didn’t want you feeling a type of way if you went and noticed I didn’t introduce you to my parents. Gwen and I are seated on opposite ends of the room – keeps the peace that way, so no disrespect will be happening on either side.”

—

Rhett nodded, “He’s yours. We won’t be doing much but posting up in the blind so he’ll just be a crate dog anyway.” He was looking forward to seeing his friends. There were things that they only knew together and it didn’t have to be explained or talked about on why they were all so fucked up. The little strings of restraint he tethered himself to could slip and he could relax some of the harder, meaner, cruder sides of himself. 

At the circle back to her family, he looked at her. “I know you didn’t. It’s not your job to control how I feel, either, and you need to know that some things, most things, really, are not related to your behavior or past or anything of the sort. There will always be things that I will not be okay with, and child abuse is firmly on the list.” It made him the deep sort of anger that made him lethal. He wasn’t the sort that really yelled, and when he was truly and deeply angry, it soothed over him a bed of coals tempered steel. As she went on, he nodded. “I’m not so insecure to attach that to some sort of indication of how you felt about me. I think that people... want to be accepted so badly that they’d be willing to compromise who they are and the better advice of their partners who know the family better.” It was his way of saying it was fine.

“If I went, if you wanted me there, I would be on my best behavior.” He pulled her closer to him and pressed a kiss to her temple. He was a calculated man, really, and he would never make a scene or act a fool at a public event. Too much attention. He didn’t operate like that, it was against everything he was trained to be, the training now hardcoded in his DNA. “I know you don’t need me to protect you, but, unfortunately for you, that’s something that is coded in me.” She was valuable to him, unique, and he would protect her if provoked. “And, to be honest, if you couldn’t handle yourself, I don’t think I’d like you as much. The doe-eyed damsel isn’t attractive to me. I like that you don’t need me, but that you want me.” 

He nodded and then stretched out a little more, but still pulled her into him a little tighter because he was possessive and he liked to touch her, liked to feel her against him. “Did I ever tell you about the folded flag I have on my wall?” He knew he didn’t. He didn’t talk about his service because most of it was classified and what he could tell wasn’t the inspiring war story. Very few of those stories existed these days. All his were something of sad.

In knowing that was coming, Florencia rolled her eyes. She knew her older brother didn’t think she was the sharpest knife in the drawer and sometimes it bothered her a lot and other times she shrugged it off. What human didn’t make careless mistakes? Sometimes she was so busy and so frazzled that she missed things, like the fuel gage. “Listen,” she tossed a finger in his direction, “you try growing up as the baby where no one lets you do anything for yourself.” With her own little grin, Florencia added, “it’s not my fault.” That had been her excuse to everything, especially when explaining away how a specific mistake had happened. It was always ‘it wasn’t my fault’ followed by her ramblings of how she’d gotten from point A to -3. “How am I supposed to take that seriously? You just called me stupid,” Lor pouted as she slid over to the passenger side of the truck.

“Is anyone a dependable source of truth?” Her trust in just about anyone was on shaky ground. Raising a child alone would do that to a person, as you learned very quickly who was there for you and on your side. It didn’t help that her would-be ‘in-laws’ pretty much considered her a demon and scum of the earth. All because she had a child? She’d been a baby herself and hadn’t deserved that, and because of it, it had left it’s scars on her. “Anyway, I’m serious about what I need to be serious about. I want to enjoy life too, though.” And if you asked Lor her brother was too serious too much of the time. “I wasn’t talking about my child and you know it.” Playfully, she pushed on his shoulder. “Mia loves being the favorite though.”

—

Rhett paused as she tried to defend herself. “What’s that? Hear it?” He gestured to the sound of nothing. “The world’s smallest violin,” he cracked a grin, his old man jokes often made him a tinge too happy with himself. It was something he rarely was, smiling and happy. One often said that the scowl was chiseled into his face, but the opposite was really true. He’d been plenty happy and joking before with his friends but they were either dead, deployed, or living out their retirements like he was. “You gonna let the guy who barely got a high school diploma affect your sense of self like that?” He glanced at her, and rolled his eyes. His opinion of her shouldn’t matter, because he was just her brother. She had a daughter, and she owed it to her to tell Rhett to fuck off.

