party in your bloodstream

our internet is fucking pissing me off. just trying to play a fucking game that we like and we literally have to use our hotspot in our OWN HOUSE to get it to not lag its ass back into oblivion. shit man i mean i an thankful my hotspot works at all but like give me a fucking break. it’s probably not healthy that it makes us this angry but it’s one of the things we can do to cope with everything else so like. idk!

being a system, at least for *me*, is a very weird experience… especially with ocd and whatever else we’ve got. we can go from some of us being very active and talkative and sure of themselves but. then there’s me… even after typing all that out, there’s this little evil worm in my brain that just wants me to suffer and question literally everything and make me so fucking scared about some of us being more open. and then there’s that very same part of me that just. makes me be completely in denial about being a system at all. that worm wants me so badly to believe that we are just somehow faking and that we can’t possibly be a system at all. urghhhhhhhhhhhhh when do i get to be allowed out of system hell. we are so so so fucked up sometimes. or maybe most of the time who fucking knows. (i was going to type something else important here but then i forgot.) ANYWAY. point is i am so fucking frustrated with this. i can’t stop thinking that everything is in my head. :( give me a break…

ughhhhhh we barely have done anything today and we are still so fucking tired 😔 it’s fine though we will catch up on sleep tonight (maybe) and then actually do something tomorrow. all we really did was play pokemon and watch youtube and that’s okayyyyy. also hope you guys are doing okay today,,,

we weren’t gonna take our meds to sleep and we said so here but i guess we Lied because we got paranoid and then took them 😓 ocd said we wouldn’t be able to sleep and that we would literally die without taking them so here we are… sighs