and she's back after not posting for a while 😎✌️✨️ doing an update on my ralsei design because i feel the need to make him look prettier the more i draw him. doodled him a bunch for this post lmao. i still think ch 5 is my least favorite (and i dread replaying it), but any moment with ralsei in that chapter is peak.
i also made this with the anniversary of my Gethsemane animatic in mind. y'all should check that one out 🔥✨️
•
( 🌷 please do NOT reupload, edit, trace, use, and/or sell 🌷 )
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Hey it's that one guy from that one game... Sand Untsertaelle.
Kris has games on their phone. It's been a while since I did a multi-feature. It's a lot of hard work. I originally intended a video to also be here, but I didn't feel like working on it anymore so it remained a regular panel.
So you too can ruin crosswords for your favorite gamer.
Me and Deepsi talked abt ideas for what happens to Clover post-barrier break in Your-Home! One of our favorites is Clover meeting Dess in his class and the 2 hitting it off and being friends, bonding over their hate for school and the expectations put on them!
Me and Tut thought it'd be cool if Clover had a good friend their age, and the best candidate was Undertale's version of Dess!
Carol is probably a lot nicer in Undertale, so she wouldn't mind, especially since Clover did their part in saving the monsters
I'm gonna write up a thing on Amir maybe tomorrow. A lot of other people have probably said it way better than me, but..
I feel like not a lot of people understand how unmedicated ADHD, RSD, and ASD interact & are upset about him being out of character.. when it's really not.
Also. Progress as a person isn't linear. Real people backslide. They have meltdowns, they have REALLY bad days, and sometimes REALLY bad thoughts. And a lot of times that backslide can hurt the people they care about most cause they are usually the people they feel safest around to let it all out.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I'm only on day 4 or 5 (I'm mid-chat right now) of the F&F campaign, so I don't know what happens the days after, but...
I can't help but think that some other folk's reactions I've seen here on Tumblr are... misunderstanding Amir?
Amir clearly has ADHD, yes, but people with ADHD often have autism as well. AuDHD people, like myself, often have a symptom profile that lies at the intersection between ADHD and autism. It isn't just having both at the same time... They interact with one another to create new shit! For example: people with ADHD love novelty, and people with autism need routine, but people with AuDHD often need both - both, at the same time. It sounds paradoxical, but it's true. (Kaelynn Partlow recently made a good video explaining that particular trait, actually!)
Anyways... all of that to say... I think Amir is autistic in addition to having ADHD, and he is having a meltdown.
-
"Why is Amir so upset that F&F keeps getting interrupted? It's just a game!" I don't know if you've ever played an actual TTRPG, dear reader, but it can be incredible difficult to to organize a group of seven people to show up to an event regularly. At same time. Not only that, but game masters who write their own campaigns put TONS of effort into writing the game itself, and then essentially telling a story to and with the players, and having to adapt on the fly. It isn't an easy thing to do, so Amir being upset that his plans keep getting interrupted and ruined isn't entirely out of the ordinary for a game master - even without considering the apocalyptic time loop situation. (I would know! I've been that game master, with players who don't give a damn about what is essentially art and theater that I've created, and tailored to them! It sucks.)
Autistic people often like it when events we planned are on time, and go as expected, because that creates routine. That, and, AuDHD people need novel things to repeat. Amir is stuck in a FREAKING time loop! Every year is the same. The F&F campaign is the only new thing that he has been able to experience in a while, and he needs it to repeat. And it's not repeating. It keeps getting interrupted. His only source of dopamine right now keeps getting ruined. (Speaking from personal experience: whenever something like this happens to me, I personally get really angry, really fast. I will act irrationally because it isn't me speaking; it is my nervous system that is speaking.)
-
"Why does Amir care so much about F&F when something bad is clearly happening?" Amir's friends have finally, finally humored him by engaging with his special interest, but they're treating it's like second place, even though - and he's technically right about this - nothing in the time loop matters. It's going to be reset. If you were in a time loop, then would you also care about people dying? Hell no! Their death isn't going to be permanent. It's not wasted time, since time stops holding meaning in the time loop, but it is wasted energy. Amir's thought process here is literally: why not? Why would he, a person with AuDHD, waste precious energy on something that has essentially become a chore for him to perform. Why would he, a person who relies on novelty to give him dopamine, deplete his dopamine stores on something he's done over and over? AuDHD brains take the path of least resistance, and he's found it, and he's going for it. You cannot blame him for that. You can blame him for how his actions affect others, yes, and you can hold him accountable afterwards, yes - but you cannot blame a person with AuDHD for functioning the way that people with AuDHD function.
Autistic people also thrive on having control of their own personal space. The F&F groupchat is Amir's personal space, and Velimir, Minerva, and Lizzie have all broken in and started rearranging his furniture. I'd be upset, too.