“Yeah, agree, that’s why I have to run all over town verifying it. Already busy enough and I got a bonehead making my life harder,” he said with a sigh. It was a lot, and Rhett could feel the disappointment building in himself over it. He hated being disappointed with people, because the bar was already so low. He started to snicker, and nodded, “I bet she does. I think she’s the favorite all around. Also, before you ask, I am going to hunting for Christmas. So I won’t be at Mom’s backyard stereotype,” he said with a shake of his head. Rhett was hunting every Christmas morning just to avoid that holiday and all the calls. Turned off his phone and left it in the truck while he posted up in the blind for six hours straight.

Rhett was spending a rare late morning on the trails. He had weighted vest on. The last two weeks of the year, generally the week of Christmas to the New Year, he closed the business and gave all the guys the time off to be with their family and friends. He generally went hunting and was otherwise unable to be reached. This year, however, he was around. When he saw Jeremy, he cracked a grin. They were alone out here, which was nice. “Hey, man. How’d the holidays pan out for you?”

“They do. From my point of view, you’re putting in the work and it’s paying off,” Liv said. Before she could elaborate Rhett pinched her ass. She playfully shoved at his shoulder, a laugh hissed past her lips. Before they could completely wind off track, Liv sombered up and sat up a little straighter to listen. As Rhett talked about his parents, his voice getting tense, she rubbed at the shoulder she just shoved. 

“You don’t have to get mad if she does. Might be a red flag of mine, but I should warn you my track record with people’s families is not good. My own only half likes me,” Liv chuckled. She paused for a moment, chuckle trailing off. She thought better of completely making light of her family, she just finished talking about trust with him, and this was one of those things. Liv blew out a little sigh and wiped her hands on her pants. 

“Actually, I will say my mom disowned me when I was eighteen. It’s why I’m here and not somewhere else and that’s a long story, I’ll tell you about it one day, but you should know things were never good between her and me. She was, is, abusive. We can be in the same room now, but only with my siblings as a buffer. It’s like Cold War status for us. I have a stepdad who kind of just lets her rule and stays out of the way. I don’t know my biological dad either. They divorced when I was five. Oddly enough was a military man and I was born on a base,” a wry smile crossed Liv’s face at the irony of that statement, “All that to say, my mom’s been around lately because of the accident. My brother’s her only kid with my step-dad and he’s her baby, so she’s better with him. I won’t be bringing you around her, not because of you, but just because of her being well, Gwen.”

Getting all of that out, felt a lot like a experiencing a drop on a roller coaster. Now that it was out there, Liv felt the rush of relief, the loosening of the knot in her chest. Usually, she kept all of that carefully hidden away, but things were a little different with Rhett and with everything going on outside of them it seemed appropriate. With that rush of relief, Liv was able to smile as Rhett grinned over his project. She looked over at the table where he abandoned it, brows arching. “A surprise? Well, now I just want to know,” she pouted for a moment, then blinked at the mention of his Unit buddies coming around, “That sounds really nice. Do you want me to meet them, or should I make myself scarce and meet them another time?”

—

As Liv told him her family history, his eyes went to the bump on her wrist. He knew it. He’d seen that before, even in the dingy light of that warehouse backroom, he knew what that bump was. His eyes stormed over, and he stilled, listening to her. “That’s how you got the bump on your wrist,” he said, providing for where he went as she spoke. His mouth filled with blood and he realized he had bitten the inside of his gum. The snap of rage that came along with the idea that a grown woman put her hands on a child wasn’t something that he could stomach. Paired with it being her. He was having issues stringing words together as the demon that resided in his chest pounded on the door to his brain.

