You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

STOP. moment of gratitude for those precious times of breathing from your nostrils when you don't have a stuffy nose

Everyone who doesn't have a headache right now, stop right now for a moment and appreciate how good it is not to have a headache.

I love b&w proper ladies breaking character with “sonofabitch”

“OHH you’re following me, oUUhhh I didn’t know that!”

“And tried to uh…. ….NUTS!”

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

whats cool about being trans is my parents are totally right. i did kill their beautiful son. im the thing that animates his corpse in an ever more convincing parody of a happy girl. i devoured him from the inside out and now there is nothing left of him and he is dead dead dead and there is only me, with my hollow eyes and dark eyeliner and long hair, and my big smile. my limp, effeminate gestures belie the marionetting of the boy they loved. my fagginess is his death. already his body becomes a fitter home for my parasitism in full; the tits, the hips, the thighs. sorry about your kid. thanks for the biomass <3

don’t worry about the ‘dies irae’ notes in my leitmotif i’m totally fine

tip: if you wake up on time and then lie in bed unmoving for 20 minutes you will no longer be on time

god I wish I were a perfect emotionless entertainment machine