-
"Why would Amir say something so mean? It's so out of character for him to act this way!" Whenever I (level 1) have a meltdown, I repeat the last phrase I said over and over. If the last thing I said was "sorry," then congratulations! The only thing I'll be able to say for the next 30 minutes or so is "sorry!" My knees give out, and I fall to the ground. I scream at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore. I am liable to hit myself in the head over and over, or attempt to rip the skin off of my fingers. Why do I do all of those things? Because my nervous system is trying to re-regulate itself in the most basic ways possible, and I'm an imploder.
Whenever my cousin (level 3) has a meltdown, he hits people. He throws things. He doesn't just throw soft things, like pillows, he throws hard things, and he throws them hard. He throws glass, and he yells. He yells obscenities. He can and will tell you to go fuck yourself. Why does he do those things? Why doesn't he just implode, like I do? Because his nervous system is trying to re-regulate itself in the most basic ways possible, and he just so happens to be an exploder.
So, dear reader, the answer to that question is that Amir is an exploder. That is simply how some autistic people regulate themselves, and no, it doesn't make them intentionally malicious or mean. It doesn't matter if the autistic person in question is level 1, level 2, or level 3. Just because someone can talk on the outside doesn't mean that what's going on on the inside is any different.
I'm not going to dance around this last bit either... Amir is a person of color. I don't know if you've noticed this ([cough cough] and I've seen that many artists here on Tumblr have not... [cough cough]), he's brown. And I need you to ask yourself why you feel threatened by a brown autistic man having a meltdown. Enough said.
-
"Why does it matter if Amir is autistic? That's not an excuse." You're right. It's not an excuse; it's an explanation. It matters that Amir is autistic because autism is a condition that affects your entire body. It is how we function at the core.
However, I need you to think about the fact that some autistic people (such as my cousin, who only really talks by repeating phrases that he's heard) don't have the ability to communicate effectively enough to take accountability for their actions... even when their actions harm others. What do you think of those people? Do you think they're monsters? Do you think that they need to be locked up in some kind of asylum? Many people in my family would think so.
I am privileged in that I have advanced speaking and writing capabilities and a high emotional intelligence. I am oftentimes able to talk and explain what's wrong, because I can identify it and then speak it out loud. I can tell you where the pain is coming from, and I can ask for help. Not all autistic people can do that. Alexithymia (emotional blindness) is common in autistic people. Have you considered that, despite the fact that Amir can talk fluently and clearly, that he is struggling to tell the Hex and the drifter where the pain is coming from? He often talks about his hobbies, and his interests, and asks questions about robots, the future, and video games, but he doesn't often talk about heavy, emotional subjects unless he is close to or actively having a meltdown.
-
"Why are you defending Amir?" I'm writing this post because I've noticed in several recent posts, people seem to be having a fundamental misunderstanding of Amir's character. Amir having a meltdown isn't new. He's told the drifter to fuck off before. It's perfectly in character, actually.
Plus, I've been in his shoes. I have a meltdown, or I act autistically, and then everyone around me takes it personally. As an adult, I have been treated like a child throwing a tantrum. It is not a tantrum. It is a cry for help. When you're close to burning out... when you're having meltdowns nonstop... and everyone expects you to just "act normal"...
...it is hell on Earth!
-
Autistic people have meltdowns when our nervous systems are dysregulated. It's a way to take all of the bad energy that has built up inside of us and let it out. It doesn't have anything to do with you, even if you wind up in the crossfire. If you think that Amir having the most valid crashout of the century is him "being mean," then frankly you haven't been paying attention. If you are genuinely shocked that the guy who's powers are [checks notes] storing electricity inside of his body until it literally explodes out of him and hurts the people around him, then I literally don't know how to explain to you in a way that is going to make sense.
People always want neurodivergent representation... ...until it's actually represented accurately.
Sorry, everybody. I'm with Amir on this one. F&F off.
Since I've mentioned that the last time I played D&D around a table was in college, I feel somewhat obliged to mention this in light of the way the F&F campaign turned out.
Folks, if our DM started acting the way Amir did, we would've had those private conversations by like Day 3, the second day of the actual campaign.
"Hey, man, how's your course work treating you? Is something going on? Sure seems like it...anything we can do to help with the out of character stuff?"
And if a bunch of twenty-some college kids can take care of friends when they need a helping hand...
Well, the takeaway I want to make is that my intro to D&D was a cooperative roleplaying experience played by friends who looked out for each other, and cared about each other out-of-character (even when we argued and occasionally fought within the party in-character.)
We didn't get that with Fables & Frontiers. If you ever have a ttrpg game like F&F, take care of yourself, take care of your friends, and expect better. Have those conversations.
about the last part of the F&F campaign. CAN WE ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM
Amir wents fully Wally mode, literally as if it was fucking Wally on the other end, it's not how I would expect Amir to act, even if "in-character". On 5th convo it got to the "I am talking to Wally, aren't I?" point, but there it felt like a confirmation.