The jovial and light nature was gone, the air sucked from the room, mostly because he was staring at the door while the monster knocked and he stood there. His head came back to her. There was the dark knowledge, unspoken, that Rhett wasn’t above putting her mother into a bodybag if she even so much as looked at Liv in a way he didn’t like. The sort of feral protectiveness that the demon demanded. Slowly, he formed words, “I don’t tolerate people disrespecting the woman I am with very well. Her family, my family, my friends, her friends, strangers... doesn’t matter.” The words came out slowly, because he was still wrestling with the metaphorical pounding on the door. “I tend to get a little disrespectful right back, when that happens. And I am much better at it.” He could be downright fucking mean if he wanted to, and it didn’t take much.

“Except for your one sister. I’m mostly the same, like my sister, kind of like my brother which sounds awful since he’s still in the hospital,” Liv said with a small, sad smile. While she didn’t relish in other people having messed up families, like her, it was nice to know Rhett would understand a little bit. That was the thing about people with decent families, they always recoiled whenever Liv hesitated to bring them around to her family. They saw it less as a way of protecting herself and as a slight to their relationship. Sure, Allie and Eugene were fine, but it was hard to be around her siblings and avoid the topics of her parents altogether. Then, when they did ultimately come up, she would have to explain her reaction later on while driving home. ‘Why did you get so quiet when your sister mentioned your mom?,’ ‘You seemed sad tonight,’ and ‘Will I get to meet your parents next?’ It was always a whole sort of quiet disaster like a sinkhole festering underground for years before it ultimately swallowed everything whole. 

“Exactly that. If we’re dating then that means we’re choosing to do this together. It’s sort of like an element of trust for me, too. If you can’t tell me if whatever I’m doing bothers you, or that our relationship is hitting a rough patch, then it’s almost like you don’t trust me to be a decent partner, like you’re choosing to not see me as a teammate anymore, and then what are we even doing?” Liv said. In the past, boyfriends expressed that she saw relationships differently than they did. They talked about passion and falling out of love, but Liv saw relationships as an active choice and constant work. She supposed that was why some guys were in her life for longer than they deserved. She kept choosing them even if they stopped choosing her. 

“I also don’t like being yelled at in public. It’s embarrassing for me and a surefire way to get me to leave. Part of why other relationships ended,” she looked up at him. The sad smile faded into a genuine one. He really did put her at ease. “Do you want to talk about your family or anything else before I start pestering you about your project?”

—

“I agree with you, and the view on the relationship. Relationships and love take work. Hell, even lust some times does,” he said with a wink and a pinch to her butt. Did he want to talk about his family? No. However, he probably should. “I don’t like my mom. She only wants me to come over when there is something to be fixed. She only speaks Spanish, despite being born here and knowing English very well. She speaks Spanish so she can be mean without people noticing. My dad is some white trailer trash one night stand, I never met him. Most of my family is hell bent on never improving and sticking to the same shit that keeps them stuck. I don’t like being around them. So, it’s not personal, I just...” he trailed off. She probably got it. “I’ll get mad if she says anything about you, because I get mad when she says three words to me.” His mother was a sure fire way to piss him off. 

At the mention of his project, he gave her a grin. He had two going on right now, she only caught the end of one. The less important one. “Sure, but it’s a surprise.” He paused. “Well, one is. You should know I always got like two to four projects going on any point in time. I like to stay busy. I also want to tell you I think some of my old Unit buddies might come over for a few days next week before we spend a few days hunting. I was just going to spend Friday hunting, but they all finally answered.” 

‘I trust you,’ those three words were a soothing balm. Liv felt an immediate relief as they sank in. Some of the most difficult parts in Liv’s life stemmed from the simple fact that people did not believe her. They did not trust her word unless there was something or someone else as supporting evidence. It was a big reason why Liv wound up in Iron River to begin with. It was a big reason why she was sitting here with Rhett and not someone else – there was a sense of peace at the fact. Finally, someone she cared about did not make her jump through hoops. “Thank you – for trusting me and the compliment. I’m still going to be choosy about who I dance with for myself,” Liv said after a moment; she burrowed into Rhett’s side when he stretched – it was beginning to feel like her spot and she was grateful for it at the next question.

