the happiest sadgirl you’ll ever meet

weirdest part of being an adult is the fact that you can put off watching a movie for nearly a decade and barely notice

Gemma Scout, on the phone with her bank: Yes I’m just trying to reopen my account. ‘Marked as deceased’ yes I know, but I’m not dead. Yes I know my husband sent you my death certificate. My death was faked in a really elaborate scheme so—no, not by me. Look just turn on CNN. I’m all over the news. It’ll—'can I come in with my husband?' No, I can’t. He’s dead now. Well maybe not dead. But he’s probably never coming back alive. They can’t get his innie in the elevator. Yes they tried that. But he sticks his arms and legs out real wide like a cat so they can’t get him in the elevator.”

Imagine waking up for the very first time and you're in hell. And you spend every minute you can trying to find ways to escape and you finally do manage to get out into the real world and you discover that you're actually the devil. CEO of hell. And you've got like 5 minutes before you get sent back so you do everything you can to destroy your CEO self's power before they get you and you succeed but then they do get you and knock you out. And the next time you wake up your gay elderly coworker is waterboarding you. Happened to my good friend Helly R

my gf said something sooo insane about helly the other day and i cannot stop thinking about it. she was like. helena and helly’s relationship is almost maternal. the way helena created helly as an extension of herself, to serve her interests, to try and impress her own family. she scolds helly, talks down to her like a child. “i understand you’re unhappy with the life you’ve been given” “i am a person, you are not”. the way she envies and resents helly’s freedom. the way she feels entitled to helly’s life and is now living vicariously through her in the most literal sense. what if you created life and now they’re experiencing the things you’ve always wanted for yourself. what if you created life and they were flawed and loud and demanding and they were loved more than you’ve ever been. and you hated them for it. the mother/daughterisms are insane my girlfriend is insane