And I could maybe accept that Amir himself felt way better knowing he can influence reality outside the loop, that what he does matters in the end, and that the Drifter doesn't see the new eximus type as an issue at all. Fine, it can work. We had our own days-long mental breakdowns end faster and via less impactful things. (keep in mind there is almost everything wrong with our brain and like, it's not how "normal" people operate. But Amir is struggling and shares some of our issues, so)
BUT WHY DID EVERY FUCKING ONE DROP THE WHOLE WALLY INFLUENCE THING. It's understandable that Kaya kinda doesn't care, she probably hasn't met Wally nor did she hear much about this entity, all she knows is that new eximus type has manifested because Amir is not doing well. She is unnecessarily mean about it and I kinda wish she didn't shut down Lizzie, who was acting with more compassion and knows something about intense emotions manifesting new entities.
But like, hello????? What about this plotline, where did it go? Are we going back to it? Please?
Oh thank god it's over, waiting each day has been giving me more anxiety than anything else in my life right now lol
But to start with! Knew Wally's damn fingerprints were all over this whole mess, of course he was. That whole Day 6 beginning chat felt way too much like him bleeding into Amir because of his steady fall into pain/anger/apathy. The way he spoke reminded me way too much of how Wally likes to speak through people to make them feel hopeless.
I personally love conflict and problems. Big fan of shit hitting the fan and it hit crazy with this one, with Amir/Wally immediately coming in with all of Drifter's history with Wally. Was it cruel?
Oh, Absolutely! But this makes sense to me, as I mentioned in my previous post that Amir could be a callous and ignore others when they try to tell him things. Amir is also mentioned to have a temper and he's been proven to internalize and bottle things up before blowing up. Of course Wally would bring out the worst in Amir and exaggerate those awful feelings in him, I imagine it would be the same if he were to possess/speak through any of the Hex. Bring out their worst qualities to a ten.
And I will say, just because a person is getting better, doesn't mean they can't backslide. I don't think it's fair to expect perfection from Amir, especially because of the time loop where it feels like he's not Going Anywhere. How exhausting must that be on a person's conscious.
Really, really loved the line from Amir saying, "If being cared for by you means to be condemned to this never-ceasing loop for all eternity? Then I would like to never be considered a friend to you, Wanderer."
Because wow. Wonder if Drifter had any similar thoughts about a child king. Puts a great emphasis on the power imbalance here with the Hex and Drifter.
Of course, the situations are different. The loop with 1999 isn't just about Drifter, it's about an entire group of people, a city, a timeline. There's more to it and I think Drifter would gladly welcome the day the loop ends. Besides, Drifter wants to talk and one of the options is them saying if Amir doesn't want to be in the time loop, they can talk about it.
Not to say it was fair what he did, cause God Damn. Ouch. How he treated everyone and Drifter especially was fucked. I do want to say, the biggest thing I think that this quest suffers from is a lack of time which I find a lot of more recent Warframe quests suffer from. I wish there was a longer build up and a more thorough resolution, but looking through the lens of Drifter as a character in the world of Warframe and not as an OC, I think it's interesting how Drifter refuses to admit to their own problems.
They do it in other previous chats, I don't think they're very enthusiastic about diving too deep about their own issues and feelings. Putting out events of their life as stories and facts is different. A lot of the times, when Drifter gets really into their own trauma, they have to be pushed into it a little and even then they still get the option to refuse.
And with this situation with Amir, after what seems to be a brush with Wally, why bring up their own feelings and hurts in a delicate situation. If everything feels fine then 1999 is safe and Wally can't hurt them anymore. No need to go further than that. Drifter's "job" is to "fix things", not offload more of their own problems.
I might be reading too into things though lol.
I guess to bring all my thoughts to a close; one, I still very much like Amir. I'm actually big on Arthur, Eleanor, and Quincy as my favorite from the Hex, but I love all of the cast and I'm not going to blame Amir for struggling and lashing out in a situation where you as Drifter at the very least have the capability to leave and change and make things different and have power over someone who feels his very existence is currently futile and implies he'd rather end it.
Two, overall I really enjoyed this FnF Campaign, but I do wish there was more to it. I think it would've felt a bit better if it were longer and had more time to sit and cook. I also do feel bad for those who romanced Amir cause I haven't seen anyone posting about special interactions with him and that does suck. Especially cause this was an Amir centered adventure.
Also, I'm a little sad Amir revealed he doesn't actually like being the FM! He seemed so enthusiastic about it in previous chats.
I do hope DE takes the chance for someone else (Eleanor) to lead a campaign instead. (DE, please make this happen and my life is yours.)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