“Once or twice, yeah,” Liv blew out a sigh, then shrugged, “My ex-fiance and I went through phases. Sometimes things like this were fine, other times they weren’t.” She did not go into details about Kev. Instead, she glossed over it because this moment with Rhett was where she wanted to be. Not in the past. Not delving deep into those murky memories. They had time to talk about their pasts in detail, Liv realized, because it felt like this was another indication that they would have plenty more time. They could talk about boundaries without things boiling over. 

“Well, now that you referred to asking other women to dance as a ‘courting process,’ which I’m not sure if I agree with you, that would be one. Unless it’s your family – that wouldn’t make me jealous,” Liv grinned. She ran a hand through her hair to seriously consider what her limits were. “For me, I’m not sure if it’ll sound right, but if you’re upset with me don’t complain about me to other people. I get venting to family and friends, but I don’t know. I think there’s a fine line between venting and constantly dogging your partner to other people. I think people who go around talking about their partners like they’re prison wardens, or a stick-in-the-mud, just open the door for other people to wiggle in. Outside of that, don’t make me read your mind. If you’re having a hard time just say something like, ‘Hey, I had a bad day. I need some time to myself to decompress. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,’ or something like that goes a long way with me. Don’t expect me to just know. And no leftovers past three days. So, what about you? What things should I take into consideration?”

—

Rhett listened. Ex-fiancee. He had a handful of questions there but she seemed to skirt around it, so it was clear she didn’t want to talk about it. He respected it and nodded. It was good knowledge to know, he guessed, the history there. It made him think about the damage that made him the way he was. War and his mother, textbook. War shaped a lot of who he was, war was the reason he had permanent scars on his body and mind. The handful of missions that changed his life, his mind, permanently and maybe not for the better. The constant edge he was on, a learned one, from purposely being deployed as much as he could. 

“I don’t like my family, mostly,” Rhett said with a glance to her. “And I already said I wouldn’t be doing that, so glad we agree,” he said with a chuckle. He nodded to what she said. “The same, don’t talk shit about me. You can make jokes at my expense but say you hate me. I don’t like talking about my relationships to anyone, truthfully. It’s no one’s business.” It wasn’t. Their problems were theirs and theirs alone. “The same. Tell me what you need, because I am not a mindreader, don’t expect me to know what you need and then get mad when I fail at it.” Doing that was a quick way for him to give up trying. He didn’t like to try really hard at something, consistently, and come up short. He liked to win.

“I don’t want to fight or be reprimanded in public. If I ever do something you don’t like in public, wait until we’re in private to discuss it. Having a united front to outsiders — including our friends — is important to me. I won’t do those things to you either.” He nodded. 

As Rhett listed off the grievances, the ding of a cash register echoed in Knox’s mind. Sure, he was late a couple of days over the past month, missed one or two days altogether, but he wasn’t the only guy to mess up. The failed inspections? The botched drywall? Those were a little more damning, but not solely his fault either. As Rhett studied him, Knox studied him back. A slight smile tugged at his lips. Did he want to clue his boss into what was going on? Did he want to tell his boss that he was nursing a bit of a hangover? Did he want to tell his boss that he was still reeling from the past four years of his life and that a couple of drinks eased the aches so he could sleep? Not really. So, Knox wiped a hand over his face and shook his head; he had no excuses. He also didn’t feel like groveling. He spent years groveling in this town and it never got him anywhere; the thought of doing that now, when they both knew he was going to be cut loose, made his blood come to a simmer. If Rhett wanted to fire him, then go right on ahead. He wasn’t about to get on his knees and beg. 

“Alright. Then, I guess there’s not much to say,” Knox sniffed. He straightened up and looked back to his truck. It was mostly paid off. The tools belonged to him. He’d figure out the rest just like his box figured him out.“You did your homework, you talked to the guys, so you already know what you need to know. I’ve wasted enough of your time.”

