"True friendship is like a rare jewel, precious and hard to find. But once you have it, it's a treasure that lasts forever," they say. I often wonder how long it will take me to find the level of friendship that I have dreamed of and hoped for, for such a long time. Since I was a child, I have always desired that kind of friendship, yet I have never been able to attain it.
Honestly, today I am able to socialize, talk, and connect with people in a really efficient and easy way because I am still on my journey with the urge to find "that" person. (Does that make sense?) However, it still doesn't explain why I am unable to find one (the friendship), does it? Every time I get close to someone and start trusting them, they either introduce a third person into our relationship (something I'm not really comfortable with), use me to fulfill their own desires and then treat me poorly, or gradually distance themselves from me. Sometimes, they even engage in trash-talking behind my back.
Sometimes, I ponder whether the person I am searching for is already a part of my life. Perhaps they are, but why do I struggle to cultivate a strong relationship with someone? Am I expecting too much from them? Or am I not someone they can trust or believe in? Perhaps they feel that I am not someone who can offer the supportive hand they desire?
Sometimes, I don't understand how people's minds work. Trust me, I always do my best to make them feel better. But does it actually work? Maybe... but in the end, I often end up being just another punching bag for them to vent their frustrations. And then, I get ditched... once again.
People can be draining. Perhaps it's because I genuinely value their feelings and what they're going through? I'm not exactly sure. Being extroverted doesn't always make things easier, does it?Β
