Goblin Queeny with a Peeny

Worst part of living with animals is the night time sloppy licking cleaning noises I'm sorry but I cannot sleep . Please fhcking stop please please olease

dreamt that i went to a car dealership and Light Yagami and L were there and I saw L first so I went “woah are you L death note?” and L went “L what?” and light went “ L WHAT.”

Police vs law enforcement

Look I used to work with tow truck guys and they do not give a fuck. One time the Air Force was doing a recruiting stunt and they decided to bring a plane as like…a prop? I dunno and they parked it in a 20 minute loading zone and 21 minutes later my coworkers IMPOUNDED THE PLANE.

Have you ever had an Air Force general call your office and bitch? He did not expect the tow truck guys.

Nobody expects the tow truck guys

Her name is ogwen!

i’m in love with this post

They're the brass section

Imagine virtual desensitization training but instead it's for the firing squad who'll eventually execute the middle manager this is for.

Not liking the updates to capitalism we're given lately

between “begone thot” and “piss yourself”, which is the more powerful dragon shout?

If I was a wanted criminal in the dark ages, they’d be like “are you William the Wanted?” And I’d be like “nahh I’m Laurence the Lawful” and they’d be like “ohhh okay”

having a job is very weird bcos by and large your coworkers will be a variety of ages and you will not all be at the same stage of life. your coworker will be like, well I’m off home to spend time with my husband & child, what are you going to do with your evening? and you’re like, well, I plan on playing Rollercoaster Tycoon for as much as it as possible