the real treasure is the cats we ate along the way

Today's the day Jonathan Harker leaves for his business trip with an none of his paperwork, like one change of clothes, a fuckton of crucifixes, and an entire suitcase dedicated to just pictures of his fiancée. Everyone wish him well!

I love how the important lawyer paprers are picked the least lmao.💀

Every year I watch that white boy go, with no way of warning him. No way of letting him know. Helplessly watching him devour his paprika chicken before journeying the road to his doom. Don’t go, white boy. Don’t go.

Jonmina the gothic romance ship of all time. Jonathan plans to climb down the side of a castle and all he can think of is Mina. He gifts her the record of his darkest secrets and she seals it with her wedding ring. She starts to turn into a vampire and asks him to kill her. He says fuck no I will murder everyone we love and damn my soul for eternity before I live a second without you. They name their son after their dead friend. Your dark fantasy book boyfriend WISHES he had what Jonathan Harker has.

Friend said something about bugs and vampires and of course I very casually mentioned to him that bugs are actually pretty important in Dracula and he was like oh cool and then a few minutes later he mentioned how he used to eat bugs in kindergarten and I was like. Dude. You're not gonna believe this

It is still sooooooo fucking funny that tumblr, the "fuck that old man" website, the villain apologist website, AND the paranormal boyfriend website read Dracula and went "Count Dracula sucks, we hate this dude." Planetary alignment levels of unlikely.

Maybe the real moral of Dracula is that it is in fact not only possible but attainable to be your therapist's favorite patient, but it is also explicitly a bad thing