A part of him, the part of him underneath it all that knew he couldn’t ignore this for much longer, thought about apologizing. The problem was, Knox knew how this went. How many times did his voice say hollow apologies’? How many hollow apologies did he have left? Instead, Knox shimmied his wallet out and leafed through the cards. The familiar orange one stood out among the rest. Knox held it out. “Here’s the Home Depot card. I haven’t charged anything on it, or maxed it out or anything,” sure he was a screw-up but he wasn’t a thief, “I have the copy of the Forester keys in the glovebox, if you haven’t already changed the locks. Is there anything I’m missing?”

—

There was a long stretch of silence. Rhett watched him. He knew the signs, he worked this same beat in the non-profit sector with guys. The missed days, the sporadic nature, he recognized the spiral of an addict. He recognized the million mile stare and the pallor to his skin. It was clear that Knox was spiraling and using substances to help with it, but he wasn’t in the place where he wanted to stop it. He was going to try to ride it out, and Rhett understood it better than most from the side lines. Rhett wanted to tell him to get help, instead he just watched him. Knox wasn’t one of his Unit guys, this wasn’t war. This was life, and there was a weird sense of employer to employee that tainted the genuine feeling that Rhett wanted that sentiment to have. His Unit guys were more like the brothers he wanted.

Rhett had something of hope there would be a good explanation, a heartfelt apology, something but there was nothing. Nothing was better than a fake apology, or something of begging. It made Rhett at least leave with respect. “That’s it.” As Knox shifted, Alto stood, and Rhett glanced to the dog. A tsk left his mouth, and Alton sat back down. There was no risk here. The dog was just doing the intimidation for Rhett, which he didn’t need either. There was a pause and Rhett looked down and away, “Don’t let me catch you on the other side of this,” Rhett said with a quiet tone. He meant working for his nonprofit. That was unspoken, but everyone knew what Rhett said when he said the other side. “If you do anything for yourself, catch yourself before it gets that bad.” Rhett knew Knox had pride and that was all he said.

One of the things Liv appreciated about Rhett was that he did not leave her hanging. Still, as he took a moment to process what she just told him, Liv fidgeted. She couldn’t help it. She liked him. She wanted to keep dating him and this was one of those moments that could go either way. A proverbial fork in the road. It was either fine or she messed things up before they really even began. Before Liv could dive into the deep pool of the worst possibilities, Rhett talked through his thoughts. Liv’s leg continued to bounce, but slowed at the explanations and the fact that Alto rested his head on her knee, round liquid eyes pleading up at her. She dragged a finger between the dog’s eyes and looked over towards her boyfriend with a nod. 

“I did have fun. Haven’t gone dancing in awhile,” since they met, technically. Before him, going to Atlanta every couple of weekends to visit a few clubs was her norm. Liv hadn’t realized that her chest was tight with anxiety until her shoulders shrugged. The movement loosened the tense muscles. He wasn’t upset, so this fork in the road wasn’t leading to an end so soon. Liv ran a hand through her hair, and offered Rhett a relieved smile. “Okay, so if I’m not dancing with my girlfriends, then I’ll be dancing with you – I know you said it’s fine and that’s a relief, but I want to be fair in this regard. That’s part of why I asked. I started thinking about it more when I was driving over here and if the shoe was on the other foot, I might take a little longer to decide how I felt.”

Liv took a moment to breathe and looked down at the extension cords. Her eyes followed the trail towards whatever Rhett was working on before she got there. She made a note to ask him about it, but she wasn’t quite ready to shift the conversation. Instead, Liv reached out and gave his knee a squeeze. “This is nice. Being able to talk without it snowballing out of control,” she admitted, “Thank you for not jumping to conclusions and letting me talk to you.”

—

Rhett looked to her and he moved to wrap a hand around her ankle as she sat next to him and he gave it a squeeze, as she talked. “Well, in your defense, if the shoe was on the foot, you being mad is valid. Girls can dance with boys without it being a mating ritual, but guys only ask girls to dance if they’re wanting to start the uh, courting process,” he said with a wink. “Which is why, I won’t be doing that, and why I won’t take kindly to it if we’re out. Less about you and more about them, you can’t control being beautiful and them asking,” he said with another grin toward her. Rhett was a little on the traditional side, but he also didn’t like the idea of a dependent woman, either. He didn’t want to clip her wings, especially if it was respectful. “I trust you,” he said. Especially now, since she asked. 

“I agree,” he said. “I don’t like feeling like someone is trying on purpose to piss me off, which is a lot of what I’m used to, so, this was very pleasant,” Rhett said. Stretching out, he looked to her, “Jumping to conclusions takes a lot of mental work,” there was a small smile there, “but that does make me wonder,” he paused for a second. He was nothing if not direct. “Was this something that you got yelled at in a prior relationship for?” They hadn’t really talked about that, maybe they should have, but now he was more curious. “Maybe I should be asking you what are the things you really don’t like, so I don’t toes those? Seems fair.”

Knox knew he was running late well before the sight of his boss, accompanied by his stoney doberman, appeared in the rear-views. He muttered a curse underneath his breath and cut the engine on the truck. Slowly, Knox dragged himself out of the truck, tool box in hand. A part of him wanted to fool himself into thinking Rhett was there to talk to one of the other guys. How many times had that exact circumstance been the case? Maybe this was all just paranoia, he thought until Rhett caught his gaze. Knox’s gears immediately creaked to life, the alcohol may have made them loose, but they were running at full-speed now. At the boss’s question, Knox ruffled the back of his hair like he was digging his hand into a hat to pick out a slip of paper with an excuse. 

“Sorry, it doesn’t. ‘Been having some family problems; my mama’s car battery bit it. Should’ve called,” Knox let the lie slip out easily enough; he was always a half decent liar. Even as a kid. ‘I fell down the stairs, Mrs. Williams. I slipped on the ice when I was shoveling. I’m just clumsy like my mama.’ Now it was, ‘Dogs chewed through my alarm cord. Mom needed a ride to work. Got a nail in a tire.’ The list went on. He nodded to the phone in Rhett’s hand before a pause could settle between them. “Everything alright?”

—

Rhett looked at him, studying him. “Yeah? What the excuse for yesterday? Last Wednesday? The Monday before?” It came out, point blank. Rhett was studying him, he looked like hell. He also could pick up a slight smell of alcohol from him. It felt just a little insulting. Like Rhett didn’t work with addicts and know what it looked like when they relapsed. However, he didn’t have a lot to say. “Three of your houses have failed inspections. I have to rip off the drywall at the house off Forester, to get it to re-pass.” Thousands of dollars. Thousands. Rhett was watching them all be flushed down the drain. “You want to clue me in to what’s going on? Because right now, it looks like haven’t been showing up to work, when you do, the guys say you’re a mess, and before you answer, I want you to think that maybe I might know if you’re lying or not. Like maybe I’m the type of guy to do my fucking homework.” 

If you asked Jayden, he didn’t really think anyone was too much. Whereas money was involved, he didn’t discriminate - probably not the smartest choice altogether, but he was of the opinion that what Rhett had going on was a well-oiled machine, and sometimes there were missed opportunities along the way because he wouldn’t dare push the boundaries a bit. That frustrated the bouncer from time to time, not that he’d ever voiced that, but it did. And even now, when the suggestion, or rather a push, was on the top of his tongue, he kept it reigned in, convincing himself that the guy who created all of this would have to know better, even when sometimes it felt like there was so much more they could have done.

“They threaten to go after each other every other day. But… s’ppose I get it,” Jayden shrugged once, fingers tapping against the table nearly absentmindedly as he started to get up. “I’ll get that info for you,” He nodded in Rhett’s direction. “Probably by this weekend,” Knowing full well that he himself couldn’t compete because of the way his finger was in a brace, which annoyed him to no end, Jayden had to be satisfied with whatever everyone else was going to be doing. “If there’s nothin’ else…”

—

There had to be a level of realness when it came to this. Social media wasn’t real. Beefs on the internet rarely went past keyboard warriors, and he wasn’t convinced. He didn’t have respect for people like that, and they didn’t turn a good buck. At that point, they might was well be some of the influencers scamming people for fight money. “If you got the time and inclination, it’ll help,” Rhett said with a nod. “I’ve got a lot going on right now,” he nodded. He didn’t want to add to it, which was why he was being very deliberate with this one. “That’s it. Let’s do Falcon and Snake in two weeks, have a little fun.”

Starter for @rhettcastillo

Where: Rhett’s House

It occurred to Liv that she moved fast when it came relationships. The thought sneaked up on her after she left the Steel Driver and navigated the Jeep through Outpost’s winding stretch of dirt roads. Her headlights illuminated the reality as they splashed over Rhett’s truck nestled on his gravel drive. 

They were not living together, that was a little too fast even for her, but she did spend most evenings at Rhett’s house now. So much so that one of her coats hung on a hook by the door. This was one of those evenings. 

Liv let herself in, Rhett was waiting for her anyways, and kicked off her shoes. Alto skidded to a stop, muzzle pressing into her jeans to investigate all the new scents of the people at the bar. She rubbed his ears in greeting, ignoring the strange sense of guilt she felt as the dog sniffed at her.

“Hey, Handsome,” Liv said, smiling over her shoulder at her boyfriend. It was still a bit of an adjustment having one of those again. It was part of why she felt a little off kilter, she always moved fast, but maybe this was a sign to slow down for a moment. Liv shucked off her jacket and padded over, lightly touching his shoulder before taking a seat.

“I was thinking while I drove here that I might need to have a talk with you — not about anything you’re doing, but me,” Liv said with a sheepish smile and took a breath. It wasn’t a big deal to her, dancing with Silas, but she had a Kev-shaped shadow looming over her. One that involved a similar situation and a screaming match. She took a breath, hoping Rhett wasn’t on edge now, hoping it wasn’t a big deal. “I two-stepped with Silas Dixon tonight, it was very respectful, but I’m sorry for not asking about those boundaries earlier. But that’s what I want to talk about – what are your boundaries about that sort of stuff?”

—

If there was something that was stereotypical about Rhett, it was that he tended to like to someone of Latin pop. Sung in Spanish primarily, he tended to be slightly annoyed with himself, but it was catchy. It all felt a little too Miami for him, but whatever. He was indulging in that, standing in the shop and squinting while he looked over the silversmithing work he just did. He wasn’t exactly an artist, but he liked this well enough. He knew Liv was here when Alto started to whine and his feet tapped on the the concrete like the one two step. Seconds later, she walked through the door and Rhett looked to her, his head going over his shoulder, “Hey baby. You look nice,” he said with a twitch of his lips.

As she settled, he watched her and then felt a familiar stilling in his stomach. He was almost expecting a fight, because that’s what that was usually what the prelude to all this was. As she unraveled her story, the feeling went away immediately. In a way, he was grateful that she wasn’t inclined on trying to piss him off and starting a fight with him, because if he found this out secondhand, he would have been annoyed. “Uh,” he said, thinking. “It’s nice to be asked, but give a second to process.” He said, verbalizing his thoughts as he clicked through it. “I mean, you were out with girl friends. I wasn’t there, it was respectful, I don’t think anything of that. Be a different story if I was there, and you were dancing with someone else, respectful or not.” He shrugged. “You should be allowed to have fun when you’re out and it wasn’t disrespectful. Thank you for telling me, I might have been annoyed if I heard from someone else, but like, there isn’t much salacious activity happening at Steeldriver. I probably wouldn’t be asking girls that aren’t you to dance, but that’s me. The roles here are different.” 

He nodded, and started to wrap up some extension cords. “Did you have fun at least?”